Chapter 5 Faith
FIVE
FAITH
My flip-flops slap against the tile floor as I rush over to the lounge chairs by the pool. Kendall is sprawled out on one of them, and Lane and Addison are in the pool.
I abruptly stop at the edge of the pool and say, “You're never going to believe what happened in the lobby. Come on.” I motion to the chairs, my thoughts racing. Lane and Addison quickly make their way out of the pool.
“Ok, we’re coming,” Lane says with a hint of curiosity in her voice as she rushes out of the pool.
I draw a deep, shaky breath, unsure of how to begin.
"You guys won't believe who I ran into in the lobby.
" My voice trembles slightly as I recount everything that happened with Jude, along with what happened last night when I was in my hotel room.
I felt the need to be alone. They sensed it and only reached out with a simple text to meet them in the morning.
“He’s engaged?” Lane repeats, her eyes widening and nearly popping out of her head. The shock in her voice is palpable. “The woman we saw him with yesterday is his fiancée?”
“Yep,” I mutter, my head bowing under the weight, unsure of how to process it all. All the emotions are spinning like a tornado—jealousy, hurt, and regret slam into me.
As the adrenaline subsides, I feel the familiar prickle in my eyes, and the heaviness settles in my limbs, pulling me deeper into the chair. I tilt my head back and rest my arm over my eyes, as I wrestle with it all. The tightness around my lungs makes breathing a struggle.
“Breathe, we’re right here,” Lane urges when she hears my ragged breathing. She sits on the edge of the chair and places a gentle hand on my legs. “Yes. There you go. Breathe in for four seconds. One, two, three, four. Now breathe out nice and slow, Faith…”
I’m so glad I’m not alone right now. My friends are here, helping me breathe, and sitting with me as I have a full-on meltdown. It honestly feels like we’re back in college, twelve years ago…
We’re sitting in Addison and Lane’s dorm room.
Kendall already knows most of what went down because she’s dealt with it every single day—perks of being my roommate, I suppose.
Nothing gets by that girl. It’s like she can read my mind or something; she always knows when I’m thinking of him and getting in my head.
We’re sitting on the rug between their beds as I ramble on about everything that happened with Jude at the end of the summer.
I’m comforted by their hugs and encouragement.
“We’re here for you whenever you need us, no matter the time. We’re your best friends, and we love you,” Lane says with tears in her eyes.
Addison follows suit with, “You’re not alone, okay? We’re here. Lean on us when you need to.”
I’m so glad I have these girls.
All these years later, the four of us are still the best of friends, and we do everything together.
We know each other’s secrets, and we listen and give each other advice.
Now that I think about it, Kendall is less of a listener and more of a doer.
She’d rather pull us through our issues kicking and screaming.
She doesn’t encourage any of us to stay in our comfort zones.
My chest is loosening, and my breathing is starting to steady. Slowly, I sit up straighter and wipe my tears from my cheeks. “It’s unbelievable. I dreamt about seeing him but never thought it would actually happen. And here he is while we’re on vacation. It’s bringing up a lot.” I shake my head.
I compare every single man I date to Jude, but he seems to have moved on effortlessly.
My thoughts are crushing me, and once more, hot tears spill down my cheeks as I mourn the future we never had.
We’ll never walk hand in hand through life—never share whispered dreams under the stars.
The harsh truth sends a cold shiver racing down my spine.
It's the undeniable finality of it. When will I allow myself to move forward? I deserve a life filled with laughter and warmth with someone who cherishes me as fiercely as I cherish them. But the thought of discovering that kind of love again feels like I’m grasping at straws.
Kendall sits next to me and puts her arms around me and pulls me close. “Girl, you’ll get through this!” She’s by my side at every turn. She grabs my face and turns it so we are eye to eye. “You are strong, and this is one hurdle to get over.”
“You’re a badass Faith,” Addison says.
I know they are right. I’ve worked so hard to heal from this.
As a therapist, I also know that we repress feelings and think we’ve moved on, but when those feelings hit the surface, it feels like you’re starting all over.
This time, it feels different. The ability to come back from such a visceral reaction means my mental foundation is strong.
That’s a win for me.
Now, if I could please, for love of everything, avoid the happy couple.
I know avoidance isn’t the answer, but I just need it.
The hurt that I’m not the one by his side is fresh, but I’ll do some journaling and that will help sort through it all.
A stray tear escapes. I allow it to roll down my face, then my neck, before wiping it away.
“I want to go check out the breakfast spread. We all could use a bit of nourishment, and I’m starving.” Lane gets up, signaling us to move along.
Now that my body has regulated itself, I’m thinking that having something to eat doesn’t completely turn my stomach.
Kendall gathers up her bag and slides on her sandals. “We need to fuel up for all the sunbathing we’re going to do today.” She gives me a half grin.
I love breakfast food, so getting up to go and eat feels like the right thing to do.
We leave the pool area and head to the dining room where the breakfast buffet is set up.
The second I walk through the door, I’m hit by the smell of pancakes, bacon, and omelets.
My mouth waters as I think about the sweetness of the maple syrup and the crispy bacon.
I follow the smell to the pancake station while the others walk over to get omelets.
As I stand in line, the tightness in my neck and shoulders begin to ease. I raise my hand to the back of my neck and massage the muscles. Inhaling deeply, I hope to stave off that familiar throb of a tension headache. I distract myself by focusing on the conversations around me.
I’ve got this.
My turn comes quickly. There are so many toppings to choose from, but I like my pancakes topping free.
I finish getting my syrup and then move to grab bacon and fruit.
I look around the dining room for an empty table for four, and I spot one.
It has a great view of the ocean waves crashing onto the beach—perfect. I head over and sit down.
I enjoy the view while I wait for my friends to join me.
Yes, everything got turned upside down this morning, but I refuse to let it ruin the trip.
This resort is too beautiful and caters to relaxation.
I’m not going to waste the week worrying about Jude and his happily ever after.
I glance up from my plate and see my friends heading over to the table.
After chewing the syrup drenched bite of the pancake that I shoved in my mouth, I swallow and say, “So, that was a fun way to start our first full day here.” I plaster on a smile.
The waiter comes over to get our drink order—a round of coffee. He brings them to the table quickly, and the warm liquid hits the spot. It’s just what I needed.
While we eat, the conversation naturally goes to the ATV excursion.
The pictures look like it’ll be a lot of fun.
It starts at a ranch location on the other side of the island.
We’ll pick up our ATVs and then follow the guide up to the water caves.
That seems like an experience we don’t want to miss while we’re on the island.
Afterward, we’ll proceed to a beach where we’ll have some time to enjoy the ocean and eat lunch.
“That excursion looks amazing. I can’t wait for Tuesday,” I say.
Addison takes a bite of her omelet and taps her fingers on the table. “I’m looking forward to the water caves.”
I watch people stream into the dining area, their faces glowing as laughter consumes the space. I can’t help but smile as I admire the view of the beach and swaying palm trees. This place is a slice of paradise, and I promise myself I'll come back one day.
We finalize our plans for the day, envisioning ourselves stretched out on the white sand, sitting in comfortable lounge chairs under striped umbrellas.
The idea of immersing myself in a good book while the ocean's waves hit the shore in the background is exactly how I imagine a relaxing day on the beach.
That includes our well-deserved splurge—lunch served on the beach with our own waitstaff this afternoon.
Looking up from my coffee, I connect with those amber eyes…again.