11. Zoey
11
Zoey
T his week has sucked, and not just the normal kind of end-of-week sucking that I usually get hit with. No, this week has been torturous. I’m only one week into junior year, and I’m officially the school outcast thanks to Shannan and her need to get in Noah’s pants. Though from what I can tell, the more she messes with me, the more Noah seems to pull away from her, so there’s that. It doesn’t stop her from trying even harder though.
I’ve had my locker vandalized, an iced coffee thrown over my Range Rover, red food die thrown at the back of my pants in a pathetic effort to make me look as though I’d gotten my period. Not to mention, everywhere I’ve gone, every class I’ve taken, I’ve heard the word trash chanted over and over again.
I can’t escape it.
Tarni hasn’t exactly been the best of friends this week either. After Tuesday, she chilled out and was mostly being her normal self. They all were. I think they might have had a little sense knocked into them and realized just how insensitive they were being about Linc.
But Tarni . . . I don’t know. She’s been hesitant with me. It’s as if she’s trying to put distance between us because I’m the school reject and being seen with me doesn’t do her any favors. What happened to the lifetime of friendship? Where’s the loyalty? I’ve stuck by her side since we were six years old, and now, when I need her most, she’s nowhere to be seen. Though the second school is over, she’s more than happy to chill at my place or spend hours talking on the phone. Only in public, it’s as though I don’t even exist.
Great friend she is. If only I had other options.
The second the bell sounded after school today, I couldn’t wait to get out of there and start my weekend. I need the freedom from school more than my next breath. Not to mention, the thought of not having to see Noah for two whole days is amazing.
It’s funny, there was once a time when I would have fallen apart at the thought of not seeing him all weekend. How things have changed. My only saving grace is that since I called him out on his shit on Tuesday, he seems to be leaving me alone. I haven’t spoken a word to him, but don’t get me wrong, I still feel his overwhelming stare every time I walk into a room.
I feel as though he’s stolen my power.
Before I found out he was coming to East View, I was excited for the school year to start. I was ready to dominate junior year and make it my bitch. I was prepared for the slew of work I’d have to get through and all the extra credit to ensure I got into a good college. I was ready for it all, and now, I feel more unprepared than ever. I’ve already missed so much work and gotten behind on my assignments, all because I’m so completely consumed by everything Noah Ryan.
I need to get a grip.
Crashing down on my bed, I slip beneath the blankets and pull them right up to my chin, more than ready for a night of Netflix and chilling by myself. My phone buzzes from my bedside table, and I reach over with a groan, knowing damn well I should be using tonight as a chance to catch up on my missed work, but I just can’t find the strength to do it.
Grabbing my phone, I swipe my thumb across the screen, unlocking it and glancing down to find the group chat with Tarni, Abby, and Cora.
Cora: So……… I know Liam is a bit of a touchy topic right now, but please tell me we’re going to his party tonight.
Tarni: Hell yeah, we’re going. It’s the first party of junior year. There’s no way we’re missing it.
Tarni: Get your drinking on, bitches. We’re partying tonight!!!!!!!!!
Abby: Seriously? Why does it have to be Liam? Aren’t there any other parties tonight?
Tarni: You down to partaaaayyyyyy, Zo???? God knows you could use a shot or two.
Cora: Nope. Already checked. It’s Liam or nothing! Choose your poison.
Abby: Fine. But you whores better keep me away from him. Heartbreak and alcohol don’t mix, and I refuse to be the sad bitch crying at his feet and begging him to take me back.
Tarni: Ewwww…..
Tarni: What are we wearing? I’m thinking my little black dress, something just short enough to see my ass when I bend over.
Cora: You’re such a whore!
Tarni: YO, ZOEY?????? ARE YOU ALIVE???????? I know you’re seeing these messages! I see YOUUUUUUU!
Letting out a sigh, my fingers hover over the screen, knowing Tarni is bound to call me if she doesn’t hear from me soon.
