Chapter 4 Faith
FOUR
FAITH
The sun is rising over the sky with streaks of orange.
As I walk into the lobby, I miss the warmth on my skin.
There are a couple concierges lingering outside the door waiting for people to arrive, but the lobby is empty.
It’s a stark difference from when we arrived yesterday.
This morning, you can hear a pin drop. As I approach the concierge desk, I find the same guy who checked us in. His name tag reads Remi.
He greets me with a smile. “Good morning!”
“Good morning, Remi. This weather is gorgeous. I could live here year-round.” I throw my hair up into a bun and wrap my scrunchie around it. “I have a snorkeling excursion tomorrow. Can you let me know the details, so I don’t miss the bus?”
“Of course. I’d be happy to help you with that. What name is it under?”
He seems kind and willing to help. I know it’s his job, but it’s nice to be treated well, and he seems to like his job.
“Faith Tinsley.”
Remi clicks away on his keyboard, intensely looking at the monitor as he scans what’s on the screen.
I bounce on my toes with excitement. This excursion was my number one choice.
A part of me is surprised that my friends didn’t want to join me for this one, but I’m excited to have time alone while swimming with the marine life.
The four of us will explore the other side of the island on ATVs in a couple of days.
I’m looking forward to learning about the island and immersing myself in all the experiences it offers.
“Alright! I see you’re all set for the Pirate Ship Snorkeling Excursion—one of the most popular excursions we offer. Everyone raves about it. I’ll print out the details for you.”
The printer starts up and shoots out a piece of paper. He shines his bright smile at me before turning toward the printer. “Let me get this for you, and I’ll go over it.”
He grabs the paper and slides it onto the counter. Taking a pen, he uses it to point out the information as he underlines the details for me. Everything is taken care of for this excursion. There’s nothing to worry about. All I have to do is show up in the lobby.
“You’ll meet everyone in the lobby tomorrow morning at 9:30. Transportation will leave at 9:45, and you will arrive at the boat at about 10:00. Can I help you with anything else, Ms. Tinsley?”
“This excursion sounds amazing. I’m looking forward to it,” I say as I clasp my hands together and smile. “I appreciate you taking the time to go over all of this with me. I’ll definitely stop back in and let you know all about it. Have a good day, Remi.”
I try to turn and head for the pool, but I slam into a brick wall. “What the…”
My head rattles as I try to regain my balance after colliding with said brick wall at full speed. A wave of warmth spreads across my back as a firm arm wraps around my waist. A hot hand grips my shoulder, keeping me upright. Fortunately, someone stopped me from falling backward onto the floor.
I glance up to see who caught me, and my eyes lock with intense amber eyes. My entire body tenses, and a nervous chuckle spills out.
OH.
MY.
GOD.
Jude—yes, that’s right—Jude Kent is the one holding me. His embrace feels comforting and familiar, while the scent of him—fresh rain mixed with musk—transports me back to the past. My stomach flutters with butterflies, and a slight smile crosses my face.
His amber eyes widen in confusion, darting across my face as if seeking answers that evade him.
The arm around my waist tightens just a bit, and my god, it feels so right on my body.
A whirlwind of emotions flashes within his gaze until they finally reveal a deep, dark sadness.
And for a moment, we are frozen in time.
A few beats pass, and he snaps out of his daze.
“Are you ok?” he asks.
Those words sting—three words that he never asked all those years ago.
He let me go without a care in the world.
He abandoned me. How differently things could have turned out.
Instead, I changed my phone number, concentrated on college, and went to therapy to mend the scars from the break-up and the life-changing, regretful decision I made shortly after that.
All the old memories flood back, causing my chest to constrict.
My hand rubs my chest to release the pressure.
I seriously thought I could avoid him. Of all the people on this resort, I ran smack dab into Jude and the woman standing beside him. The same woman that was with him yesterday.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I was in a hurry," I mutter, not sure if I really am sorry. My throat is dry. It feels like a boulder is lodged there, weighing down words I’m hesitant to speak.
If I paid attention, I would have tried to avoid him without a second thought.
Instead, I have his hands all over me as drops of sweat drip down my back.
The prickling in my palms, the way my body feels in his arms, his touch that sears my skin.
I wrestle with conflicting thoughts—the longing to be in his arms again and the pain and disappointment from him leaving me heartbroken and wrecked.
His eyes reveal everything, and as recognition dawns on him, he smiles. His amber eyes flicker for a moment, and I recognize the sadness inside of them. Whether out of instinct or something deeper, he relaxes and draws me near for a brief moment before abruptly letting go.
