Chapter 4
Jasper
It’s been almost a week since the last time Arlo showed up at my house in the middle of the night. I wasn’t expecting him to go ghost. I know we aren’t in a relationship, but I guess I’ve gotten used to him being here multiple times a week.
We’re supposed to be going to Austin and Luca’s house for game night tonight, and the last couple of times we’ve gone together. Mostly because Arlo wanted to come back here with me afterward. Now that he hasn’t been here all week, I’m not sure what to expect.
I take my phone out and shoot him a text.
Me
Are you going to game night?
Arlo
Yeah.
Well, he responded quickly enough that it’s probably a good sign.
Me
Do you still want to ride with me?
I frown when he doesn’t respond right away, but I’m not waiting long.
Arlo
I’m in your driveway.
My heart skips a beat. Rushing from my bedroom, I dart into the living room, opening the door just in time for him to walk straight in.
He doesn’t stop. He keeps walking until he all but slams into me, pressing his face into my chest and taking a deep breath. My hands come up on instinct, and I rub his back. “You okay, baby boy?”
He shakes his head.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
Another head shake.
“Do you wanna cancel tonight and stay in? I could run you a bubble bath and dress you in my clothes and cuddle you to sleep.” I snap my mouth shut when Arlo tenses.
“No,” he murmurs against my chest. “Just needed a hug for a second.”
Wrapping my arms fully around him, I haul him closer, burying my nose in his hair and breathing him in. My heart’s pounding. I’m thirty-seven years old. I shouldn’t be acting like this.
But with Arlo in my arms and his scent filling my nostrils, I can’t seem to help it.
He doesn’t pull away for a long time, and I’m certainly in no rush to let him go, but all good things come to an end, and he breaks away. He wipes his eyes, and it’s clear he’s trying to do it without being noticed.
This is torture. Knowing he’s upset and knowing there’s nothing he’ll let me do to fix it. Not even knowing if there’s anything I can do to fix it.
“Are you ready to go?” he asks.
Grabbing my keys off the entry table, I nod. “Yep.”
The second we walk into Austin and Luca’s house, something comes over Arlo. It’s almost like he pulls a mask on. He straightens his spine and plasters a smile on his face. He laughs in all the right places and teases everyone around us. It’s… something else.
Not only is it strange to witness given how he was acting at my house, it’s also telling—and honestly heartwarming—that he doesn’t feel the need to wear that mask around me.
It also fucking sucks, because no matter how open he is with me about himself, he’s not fully open. Sure, he’ll sink into me for a hug, and he’ll allow himself to break down a little and show emotion. But he still holds me at arm’s length.
I know he doesn’t owe me anything, and certainly not his heart or his thoughts, but fuck.
“Theo and Hunter should be here soon,” Luca says, placing a bowl filled with chips in the center of the table.
Austin walks in behind him with two bowls of salsa. “Okay. Luca made one, and I made the other. You have to blind taste test and see which one you like more.”
“You made them?” I ask, looking between the two bowls—one blue and one yellow.
Austin scoffs. “Why is that so surprising?”
“It’s not surprising that Luca did.” I glance up at Austin, smirking. “It’s surprising that you did.”
He rolls his eyes. “Jackass.”
“Thank you,” Luca says, sounding pleased with himself.
Arlo grabs a chip, then dips it into the blue bowl. His jaw works as he chews, and he tilts his head back and forth after he’s swallowed. “Okay. Good. Nice heat. Good level of chunk.” Picking up a second chip, he scoops up some salsa from the yellow bowl.
We all watch as he chews, his face giving nothing away.
“The second one.” He points to the yellow bowl.
I try to study Austin and Luca to see if either of them gives away whose salsa it was, but both of them keep their faces impassive.
“Alright, let me see.”
I’m picking up a chip when the door opens, and Theo and Hunter walk in.
“Perfect timing,” Luca says, waving them over.
“For what?” Theo asks, glancing around the table.
Arlo grins at him. “For a salsa taste test.”
Sitting down on the floor, Austin waves a hand over the table. “Luca and I each made a salsa. Try them both and let us know which one you like best.”
Everyone digs into the chips and salsa, oohing and ahhing and crunching on their chips.
“Yellow,” Theo says after he’s tried both.
“I like the blue bowl best,” Hunter says. “The spice is real good.”
“I like the blue too.” So much, in fact, that I lean forward and scoop up some more and shove another bite into my mouth.
Luca’s indignant scoff has me pausing mid-chew. “Wha’?” I ask around my mouthful of chip.
“You can’t be tied. Someone has to win.”
Luca turns to Austin with a pout. “We need another friend, so it’s not an even number.”
“Who was who?” Theo asks, leaning past me to grab another chip.
“Austin was blue. I was yellow.”
I shoot him a grin. “So you were hoping I’d choose yellow?”
He waves his hands around in faux outrage. “Obviously.”
Pressing a kiss to Luca’s forehead, Austin grins. “You can’t win ’em all, baby.”
Hunter sits down beside me, tugging Theo into his lap, and wraps his arms around his stomach. Theo melts into him, then glances at Luca. “What are we playing tonight?”
My heart aches. I’ve been in relationships before. Just nothing that ever stuck. Nothing that I ever wanted to stick, anyway. Not until now. Not until I knew what it was like to love Arlo. And seeing how open and free everyone else is in their love makes it so much worse.
