Chapter 13 Faith
THIRTEEN
FAITH
My mouth drops open, and I shake my head as I try to make the connection.
Klara is not his fiancée. I don’t think I'm keeping the shock off my face because Lane, sitting across from me, gives my leg a nudge under the table.
I shake it off. As Jude walks away, he gives me a concerned look but continues to leave.
Words stumble out of my mouth as I mumble, “He isn’t getting married?”
They look at me, waiting for more to come, but I’m deep in my thoughts.
He isn’t getting married, and it doesn’t compute in my brain.
There’s a malfunction. Everything so far this week has been wrapped around this idea that Jude moved on and was getting married.
But in fact, he is single; well, I guess there I go assuming again, but I’ve only seen him with Klara this whole time.
Kendall whispers to us, “I can’t believe we thought they were getting married.”
“How are you feeling about that?” Lane asks with sincerity in her eyes.
The questions from years ago come creeping back in.
Did he ever miss me?
Why didn’t he contact me?
It hurt then, and it hurts to think about it now. This is exactly why I need to keep these walls up to protect myself. Loving him was the best thing that happened to me. A tear threatens to escape. Ugh. He broke up with me and left me. My mind always goes back to that.
“I think I keep my avoidance plan in place, but with this news, I’ll have plenty to think about while I’m off snorkeling.” I whip my head around and stare at Kendall. “Why did you agree to go on the dinner cruise?”
“Because I knew you wanted to say yes. You’re just scared.”
I don’t want to admit it. Spending time with Jude is scary.
It takes my breath away and makes me all warm and prickly when I even think about being near him.
Yes, I am scared. Scared to step out. Scared to open that part of me that has been closed off for so long.
More reasons to keep that wall up. This girl isn’t getting close enough to find out.
Giving the ring back when he broke up with me doesn’t stop me from thinking about him… all the time. For years.
I’ll have a good reason to not go on the sunset cruise. I’ll just wait until the last minute and then tell the girls something came up. I’m trying to believe what I’m telling myself, my chest constricts, and I doubt I can get myself out of this.
“Ok, so maybe I am scared. Hurting all over again doesn’t sound like my cup of tea.” I take a sip of my coffee.
“I get it, I really do. Why don’t you go on your snorkeling adventure and forget about all of this. Spend time with the fish in the water, relax, and if you really don’t want to go, then we don’t go,” Kendall says with sympathy in her tone.
I rest my hand over my heart and exhale, “Thank you. That makes me feel better.”
She goes on, “This could be a good thing though, you can spend some time with us and possibly him. Come on!” She’s practically begging me.
She sees the world as the glass is half full.
I'm more of a realist, and this is a terrible idea. I don’t want to be in close proximity with the guy who broke me and then didn't care enough to check in with me. It’s all too much for me to think about right now.
I massage my temples to release some of this tension in my overactive brain. “I’m excited for you, Kendall. It’s the perfect connection while we are here. She will be able to give you the scoop on all things this resort has for your wedding.”
Kendall is excited for her wedding planning, and this is perfect for her to have someone that knows the ins and outs of a resort wedding. Klara seemed so genuine in helping even with her wedding days away.
While I’m snorkeling, it will be the perfect time to sit with my feelings. I’ll be able to better identify what’s really going on with me. These things will become clear once I’m able to get away alone and away from seeing him.
Lane squeezes my arm. “See you in a few hours. We’ll talk about it when you get back. And there’s still a couple days before we even need to really make a decision.”
“Have fun and remember to just relax and enjoy yourself! We’ll be here waiting for you,” Addison says, encouraging me with her smile.
The lobby is just around the corner from where we had breakfast. I walk over to grab transportation to the boat. The concierge directs me to the bus while we wait to leave. Within fifteen minutes, we’re on the road. It’s a quick ride to the pirate boat—and it’s much bigger than I had imagined.
Once I’m off the bus with my bag hanging off my shoulder, I see there’s another bus that arrived before ours.
There must have been two buses taking people from the resort to the boat.
The driver directs us down the dock. The view is beautiful.
There’s a bunch of other boats and the water is crystal-clear.
I can’t wait to see the marine life up close.
“Thank you.” I hand the driver a few dollars and make my way down the dock.
The line to get on the boat isn’t too long, and I wait patiently as I soak up the sun's heat. Oh! I need to apply sunscreen while I'm in line. Quickly, we move along, and I step onto the boat as a rush of excitement hits me.
“Welcome aboard,” one of the boat staff greets us as we make our way onto the boat.
As I make my way to the back of the boat to grab a seat, I take in my surroundings and notice the beautiful second tier of the boat, along with a spiral staircase.
I glance around at the people who have arrived before me, and suddenly, I realize Jude is sitting a few rows back.
I can see his profile, and this time, I recognize him immediately.
Crap. I roll my eyes and giggle to myself.
Of course. The universe is hilarious. My stomach drops, and it’s not from the boat rocking.
It’s the fact that I was on this excursion to get away from him.
I gingerly sit down in hopes he won't see me and face the opposite direction. I’m pretty sure he’s alone, too.
Once everyone is on the boat, the captain gets on the audio system to announce what to expect on our excursion.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement.
I turn slightly. Jude rose from his seat with a determined look, and my heart skips a beat as he weaves through the crowd, heading directly toward me.
I silently plead with the universe not to let him sit in the empty seat beside me.
My eyes fixate on the deck of the boat, and I’m hoping that avoiding eye contact might make him change course.
Perhaps he’s just going to grab a drink from the bar.
Just breathe.
There’s nowhere to escape this situation. I was going to use my alone time to reflect on this situation. He isn’t supposed to be here. So many thoughts are swarming inside my brain, and I have so much I want to say—but there’s no way in hell I’m going to actually say any of it.
The lump in my throat grows as I see a pair of sandals close to mine—yep, it’s him. If I keep my head down, maybe he’ll just walk away?
No such luck. I look up and his handsome face is staring back at me. I melt into a puddle with that look he gives me…hot and devious.
Damn.