Zoey: Yeah…I don’t think a party is the best idea for me right now. Especially with Shannan on the loose. That’s just asking for trouble.
Tarni: Don’t be boring! Shannan’s going to be so far up Noah’s ass, she won’t even notice you there. She’ll probably fuck him in the bathroom, and the second she gets him out of her system, it’ll all be over. Trust me, this is a good thing.
Abby: I mean, not unless he’s the best screw of her life and she turns into a thirsty hoe for him, hanging off his dick every chance she gets.
Tarni: True! But if she’s hanging off his dick, at least she won’t be hanging off Zoey’s!
Zoey: Me and my dick would like to be excused from the narrative.
Tarni: It’s too big to be excused!
A few moments pass, and I feel as though I’ve gotten away with it until another text comes through.
Tarni: Come on, girl. Tell me you’ll come. You love a good party, and don’t even pretend that you’re not dying to let off a little steam. We can do shots, and by the end of the night, you won’t even remember that Noah Ryan exists.
Damn. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
As I try to respond, Hazel barges through my bedroom door with her arms full of my makeup, hair products, and nail polishes. “PAMPER PARTY!” she calls, barely able to see me over the things piled high in her arms.
She waltzes into my room and dumps everything down on my bed before giving me a wide smile. “Mom says if you’re going to be boring all night then the least you can do is be boring with me and turn me into the most gorgeous princess who ever lived, and by gorgeous, I mean sexy as hell.”
I laugh and roll my eyes before sitting up in bed to make space for Hazel. “Give me a second,” I tell her, scooping my phone up again and hashing out a quick reply.
Zoey: Let me think about it.
Tarni: FUCK YESSSS!!!!!!
Rolling my eyes, I hit play on my playlist and boost the volume just enough to frustrate Mom for calling me boring. Dropping my phone into my lap, I reach across my bed and haul the stack of makeup closer. “Alright,” I say. “What do you want me to do?”
“Everything,” she says, her eyes sparkling with undeniable joy.
“Okay,” I laugh. “But you have to do my makeup too. And my hair and nails. If you get to be a sexy as hell princess, then I get to be one too.”
“I like the way you think,” she says, holding out her hand as serious as can be. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”
I shake her hand and get to work, and over the next hour, I transform her into the most dazzling princess that ever lived, going as far as to clip in all of my hair extensions and hitting her with as much glitter as her face can possibly take. After raiding my closet and trying on every dress I own, Hazel stands in front of my mirror, staring at herself as though she can hardly believe it.
“I’m beautiful,” she breathes. “Every prince in the kingdom is gonna want a piece of this ass.”
I laugh while choking on my own spit, wishing like hell I could scrub that sentence from my memory. Then grabbing my phone, I open my camera, having done this enough times to know she won’t go away until she’s had a full photoshoot to go along with it. “Give me a twirl, Princess Hazel,” I smile, loving that while she’s definitely too cool to have her big sister walk her into school, she’ll still let me spoil her in the privacy of our home.
Hazel laughs and spins around, watching the way her dress flies out, and I clamber off my bed before tackling her to the ground and holding the camera up for the best selfie we’ve ever taken, only the little brat sticks her tongue out and licks the whole side of my face.
“Ewwwww,” I groan, grabbing her face and holding her down before dragging my slobber-filled cheek down the side of hers, sharing the love.
“NOOOOOO!” she howls. “You’ll ruin my makeup.”
She shoves me away and gets to her feet before checking her reflection in my mirror, and as she falls even more in love with herself, I trudge back across my room, more than ready to put all the makeup away before my bed turns into a cosmetic massacre.
“Nuh-uh,” Hazel sings, her eyes brimming with excitement. “It’s my turn.”
Ah, shit. I’d almost forgotten.
I’m manhandled into my desk chair, and I sit as still as possible, getting poked in the eye over and over again. It takes a lifetime, but I don’t dare move as I watch the concentration in Hazel’s eyes. If I move even an inch, and she gets even the slightest idea that I’ve ruined her look, then all hell will break loose.
