20. Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Law
A t first, I let Oak avoid me. I was running around after my kids; we’d started work on Cabin 3—since it was all inside renovation—and I knew he needed time to process. I’d overheard Charlie ask Oak something about how therapy was going, and I was simultaneously proud of Oak for seeking out help that he needed and worried that he wasn’t getting enough support. That I was just adding to the whole problem.
I was hurt. There was no denying that. I’d tried to talk to him and he hadn’t listened, ignored me, and walked out anyway. And I was a little bit angry too, because he was acting like a child, petulant and pouty. If he wasn’t willing to talk to me, then I shouldn’t have to chase him. Clearly we weren’t compatible, if this was all it took to send him running. He wasn’t mature enough for anything serious, anything more between us. I needed to just accept that and move on.
But damn I missed him.
I missed his sweet smile and our banter. I missed our conversation and the way he interacted with the kids. And yeah, I missed touching him. Holding him. Kissing him. I missed what we hadn’t gotten to as well. Because I wanted him. In my bed and in my life.
“What did that wall ever do to you?” Teague’s voice was filled with amusement and I barely got my expression under control before I glanced over at him. Maybe I hadn’t done a good enough job because his smile fell and he asked, more seriously, “Everything okay?”
“Yep.” My reply was short, but it’s not like I could tell him I wanted to take his nephew to bed and give him the dicking of his life. I tried for a smile. “Really, everyone and everything is okay. Just taking out some frustration is all.”
Teague studied me for another long moment before he shrugged and we got back to work.
I was good at grunt labor and took direction well. I was handy and had handled most of the repairs in my own home. I’d redone the kids’ bedrooms back in Phoenix and built the shed we’d had in the backyard. But renovating a property to code was a little outside my expertise, so I was relying on Teague’s knowledge. The demo was easy, though, and a bit freeing. I destroyed ruined walls until it was lunchtime.
Teague was done for the day, since he was needed at the sawmill, and I waved him off as I headed back to the house. I debated on taking a shower, washing off some of the sweat and grime, then decided against it. I still had plenty of work left to do for the day, including clearing a fallen tree that had come down in the snowstorm the day before yesterday. It wasn’t exactly in the way of guests, since no one was venturing too far out on the property these days. Too much snow.
It was wildly different from winter in Phoenix, and I loved it.
At the last second, I detoured from the house and headed to the Inn itself. Breakfast and lunch were included for all employees, and up until a week ago, I’d always grabbed whatever Dana had put together for the midday meal. But lately, I’d been grabbing a sandwich or whatever I could find at the house, since chances were high I’d run into Oak and he clearly didn’t want anything to do with me. I didn’t feel like eating peanut butter and jelly yet again, though, so it was time to face the music.
Charlie was helping a guest when I walked into the lobby, so I waved as I walked by and headed straight for the dining room. I pulled open the door and, in a scene reminiscent of the bathroom encounter, nearly ran smack into Oak. Automatically, I reached out to steady him, and though he froze, he didn’t pull away. Just stared up at me, blue eyes wide, looking like a deer in the headlights.
I’d decided I wasn’t going to chase him. I’d told myself that it was up to him to get his head out of his ass and I didn’t have to be the bigger person. But one look at him, the first good look I’d gotten in a week, and I was a goner.
“Will you please talk to me?” I murmured.
It took him a minute. He just kept staring. But then he blew out a breath and whispered, “Yeah, okay.”
Thank fuck .
“Here? Now?”
Oak glanced around, but there was no one to overhear. At least at the moment. But he shook his head. “Now is fine, but not here.”
I nodded, not willing to look away in case he disappeared. “My house or your cabin?”
He chewed his lips as he thought about it. “The house.”
“Let’s go.” I tugged him but I only got two steps before I realized he hadn’t budged. I glanced back and raised an eyebrow.
“I’m right behind you.” He gently pulled his arm away, and I let him. His smile was shaky when he added, “I promise.”
I had no choice but to take him at his word. Hell if I knew what I was going to say to him, but at least he was willing to talk. I strode with purpose out the door, not looking back in case he wasn’t following after, and headed straight for my house. Charlie might have called out to me, but I didn’t really register it. I was on a mission.
I shrugged out of my coat as soon as I got home and didn’t shut the front door. Freezing wind blew in, but I didn’t care. I was being optimistic that Oak was right behind me, and I stared through the screen door, almost holding my breath. Just a minute later, I saw him and suddenly I could breathe. When he realized I was waiting, he picked up the pace, and I opened the door the instant his feet touched the porch.
“You’ll let in all the cold air.”
“Yeah, I don’t care.” I closed the door and turned, impatiently waiting for him to get his parka off. And then I stepped in close, holding open my arms, and he practically fell into them. I wrapped him up and squeezed him tightly.
