Chapter 20
“You are here,” she whispered as her arms encircled his neck.
“I am here…And I will not leave again—not without you.”
Her smile quickly turned to a worried frown. “Cassandra…”
“Yes, I know. I returned as soon as it was possible.”
“But you are late. Mrs Spencer arrived much earlier. Why are you so late? And the colonel? Has he returned with you?”
“My cousin is here as well. I left him speaking to Bingley.
He was shocked when we learned about the accident and pressed Bingley for more details.
In truth, we were both shocked and out of our minds with worry during our return journey—David, it seemed, more so than I.
Mr Gardiner could hardly speak reasonably with us—
“But why were you so late?”
“I will explain everything when you are more rested—maybe tomorrow. You do not need more to worry you now. Mrs Spencer told me you spent all your time nursing Cassandra and hardly rested at all these last few days. There are two doctors taking care of her now, and you must think of yourself. You need to sleep until morning. I am sorry to have been so selfish in my desire to see you that I woke you.”
She attempted to protest, but he gently pushed her down against the pillows and wrapped her in the bedclothes; his lips pressed against her forehead as his fingers caressed her hair.
“Mr Darcy, I am surprised and displeased to see how little consideration you give to your promises,” she said teasingly when he rose from her bed, obviously preparing to return to his room.
He looked puzzled, and she continued, a smile lightening her weary face.
“You promised you would not leave again without me, yet you are leaving just now.”
Darcy returned to sit and lifted her hand to place a soft kiss on her palm. “My love, it is quite unfair of you to tease me so. You know I am reluctant to leave you, but I cannot possibly remain in your room with a house full of people wandering the halls. If someone should see me…”
Elizabeth’s smile suddenly vanished and her face became solemn.
“William, these last days have been unbearable. Do you seriously imagine I would care about propriety now? Do you believe I could possibly sleep after seeing you for such a brief time?”
Her voice trembled as she spoke, and her eyes became watery though she was obviously fighting her brimming tears. His heart melted from sorrow for her distress, and he became angry with himself.
“Forgive me, Elizabeth; you are right! Blast propriety!” The next moment he was lying by her in a close embrace.
She recovered from the surprise of his impromptu reaction and carefully covered them both with the sheet. She nestled to his chest, chuckling.
“‘Blast’? Sir, I am shocked at your use of such an unseemly expression.”
Equally impromptu, he rolled her on her back so that she was lying against the pillows and his body was above hers, their faces almost touching.
“Miss Bennet, you just invited me into your bed! I could hardly say you are the proper person to criticise my language. Now, I would strongly suggest you desist teasing me and try to sleep—or you will be in great danger of having me not only speaking outrageously but acting likewise.”
“I would never be in any danger from you,” she said seriously, as her fingers entwined in his hair.
His adoring gaze and warm smile made her body quiver. She saw his face lower toward her own and closed her eyes, anticipating the feel of his lips on hers—but the contact was brief. He withdrew only the distance of a searing breath when he spoke. “Elizabeth, we cannot…”
She daringly tightened her arms around his neck and imprisoned him in her grasp. She had no thought for their improper intimacy as she whispered against his lips, “I only want you to kiss me…for a brief time. I have missed your kisses exceedingly.”
Darcy had no thought of refusing her. All sense of propriety or concern about being caught in a scandalous situation vanished in a moment as her eager mouth met his.
Only a desperate need for air forced them to separate.
He rolled onto his back, taking her with him as she nestled against his chest, her breathing laboured.
Her cheek rested upon his wildly beating heart, and her legs playfully entwined with his.
“We should really sleep now,” she said, holding him tightly. “I will sleep only an hour or two. I have to check on Cassandra; she might need me.”
Darcy did not contradict her or try to convince her she needed to rest more than an hour; she looked exhausted, and he was certain she would not wake soon. He was proved right, as her voice grew weaker and her breath more regular; a few minutes later, she was soundly asleep.
