Chapter 21
Elizabeth’s heart was still melting as her mind vividly recollected those sweet, forbidden moments she spent in the warmth of Darcy’s arms: the exquisite sensation of sharing a bed—though not quite sharing it—of their bodies lying together, his breathtaking kisses and caresses that made her head spin as she felt her cheeks burn from pleasure and embarrassment.
A few minutes later, when Elizabeth opened the door to Cassandra’s chamber, she managed to appear calm—but only for a moment.
In the next instant, she actually cried with happiness; her ladyship was awake though still lying against the pillows; she wore a new gown, her hair was dressed by a diligent Janey, and she was watched carefully by a tearful Mrs Spencer.
Cassandra’s gaze met Elizabeth’s, and she forced a smile. Elizabeth hurried to the bed, taking Cassandra’s hand gently; the maid retired politely.
“You look beautiful, Cassandra. Oh, I am so happy to see you like this!”
Cassandra laughed, but even that slight exertion pained her, and the smile turned into a grin; she struggled to conceal a deep moan as she replied, “You look beautiful, Elizabeth. I look like a woman who has broken half of her bones. Poor Janey worked so hard to give me a normal appearance.”
“You look beautiful,” Elizabeth repeated. Cassandra took her hand gently.
“Elizabeth, I was told everything you did for me—your care, your sleepless nights, and your devotion. I do not know how I can possibly find the words to thank you—to show my gratitude—
“Then do not! As you told me some time ago, let this be the last time we speak of gratitude and thanks.”
A moment later, Georgiana entered, almost throwing herself on the bed to embrace her friend.
Cassandra moaned again in obvious pain, but did nothing to push the girl away—quite the contrary.
“Cassandra, how are you feeling?”
“I feel perfectly well, dearest.”
“You are not perfectly well, but you do look so much improved! Oh, I missed your smile.”
“And I missed you; I am sorry for giving you such a hard time, dearest.”
“Do not be sorry. I am just happy to see you improving. William, David and Mr Bingley are downstairs; they will be here in a moment. They were so happy when the doctor told us—
“David is here?” Cassandra inquired abruptly, with obvious disbelief.
“Cassandra, you know the colonel is here. I told you as much last evening,” said Elizabeth, but the patient stared at her without understanding.
“I did not know he was here.”
“Of course he is here!” continued Georgiana enthusiastically. “He has been here all the time. If you could see his devotion! He rarely left your side while you were unconscious.”
Georgiana’s eyes were bright with emotion and tears as she tried to describe the proofs of David’s affection. Cassandra turned quite pale, her eyes narrowed in anger.
“You allowed David to stay in my room while I was unconscious? How dare you do that?” Cassandra’s reproach was directed to Mrs Spencer, but Elizabeth and Georgiana startled under the severity of her words.
“Has my illness been such an entertaining spectacle? Did you invite the whole of Meryton?”
“Cassandra, why are you speaking so? I do not understand…” Georgiana’s voice trembled, and her eyes opened wider with shock.
“What is so difficult to understand, Georgiana? How is it possible that strange men were allowed into my room while I was ill? Do I not have a reason to be upset?”
“Please calm yourself, my child.” Mrs Spencer tried unsuccessfully to temper her.
“I am not your child, Mrs Spencer! I am your mistress, and you should treat me accordingly.”
Elizabeth and Georgiana looked at each other, embarrassed. Mrs Spencer’s only reaction was a slight, reproachful move of her head. In the throes of their argument, none of the ladies noticed the three gentlemen staring at them from the doorway.
Georgiana, still trying to make Cassandra see reason, continued, “Cassandra, there were no strange men in your room. Only William and David. But you called for David—
“Georgiana, I was unconscious! How could I call for anybody? I may have mumbled a name in my delirium, but that does not mean you should allow into my room any man with that name.”
“Cassandra, do not speak to Georgiana in such a way. If anyone is at fault, it would be me,” said the colonel soundly, stepping inside.
Cassandra looked at him, helpless, weak and trapped lying there in the bed under his intense gaze. Unable to reply, she turned her head in an attempt to dismiss them.
“David is not ‘any man’,” continued Georgiana with an unusual determination. You did call for him, and I know why you did so. David told us everything that happened between you…”
Cassandra tried to move, but a sharp pain sapped her strength.
