Chapter 16 Jude
SIXTEEN
JUDE
When I touch her, it’s a shock to my system. The desire to pull her closer is overwhelming. The warmth radiating from her skin intensifies my longing, and I fight the temptation to keep her in my arms for just a little longer before releasing her.
“Thank you,” she says. But I catch a glimpse of the adoration written all over her face and the way her body reacts to my touch. That look is the one she used to give me back in high school—I wouldn’t miss it.
“You bet.” I stare back at her with a loving gaze. I’m trying not to overanalyze her reaction. I want to talk to her, but in a place where I can share everything.
Those lips are still plump and kissable—just like they were when I first made my move to kiss her at the homecoming dance all those years ago.
Shit. Not the time. I shake my head, effectively pulling myself from the start of a wonderful memory. I cannot afford to get lost in our first kiss right now.
“Want to grab some lunch?” I ask, running my fingers through my hair. What I truly want in this moment is to spend more time with her. I long for more conversations, to be in her presence, and to feel her touch.
“That sounds good. I’m actually pretty hungry,” she says, averting her gaze to the vast ocean.
We walk up to the front of the boat, where the buffet is ready and waiting for us.
I gesture for her to go in front of me and we wait in line.
“How are you liking the excursion?” I ask, although I’m fairly certain she loved it after hearing her ooh and ahh and pointing out the beauty she saw in the water.
“It’s been amazing. I knew it was going to be fun, but it was beyond what I had imagined.” As she puts her hair up with the scrunchie around her wrist, my eyes dart to her neck and I think about having her in my arms. I catch myself and come back to what she is saying to me.
“Yeah. It was spectacular.”
Once we’re finally standing in front of the buffet table, I grab a plate and offer it to her.
As I pass it to her, my fingers brush against hers, and electricity shoots up my arm.
It’s as if a bolt of energy blasts through my body.
Her eyes widen, and she takes a quick step back, confirming that she felt it, too.
Her eyes grow wide as she says, “Thanks.”
“You bet.” I don’t know what else to say. I pile some food on my plate and stay quiet until I get further down the buffet and see Faith’s favorite dessert.
I point to the desserts and say, “Your favorite. Flourless chocolate cake.”
Her neck gets pink, and the color creeps up to her cheeks. “It’s still my favorite. How did you even remember that?”
“I remember everything about you,” I say as I’m beaming ear to ear, proud of myself for remembering, as if I’d ever forget anything about her.
Her mouth opens like she wants to say something, but nothing comes out.
I stare at her while she gathers herself.
“I shouldn’t be surprised. You always knew everything about me.
” Her words cut through me. Yes, I knew her well.
I used to tell her, I know you better than you know yourself.
Whenever I said it, she’d shake her head, knowing it was true.
“Well, I’m definitely grabbing some of this cake. It looks delicious,” she says.
“I’m going to grab the strawberry shortcake.”
She shrugs and says, “Your favorite.”
Warmth spreads through my insides. She remembers, too. Not that I thought she’d forget, but to hear it come out of her mouth unprompted gives me hope that she’ll talk to me and listen to what I need to say.
We head over to the tables that are set up for us to eat.
Linens lay neatly on the tables with cloth blue napkins and bright pink star-like flowers in vases to add a touch of life to the tables.
There’s a table close to the edge of the boat that is perfect for us.
It feels romantic to be sitting across from Faith.
I’m taking every minute she gives to me. Time with her is a gift.
We finish our lunch and dig into our desserts. “Hmm…this is close to the best strawberry shortcake I’ve had. It’s a close second to my mom’s.”
She giggles. “How is your mom doing?”
“Mom is Mom. Staying busy. She took up gardening in the last couple of years after she semi-retired.”
“Wow! She retired? I never thought she’d ever give up working.”
I chose my words carefully and refuse to get into why she retired. I think it’s best for another time. “She has kept busy. She enjoys volunteering at the local senior center,” I say, keeping it simple. “Do you have plans after this?”