Both of us sighed.
We stood there in the entryway for a long few minutes, just holding onto each other and breathing. It felt so good to hold him again. Part of my brain was trying to make it make sense. We’d barely started, the feelings shouldn’t be this intense. But the rest of me just…absorbed it. Went with it. There was no denying the connection between us even though I’d tried. God knows, I’d tried.
I kissed the top of his head. “You all right?”
“Meh.” Oak tried to burrow closer.
“Yeah, I hear that.” I chuckled and gave him an extra squeeze before I started to pull away. “Come sit.”
We walked into the living room and I gestured to the couch while I grabbed an extra throw out of the ottoman that doubled as storage space. I would have built a fire in that lovely old fireplace, but it was the middle of the day and we’d both have to go back to work long before it died out. There was no way I’d leave a fire burning unattended.
I handed him the throw, and he draped it over his lap. And then I just stood there like an awkward idiot.
“I’m at a loss here, Oak,” I admitted softly. “I want to sit next you, cuddle the shit out of you, but there’s a lot we need to talk about and I’m not sure if you’re comfortable with—”
“Yeah, sit here.” He patted the cushion right next to him.
Well okay then. I sat and he flipped half of the blanket onto me. When I lifted an arm, he snuggled in. This was how it was supposed to be. Even though I would have liked to see his face as we had this discussion, it might be easier for both of us to at least start this way.
I racked my brain, trying to figure out a good starting point. How many times had I had imaginary conversations with him in my head? Too many to count. But all of that flew out the window now that I had him with me. And some of that hurt resurfaced, which is probably why I just dove in.
“It hurt me when you walked out. I felt like you weren’t really listening to me and jumping to conclusions. I wished you would have stayed and talked to me.”
I heard a distinct sniffle, and when he spoke his voice sounded a little watery. “Nice work with the ‘I’ statements there.”
He was trying to be funny but I couldn’t laugh. I just hugged him a little tighter. “Cait and I tried therapy to save our marriage. I learned the importance of those kinds of statements. But the thing is, we didn’t really have problems. We’d just grown apart and moved into friends and co-parents without realizing it.”
Oak nodded, his cheek scraping against my sweatshirt. “My therapist likes those kinds of statements too.”
“I’m proud of you for seeking out a therapist. I know that’s not easy.” Since he brought it up, I figured it was safe to comment on it. But I really wanted to keep us on track. We didn’t have a whole lot of time, even though neither one of us would really get in trouble if our lunch break went on too long. “Will you tell me what happened that night? From your point of view, I mean.”
Oak fiddled with the strings of my hood, winding it around his finger and letting it go, only to do it again. Eventually, he sighed, glanced up, and then averted his gaze again.
“I felt like you were treating me like a…not a child, maybe. But that you thought I didn’t know my own mind. That I didn’t know what I wanted.” He shrugged. “It was like you were putting up barriers between us again and…”
I waited a few seconds to see if he was going to elaborate, but he didn’t. I threaded my fingers in his hair and lightly scratched his scalp. After another few moments, I gripped his hair gently and tilted back his head so I could see him.
“I think it’s fair to point out that you kept cutting me off, putting words into my mouth. I wasn’t able to explain my thought process.”
He blushed then, but I was glad he didn’t try to look away. “I maybe did that.”
I don’t know why I found that admission so cute, but I really fucking did. I bent, just to place a quick peck on his cheek, and then pulled back. I did my best to keep my expression soft and open.
“The conversation got a little derailed, that’s for sure. And I know it’s not always easy to talk about things. But I gotta be honest, baby. I need you to be able to talk to me. If you can’t, then this thing between us isn’t ever going to go anywhere.”
A complicated set of emotions raced across his features, almost too quick for me to sort out what I was seeing. Definitely some happiness but also a little bit of worry. Something else too, something I couldn’t put a name to, but my heart started pounding a little harder in my chest.
“Okay, two things,” Oak said, his gaze never leaving mine.
“What’s that?”
“Thing one, you called me baby.”
Shit. I hadn’t meant to do that. It just slipped out. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that if you don’t—”
“No!” Oak’s laugh was high and quick. “No. I want…it’s good. Fine. I like it.”
Well, that was a relief. I tried for an encouraging smile. “Good. And what’s the other thing?”
Oak cleared his throat. “That’s the first time you’ve ever talked about an ‘us’ and the future together.”
I blinked. Huh. Maybe that was true. I wasn’t sure when that had shifted in my brain. Maybe just in this moment, if I were completely honest. Did I still think we had a whole but of shit stacked against us? I did. There was no getting around that. But at the same time, there was also no denying how much I wanted him. Not just physically, but everything else too, all those obstacles be damned.
