Chapter Thirty-Eight
S ound was the first thing I was aware of as I slowly woke. There was a faint beeping close to my left ear and to my right, familiar voices were speaking in hushed tones.
“Why don’t you go get something to eat? You’ve been pacing the floor for a dozen hours. You’ll need a hospital bed next if you keep this up.”
“I’m fine. I’ll wait until she wakes up. She IS going to wake up anytime now.”
I tried to speak and realized how much my throat hurt, the words stuck behind a deep ache in my vocal cords.
“She won’t be alone, Claire. I’ll call you right away if she—”
“I said no, Logan! My ass isn’t leaving this room until—”
“Do you think you could quiet down a little?” I interrupted in a forced whisper. “Find it in your hearts to let a girl get some beauty rest. I have a feeling I need a hell of a lot right now. ”
There was a moment of silence before a quick scurry of feet. I felt my right hand taken into my friend’s grip and Claire kissed the back of it as she sniffled through happy tears.
“You’re going to be okay, Mads. I’m going to get the doctor and will be right back.”
I could sense Logan standing beside the bed as I listened to Claire rush from the room. I wasn’t ready to open my eyes yet, so I took an inventory of what I could feel.
My left arm was in a sling, straps pressing it firmly against my chest. There were bandages around my torso, and I felt more on my arms, legs, and feet. There was a lot of discomfort in my left side, face, and head. The rest of my body had a dull ache almost everywhere. I could tell they had me on some strong painkillers thankfully.
I did a mental assessment next. I was relieved to still be breathing, relieved that Drew hadn’t been able to finish what he started, and relieved that Logan was safe.
I heard him moving and then a chair squeak as he sat down. I felt his warm hands grasp mine; his were shaking.
I forced my eyelids open. Well, singular considering the left one appeared to be swollen shut. I slowly blinked, adjusting to the low light in the room.
When I focused on Logan, he was staring at me as tears ran down his cheeks. There was a bruise on his jaw and a small cut on his bottom lip.
Claire rushed back through the door. She came to the head of the bed, her face flooded with relief as she rested a hand gently on my shoulder and I gave her the best smile I could muster under the circumstances.
“Hello, Madison,” a new voice said.
A slender woman in a white coat was standing at my feet.
“I’m Marilyn Davis, your trauma care physician. You’re at Oceanside Hospital and we are so happy you’re awake.”
“Not as happy as I am,” I whispered.
The doctor gave me a soft smile, then her face grew serious. “I want to bring you up to speed on your condition. Is that alright with everyone here in the room right now?” I gave her a tiny nod and she looked down at the tablet in her hands. “Let me know if you start to feel overwhelmed.”
I’d needed surgery because the glass had punctured my kidney. I listened, unnerved, as the doctor explained how serious it had been because of internal bleeding.
The biggest concern after the successful surgery, where they’d saved the organ, was my head trauma. An MRI showed slight inflammation. It hadn’t been significant enough to need intervention, but they’d been growing concerned that I wasn’t waking up even after the swelling had gone down.
“I just needed a good night’s sleep is all. We all know hospital beds are the most comfortable place for that.”
The doctor smiled again. “We’re going to continue to monitor your concussion, but hopefully you’re out of the woods now.”
She listed off my other injuries. My left shoulder and elbow had both been dislocated. I had several, mostly small cuts on my arms, legs, and feet, but a few needed stitches. The left side of my face was pretty banged up. I had a black eye obviously, my nose had swelling but wasn’t broken, and my throat was bruised and swollen as well.
The doctor’s face turned sympathetic as she continued in a softer tone. “Now that you’re awake, I can ask if you would like to consent to a rape kit.”
Logan’s hands stiffened around mine a little too tight. He quickly realized and loosened them again immediately.
I barely shook my head. “It didn’t get that far,” I whispered.
Logan and Claire let out the breaths they were holding and the doctor gave me a small, relieved nod.
“If you need anything, use the call button for the nurse’s station. The one beside it with the picture of a syringe is your pain medication. Press it when you need it. It’s a controlled drip into that IV on your right arm; you can’t overdo it. If it isn’t enough, let us know and we can look at increasing the dose if your discomfort grows.
“I’ll have a nurse check on you shortly and we’ll call down to the cafeteria for some liquids to start getting something in your stomach. Try not to talk higher than a whisper while your throat heals. Do you have any questions for me?”
I wet my lips. “Since it’s probably going to be my main food group for a few days, does the hospital stock name-brand Jello or is it some knockoff crap?”
