15. Travis
TRAVIS
“Y ou’re leaving early.” Lauren offered the observation without any further comment as I strode from my office. I had to remind myself she didn’t mean anything by it, even as the observation brought me up short and left me wondering who she thought she was talking to.
“I can catch up on anything else I need to work on at home.” Was she hoping I would send her home early since I would be gone for the rest of the afternoon? She could keep hoping. There was too much admin work to juggle. “You know how to reach me.”
Why was it so difficult for me to admit the truth? Sofia was starting school next week, and I wanted to spend a little time together. Between that and the ever-looming expansion kicking off in early December, I would see less of her than ever. I always knew that was possible, even probable.
Until now, it hadn’t affected me so deeply. All that mattered three months ago was finding a nanny to keep her safe and occupied while I took care of what was important.
Incredible how suddenly everything could turn upside down.
And it was no secret who was responsible.
The thought of Penny brought a smile to my lips as I left for the day, silently acknowledging those who greeted me in passing.
She had changed everything, point blank.
There had never been a time I didn’t look forward to seeing my daughter at the end of the day, but now I hurried home.
I could hardly wait to be with both of them since that was the only time I truly felt good.
Even happy. At peace. Not even when I was married had I ever ducked out of work early, eager to get home.
That probably should have been a sign, but what did I know?
Back then, I still had faith in people that vows meant something.
The thought of Nicola threatened to tank my good mood, which was why I pushed her out of my mind, determined to focus on what was working in my life.
The expansion was going off without a hitch.
My partners in the UK and the Mediterranean were fully on board, working out the final details of our agreements.
I could imagine taking trips out there, showing Sofia the wonders of Europe, taking her to look at all the art she could handle.
She thought Mom and Dad’s collection was impressive?
Her head would explode when she saw the Louvre or the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Thinking about it made me impatient, anxious for time to pass faster so I could do all of those things.
But then that was a mistake, wasn’t it? I didn’t want her to grow up too fast, either.
Penny would love to hear that. I could see her smile in my mind as I drove home, chuckling to myself.
It made her genuinely happy watching Sofia and me together.
All she wanted was for the people in her life to be happy, something that took me time to realize, but it was clear now.
Something fundamental had shifted between us the night of Mom’s birthday party—a seismic shift, the kind that could rock even the strongest foundation.
Strong enough to leave me wondering if letting her go in December was the right thing to do.
The question rang out in my head, past the point where I parked in front of the house. There was squealing and splashing going on around back, and my heart lifted. I decided to head that way rather than going inside.
“Look at me! I’m a mermaid!” There was more splashing, though Penny’s laughter rang out over it.
“Be careful!” she called out, still laughing by the time I opened the gate and let myself in.
“What is all the commotion back here?” I asked.
There was nothing like Sofia’s excited squeal when I came into view.
The sound filled me with the deepest, most profound sense of gratitude.
It was humbling knowing such a sweet, innocent soul was so damn happy, and all because I showed up.
I had never thought about it before. How had I missed it?
“Look, Daddy! I’m wearing my floaties!” Sofia raised her arms overhead, staying close to the wall at the edge of the pool.
“That’s good. Safety first. You look great out there,” I added, grinning at her in her goggles, her curls plastered to her head.
“What brings you home so early?” Penny asked, getting up from her chair close to the pool’s edge and greeting me. She was temptation personified in a white two-piece, more modest than the sort of bikinis I was used to seeing on the beach, but hot as hell nonetheless.
“I realized there was nothing I could do in the office that I couldn’t do here.” With Sofia happily occupied and several feet of space between us, I lowered my voice. “And there’s plenty I could do here that I can’t do there.”
Her cheeks flushed pink before she glanced behind her to where Sofia practiced her doggy paddle. “We have all night.”
My dick liked the sound of that, twitching in my shorts. “You know just the right things to say, don’t you?” God, I wanted to touch her. Her hair was dry, telling me she hadn’t gone in the water, too busy looking after Sofia.
“Daddy! Watch me!” Over Penny’s shoulder, I saw Sofia climb out of the pool. “Watch me jump!”