"Um…no problem. Faith?" he asks, clearly shocked. He runs his fingers through his hair. Surprise and uncertainty linger in his gaze as he stares back at me.
I drop my stare to the floor, wringing my hands, caught between the urge to run and the need to confront him. The feeling of wanting to disappear is overwhelming. Gathering every ounce of courage, I reluctantly raise my eyes to meet his, my voice wavering as I finally manage to say, "Hey."
His eyes wander down my body and back up. Yes, I’m wearing the cutest bikini today, and I don’t have on a cover-up, so he’s getting the full show of all the goods. A part of me wants to show him what he’s missed out on. But I’m not that bold. Not today, anyway.
“It's been a long time,” he acknowledges.
It sure has!
“Yeah. Twelve years…”
Almost twelve years without him—and countless questions are filling my mind.
I’ve always imagined him missing me, tracking me down, and apologizing.
But reality would intrude, and I'd picture him living happily in a mountain house, snowboarding with a wonderful wife and kids. Meanwhile, I’ve led a mediocre life, unable to find love because no one has ever compared to him.
I often wanted to reach out, but for my sanity, I distanced myself.
I’m brought back into the present when the woman next to Jude sticks out her hand. “I’m Klara. Jude has mentioned you before. What brings you to the One Happy Island?” I give her my hand, and she places her other hand on top of mine. I can’t ignore the blinding rock on her ring finger.
Wow…
I instinctively touch my own ring finger with the pad of my thumb.
It’s where my promise ring used to be before all the promises Jude made went to hell.
He’s found someone to spend the rest of his life with, and it’s hard not to be jealous of her.
That ring, though. He always had good taste in jewelry.
Everything he gave me felt like it was custom made for me.
Shaking out of my thoughts, I finally find my voice.
“Nice to meet you,” I say through gritted teeth.
“You too.” She smiles at me and then turns to Jude.
He’s taller than I remember—and even more handsome.
My eyes fixate on him. Once again, he isn’t wearing a shirt.
It’s really hard not to drool over his Celtic tattoos that run up and down both arms. I was so caught up in watching his chest muscles yesterday, I didn’t realize he has tattoos on both of his arms. Those rigid biceps are practically begging me to touch them.
You need to stop this! Get a grip.
I close my eyes for a moment to gather myself, then tear my gaze away from Jude and turn to Klara, saying, "Girls’ trip."
“That sounds exciting. I’m sure we’ll see you around the resort. It was really nice to meet you,” Klara says, nudging him.
“What was that for?” he asks, shooting Klara a side-eye.
“Say something,” she whispers to him, and his eyes sweep over my body again.
Jude, stumbling over his words, says, “H-how long are you here for?”
The plan was to avoid him, but the universe torched it, sent it up in flames, and burnt it to the ground…never to be seen again.
Being near him and feeling his touch makes it clear to me that I still have feelings for him. Even after all this time.
In my dreams, he wraps his arms around my waist and draws me close, just like he used to.
He holds me tight, my head resting on his broad chest. He’d confess how much he missed me—missed us.
Then, gently lifting my chin with his hands cradling my cheeks, he’d kiss me passionately, making me feel claimed.
Pulling his lips away, he’d gaze into my eyes and share his regret for everything, admitting he’s never stopped loving me.
Wait, did I dream about him last night?
I sure did.
A smirk crosses my face as I think about the way he took me in my dream. So much for avoiding him. I can’t even do it in my dreams.
"Until Friday." I force a smile while my mind races to plot an escape route. My eyes dart around the room, scanning for the nearest exit, and I shift my weight from one foot to the other, eager to slip away quickly. Despite needing to get away, there's something holding me back, making me hesitate.
My breaths come quicker the longer I stand here.
I want to know how long he’ll be staying, to see if he’s genuinely happy and completely in love with her.
Then I’d finally have closure and push myself to move on, accepting that there’s no possibility to reconnect.
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
I've been holding onto a piece of my heart for him, instead of trying to give my whole heart to someone else. But this truth is one I’m not sure I’m ready to face.
I need to wrap this up.
“It was great seeing you,” my words linger in the air. To see him only feet away from me makes my world feel as though it's spinning out of control. I feel the urgent need to step back, to escape this magnetic pull and gather my thoughts before they spill over.
“You too.” I turn on my heels and practically run toward the pool. My heart is pounding in rhythm with my hurried steps. The thought of sharing every detail with my friends pushes me forward.
As I go to find them, I can’t help but think about Jude and Klara. The pair seems really happy, which cracks my heart even further.