The room was silent .
“Tough crowd.” I looked at each face, seeing different expressions as they registered me trying to lighten the tension in the room. “No. Thank you, Doctor.”
She stepped back with another nod and left.
“Hearing all that again was horrible,” Claire sighed.
I gave a tiny shrug. “Try hearing it the first time while feeling it.”
“Do you need more drugs?” she asked with concern.
“Not gonna lie, probably.”
Claire quickly pressed the button and spent the next few minutes adjusting the bed at an angle so I was sitting up more than lying down. When we got me in a position that hurt the least, I took a deep breath and looked at Logan again.
He was still gripping my hand and I was looking into the deep blue wells of sadness I hadn’t seen since the night he’d been drinking his sorrows away at Hank’s months ago.
Claire fussed around me. “Do you want me to ask for more pillows and blankets?”
I didn’t take my eye off Logan. “I’m okay. What I would love is some ice-cold water and Skittles. Would you be okay finding those for me?”
“I’m on it.” Claire jumped into action, grabbing her purse from the little table beside the bed, she headed for the door as Logan and I continued staring at each other.
I would have to find the words to help him get past whatever sense of responsibility, guilt, or duty I saw in the shadows of his face so he could get back to his child. But first, I wanted to know a few things and spend a few more minutes gazing at the man I was in love with before we went our separate ways again.
I squeezed his hand gently. “Tell me what happened that I don’t already know.” I swallowed around the bruise on my throat. “What were you doing there?”
Logan let out a shaky breath as he leaned closer.
“Ina. I went home to shower and change, and when I came back down, she and Fred were waiting for the elevator. She insisted I ride back up with them to take some books to you. I didn’t argue, it gave me a valid excuse to see you.
“She brought me a bag, plopped down in her chair, and told me to be careful with it. She said it was precious cargo, giving me a dirty look when she said it, then a usual, ‘ Ain’t it, Fred ?’ and I realized, Ina wasn’t talking about the books. Neither was Fred when he looked me dead in the eyes with a, ‘What she said.’ Hell, it felt like I was being threatened with violence by two 80-year-olds.”
I couldn’t help but feel a little amused at the imagery as Logan continued.
“I was about to knock when I thought I heard a scream. I put my ear to the door, and I heard it again. I-I heard you scream.” Logan swallowed hard. “I dropped the books and yelled for Ina and Fred to call 911. If the door hadn’t been unlocked, I would have been paying for and installing a new one. When I didn’t see you anywhere, I ran down the hallway. Then I-I saw what he’d done to you, what he was trying— ”
Logan’s face tensed in anger. He looked down at his hands holding mine and they started shaking again. I glanced down at them as well and saw his bruised knuckles.
“I grabbed him and threw him against the wall… just saw red and started swinging. Then I heard you scream again and when I was distracted he took a cheap shot.”
Logan shifted his jaw where he’d been hit.
“When we fell, my leg slid under the bed and I couldn’t get leverage to throw him off me. He got his arm around my neck and was trying to suffocate me. I was convincing myself I was about to die, but then he slumped on top of me and I could breathe again. Then I saw you, a-and the blood.”
Logan looked haunted, as if lost in the memory, before he continued.
“I caught you when you passed out before you could fall on the glass again.”
He told me about the police and ambulance coming, the ride to the hospital, pacing outside the operating suites, remembering he had Devin’s number, and calling to let him and Claire know what had happened. Then a set of detectives had shown up to take his statement.
“They told me that based on your attacker’s wounds, you put up a hell of a fight. They confirmed who that piece of—” Logan’s face grew hard again. “I already knew.”
They’d also shared that Drew had a warrant out for his arrest in Georgia already. He’d assaulted and stole the car of his parole officer. When the poor man tried to stop him, Drew ran him over. The officer was in critical condition and it didn’t look like he was going to survive. It was safe to say Drew would likely spend the rest of his life in prison.
The thought that he would never come near my girls again was a small comfort as Logan continued talking.
Claire and Devin arrived from Orlando around 10:30. A surgeon came out before midnight to let them know I was stable.
Once Claire finished crying and called Drew every nasty name from her rotation, she’d taken charge. She dispatched Devin to Tennessee and he was on the road by one in the morning. She called my mother at seven to tell her what happened, calmed her down, and let her know Devin wasn’t far away and to get ready to leave when he arrived.
Logan looked at his watch. “It’s almost six in the evening now; they should be here in the next hour or so. Your uncle is on his way as well. Claire hasn’t been able to reach your sister or father yet.
