Chapter 18
A shleigh had cried herself to sleep in Tiffany’s arms while Blaine held them both. In his entire life, he’d never been more heartbroken for anyone than he was for his sweet little Ashleigh. He wished he had a magic wand that could take away her pain and return her to the happy, smiling child she’d been before real life interrupted her childhood.
He couldn’t imagine loving Ashleigh more if he’d fathered her himself, and it wasn’t lost on him that he would now be the only father in her life. He’d be the one to raise her and nurture her and teach her to drive and holler at her when she missed curfew.
His heart ached for Jim Sturgil, a man he’d despised and, at times, feared due to the sometimes-violent way he reacted to Tiffany. The last few days had wrought some of the most intense emotions Blaine had ever felt. If he’d been asked before Jim went missing if he’d ever mourn for that guy, he would’ve laughed. But now… He ached for what Jim would miss with Ashleigh. He ached for a man who’d had it all and let it get away. And he ached for his sweet little girl, who would mourn her father for the rest of her life.
Her heartbroken sobs at bedtime had gutted him. She’d held up well all day, but reality hit when it was time to close her eyes and rest.
Tiffany was so great with her, reminding her that her daddy would always love her no matter where he was and that so many other people loved her, too.
Blaine loved her.
He’d take a fucking bullet for her if it ever came to that, which he prayed it never did. But God, he loved her, and his heart was crushed by her grief.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. Not even when his brother was missing during the storm, but his eyes ached from silently weeping through the storm of her sorrow. Ashleigh didn’t cry much either. She never had. Not as long as he’d known her, anyway, so that made it even harder to witness.
“I think she’s finally asleep,” Tiffany whispered.
“Are you okay, babe?”
“I’m broken inside for her.”
“I am, too.”
“I’d do anything to fix this for her.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
“I guess all we can do is love her through it.”
“And we will. We’ll love her so hard.”
Tiffany turned over and into his arms.
He held her as tightly as he could, feeling the heat of her tears on his chest and hating every one of them because they represented such deep hurt for herself and Ash.
“I’m so sorry, Tiff. I’d do anything to make this better for you both.”
“I know, and that helps. We’ll be okay.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. What choice do we have but to go on and to help her remember him with love?”
“No choice, and that’s what we’ll do. Of course we will.”
“This is the most confusing and painful thing I’ve ever been through.” She lowered her voice even more. “How can I be so heartbroken over him of all people?”
“I know it seems strange, but you’re grieving for the man you once loved and the man who always loved Ashleigh.”
“Yeah, I guess. Thank you for understanding and for being there for us.”
“Where else would I be but wherever you are?”
“I feel so lucky to have you every day, but never more than I have this week.”
“I’m the lucky one, and I know it. I’m here for whatever you guys need for as long as you need it.” He kissed the top of her head and caressed her back. “Why don’t you try to sleep while she does?”
“Yeah, I should, but every time I close my eyes, my mind races. I keep picturing him in the water…”
“Don’t do that.”
“I’m trying not to.”
“Think of happier things, like Ash and Addie and names for our new little person. We need to think of something. Let’s focus on the joy as much as we can. It’ll help.”
“You’re right. I have some names in mind.”
“You need to sleep.”
“I’m wide awake.”
“Close your eyes and think about our sweet girls. Think about the way Ash takes care of Addie and calls her honey the way you do.”
“I love that,” Tiffany said.
“I do, too. Think about how Ash knows what her baby sister wants before she wants it and tends to her every need like a little mommy.”
“It’s the cutest thing ever.”
“It sure is,” Blaine said. “Soon, she’ll have another baby to take care of, which will make her heart happy again.”
“Yes, it will. Can I tell you my names?”
“If you must.”
He felt her smile against his chest and notched that as a victory. Anything to keep her from thinking about Jim in the water.
“I figured we should try to come up with another A name.”
“We don’t have to.”
“I know, but it’s kind of cute that they’d all have A names,” Tiffany said.
“If you say so.”
“What do you think of Archer for a boy?”
“Hmm, I like it, but not sure I like it with Taylor. Archer Taylor.”
“That’s cute.”
“There’s too much R at the end.”
“We’d probably call him Arch. Arch Taylor has a nice ring to it.”
“I like that better. What are my other choices?”
“Axel, Atlas, Austin.”
“I like Austin, but I don’t love it.”
“I don’t either.”
“My grandfather was Augustus,” Blaine said.
“Really? How did I not know that?”
“I told you that.”
“No, you didn’t. I like that. We could call him Auggie.”
“People called my grandfather Gus.”
“That I’ve heard, but I didn’t know it was short for Augustus.”
“Yep.”
“What do you think of Auggie?”
“It’d be cute when he’s a toddler. Will it still be cute when he’s an actual man?”
Tiffany’s giggle was the best thing he’d heard from her in days of sorrow and worry. “Not as cute.”
“Right. He could decide to go by Gus when he gets older.”
“That’s an old-man name.”
“Are we back to square one?”
“We might be.”
“What’ve you got for a girl?”
“I’m almost certain he’s a boy.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’d be nice. I could use some help around here, not that I don’t love being a girl dad.”
She laughed again, which made him so damned thankful. He wanted her laughing and happy all the time, which he knew wasn’t possible, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try with all his might to make it so.