“Kendall meets the wedding planner later today, so I’ll be going to that meeting right after I get back to the resort.”
“Charlie is the best. She’s detail-oriented and a visionary. She’s great at bringing the bride’s wedding dream to life.”
Faith shakes her head. “Well, Kendall planned her wedding a few years ago. She just needed the groom. And now she has one.”
“Don’t all girls have their wedding planned?”
Did I just stick my foot in my mouth?
My hand scrapes down my face. Shit. Why on earth would I even say something like this?
It’s like, Hey Jude, open your mouth and let me stick your own foot in it.
Faith had our whole wedding planned out.
Actually, there was a five-year plan that included our dream wedding right down to the flowers and centerpieces.
“Yeah.” She looks away, but not before I see her eyes get watery.
I totally screwed it all up.
Damn.
I leave her words hanging in the air to let them dissipate.
“It’s been a long time. Do you stay in touch with anyone from high school?” I shift the conversation away from the landmine of my own making.
“Not too many. I see some people here and there, but after high school, I immersed myself in college life. Emily is the only one I talk to frequently, but she stayed in North Carolina after graduating college. I met the friends I’m here with this week in college. How about you?”
“When I’m back home, I call a few friends and grab a beer.
We aren’t as close as we used to be. Everyone is moving on with their lives, getting married, having kids—life changes after that.
They have more responsibilities. I mostly visit my family.
They’ve been hounding me about moving back home for the past couple of years.
I’ve thought about it a lot, made some plans, but haven’t pulled the trigger. ”
“Oh, moving back home,” she says with a curious look as she searches my face.
“It’s been in the works, but when I travel so much, the logistics of moving get put on the back burner.” What I won’t say is part of my hesitation to move back is her.
“I can see how that could happen. I’m sure they would love to have you closer.” She touches my forearm. The affection she is giving me and the heat from her touch spreads throughout my body.
“They would. So your friend is thinking about getting married here?”
“Yes. Kendall will be the first of us to get married. It’s exciting to be a part of her life and share these moments.”
“Max and Klara are my closest friends, and they’ve been waiting almost two years to do this. It is truly an honor to be part of their big day. I’d love to hear about what you’ve been up to.” I want every detail from the moment we weren’t together until now, but I’ll settle for brief glimpses.
She stares out at the horizon. I wonder what she is thinking about as she turns back to me and says, “I’m living back in Saxville after getting out of school.
My friends ended up coming back with me when my great aunt willed me her house.
After being part of city life while in college, it was nice to settle down in our hometown.
Talk about adulting. All of us own our homes within thirty minutes of each other. It’s convenient.”
“They seem like an amazing group of friends. You said this is a girls’ trip?
” I lean closer to the table, wanting to devour every word that comes out of her mouth.
I want every ounce of what she is putting down.
It’s like I can’t get enough of her and getting to know her better.
The smile on her face when she talks about her friends is incredible.
They are special to her, and it’s heartwarming to see her like this.
“We take one every year. It’s great to be out of the routine of life and business. We take the time to relax and have fun when we are together. We always choose warmer climates to get away from the New England winter.”
“Well, you picked the one resort I come to frequently,” I say, peppering in some fun facts.
“Oh, you don’t say,” she replies with a smirk, her eyes narrowing playfully. “I was trying to figure out the odds of seeing you here. But since you come often, I guess the odds increase significantly.” Her voice drips with sarcasm. Is she trying to be funny?
“They must have,” I reply, trying to match her playful tone.
“Whatever the odds, I’m glad we are here.
” Before I can let the conversation awkwardly fizzle out, I shift direction.
“And what are you taking a break from back home? You mentioned life and business.” I’m hoping it comes up naturally, but I’m dying to know if she’s single.
Her entire face brightens, her eyes sparkling with pride. “I have my therapy practice that I run. I took a leap to become a business owner. It was scary, but it’s paying off.”
“Tell me more,” I urge, genuinely intrigued. “How did you get into therapy? Last I knew, you wanted to be a researcher.” She’s full of surprises, and I want to soak up every detail. I’m mentally jotting down all these new facts.