Next up, she goes to plug in my hair straightener when I shake my head. “No way am I letting you use that on me,” I tell her as a vision of charred hair and burn marks assault my mind. I tip out a packet of pins and slide them across the desk toward her. “I’m thinking half-up half-down.”
Hazel pouts, and as she works on my hair, I hit up the nail polish, going for jet black to match Noah’s soul. Hazel busily chats about the boys at school, and I zone out, my mind stuck on Noah, and before I know it, she grabs the armrest of my desk chair and spins me to face her. “Beautiful,” she says, her eyes shining so damn bright. “Dazzling. Stunning. A work of art. I didn’t know if I could pull off the impossible, but the great Hazel James has done it again!”
Gripping the armrests on either side of the desk chair, I hoist myself to my feet and strut across the room to check out the train wreck otherwise known as my face. As I step in front of the mirror and take one look at myself, my jaw drops, absolutely blown away. “Holy shi—”
“MOM! ZOEY SAID A BAD WORD!”
“ZOEY!” Mom reprimands from downstairs.
“Shut up, you,” I hiss at my smug sister, turning back to my reflection and really taking it in. She’s done my makeup flawlessly with the perfect smokey eye, liner, and even a few single false lashes to make my eyes pop. My gaze shifts over my face, and I’m lost for words, seeing how she’s even contoured my cheeks and jaw.
“Where the hell did you learn to do this?” I ask, positive I was about to find that a rainbow had thrown up on my face, but it’s the exact opposite. I’ve never seen myself like this.
Hazel shrugs her shoulders, and shyness creeps into her eyes. “I don’t know,” she says, refusing to meet my stare, sheepish for the first time in her life. “I guess I’ve been watching a few makeup tutorials on TikTok.”
“A few?” I scoff, turning to take in the cute twist she’s put in my hair. “There’s no way you learned how to do this just by watching a few tutorials. I can’t even do this.”
“Alright, fine,” she grumbles, throwing her hands up in resignation. “I watch them all the time and practice on Mom. I’m obsessed!”
I can’t help but laugh as I glance over myself one more time, feeling like a whole new me. I’ve always been confident in myself and felt beautiful, but I’ve never felt quite like this. I feel incredible. It even makes me consider going to Liam’s party, but that could only end in disaster.
“You need an outfit,” Hazel declares.
I roll my eyes and barely get to groan before she grabs my hand and hauls me across my room and into my walk-in closet. She starts throwing clothes at me, and I try not to get smacked in the face. “Do I really have to dress up? It’s late. What’s the point? I’m only going to get back into my pajamas afterward.”
“Don’t be silly,” Hazel says, stopping her riffling as she peers up at me, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’re going to Liam’s party.”
My eyes spring wide, and I gape at my little sister, momentarily lost for words. “I, umm . . . what? How do you know about Liam’s party? Wait . . . How do you even know who Liam is?”
Her smug grin widens, and I realize this has all been a ploy to get me out of the house. “Liam’s cousin’s best friend’s little brother is in my history class and couldn’t stop talking about it, and seeing as though Liam is like . . . the coolest guy in school, I figured that meant Noah was going, and if Noah is going, you have to go.”
I gape at her a little longer, trying to wrap my head around everything she just said. “First up, Noah outranks Liam on the coolness scale by a mile. Liam only tries to be cool, but he’s really not. And second, I’m not going to that party.”
“What?” Hazel shrieks. “Why not? I did your hair and makeup and everything. All you need to do is get dressed and go. Don’t even try to tell me that your friends aren’t going because I know Tarni, she wouldn’t miss a cool party.”
I shake my head, not prepared to tell her about the shit I’ve been getting from Shannan all week. She doesn’t need to bear the weight of that. “No, it’s a bad idea.”
Her face falls, her brows creasing. “I don’t understand,” she says. “Things were supposed to get better when Noah came back.”
“It’s complicated,” I tell her, desperately wishing she was right.
“What’s complicated about it? You love him, don’t you?”