“I guess you’re right.” I adjusted our positions so we weren’t smooshed together anymore. Not because I didn’t want to touch him, but because I needed this to be said when we were on more even ground. “I’m done fighting this attraction. I like you. I want more with you. What that’s going to look like, exactly, I don’t know. But I want to try.”
He took a breath. “And you’re not hung up on the age gap anymore?”
I had to be honest. “A little bit, still. Not going to lie. I won’t ever lie to you.” I needed to make that clear and I stared him down, wanting that to be fully conveyed. He nodded. “But it’s a minor consideration, in the grand scheme. But, baby?”
Oak grinned at that, but his tone was a bit wary. “Yeah.”
“Open communication is a non-negotiable for me.”
He groaned, flopping sideways against the back of the couch, but he was laughing a little, and I couldn’t help but grin. “I knoooow.”
I tugged him closer again, and he came willingly, but I made sure we could still see each other. He was so dang pretty, and I really wanted to kiss him. I traced his lips with a finger instead, not sure if we were ready for that quite yet.
After a few moments, he spoke, his voice soft but sure. “I’m working on some things. In therapy, I mean. It turns out I might have a bit of trauma that needs unpacking and healing. Possibly.”
I chuckled because he was trying to cover with humor. And truth was, the way he said it was funny. I dipped down and kissed his nose, then the corner of his mouth. “You think?”
Oak’s expression sobered. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want things with you. Can’t have things with you. Just that I might be a little raw sometimes.”
I nodded. “Understandable. Maybe we hold off on—mfph.”
Oak slapped a hand against my mouth, cutting my words off. I glared, not really meaning it. He must have known it because he chortled and wiggled a little closer, but he still didn’t remove his hand.
“Nope. Take it slowly? Maybe. Hold off, hell no.” He shifted his hand and swiped his thumb over my lips, his gaze fixed there. “I think we just got our wires crossed that night. Both of us thinking something about the other. But if we just communicate with—oof!”
I pounced, driving him into the couch below me. “You little shit. Throwing my words back at me.”
His laughter was beautiful, a rich sound, and I just had to kiss him. Deeply, slowly, making him feel exactly how much I’d missed him this past week. It only took seconds for him to get on board, kissing me back with just as much emotion. He whined low in his throat when I pulled back. But I didn’t pull away.
“We’ve still got a lot of talking to do,” I said softly. “Before we get to the main event. But I’m not letting you go, Oak.”
His pleased sigh was all I wanted to hear. And when he demanded that I kiss him some more, I instantly obliged.
A few days later, Teague and I were back at the renovations in Cabin 3. We’d torn out all the old drywall, and gotten all the new insulation in, and were hanging the new drywall. This was one of the bigger cabins that actually had a bedroom that was big enough for two double beds or a double and a set of bunks. Teague was rambling about some of Nic’s plans, and how she intended to make some of the cabins more family friendly.
“We’re considering expanding Cabin 7, since we have to replace the outer wall anyway. It makes the most sense. Then that one could have two bedrooms, a bath, and a kitchenette. It probably won’t get rented as often because of the cost, but when it does, it’ll make up for it.” Teague hefted another piece into place and I quickly started screwing it in. He was strong but he couldn’t hold it indefinitely. “We’re going to make all the cabins accessible as well. Plus add porches like I did to Oak’s cabin.”
“That’s a lot of work. I mean, I’m in favor, especially about the accessibility. That will really draw guests, because sadly there aren’t as many spaces—.” My phone rang, and we both froze.
“I got it,” Teague grunted, leaning against the drywall.
I whipped my phone out, expecting it to be an emergency with one of the kids, but Oak’s name was on the screen. For just a second, I thought about not answering it because we were busy and I could call him back in a few. But the next second, my brain caught up. Why was Oak calling instead of texting?
“Hey there,” I answered, turning my back on Teague for some semblance of privacy. “How’d it go?”
“Law.”
Just that. Just my name. But he sounded wrecked. So upset. He clearly had been crying. He’d been at therapy so I couldn’t imagine he was hurt. At least not physically. My heart nearly burst right out of my chest.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“C-can’t drive.” He sucked in a huge, shuddering breath. “Can’t stop c-c-crying.”
I was already moving. “I’m coming. I’ll be right there. Are you in your car?”
“N-no.” He breathed in again, this time a little more steadily. “I’m inside. I can’t…I can’t…”
“It’s okay, baby. I’m coming. Just hang on for me, okay? I’m on my way to you right now.”
He hiccupped and then he blew out a breath. “Okay.”
I glanced at Teague, then covered the mouth piece with my hand. He had worry all over his face. “I gotta go.”
He nodded even as he said, “What happened?”
“Tell you later,” I called as I raced out the door. To Oak, I said, “Stay on with me. Just let me hear you breathe if you can’t talk. I’m on my way.”
“T-thanks.”
My heart in my throat, I ran.