21. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Oak
T herapy was supposed to be healing. Not easy, but it should be healing, right? I still felt wiped out after every session—which I had twice a week with Nic’s blessing because I still did my tasks around the Inn—but I hadn’t expected this.
Doctor Marks was a great therapist, I could admit that easily. She knew her stuff and even had some experience in cult-deprogramming stuff which, to my surprise, had come up a couple of times when she’d tried to explain things to me.
I’d known I’d been abused. Of course I knew that. But admitting it out loud? Letting myself be truly upset about it?
Yeah.
Doc had warned me about this. About the breakdown after the breakthrough. I just hadn’t expected it to happen today.
She’d had to leave her office for some urgent consultation at the medical center right after I got out of her room, but she’d told me to sit in the little lobby with her receptionist for as long as I needed.
That poor woman was starting to look worried by the time Law told me he was there.
“Okay,” I managed to whisper, then ended the call and stood up from the armchair I’d curled up in.
I was shaky. It had taken him some time to get here, but I still felt like a foal trying to stand up for the first time. I was contemplating trying to walk to the door, when it burst open and a wild-eyed Law stepped in, immediately scooping me into his arms.
“You’re okay, I’m here. You’re okay,” he repeated.
Should I have been okay now? Having him there? I thought so. Instead, I fell apart even more and found myself on his lap in that same chair I’d just vacated.
Law kept petting me and holding me, murmuring nonsensical things for comfort, and he never once asked what was going on with me.
At one point his phone dinged, and he carefully extracted it, then showed me the screen.
“Teague was there when I got your call so he must’ve alerted my brother. He asked if it was the kids while I was driving here,” Law murmured an explanation.
I’m glad the kids are okay.
“What do you want me to tell him? You know he’ll tell Teague.” Law sighed, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “I’m not sure what I said to you on the phone, what your uncle overheard, but I’m pretty sure they’ll figure out it can only be you that’s having a crisis.”
I took in a deep, hitchy breath. “You can tell him.”
Before he had time to type a message, Charlie sent another one.
Tell Oak we love him. Take care of my bestie.
For what it’s worth, if this is what you two consenting adults want, we’re fine with it.
The final one made me snort wetly.
But don’t think there won’t be a conversation.
I held my hand for the phone, then turned the camera on selfie mode and snapped a photo of my face with some of Law’s blue flannel shirt in the view so it was obvious where I was. I sent it to Charlie before giving the phone back.
Law put it away, then squeezed me impossibly closer. “Just let me know when you’re ready to go. You can ride with me and we’ll come get your car later, or I’ll drive back behind you. Whichever you feel like.”
I nodded and relaxed into his warmth. “My brain broke a bit today,” I said quietly. “It finally got the message that I was abused through most of my childhood in various ways.”
Law hummed thoughtfully, but stayed quiet. His arms tightened around me, and he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. I felt small and safe in the best way.
“I don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel safe even when my heart is doing these wild things I’ve never felt before,” I confessed. “Like… shouldn’t something so unpredictable and… and out of control feel scary?”
“I think… maybe the best things in life are like that in the beginning?” He chuckled. “I was terrified when we were expecting Harper. I had no idea what to do, no matter how much we wanted that baby.”
“She’s definitely one of the best things,” I agreed. Before Law had time to speak, I sighed. “You know, I’ve learned stuff in therapy. Doctor Marks is really good at what she does. She made me realize that the way I felt unheard by you and then lashed out? That was part of my trauma. That… that might actually be a trigger for me.”
He took my hand and slotted our fingers together. “Like if you say something and I question if you really mean what you’re saying?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I was never heard as a child. Nothing I ever said mattered, because everything was dictated by the adults. If I wanted something they didn’t want to give, tough luck. If I didn’t want to do something they wanted me to do, it didn’t matter. And that was about everything , Law.”
“Is it too late to go to Utah to kick some asses?” Law’s growly tone would’ve been a turn on in a different situation.
“Probably not, but also yes. Maybe let’s not resort to violence?”
He relaxed underneath me, then squeezed me closer again, as if I’d moved any.
“If I ever make you feel like that, tell me, okay? I would never—”
“I know. Not on purpose. I… I didn’t know it was such a trigger until I felt completely unheard by you. It made me feel like shit.” I used my free hand to grab a tissue from the box on the nearby end table and blew my nose. “I feel icky.”