“I . . . That’s not an easy question to answer.”
“Yes, it is,” she says. “What’s hard about it? You either love someone or you don’t.”
“It’s just, I think you’re asking a different kind of question. Do I love him? Yes, I’ve always loved him. Since the day I was born, I’ve loved him, but I think you’re asking if I’m in love with him, and that’s where it gets complicated.”
“You are though, right?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“I . . . I really don’t know, Hazel. He broke my heart when he put distance between us, and I don’t think it ever really healed.”
“Well,” she muses, her brows creased in thought. “Is he in love with you?”
I shake my head, desperately willing myself not to cry, hating how much this innocent conversation hurts. “I used to think he was, but then, how could he abandon me the way he did if he were? People who love each other don’t hurt each other like that.”
Her lips press into a hard line, and she looks up at me with those big, sad eyes. “But he was already hurting after Linc died. Maybe he just doesn’t remember how to love you.”
Reaching out for her, I pull my little sister into my arms and hold her tightly against me. She’s always held on to hope that Noah and I would somehow come back together, and I suppose that’s my fault for allowing her to believe that he could come back to me. But after this week from hell, I don’t think it’s possible. I’m losing hope that the old Noah is capable of emerging out of the darkness. It’s consumed him too much. He’s lost for good. “I wish it were that easy,” I tell her, hating the thought of breaking her heart. “I don’t think it’s possible to forget how to love someone, but I think he’s trying really hard to forget.”
“I don’t want him to forget,” she murmurs into my chest. “It was always so fun when Noah and Linc came over.”
She lets out a heavy sigh that breaks my heart before pulling back and looking up into my eyes. “Do you . . . Do you think he stays away because of me? Maybe he doesn’t like me.”
“What?” I ask, horrified. “Not even a little bit. Noah loved you so much. I think he’s just hurting so much from losing Linc that he can’t see how much he’s hurting everyone else. It’s consuming him, and he needs to work through all of that before he can even try to be his old self. I just worry that it’ll be too late.”
“Too late?” she grunts. “It’s already been three years. How much time does he need?”
“Tell me about it!”
“You know this only means you have to go to that party even more now.”
“Huh? If anything, it means I need to stay away.”
“Nuh-uh,” she says, stepping out of my arms and digging back into my closet, searching through my clothes. “You need to go have a great time and ignore him like he doesn’t even matter to you, and then he’s going to be all drooly with big hearts in his eyes and come racing back into your arms.”
A booming laugh tears from my chest. “That easy, huh?” I ask, unable to deny that having a good night out without having to think about Noah Ryan sounds like the best time ever.
“Uh-huh. That easy,” Hazel confirms, finding my black thigh-high boots and high-waisted leather miniskirt. She shoves them at me. “Here, put these on while I find a cute top.”
What in the fresh hell has happened to my sister? One week of middle school has turned her into a fashion guru.
Excitement drums through my veins, and I find myself following directions as I hastily get dressed, pulling on the miniskirt and boots before looking in the mirror, almost horrified by how sexy I look. I’ve never matched these two items before because . . . Well, I’m not a sexy girl. I can do pretty outfits or cute, but I’ve never been able to pull off sexy before.
“Woah,” I murmur, taking it in as Hazel tosses me an oversized sweater that hangs off my shoulder. I quickly pull it on and stare at myself in awe.
“There’s no way you can’t go to that party now,” Hazel says, her eyes brimming with beaming excitement.
“Fine,” I grumble, unable to deny how right she is. It would be a shame to waste an outfit like this. “But I’m only staying for a little while. The second Noah even thinks about ruining my night, I’m out.”
“YES!”
Hazel races from my room, and I hear her out in the hallway, all but hanging over the banister and calling downstairs. “MOM. IT WORKED! SHE’S GOING TO THE PARTY. YOU OWE ME TEN BUCKS!”
“Thank God,” Mom calls back. “Movie night for us without Grandma Gertrude up there.”