“Be careful!” I called out. At least she was wearing those blowup things on her arms, but still. They would do nothing if she fell on the concrete. “The patio is slippery.”
I then lowered my head close to Penny’s ear. “Like other things I plan on getting slippery.”
“You’re incorrigible,” she scolded, though it was clear she didn’t mean it. She wasn’t wrong, either.
With a growl, I asked, “Whose fault do you think that is? You do it to me.”
A high-pitched squeal split the air and stopped my heart a second before a loud splash signaled Sofia falling into the water. She wasn’t in the shallow end this time, either.
“Sofia!” Penny called out, marching to the far end of the pool. “What did we talk about? No jumping in the deep end.”
Something was wrong. “Sofia?” I ran across the cement when there was nothing but frantic motion in the water. She was struggling for some reason.
“Sofia!” Penny’s scream sent birds rising from the trees a second before she dove in. I kneeled at the pool’s edge, holding my arms out and taking Sofia in them once Penny lifted her above the surface. She was coughing, choking, struggling to breathe.
“Honey. What happened? What did you do?” Fuck, I wasn’t looking. She couldn’t answer, too busy coughing up water, fighting for air.
“Turn her over!” Penny barked, climbing from the pool.
“Across your leg, face down.” I did as I was told, gripped by fear, cursing myself.
Once Sofia was in position, Penny delivered a series of firm pats against her back that sent more water splashing onto the patio.
Before long, Sofia was breathing more easily, relaxing a little.
I wasn’t relaxed. “What did you think you were doing?” I asked, gathering her in a hug. “You know you’re not supposed to go in the deep end.”
“I was gonna dive…” She was trembling, clearly scared. “And I fell in. There was water up in my nose and my mouth.”
“She panicked and might have aspirated,” Penny muttered, running her fingers through her wet hair to get it out of her face. “She should go to the hospital. Just in case.”
“I agree.” I grabbed a beach towel from the lounge chair and wrapped it around Sofia while Penny pulled a cover-up over her head and shoved her feet into sandals.
“I’m okay, Daddy,” Sofia insisted as I walked to the car with her in my arms.
“I just want to be sure.” Fuck me, what if? There was no end to the ugly images racing through my mind by the time we set off with Sofia in Penny’s lap.
She didn’t say a word, staring straight ahead, gently rocking Sofia. I wondered if she knew she was doing it or if she was too far away to notice. A tear trickled down her cheek, but she made no move to brush it away.
* * *
“You were right to bring her in.” The doctor was warm, kind, sitting with us once he finished examining Sofia. She was happy as could be, watching television from a hospital bed in the ER, sucking on a lollipop. I kept one eye on her, watching through the glass door between us.
“She’s all right, isn’t she?” Penny asked.
She looked and sounded like she was ready to lunge, eyes searching his face.
She had barely said a word since we got there, settling on silently pacing the waiting area, chewing her nails until there was hardly anything left.
Nothing I said seemed to get through to her.
“She’s fine,” he assured her, patting her knee.
“But it’s always a good idea in cases like this to double check, which is why I’m glad you came in.
Sometimes, a kid can look just fine, they can act normally, and no one would know they aspirated water.
Sometimes, it can lead to serious complications.
That’s not the case here,” he concluded.
“She’s just fine. From now on, she shouldn’t be jumping into the deep end until she’s a stronger swimmer. ”
“Thank you, Doctor.” I shook his hand, but Penny was too overwhelmed to speak, wrapping her arms around herself and staring at the floor as he left.
“Wait right here,” I said softly, heading to check on Sofia, who barely glanced at me, her attention glued to SpongeBob SquarePants on the screen. Her carefree giggles felt like a small relief, a stark contrast to Penny’s anxiety visible on the other side of the glass.
“I’ll be back in a minute, sweetheart,” I told her. Returning to Penny, I sat beside her and placed a gentle hand on her back, waiting for her to meet my gaze. “See?” I said softly. “She’s fine. These things happen.”
“I wasn’t watching. She could have…” She ducked her head before the tears began to fall. She covered her face with both hands, shaking and sobbing. I didn’t try to tell her to stop. I didn’t bother brushing it off, insisting there was nothing to be upset about.