“Well, that was the initial plan when I went off to college,” she explains, her voice tinged with nostalgia.
“But I ended up switching to a psychology major in the second semester of freshman year. It was tough, but I also did a post-graduate program to set me up. I passed my licensing exam and worked under my mentor. She was incredibly encouraging when we spoke about going out on my own. And so here I am.” She shrugs nonchalantly, as if it’s no big deal.
“That’s incredible,” I say, my voice filled with encouragement.
“You should be proud of yourself.” As I talk, I reach for her hand, hoping to remind her of the connection we share.
To my surprise, she doesn’t pull away. I let our hands linger for a few moments, stroking the top of her hand with the pad of my thumb, feeling the warmth.
Her eyes soften as she opens up to me, welcoming the conversation. Her openness encourages me, pushing me to ask, “What made you change your major?”
She shifts in her seat, and her gaze drifting to the side, avoiding mine. “You know, life changes,” she murmurs, her voice tinged with hurt. I can’t help but wonder if her thoughts have wandered back to us, to the way things ended so poorly, a decision I regret.
The end of that summer still haunts me; guilt wraps around my heart like a vise. If only I could go back and erase all the pain I caused her.
“It sure does, doesn’t it?” I reply in an attempt to keep the mood light. “Well, congratulations are definitely in order. Building a business is not for the faint of heart. It’s a lot of work.” I feel my chest swell with pride—we’re both building successful businesses.
As I think about what Faith and I have achieved over the past twelve years, a sense of accomplishment washes over me.
I glance out at the ocean and wonder how I ever walked away from her.
The thought of holding her again makes my heart squeeze tight in my chest. It’s a bittersweet reminder of what once was.
Pulling me from my thoughts, she says, “Enough about me. Wedding photographer, huh? How did you get into that?”
“Long story short, someone took a chance on me, and it worked out well. I started as an assistant, and my above-average work earned me a chance to prove myself. Thankfully, it didn’t backfire.”
“I’ve seen some of your work, and it blew me away.” She puts her hand on my forearm and says, “You are very talented.”
It’s like old times. Sharing our life and our goals brightens my day. Each story we exchange feels like a thread that’s weaving us closer together. My heart pounds rapidly, as if trying to leap out of my chest.
“Thank you, Faith. That means a lot coming from you. Never imagined photography would be my path, but I love it. I’ve built my business to suit my lifestyle.
My business has exclusive photography for weddings at the resort, and it took years to build a relationship with the right people, but it was all worth it. ”
“That’s amazing, Jude! I’m happy for you. You seem passionate about your work.” She flashes me one of her genuine smiles that reach her eyes.
Those words mean more coming from Faith than anyone else in my life. She always supported everything I did, no matter what. Max and Klara are friends of a lifetime. It’s different when the one you love with all your heart and soul supports you without question. I miss it. I miss her. I miss us.
The boat glides slowly toward the dock. Passengers around us gather their belongings to get off. We follow, and I notice her movements are relaxed. We were laughing and sharing stories, feeling in sync with one another.
My mouth goes dry. I want to spend more time with her. “Faith, can we meet up later? Maybe after dinner.”
I watch as her brows furrow, and she looks at the ground and says, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
She’s clearly struggling. It’s like she wants to say yes, but something is keeping her from saying it.
“Please? I’d like to catch up some more,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck with a mixture of nervousness and hope.
She glances aside, nervously shifting her stance. “Talking to you and hearing about your life was nice. Is there really anything else to talk about?” Her voice carries a hint of hesitation, as if she’s weighing her options.
Her eyes hold a knowing look, implying much remains unsaid. Her expression softens slightly, a silent acknowledgment that maybe she needs this time just as much as I do.
“I have more to tell you, if you’ll let me. Please.” I reach over and gently touch her hand.
She stares into my eyes with what looks like a glint of hope. Then, she takes a long pause before she says, “Okay, since you asked nicely.”
“How about eight o’clock at the tiki bar?”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”