I’m not sure that I can do this tonight. But I really don’t have a choice, so I lean forward and put on a brave face.
“Anything but Monopoly,” Luca says with a glare in my direction.
Something touches my arm, and I startle a bit, glancing down to find Arlo’s head resting against my bicep.
Everyone in the room falls silent, and four sets of eyes blink at us in shock.
“I think we should play truth or dare,” Austin says after a second.
Hunter and Theo share a look, and Luca giggles. “What are we, twelve?”
Arlo’s pinky brushes my outer thigh, and my heart jumps into my throat. What is he doing? “I think it sounds fun.”
“Hunter wanted to play truth or dare on our first date.” Theo shoots Hunter a grin. “We ended up playing twenty-one questions instead. Sounds fun. I’m in.”
Shrugging, Hunter nods. “I think it could be fun too, but nobody better dare me to do anything stupid.”
“Party pooper,” Luca grouses, sticking his tongue out.
That makes me smile. A genuine smile. Luca has come so far from the traumatized man who was afraid of his own shadow. I love seeing him more confident in himself and in his friendships. Hell, I love that he has friendships. He deserves it.
“I’m okay with it,” I hear myself saying. “Who wants to start?”
Luca points at me. “You should. You’re the oldest.”
“Damn. Way to call him out,” Arlo says.
He’s still resting against my arm, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it, but I also know I don’t want him to move.
“He is,” Luca insists, and then he grins. “But in, like, a hot daddy way.”
I nearly choke on my next breath, and Austin bursts into laughter. “Are you putting the moves on Jasper, baby?”
Luca scoffs. “As if you didn’t try to hook up with him.”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head. “I had forgotten about that.”
Austin grimaces. “Yeah, my bad, man. For what it’s worth, I’m not interested anymore.”
I hold a hand up, almost unable to keep myself from laughing. “Me neither.”
After watching me for a second, Austin tilts his head. “Because you’re not interested in men?”
“What?” I glance around, my brows drawing together. “No, because I’m not interested in you.”
“Told you,” Luca whispers.
“Wow,” Theo breathes. He’s been mostly quiet tonight, which isn’t anything new. He seems the type to just take in the dynamics and try to piece together where he fits into them. “I’m learning so much about all of you tonight.”
“Okay,” I interrupt. “Let’s get this train back on the track. How do we play? I pick a person, and then what?”
“And then that person gets the next turn,” Luca says.
I’m not actually sure if that’s how the game is played, but whatever. Works for me. “Okay. Do we get veto powers? What happens if we don’t want to answer something or do something?”
Luca shrugs. “You get public ridicule. And,” he adds, casting a glance at Hunter, “you don’t get to accuse people of cheating at the game.”
Hunter rolls his eyes so hard it’s a miracle they stay in his head.
“Alright, I get it. Austin, truth or dare?”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Truth.”
“Way to start easy,” Arlo says, his tone teasing.
Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be. I know a lot about Austin as it is. I hum. “Do you believe in ghosts?”
He seems to consider it for a second. “Yeah, I think so.” Eyes darting from person to person, they settle on Luca. “Hey, baby, truth or dare?”
Luca flashes him a bright grin. “Dare.”
“I dare you to read your last five searches in your search history to the group.”
Flushing bright red, Luca takes his phone out of his pocket. “Oh God.” He stares down at it, then looks up at us, eyes sweeping slowly from person to person. Clearing his throat, he looks at his phone. “Veto.”
A chorus of groans goes around the room.
“You can’t veto the very first one,” Hunter argues.
“I can. It’s just author stuff. You all wouldn’t get it.”
“I think if you veto, you should lose your turn,” Theo says, chuckling.
Luca’s head snaps up. “What? That’s not fair. You can’t just change the rules.”
Kissing the side of Theo’s head, Hunter smiles. “Good call, sweetheart.”
Groaning, Luca nods. “Fine. Alright. Fine. I’ll skip my turn. Who’s next then?”
We go around and around for what feels like hours. Luca and Theo laugh until they cry, and Austin and Hunter join in. Arlo stays against my shoulder for the whole game, and when he becomes more yawn than man, he sits up, rubbing at his eyes with his fists. “I’m exhausted. I’m calling it.”
“If Arlo’s calling it, so am I.” I gesture toward him. “Besides, I drove him.”
Theo nods. “I’m pretty damn tired too.” Luca shoots him a concerned glance, and he smiles. “Normal tired. We got up early and didn’t take a nap.”
Everyone stands, saying their goodbyes.
“Thank you all for everything,” I say, hugging Austin and slapping him on the back. “I had fun, like always.”
“You too, man. I love our game nights.”
By the time Arlo and I are on the road, I’m exhausted too. I know it’s probably a long shot, but I really just want to curl up with Arlo and sleep, so I reach across the console and take his hand, giving it a little squeeze. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
He glances at me, his eyes searching my face. “I’m not really in the mood. I’m pretty tired.”
Does he really think I only want him for sex? Fuck, I’d marry him if I could. I’d spend all my nights with him. Sex or no sex. “We don’t have to have sex. I just… I want to sleep with you. I miss you.”
He’s quiet for a long time. “We just spent the whole evening together.”
Well, he’s got me there, but… “It’s not the same. I want to hold you and be free to do it.”
I want so much more than that, but I can’t tell him.
“Okay,” he whispers. “I’ll stay the night.”
Relief washes over me. “Okay.”