“Crying’ll do that to you.” Law kissed my forehead. “We need to get some food and water into you. Not necessarily in that order.”
“Yeah.” I lifted our hands and kissed the back of his, then pecked him on the lips. “Thank you for coming.”
“There was no world where I wouldn’t have,” he answered seriously.
We both knew the only thing that would come before me would be his kids and I understood that. Maybe Caitlyn, because she was the mother of those little ones and his best friend. But barring simultaneous disasters?
I was finally starting to feel the security of having someone in my corner, truly in my corner for me, for the first time in my life and not just because they were the loving, genuinely wonderful part of my family tree.
“Let’s go home?”
“Do you think you can drive?”
I pulled my hand from his, then held both of mine level. “Not shaky anymore, so I think I can. I’d rather not leave my car here.”
“Okay, baby. Let’s go.” He kissed me gently, then waited for me to slide off his lap.
My knees didn’t feel wobbly anymore, but I still reached for his hand.
“Tell the doc I’m fine!” I called to the receptionist who had been pointedly not paying attention to us. “Bye!”
She smiled. “See you next time.”
I drove home to my cabin with Law’s SUV a constant shadow that comforted me somehow. As I parked my car down at the Inn’s lot, he pulled in behind me and waited for me to get out.
I suddenly felt a bit awkward for some reason, like I didn’t know what the next step was. But then he opened his window and smiled.
“Come on.”
I locked my car and went around his, getting to the passenger’s seat.
“We have about three hours until I need to get the kids,” he explained as he started to drive toward the Yellow House. “I don’t want you to be alone, and Teague will take care of what we needed to finish at the cabin today, so I’m all yours for the afternoon.”
He glanced at me and must’ve seen where my brain immediately went, because he laughed and reached over to squeeze my thigh.
We smiled the rest of the way to his house, then went inside together. It felt natural, going there with him, and I wondered when that had happened. I felt wiped out and weary, but also… hopeful?
After we got rid of our jackets and shoes, he led me into the kitchen and sat me down at the island. Then he proceeded to make us really awesome sandwiches while I admired his corded forearms. Rolled up sleeves were really a weakness of mine, I swear.
His hair had a bit more length on it now, and it had started to curl a bit. I was smiling at the errant curl that tried to make him look like Superman when he realized I was watching him.
He smiled. “What?”
“Nothing.” Grinning, I accepted the plate and a tall glass of water he put in front of me.
He sat kitty corner from me and we ate in silence. By the time I was mostly done, a huge yawn almost made me dislocate my jaw.
“Aw, crap,” I groused.
“How about we take a shower and then I’ll take you to bed for a nap?” Law suggested before finishing his sandwich.
“Yeah? I’d really like that.” Suddenly I wanted nothing more.
“Then eat up and drink the rest of the water. You’re probably dehydrated.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t. Instead, I did as I was told and tried my best not to sway on my feet when I stood up.
“Go through to my bedroom in the back and get in the shower, I’ll be right with you,” he instructed.
I decided I was too tired to be bratty, so I was a good boy instead. Maybe I’d get a reward. My brain chose to remind me what had happened the last time I’d brought that up in this house. Frowning, I walked past the living room and into Law’s bedroom.
It looked like a single dad’s room. There was a stuffed toy bear in the armchair with some clothing. The bed wasn’t made, but it had been straightened up a little this morning. Only one side of it was clearly in use, but I could see a scrunchie like the ones the girls sometimes used on the opposite bedside table.
I went into his bathroom which looked equally lived in, but neat. It wasn’t fancy or anything, but we’d had it updated like the one upstairs, and it was pretty nice.
I turned on the water and started to get undressed. A long, hot shower was just what I felt I needed. Now, if it came with a side of long, hot—
“Do you want me to join you?” Law asked from behind me, making me jump.
I frowned. “In what universe would I not want to get naked with you?”
“Maybe the one where you’ve had a super emotional day and it’s not even the afternoon yet?” He took off his flannel and I immediately made plans to steal it.
“Maybe that’s when I need my boyfriend the most? You think about that?” Ah, there was the brattiness.
