Chapter 5
Arlo
Jasper’s still asleep.
The sun is just now coming up, but I’ve been awake for at least an hour. He’s spooning me, which is nothing new. His arm is draped over my waist, my back flush with his chest. Each of his exhales against the top of my head tickles my hair.
It’s strange.
Not waking up with Jasper. That, I’m somewhat used to. The strange part is that it’s the first morning I’ve woken up with Jasper where the proof of our sex isn’t living on my body.
Things were never supposed to end up this way, and now I’m not just sleeping with him, but I’m sleeping with him. Just sleeping. Like a normal couple. Like we’re together or something.
It’s unsettling. My heart thrums, and I try to shift away. I need to get out of here. Sex is one thing. Sleeping in Jasper’s bed after sex is fine. This? Sleeping together with no sex. Just… together? No. I can’t do that.
His arm tightens around me. “Where are you going?”
I freeze. “Nowhere.”
He hums. “That’s what I thought.”
I hate that he can see right through me. Fucking hate it. But I also love it. It’s terrifying to be seen like that. It’s even more terrifying to think that I might not be seen.
With a stomach full of anxious knots, I roll in his arms, then tilt my head back and close my eyes.
Warm lips land on mine, and a strong hand cradles the back of my head. I sigh. If only he wasn’t so damn perfect. If only his lips didn’t taste like all the things I want for my future. It’s exhausting. The Arlo I am right now only exists with him.
I love being this Arlo. I’m happy and free and wanted.
But the real me? The real me is exhausted. I’m fighting what feels like a losing battle for my siblings. I’m broke and trying to pretend I’m not, surviving on diner food and the cheapest necessities I can find so all my money can go toward getting Salem and Nora.
Breaking our kiss with a sigh, Jasper pulls back enough to stare into my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nothing is.”
He raises an eyebrow. “You’re in your own head, baby boy. Let me help you.”
Tears spring to my eyes against my will. God, how I wish I could. “Kiss me.”
Jasper eyes me warily. “I just want to help you, Arlo…”
“You can help me by getting me out of my own head.”
For a minute, I’m sure he’s gonna tell me no. Send me away. But instead, he rolls me onto my back and climbs over me.
Jasper’s weight grounds me, and when his lips find mine again, more urgent and demanding this time, I close my eyes and force myself to relax and shut out everything but him.
Grazing his teeth along my bottom lip, he forces a whimper from my throat. “I love that little freckle,” he breathes, lips brushing mine.
Heat floods my stomach.
“And your pretty eyes,” he murmurs. “Everything about you, really.”
My eyes burn, so I squeeze them shut tighter, hoping I can hold back the tears. He doesn’t know everything about me. He knows what I allow him to know. He sees what I want him to see, and that’s what he loves about me.
But it’s a lie. At least in some ways.
His tongue slips past my lips, grazing mine as he kisses me deeper. He tangles his fingers in my hair, angling my head the way he wants.
I let him. Hell, I want him to. This is the easy part. Letting him take what he wants from me? Letting him in this way? Simple.
Rocking his hips, he grinds his hardening cock against me, and I slide my hands up his back, then drag my blunt nails down his skin. His breath catches, his cock swelling further.
I rock up against him, letting my body take control.
His mouth leaves mine, trailing lower. He presses slow, deliberate kisses along my jaw, down my throat, and then he sucks on my collarbone. I arch and whine and gasp. This. This is what I need. Quiet brain. Just Jasper’s mouth and nothing else.
Surging back up, he slams his mouth onto mine.
Slipping a hand between us, he fumbles with my underwear, pulling them down until the elastic band is tucked beneath my balls, and then he gives my cock a long, slow stroke.
This. This this this. Safety. Affection in the only way I deserve.
Jasper’s tongue tangles with mine as he strokes me. After a few seconds, he pulls his own cock out, pressing them together in his grip.
“Fuck,” I choke out, lifting my hips and grinding up into his hand.
“My beautiful baby boy,” he croons. “How I love having you like this. Does that feel good?”
All I can manage is a breathy whine. My toes curl and my legs tense as he thrusts against my cock, his pre-cum mixing with mine and easing the glide.