He continued to stroke her hair, overwhelmed by the love he felt for her, ashamed and agitated by the temptation of her warm body next to his.
Darcy also suffered deeply for Cassandra; the moment he heard about her accident was as painful as when he had heard about his parents’ deaths. He would do anything to see Cassandra healthy again. He would give up all his possessions for her recovery. He would gladly take her pain upon himself.
Then how was it possible that in these moments—with his dear friend lying unconscious a few rooms away in danger of losing her life, with Elizabeth exhausted precisely because she spent hours taking care of his friend, with his own sister tormented by the distress and fear of losing Cassandra—the only thing Darcy could think of was Elizabeth’s soft breasts crushing his chest and burning his skin through the thin barriers of his shirt and her nightgown.
How could he possibly sleep? Even if the shame and guilt of the preposterous direction of his thoughts and wishes were not present, his hungry desire for Elizabeth would surely keep him awake—painfully awake.
No doubt remained in Darcy’s mind: he was undeniably the most ungentlemanlike, inconsiderate, egocentric man who ever lived!
∞∞∞
Elizabeth awoke cold and lonely; when she managed to remember her whereabouts, she understood that Darcy had left.
For a moment, she thought she might have imagined his presence, but the pillow still carried his scent, and her body still sensed his warmth.
She closed her eyes and burrowed beneath the sheets a few moments, rejoicing in the remembrance of his embrace and dreaming of a future when sleeping in his arms would no longer be a stolen pleasure.
It was already dawn, and though she still felt tired and the softness of the bed was tempting, she rose and began to dress herself, eager to see Cassandra and praying for good news.
The house was silent; she met no one on her way to Cassandra’s chambers, but when she entered, it became clear her hopes for a favourable result were in vain.
Mrs Spencer was resting in an armchair, half-asleep and holding Cassandra’s hand.
Mrs Spencer smiled affectionately when her gaze met Elizabeth’s and nodded to her to take a seat near her.
“Did you sleep well, my dear?”
“Yes, I did,” Elizabeth answered, blushing. Quite well indeed, she thought. “Has there been any change?”
“No, nothing. Do not distress yourself.”
Their chat was interrupted by Cassandra’s movement and incoherent whispers. Both of them hurried to her and called her name, but the only reaction was another long silence.
“She has her shoulder bandaged,” Elizabeth said.
“Yes. The doctor examined her again more closely. He suspected she had some broken ribs. Oh, dear, my poor girl. She suffered so much…” Mrs Spencer could not fight back her tears and hid her face in her handkerchief, crying in desperation.
She whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“I did not help much, in fact I only watched from afar. I could not bear to look too closely. Thank God the colonel was here to help the doctor.”
“The colonel was here?” Elizabeth asked, and Mrs Spencer startled with obvious discomfort.
“Yes…he…he just happened to inquire after Cassandra. Dr. Barrington said he could use the colonel’s help. Dr. Barrington has been their families’ doctor for a lifetime; did you know that?”
“Yes, yes, I was told that,” Elizabeth replied, unable to let the conversation shift to another subject.
“Mrs Spencer, I know it is highly improper of me to raise such a subject, but I hope you will understand that I am only concerned for Cassandra’s well-being.
Last night, when she first recovered, she spoke only one word; she only called the colonel’s name.
I was wondering if that happened again while you were with her. ”
The lady nodded in agreement, and Elizabeth continued. “It is obviously a matter that distressed her greatly. I was wondering if you know anything that might help relieve her distress.”
Their embarrassment was mutual and neither found the words to dissipate the tension in the room. They looked at each other for a time, and Elizabeth was certain that Mrs Spencer was trying to assess how much she should trust her.
“Miss Bennet, your devotion and affection for my girl has not passed unnoticed or unappreciated. I am deeply grateful to you and would not want to sound disrespectful when I say that I do not know anything I could share with you.”
“I understand,” Elizabeth replied uncomfortably.