“HEY!” I yell back, shoving my head out my door. “I heard that!”
Mom laughs, not even a hint of regret in her tone. “You were supposed to.”
Rolling my eyes, I grab my phone and shove it into my bra before strutting downstairs and finding Mom in the kitchen. I cross my arms over my chest and give her a hard stare. “You planned this,” I say.
She turns around and takes one look at me. “Wow, honey. You look—”
“Grown up,” my dad cuts in from across the kitchen, his eyes wide and filled with horror. “I don’t like it.”
Mom shakes her head, her lips pulling into a wide grin. “Don’t listen to him, sweetheart. You look incredible. He’s just jealous that he can’t pull off boots like that.”
“You’re damn right,” Dad says. “Have you seen these calves? I’m practically built like a linebacker.”
Ignoring their ridiculousness, I try to get back on track. “You know damn well that this Grandma Gertrude had no plans on going to that party.”
“I know,” Mom says. “But you’ll be seventeen in five months, and you’ve barely lived. These are the years you’re supposed to enjoy yourself. Go out with your friends and make memories because one day, you’ll wake up and realize you’re old and wish that you could have taken advantage of the small things.”
“What are you saying, Mom? You think you’re old and boring?”
“Who? Me?” Mom grunts. “No, not at all. I’m talking about your dad.”
“Hey!” Dad mutters, but Mom completely ignores him.
I laugh and step closer to Mom. “Seeing as though you orchestrated this whole thing, I only think it’s fair that you drop me off.”
“Deal,” she says. “But there’s going to be rules. I know you’re a smart girl and know better, but remember to never accept drinks from a stranger, and absolutely no alcohol. I want you home by midnight, and if you’re in trouble or you don’t feel safe, always call us.”
“I know,” I say with a groan.
“Good, then let’s go. I’ve been dying to get you out of the house, and I swear, if you don’t come home with some exciting stories for me to live vicariously through you, then you’re not partying right.”
Oh God. Maybe having Mom drop me off isn’t such a good idea after all. If she even gets a hint of a good time, she’ll be the one taking up space on the dance floor, and before I know it, she’ll have Aunt Maya and all her college friends crashing Liam’s party and turning it into an over forty rager.
With that, we make our way out to the car, and as Mom starts the engine, I pull my phone out of my bra and send off one final text.
Zoey: Hazel twisted my arm. I’m coming, and I’m ready for a good night!
Tarni: HELL YEAH!!!!!!!
Fifteen minutes later, I stand in the doorway of Liam’s home, looking in at the array of crammed bodies. This was such a bad idea, but I can’t find it in me to turn around and walk back out. Besides, Mom hit the gas the second the door closed behind me, making it impossible to change my mind.
People stare at me, their eyes dragging up and down my body as if not even realizing I’m the girl they’ve been calling trash all week. I try to ignore them and push past the insecurities their taunts have created in me.
The music is so loud that I can’t hear myself think, and without Noah or Shannan in sight, that’s exactly what I need to relax and actually enjoy my night. Making my way through the door, my gaze shifts over the eager partiers, and I barely get five feet into the fray when I find Tarni, Abby, and Cora dancing like nobody’s watching, drinks in hand.
I make my way toward them, a genuine smile spreading across my face for the first time all week. I’m just about there when Tarni glances over Cora’s shoulder, her big blue eyes coming right to mine.
“Hooooooooly shit,” she beams, her jaw dropping as she takes me in. “Who are you, and what the hell happened to my best friend?”
I laugh as I crash into my friends, their arms slinging over my shoulders as they drag me into their little circle. Indicating down my body, I meet Tarni’s stare. “It’s too much, isn’t it?”
“Hell no, girl,” she says, taking one last sip of her drink before shoving the almost full cup into my hand. “It’s perfect. You look like you’ve come to make a fucking statement, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Now, let’s get you fucked up.”
I grin back at her, and with that, I lift the cup to my lips while sending a silent apology to my mom, knowing damn well that I’ll be breaking a few of her rules tonight.