Bracing himself above me with one hand, he grips my hip tightly with the other. Dropping more of his weight on top of me, he ruts against me, our cocks trapped together between the heat of our stomachs.
Ugh, this feels so fucking good. “More,” I rasp out, though I’m not really sure what I’m asking for.
Jasper’s tongue slips into my mouth, his lips moving desperately against mine, and he rocks his hips faster. A sheen of sweat breaks out over my skin, further slicking our cocks.
Everything is so warm and wet, and heat is climbing, climbing, climbing up my spine, my entire body on edge and ready to explode.
“So close,” I whine. Jasper doubles down, kissing me deeper as he grinds into me harder. I break our kiss with a gasping breath. “Oh, that’s—that’s…”
“Goddamn,” he groans. “Come for me, baby boy.”
My cock pulses and explodes, soaking the space between us as I claw at his back and moans rip from my chest.
“So. Fucking. Hot.”
Each word he says is punctuated with a thrust that has him shuddering hard against me and adding to the mess between us. He keeps thrusting, rocking his hips and dragging our cocks together until I’m a shaking, whimpering mess.
Finally, he slumps against me, burying his face in my throat. My hands come up on instinct, tangling in his thick hair. Our chests heave together until we finally catch our breath.
I’m just coming back to earth when my phone rings from the nightstand. My stomach drops. “I have to get that.”
Jasper hums, nuzzling my throat. “Ignore it.”
It’s Salem’s ringtone. “I can’t ignore it.”
He chuckles, pressing a kiss to my throat. “It’s just a phone call, baby boy. It can wait.”
I shove at his shoulders. “It can’t fucking wait, Jasper. Get off me.”
Jasper goes still, then pushes himself off me.
I scramble out from under him, grabbing my phone and swiping to answer the call. “Hey, sorry.”
“Arlo.” Salem sounds like he’s crying, and my heart clenches.
“Hang on. Give me a second.” I slip my pants on, ignoring the cum streaked across my skin and the weight of Jasper’s stare on my back. Salem sniffles in my ear as I step out of the bedroom and hurry through the living room.
When I’m standing outside Jasper’s front door, I let out a sigh of relief. “Hey, are you okay?”
“No. They want to move my school again. I just made friends here, Arlo. I’m tired of this.”
My heart cracks in two. “Fuck. Did they say for sure they were going to?”
He sniffles again. “No, just that it was a strong possibility.”
“Okay.” I blow out a deep breath. “I’ll call your caseworker and see if there’s anything I can do to stop it, okay?”
His voice is tinny and small when he mumbles, “Thank you, Arlo.”
“Salem…” I sigh. “You know when you come stay with me, you’ll have to move schools, right?”
He’s quiet for a long while, but then he lets out a choked laugh. “Yeah… but then I’ll have you.”
Oh my fucking heart. “Okay, let me see what I can do, okay? I’m working on getting you out of there. I’m so close.”
“You keep saying that.”
I know he doesn’t mean for it to, but the low, accusatory tone of his voice sends pain spiraling through my heart. “I know. And I mean it. I’m not like Mom and Melvin, Salem. It’s taking me a while, but I’m gonna do it. I promise.”
“I believe you.” He sniffles again. “Okay. I’ve gotta get ready for school. But… can I call you later?”
“You can call me anytime. For anything. I love you.”
“I love you too, Arlo.”
Salem hangs up, and my heart sinks. God, what the fuck am I doing?
When I walk back in the house, Jasper is in the kitchen making coffee.
“Want a cup, baby boy?” he asks, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.
I shake my head. “I can’t do this anymore.”
He pauses, slowly turning to face me. “What do you mean?”
“This.” I gesture broadly between the two of us. “Us. This. Fucking. I can’t keep doing this.”
Carefully setting the mug on the counter, he steps toward me. He’s cautious. Like I’m a wild animal about to startle and run. Or maybe like one cornered and about to attack. Honestly, I feel like it could go either way. Judging by the look in his eyes, he thinks so too.
When he’s close enough to reach out and touch, he stops. “Will you please tell me what happened between us being in bed and now?”