“It is completely up to you, but we had a lot of time to talk and we thought it might be best to tell Sadie,” his voice broke on her name and his eyes filled with tears again, “that you were in a car accident.”
I was devastated at hearing what he, my family, and my friends were going through but felt desperate to stop Logan’s pain and finally whispered again.
“That’s fair since I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Then a clown car. Then a moped.”
His lips didn’t even twitch .
“Plot twist. Superman was driving the last one,” I added.
Logan shook his head and let out a laugh and cry at the same time. I hated seeing the tears had still won as they rolled down his cheeks.
“Madison, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to keep you safe. I was so afraid you were going to—” His voice caught, unable to say the word. “Then that you might not wake up.”
I could hardly bear being the cause of Logan getting physically hurt and dragged into another trauma in his life.
The guilt in his eyes was soul-crushing.
The thought that he would have felt responsible if I’d died was unbearably painful. He wasn’t at fault for what happened to me any more than he was for what had happened to his family. Worrying, even for a day, about me not waking up after what had happened to Riley must have been horrible for him.
Guilt was now smothering me. Logan should be with his daughter, not wrapped up in my drama. I shook my head a few fractions.
“You don’t need to feel sorry for anything, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not responsible for the shit choices other people make when they’re drunk, whether it’s getting behind the wheel of a car or attacking someone who used to love them. If you hadn’t been there, he—” I swallowed and left the words unspoken, I didn’t even want to let my mind go there, I’d rather focus on the physical pain as long as possible.
“So thank you, for saving me.”
I closed the eye that was working for a moment and tried to look brave when I opened it again.
“You don’t need to worry about me now. I’ll be alright. I’m so sorry you ended up a part of this and I appreciate you waiting with Claire so much. It’s okay to go now, Logan, Riley needs you.”
I gently pulled my hand from his and looked down at my lap as I waited for him to stand and leave. He wasn’t moving so I opened my mouth to whisper that I would be fine.
“Madison, please look at me.”
I took several beats before I could.
“My mother has been with Riley all day because I wasn’t going anywhere. I belong here with you,” he told me.
I was ready to argue, but Logan quickly continued before I could.
“This isn’t the time or place I thought I would be saying this to you.” He shook his head; looking and sounding angry at himself. “I should have said it days ago, then maybe you wouldn’t even be here right now.”
Logan wiped his face, let out a hard breath, and took my hand again.
“That night when I pushed you away, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I struggled for years feeling like I let my family down. When my daughter woke up, I was so focused on being the father she needs, the father she should have, that I started convincing myself I couldn’t be both men at the same time, her dad and your partner. It had nothing to do with you; it was all self-doubt. I didn’t want to face the fear of hurting you if I couldn’t be the man you deserve. I knew I was wrong as soon as you walked away from me, because every drop of my strength left with you, Madison.”
His thumb grazed my knuckles gently as my heartbeat sped up.
“The days since have been torture. I had to focus on organizing things for Riley, but anytime there was a moment to think about anything else, all I could think about was you. I was so damn stupid to think I would be alright without you in my life. So, I was planning to get Riley transitioned to the rehab center and then find the guts to reach out and see if you would give me a second chance.”
Joy shot through me. I opened my mouth to say yes as loud as possible, but Logan kept going.
“When Ina grabbed me, I was working up the courage to say all that before knocking on your door last night. But then what happened… happened. And now, I see you blaming yourself for my pain in this. I see you trying to be strong by telling me it’s okay to walk away from you this time. I’m not here just because you were hurt, Madison, I’m here because I need you.”
Logan stopped for a moment to kiss my fingers.
“I don’t know if you even know you said it, or maybe if you do, you only said it because you thought… you thought that you weren’t coming back. But you said it, and I’m not okay with only hearing you say it once. I want to hear you say it for the rest of my life. ”
Logan fought to control his emotions as mine were close to bubbling over.
“I lost the woman I loved in a horrible accident and thought I would never feel a pain like that again. I couldn’t have been more wrong, sweetheart. I almost lost the woman I’m in love with again.”
Tears came and Logan carefully wiped my face.
“Riley was missing from my life, but so were you, Madison. You helped me come alive again when I didn’t think anyone or anything could. And you’re so damn strong. Last night you actualized what a force you are capable of being. You made that bastard bleed and were hurt so badly but still came to save me. You were incredible, clearly done putting up with anyone’s bullshit, including mine.” Logan swallowed hard. “I know I don’t deserve a second—”
I reached out as quickly as I could manage to press a finger against his lips.