Law smirked. “Boyfriend, eh?”
I blushed as I kicked my jeans off with my underwear and avoided eye contact. “Well, it’s either that or my knight in shining flannel so….” I shrugged, attempting casual.
Laughing, he got undressed and let me get into the shower first. He followed me and we took turns getting our hair wet.
Then he turned so the water hit us from the side and gave me a slow smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I exhaled the word and felt a bit silly about it.
Before I could dwell, Law leaned in and kissed me, letting his big hands run up and down my back soothingly. The hot water added to the seductive feeling, especially when he pulled away and grabbed his shampoo.
“Is this okay?” he showed it to me.
“It’s not some 3-in-1 so it’s good enough for me,” I teased.
Rolling his eyes he poured some of it into his cupped palm. “I’m not that straight, remember?”
My laughter changed into a deep moan when he slid his hands into my hair and began to massage the shampoo in. I gave myself over to his ministrations. The firm, yet gentle way he handled me was enough to make me putty in his hands. Except one part of me, obviously.
When he moved onto the shower gel—something citrusy, like maybe orange—and made sure I was thoroughly clean, I was ready to rub off against whatever bit of his strong, capable body I could reach with my cock.
“Okay, you’re done. Go get in bed,” Law said suddenly, making my eyes fly open.
My expression must’ve been incredulous, because he smirked and patted my butt, gesturing for me to get out of his way so he could get clean.
“I’ll be right with you, don’t fall asleep,” he called after me.
I used his towel since he hadn’t provided me with another one, and left it on the counter when I was somewhat dry.The cool air of the bedroom made my skin pebble, and I quickly slid under the covers and did my best not to swoon when Law’s scent enveloped me immediately.
I was drifting off when the shower turned off what must’ve been only a couple of minutes later. Then Law, drying himself as if nudity wasn’t a big deal between us still, walked into the room.
I stared. Unashamedly. He had the build of a man who didn’t work out for the sake of it. I was starting to see why people were raving about dad bods these days, because hot damn.
He tossed the towel into the bathroom, then climbed into bed with me.
“So,” he started. “Now that we’ve established we’re boyfriends, is this where I… what was it? Reward you with some dick after a long day?”
I groaned and covered my face with my hands.
Law chuckled. “I’m not making fun of you. Much. It’s a serious question. Do you just want to nap or…?”
He pulled my hands down and looked at me so gently, like he truly cared for me, and again, I was a little bit overwhelmed with that realization.
“I… uh….” I licked my lips, suddenly not sure what I wanted.
“It can be nothing at all. Whatever you need right now, baby,” he said firmly, like he meant it. Like it was truly my choice.
When the words finally came out of my mouth, they weren’t really what I’d expected them to be. “I think I need you to cover me and hold me down while you give it to me really slowly.”
The heat flaring in Law’s expression was gratifying as fuck. “You want me inside you?”
“Yes. Please.”
He reached for the lube from his bedside drawer, then frowned. “I haven’t had time to get condoms—”
“I’ve been tested a couple of times since I last had sex, and I’ve never gone bare before,” I interrupted him.
“I just got a full bill of health with my physical before we moved here.” He leaned in to kiss me. “You sure?”
I cupped his cheek and looked into his eyes. “I wanna joke about this on some reflexive level, but I don’t think I should. So I’m just gonna say this; I don’t want anything between us. If we’re doing this, I need you bare.”
I didn’t mean just sex, and he seemed to understand that. Nodding, he took my breath away with a soul-deep kiss.
“Like this or from behind?” he asked, palming my ass in a way that made me groan.
“Behind.” I pulled him into another kiss, then let go and rolled onto my stomach.
The sound he made when he grabbed my ass with both hands was indecent.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Oak,” he rumbled, spreading my cheeks apart, kneading them like my ass was the best thing.
“Are you going to stare and grope or do something else before I fall asleep?” I asked, feigning a yawn.
He smacked my ass, because of course he did. I moaned like a wanton brat. Because of course I did.
I had a feeling I wouldn’t be falling asleep until I was dripping his cum or, knowing Law, after he had cleaned me up. I went boneless and melted into the sheets in anticipation. All I wanted was his weight pinning me down while gave me what I’d asked.
“Make me feel safe,” I whispered.