“Indeed, that was a very good strategy, Colonel, and very gentlemanlike. Exactly what did you intend to accomplish by informing everyone that we shared a bed?”
The room grew silent—not a breath could be heard, perhaps because everyone had ceased breathing. Cassandra and David were still glaring at each other, their eyes locked in a silent battle.
Mrs Spencer took a few steps and, with perfect calm, addressed Cassandra.
“In fact, the colonel told us that he had proposed to you and was refused. He took the blame upon himself for your calling his name while you were unconscious. He explained that he had been too insistent in his address and likely had distressed you too much.”
Cassandra’s eyes blinked repeatedly as her teeth bit her lower lip; a small drop of blood appeared, but she seemed not to notice.
She continued to gaze at David until, with a long, last look, he apologised and quit the room.
Darcy hesitated a moment, looking from Elizabeth to his sister and finally to Cassandra, and then he followed his cousin with Bingley on his heels.
When the last of the gentlemen quitted the room, Cassandra’s weak cry broke the silence.
Elizabeth resumed her seat on the bed close to Cassandra.
She did not know exactly what had happened but, from Cassandra’s reaction, felt it was much more than a forsaken proposal.
And, despite Cassandra’s harsh, ungenerous words toward the colonel, Elizabeth could easily see Cassandra was suffering at least as much as the rejected gentleman.
Something painful was separating the two, and this was not the proper time to press for answers.
Still, Elizabeth could not refrain from resolutely pursuing the painful subject.
“Cassandra, you did call for the colonel, and he came more than willingly.
He has been so grieved—his suffering so genuine.
He wanted nothing more than to help you.
It is not that you were delirious. You did not cry out random names—only his.
He was never alone with you; one of us was always here.
You calmed when he spoke to you; you slept peacefully while he was here; you took your medicine only when he gave it to you.
I know you can understand our reasons, but if not, I still cannot repent that we allowed him in the room.
We were so worried that we would lose you; we would have done anything to help you.
And the colonel did help you recover. Can you not see? You were in great danger of dying—
“You should have let me die; it would have been better for everyone,” she replied weakly.
Cassandra turned her head to the side, her beautiful face so transformed by grief that Elizabeth trembled.
She could sense that Cassandra was in earnest. How could Elizabeth possibly respond to such an assertion?
“How dare you?” Georgiana’s cry of anger and desperation came from nowhere.
“How dare you say such a thing when we spent the last days and nights praying for you? Do you know that Elizabeth has not slept at all since your accident? Nor has Mrs Spencer or Janey! And now instead of thanking them, you are yelling at them and pretending it would have been better for everyone if you were dead? What gives you the right to say so?”
Neither Elizabeth nor Mrs Spencer could intervene to interrupt Georgiana’s outburst.
Cassandra’s cheeks turned from pale to crimson, and she stretched her hand toward Georgiana. The girl stepped away to increase the gulf between them. “Georgiana, you do not understand—
“Oh, but I do understand perfectly! I understand that you are upset with David when you should be grateful for his affection and devotion. He did not hesitate to open his heart to us, to confess his feelings and his failure in securing your hand in order to be allowed to watch over you. He did not care for decorum or for exposing himself to ridicule; his only concern was your well-being. Instead, for some strange reason, you purposely deny what is so obvious to all of us: your own affection for him. It is like…like you are afraid to admit it, like you fight against your own heart. Are you afraid, Cassandra? Is that why you behave so selfishly, so inconsiderately toward your friends? You were never afraid of anything!”
The girl’s face was flustered from her emotional speech, but she continued in a trembling voice, tears flowing in earnest. “For years you and William were my only family; I could not love a sister more than I love you, and I admired you even more than I loved you! And now…now you wish you died just because you cannot admit your own feelings for David?! This is not the Cassandra I have known! This is not my generous, brave Cassandra! I pray to the Lord that you are not yet fully recovered and that tomorrow everything will be different and you will be yourself again.”
Georgiana promptly left the room, wiping her tears furiously. Elizabeth’s calling after her was unanswered, so she followed the girl with a final brief glance toward Cassandra, whose face was crumpled in shock.