“I hate to interrupt while you’re on such a roll counselor, but court is already in recess. Just shut up and kiss me,” I whispered.
“Oh, thank god,” Logan breathed as he quickly moved to sit on the side of the bed, gently cupped my face, and gave me a beautiful, soft kiss, being careful not to hurt me. He took my hand, lifting my fingers and kissing my knuckles again before pressing it to his cheek.
“You know,” I whispered, feeling desperate to hear the actual words, “you didn’t technically say it… So I’m still leading by one right now. ”
Logan gave me an almost smug look. “If saying it in my head counts, I’m beating you by a mile.”
He saw the questions in my cycloptic peeper and his gaze turned earnest.
“I knew that day you trusted me enough to bare your soul and share all your pain with me. It made me realize how much I wanted us to share everything.” Logan moved our hands down and pressed my palm against his chest. “I knew when you kissed my heart, Madison. Why do you think I was so afraid I would hurt you after Riley woke up?”
He squeezed my fingers where they were still pressed against the drum of his heartbeat.
“I was scared because I’d already realized I was madly in love with you.” Logan leaned forward and kissed me even more gently this time. “I’m sorry I acted like a fool instead of telling you how I felt. I promise I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much I love you.”
“Me too. I love you, Logan.”
Tears slid down my cheeks and he brushed them away again.
“I adore you, Crash.”
I laughed too hard then let out a small groan from the pain it caused.
“Court is back in session, and I object. You can prove said adoration by coming up with something cute and less insulting to call me.”
Logan sat back and his lips twitched. “Hum, I like the sound of Golden Goddess personally. ”
I stared at him in silence.
“Don’t you think it would be adorable to complete the set?” he added.
I opened my mouth to play dumb but decided to accept my fate and sighed heavily instead.
His expression was a mix of apologetic and amused. “In her defense, Claire has had a hell of a lot of caffeine and no sleep.”
I wasn’t even that embarrassed. I was alive, in love, and that was all that mattered.
Logan lit up. “I have to tell you something important still. That night at the hospital when I acted like a horse’s ass again —which is exactly what my mother said after I’d told her what I’d done by the way— Riley wanted to know if her angel could come to visit. When I asked her what she was talking about, she told me the day she woke up, I’d gone in the hall to talk to her angel, that she’d recognized the angel’s voice. The voice she’d heard talking to her about me and that read The Velveteen Rabbit. ”
Shock jolted through me as Logan took my hand again.
“No one knows why Riley woke up or why it took so long. They are telling me it’s a medical mystery, a miracle. But I think she was waiting. She was waiting for me to no longer be broken, for me to be happy again, for there to be someone in my life who could make me strong and whole. She was waiting for me to find you.”
Logan laced our fingers together where they rested on his thigh .
“I could start calling you Wings,” he murmured. “My daughter already believes you have a pair. I think you earned them last night.”
I bit my lip to hide a smile. “You’re really letting your mushy side fly free this evening,” I whispered, loving every second of it.
Logan gently stroked my cheek. “I told you, get used to it.”
The emotions in his eyes were so clear to me now. I could feel them warming my heart as if they were seeping into my soul, claiming their place there forever.
Ohhhh, look who’s being mushy now.
As usual, I struggled with exposing those feelings as easily, squeezing his hand as I tried to pout. “I can be sentimental too, you know.”
Logan lifted a perceptive brow. “That self-protecting wit of yours can’t help but dominate though.”
“Hey, it’s important to know one’s strengths and when to play them.” I shifted closer to him on the bed and grimaced; the throbbing aches across my body had slowly been increasing. “For instance, I’ll forgive you for teasing me at a time like this if you press the button for the drugs again. I want to be numb when Claire comes back so I can kill her.”
“I’m going to have to buy her a hundred margaritas now,” Logan muttered as he quickly reached across the bed to ease my pain.
Leaning over me, he got a closer look at the left side of my face, and his filled with concern as he took in the damage .
The weight of events from the last 24 hours finally hit me and my lips began to tremble. “That bad, huh?” I whispered emotionally.
Logan shook his head quickly. “They are just bruises, sweetheart.” He began pressing his lips softly against the dark marks as if it would erase each away.
“Soon, they will all fade, just like bad memories,” Logan told me, feather-soft against my cheek as he kissed a tear away, “and I’m going to make damn sure you forget every single one of them.”