Chapter 16
Whoever decided that four muffins in the packages of Little Bites is enough is a moron.
— Pepper’s secret thoughts
PEPPER
The intercom sounded again, telling us that visiting time was over.
Yet he still stood there, his baby’s hand in his, as he stared at Forest with a look of horror on his face.
I knew he was blaming himself.
I knew there was nothing I could do to make this better.
And I knew, like I knew Atlas was meant to be mine, that Forest was meant to be mine, too.
“ Sir , ma’am.”
I looked up to find a reluctant looking nurse standing in our doorway.
“ Yes ?” I asked.
“ It’s time to go. Now .” She sounded stern, but she looked anything but.
The poor girl.
Taking pity on her, I turned to Atlas , and walked up to him, placing my hand on his shoulder.
“ Let’s get you home for the night,” I suggested.
“ I …”
“ It’s the rules of the ICU , Atlas ,” I told him softly. “ Like literally, they’re not trying to be mean. There are rules for a reason, remember?”
He shot me a look of incredulity. “ You’re one to talk.”
I chuckled at that. “ I mean, yeah. I guess you’re right. But you were the one who signed an oath of conduct, not me.”
He grumbled something under his breath and stood up.
The nurse at the door who’d given us the news that it was time to leave looked relieved that she didn’t have to do any heavy lifting to get him to go.
“ If he has any changes in the night, I’ll call you immediately,” she promised.
I squeezed her arm on my way past, thankful for her words.
She smiled softly at me, then started down the length of the hallway back toward the nurses’ station.
Atlas and I took the stairs to the road.
“ I don’t have my truck,” he grumbled.
“ I have my car,” I said. “ I’ll drive you home, and then you can get one of your brothers to get you back to your truck tomorrow.”
He opened the car door for me, and the shock must’ve been written all over my face, because he responded.
“ When’s the last time a guy opened a car door for you?” he teased, trying to put on a brave face.
I didn’t miss a beat when I said, “ When I got arrested. By you.”
He smiled.
But that smile died just as fast as it’d come.
I got in and started it up. He rounded the hood, his face blank, and got into the passenger seat.
He didn’t protest. Didn’t bitch. Didn’t say a word.
And it was the most disconcerting thing that he’d done since I’d met the man.
He always had something to say.
Always .
My stomach knotted for him.
It kept tightening, though, the longer we drove.
I stopped at a fast food joint and bought a dozen tacos, hoping that would be enough to feed us both.
When I pulled into the driveway of his place, my eyes automatically took a look around at all of the other houses that his family lived in.
I’d been in this neighborhood a lot since I’d met and started working for Maven . I knew all of the people who lived in each house.
The lights were all off in each and every one of them, making my heart ache.
Atlas needed his family, and they weren’t here.
Not by choice, though.
I’d gotten dozens of text messages from all of them since I’d arrived, and all of them had been from his family, worried about their brother.
They were all on their way home, and it was unfortunate that the one day they’d chosen to drive eight hours to visit a waterpark out of town had been the day that Atlas needed them most.
When I turned off the engine of my car, he got out, and headed for the front door.
In seconds he had it open, lights flipped on, and the door hanging wide as he marched inside.
I followed much more slowly, grabbing my purse, our food, and the paperwork from the hospital that they’d given us on the way out. In case we’d wanted to call for an update.
I took in everything with a quick glance as I closed and locked the door.
Atlas had a new couch.
He’d purchased it last month with Auden , and Auden had told me all about how picky Atlas had been during the shopping experience.
I’d laughed at his use of the term ‘passive aggressive,’ not surprised in the least that Atlas was a grumpy bastard.
The walls, which were a soft white, reflected harshly against the darkness outside paired with the bright white light of the fluorescent recessed lighting above our heads.
That was all I took in, though, as I made my way to the kitchen where Atlas was now pouring himself a shot of whiskey.
“ You can have one,” I said to him. “ But don’t drink anything more than that. If you need to go back tonight, you need to be sober enough to do so.”
Atlas paused, his drink halfway filled, then carefully pulled the bottle away from the glass.
He capped the bottle, then took the glass in his hand and dumped the contents out into the sink.
He placed the glass into the sink, then dropped down so that his elbows were resting on the counter, head in his hands.
I set out the tacos on his black granite countertops then started eating.
I was through my third one when he pulled away, grabbed a taco, and ate it in two bites.
“ You’ll get no enjoyment out of eating if you eat that fast,” I pointed out.
It was something that I’d always noted about him.
Something that I’d often wondered about.