I shake my head, and he frowns. “Are you…” He stops, staring at the floor in front of him before slowly raising his gaze to mine. “Are you seeing someone else? Is that who called? Are you having an affair with me?”
That’s laughable. So laughable, in fact, that I cackle. It sounds weird and all wrong and fucked up. “No. I’m not cheating on someone with you.”
His body relaxes at that, his relief evident. “Then what is it? If you’re in trouble, I can help you.”
If I’m in trouble… Like I’m some damsel in distress or something. “I’ve been managin’ just fine on my own till now.”
His lips quirk up in a grin. “God, I love your accent when you get a little mad, baby boy.” I roll my eyes so hard I’m surprised they don’t get stuck. “I’m serious,” Jasper says, taking another step closer to me.
Cupping my face, he brushes his thumbs along my cheekbones. “Whatever it is, just tell me, and I’ll help you.”
“You can’t help me with this,” I hear myself saying.
You don’t want kids. And even if you did, you probably wouldn’t want them with me.
He frowns. “I can help you with anything, Arlo. You just have to let me in.”
Well, I definitely can’t do that. “Why would you wanna help me anyway, huh? I’m just some guy you fuck a couple of times a week.”
Jasper stares at me like I’ve hit him, his hands falling away from my face as he takes a step back. “Is that what you think? Is that how you think I see you? Just some hole to stick my dick in a few times a week?”
I say nothing. It seems to be the easiest thing to do.
Hurt flashes in his eyes. “Let me clear something up for you.”
My throat convulses as I swallow.
“I fuck you a couple times a week because that’s all you let me have.” Jasper’s eyes harden. “You come knocking on my door, and I let you in, and I take you to my bed because I fucking burn for you, and that’s the only bit of you I’m allowed.”
My ears go fuzzy as my stomach swoops. He steps back into my space, so close that I’m forced to tilt my head to look at him.
“You’ve got me so fucked up inside that I don’t know which way is up, and trust me, if I could stop feeling this way, I would. But I can’t. I’ve tried, and I just can’t. So don’t stand here and accuse me of only wanting you for sex when you’re the reason that’s all we have.”
“That’s not fair,” I croak out. “I—”
He shakes his head, and I fall silent.
A pained expression crosses his face, and he squeezes his eyes closed. I can’t breathe. My lungs are damn near frozen in my chest, my heart pounding against my ribs.
When Jasper opens his eyes, there are so many emotions flying through them that I can’t pick any one out.
“Arlo.” My name on his lips in that pained voice nearly ends me right there. It’s not angry. It’s not loud. It’s just… wrecked. Heartbroken. And it breaks my heart too. “I’m in love with you.”
“No.” The word is out of my mouth before I can stop it. For a second, I genuinely think I might pass out. The world goes topsy-turvy, spinning and spinning as everything dims and blurs at the edges of my vision.
“No?” Jasper echoes. “What do you mean ‘no’?”
“No. You can’t love me. You weren’t supposed to say it. You weren’t supposed to make it real.” I can’t do this. I can’t. I absolutely cannot. “I have to go.”
“Arlo.” Jasper grabs my hand, but I jerk away from him. “Arlo, please.”
I shake my head, tears burning my eyes. Don’t let them fall. Don’t let them fall. Don’t let them fall.
I take a step back, and then another. Jasper goes blurry. “I can’t do this. I… I just can’t.”
I turn on my heel and bolt, sprinting out his door and running for my car. I’m not even wearing a shirt, but I don’t care. I just need to leave. I need to escape.
Jasper rushes out after me, but I’m already in my car. Thank fucking God I left the keys in here. He’s almost to the car when I peel out of the driveway like I’m trying to escape the hounds of hell.
My phone starts ringing. Jasper’s ringtone.
I ignore it. I swipe at my face, wiping away tears when it stops ringing and starts right back up.
I keep ignoring it. Keep letting it ring.
I ignore the texts too. And when I pull into the driveway at home and make it inside to my bed, my knees nearly buckle with relief.
I collapse, sobs ripping from my chest.
Because I’m in love with the most beautiful, perfect man in existence, and he says he loves me back. And somehow, it’s still not enough.