Rubbing her back, I murmured, “Things happen, but you got her out of there quickly. Quicker than I reacted.”
“What if she… I can’t… I can’t go through that again.” A fresh burst of emotion tore its way out of her in the form of wracking sobs.
“No. Don’t do that to yourself.” She didn’t resist as I pulled her into my arms, holding her, rocking her the way she rocked Sofia in the car. “That didn’t happen this time. You were there to help this time.”
“I wasn’t before!” Wrapping her arms around me, clinging to me, she sobbed, “I didn’t help b-before! H-he needed me!”
Jesus Christ. Just when I thought I had faced everything I could handle today.
Her words, paired with the heartbreaking emotion behind them, threatened to crack my chest open.
“You didn’t know,” I whispered in her ear, stroking her wet hair as she almost clawed my shirt to pieces. I wouldn’t have cared if she did.
“And I almost let Sofia drown! I would never, ever forgive myself.” Her tears soaked into my shirt by the time she lifted her flushed, wet face, eyes searching mine. Looking for answers. For absolution.
“Hey. I was there too. It was my fault for distracting you.” That was the truth, and every word was another weight on me.
It was my fault. “People do stuff like that all the time without thinking about it. You didn’t panic.
You got her out, you took care of her, and you’re here now. You did everything right.”
Her chin quivered, and her body shuddered, but she whispered, “Really? You’re not just saying that?”
“How long have you known me, and you think I would just say something for the sake of saying it?” I laughed softly, pulling a brief smile from her.
“I mean every word, Penny.” Running a thumb over her cheek, I caught a fresh tear.
“No one would ever question how devoted you are,” I told her.
“Accidents happen. It wasn’t your fault just like it wasn’t your fault before. Don’t blame yourself.”
“If I had only woken up when he left.” Her gaze went unfocused as if she was staring through me.
“I could’ve gone with him. Or stopped him.
Something.” I had the feeling these were words she had spoken to herself countless times.
“Sometimes I dream we’re back at the camper, and Josh is leaving, and I’m begging him not to go.
Sometimes, he’s out in the water, and I fight and struggle to reach him.
He keeps getting farther away, calling my name and begging for help. But he’s too far away…”
“Penny.” I pulled her close to me, aching for her, her brother, and her family, but mostly for her—for the anguish in her voice and the way she shook almost violently in my arms. “Penny, Penny, it’s not your fault.
You couldn’t help him then, but you helped my daughter today.
You saved her.” Pulling back, I held her tear-stained face at eye level.
“You have to forgive yourself. You need to.”
“It’s so hard,” she whispered, shaking her head. “All those years growing up, I was responsible for everybody. Nobody had to force me into it. That’s how it was.”
“I’m sure that was a lot,” I murmured, gently brushing damp hair back from her forehead.
“It kind of became a habit.” The breath she released was deep, shaky. “I guess I’ve been beating myself up worse than I realized.”
“It sounds like you have, sweetheart.” I was tongue-tied and awkward, unsure of what to say.
I only knew I had to make her feel better.
I couldn’t stand the idea of her suffering any more than I could stand Sofia in pain.
“Because if there’s anyone who deserves a little forgiveness, it’s you.
I’ve never met anyone who deserves it more. ”
Impulsively, I kissed her, letting my lips linger against hers.
She tasted like chlorine and salt and that special something unique to her.
Tension flowed from her body as she melted against me, and I could not have been more relieved that it did.
When I pulled back, she was smiling. The spark of hope I had come to depend on was back in her eyes.
“Come on,” I said, taking her hand before standing. “Let’s get her out of here, maybe stop for burgers on the way home. It’s a hanging-out-in-front-of-the-TV kind of night if there was one.”
The gratitude shining in her eyes did funny things to my heart, but I wouldn’t have changed it for anything.
Even though I knew it couldn’t last forever, that she would have to leave in a few months, and we were never supposed to be anything to each other, anyway.
The warmth she stirred up after I’d spent so long feeling cold meant pushing any thoughts of the future away in favor of enjoying the present.
Wasn’t she always talking about living in the moment, anyway?