Blaine’s brother Deacon was also wide awake in the middle of the night, tormented by the same images that were haunting Tiffany. Except, as the one who’d found him, he’d actually seen Jim Sturgil in the water.
He’d spotted a bare foot that’d turned out to be him.
It would take years, if ever, before he’d get that image out of his mind.
Yes, he’d been involved in searches for people who’d disappeared on the water before, and yes, he’d assisted in recovering bodies. But something about this one had affected him deeply, maybe because it could’ve been him if Joe and his crew on the ferry hadn’t spotted him on top of his overturned boat during the storm.
He dropped his head into his hands, trying with all his might to focus on the many good things in his life rather than the sight of that goddamned foot underwater, but that was easier said than done.
Deacon smelled her distinctive scent before he felt her next to him on the sofa. He raised his head to look at his wife, Julia.
His wife .
Days after they’d secretly tied the knot, he was still amazed at how exchanging vows had made that which was incredible to begin with even more so. “Did I wake you?”
“No, but I woke, and you were gone, so I came looking for you. Are you okay?”
He hadn’t told her he was the one who’d found Jim. She’d been fragile since he’d gone missing during the storm. “Yeah, babe. I’m okay.”
“You’ve been upset since you got home. Are you going to tell me why?”
“I don’t want to.”
“How come?”
“It’s upsetting.”
“I don’t want you to be upset alone.”
“It might be for the best in this case.”
She put her arm around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Tell me.”
He gathered her into his arms and reached for a blanket. She was always cold. It was one of the things he found so adorable about her—that she was always looking to him to warm her up. There was nothing he’d rather do than keep her warm.
“I was the one who found Jim Sturgil.”
“Oh. That must’ve been awful.”
“It was.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Part of the job.”
“People think being the harbor master is such a fun job.”
“Most of the time, it is.”
“You’re probably also thinking about how close you came to a similar fate.”
“That’s crossed my mind.”
“It’s all I can think about.”
“Don’t do that. Everything is fine.”
“It’s going to take me a while to get over the terror of those hours when you were missing in a hurricane.”
“I’m sorry I did that to you.”
“I’m sorry it happened to you.”
“All I thought about the whole time was you. I swear you kept me alive out there.”
“I’m glad I was there with you to keep you safe.”
“You’re always with me. Every minute of every day. If Blaine knew how much time I spend dreaming about you, he’d dock my pay.”
Julia laughed as she tightened the arm she had around him. “Being married is the best thing ever, isn’t it?”
“Hell yes. It’s better than anything.”
“Maybe it would get your mind off things if you took your new wife to bed and reminded her how much you love her.”
“Does my wife need reminding?”
“Your wife never says no to reminders from her husband.”
“In that case…” He scooped her up and was on the way to their bedroom before she figured out what he intended to do.
“How about some warning next time?”
“What fun would that be?”
Their dog, Pupwell, looked up from his bed and let out a sound that indicated his annoyance at being disturbed in the middle of the night.
Deacon helped her out of the T-shirt she’d worn to bed, dropped his own shorts, settled her on the bed and then came down on top of her, holding himself up on his arms.
Julia loved to comment on the muscles in his arms, and as she caressed them, he decided that this would be the memory he’d refer back to any time something more disturbing tried to take over his thoughts. Her gorgeous face was illuminated by the night-light they left on so they wouldn’t fall over the dog, who liked to “sleep around,” as they put it.
“After all this time, I still can’t believe that the prettiest girl I’ve ever met in my whole life loves me.”
“Stop that. There’s no way that’s true.”
“Oh yes, it is most definitely true.” He lowered himself to kiss her as her fingers tightened around his biceps. Something about that drove him crazy every time she did it.
“Thank you for coming home to me,” she said as she looked up at him with her whole heart in her eyes.
“Thanks for having me.” He flashed a dirty grin as he pushed into her. “Mmm, so good.”
He loved the way her arms and legs entrapped him in the best kind of web, the one he wanted to be “stuck” in for the rest of his life.
“Love you, sweet Julia, more than anything in the whole wide world.”
“Love you more than that.”
“It’s not possible.”
“Yes, it is.”
Shaking his head as he smiled, he kissed her, amazed at how she’d succeeded in taking his mind off the thing he most wanted to forget. He’d never had anyone who could do that for him the way she did. Loving her was the best thing to ever happen to him, and he’d be thankful for her for the rest of his days. He was also thankful to Blaine, who’d made him come to the island where he’d found his precious Julia.
After surviving the ordeal at sea, he was thankful for everything, even his ass-pain older brother.
He buried his face in the curve of her neck, breathing her in as they strained for the release that had them clinging to each other as they gasped with pleasure.
“How soon will we know?” he asked after a long period of silence.
“Know what?”
“If we made a baby.”
“In a few weeks.”
“Not sure I can wait that long.”
“You’re going to have to get some patience. Having a baby takes months.”
“No way. When were you going to tell me that?”
She pinched his rear, making him startle as he laughed.
“Will you take good care of me while I drive you crazy wanting our baby here right now?”
“I’ll do what I can with you.”
“I can’t wait.”
“For what?”
“Everything. Every single damned thing with you.”
“I can’t wait either.”