“ I had to learn really quickly to eat fast,” he said quietly, his eyes downcast. “ If I didn’t, then my brothers got my food.”
“ Your parents wouldn’t have let you starve,” I interjected.
“ No ,” he agreed. “ But it was survival of the fittest at the Carter house.” His face dropped. “ I didn’t even know about him, yet I feel like I’ve already failed him as a parent.”
I turned on the bar stool, my legs now pointed at him, and leaned against the counter as I said, “ How do you feel about having a baby, Atlas ?”
His eyes came to me. “ I can’t say that I would’ve wanted one out of wedlock. But now that I know about him, I want him. I want him away from his mother’s machinations. I want him in my home, safe in my arms, where I can protect him.”
“ What are you going to do when he wakes up and he doesn’t know you?” I wondered.
He sighed. “ That’s something I’m not ready to think about yet.”
He picked up another taco and ate that one just as fast.
He continued like that until all nine tacos were gone.
Picking up the trash, I took it all to the garbage can and turned, just to find him right there, almost on top of me.
“ What …”
He pulled me in at the waist. “ Give me something to focus on.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that wasn’t a good idea, but he took full advantage and kissed me.
There was a lot of tongue.
Lots of heat.
Lots of passion.
He kissed me like a dying man desperate for his last breath.
I didn’t stand a chance against him.
I never could.
That was why I was there, in that fucked up situation, letting him use me when I should’ve been setting him back on his heels and taking off.
But I couldn’t do that to him.
I couldn’t leave him there, hurting and scared, when I could give him some semblance of respite.
My hands wove around his neck, threading upward into the messy brown hair, and I held on tight.
“ Take me to the bedroom,” I pleaded.
He took me to the bedroom.
I was exhausted, but in the best way possible.
My limbs felt heavy, my eyes were half-closed, and my heart was just starting to come down from what he’d just done to my body.
Speaking of what he’d done to my body, something my mom had said a long time ago popped into my head.
I snickered.
“ What are you over there laughing about?” Atlas grumbled darkly.
Still in a bad mood.
Noted .
I looked at him and shrugged. “ Nothing .”
He rolled over and pinned my arms to my hips with his knees, then started tickling me.
I might or might not have made the weirdest sound I’d ever made.
“ Tell me,” he urged, eyes intense.
I took pity on him and told him.
Turning over to my side to face him, I said, “ One of the last times my mom and I talked, she said, ‘ If you find a girl who makes you laugh, keep her. Girls aren’t funny. If you find a guy who gives you an orgasm, keep him. Guys aren’t good at that.’”
“ Men are. Boys aren’t,” he countered. “ But girls aren’t funny. She was right about that.”
I flipped him off, then bucked my hips and dumped him onto the ground beside the bed.
He stared at the ceiling in shock before he jackknifed up and caught me by the leg before dragging me down there with him.
When I was against him, panting for an altogether different reason, he studied my face.
“ How did you get that scar?” he pushed.
My stomach fluttered.
“ I don’t think you’re ready for the truth yet, officer.”
It was the one thing I hadn’t told him about when it came to Sage .
He could handle the truth now.
I just… I felt like I didn’t want to give him everything just yet.
I held back.
Once I knew that he was mine, once I knew that he wouldn’t toss me aside, then I’d tell him the last.
But until then…
“ I want to know,” he grumbled, rolling over onto his back, eyes facing the ceiling. “ You need to tell me. Now .”
I didn’t answer.
Instead , I got up, dressed, and put on my shoes.
“ You can boss me around in sexual situations,” I said as I pulled on my clothes. “ But don’t think that extends to regular life, Atlas Eugene Carter .”
“ Douglas ,” he corrected.
“ Douglas what?” I wondered absently as I reached for my shoes.
“ My middle name. It’s Douglas . Not Eugene .”
“ Whatever ,” I grumbled. “ You can keep the car. I borrowed it from Maven this morning because my car’s back in the shop with some more sliced tires. Can you give me a ride to the hotel, or should I call a cab?”
“ If you give me a couple of hours to catch some sleep, I can drop you off on my way to the hospital,” he offered.
That absolutely wouldn’t work.
I was not spending the night with the man and giving him any sort of impression that I liked him, let alone wanted to spend more time with him.
Let’s not mention the fact that I did like him and did want to spend all the time with him that he would allow me to.
I pulled out my phone and texted Maven .
Me :
Hey , do you mind if I stay in the apartment above the bakery for the night?
Maven answered instantly.
Maven :
Of course you can. You can stay there permanently, you know that.
She had offered, but there was no way I’d take her up on it.
Being that close to him was a bad idea.
Right ?