34. Chapter 33
Chapter 33
SHYLOH
I was in love with Becca Dawson.
I just had the most mind-blowing sex with her, and all I wanted was to do it again. I toyed with her hair as she lay on my chest. It has to be at least midnight by now. I couldn’t sleep because I needed to talk to her about our future, specifically the job I kept getting offered.
The Kings hadn’t let up about the coaching position that they wanted filled for the season. It didn’t help that Conrad was also a coach now, because unfortunately… I liked him and he was very convincing. What was holding me back was the fact that Becca already told me she didn’t want to move back to New Orleans, and that was a problem for me .
How do I tell the woman I love that I want to take a job thousands of miles away, knowing that she doesn’t want to go?
For now, I’d keep it to myself.
Coffee beans mixed with the burning of bacon wafted into my nose. What the fuck was she doing?
An alarm sounded and I jumped out of the bed, rushing into the kitchen and spotted a frantic Becca fanning the smoke from the stovetop. I was able to get to the fire alarm and press the button to make it stop. Once I made it to Becca, she was crying.
Why was crying happening right now?
I snagged the pan of bacon and threw it in the sink. I grabbed a towel and helped fan the smoke through the vent, keeping an eye on Becca. Once the smoke died down, I placed the towel on the counter and reached for her, gripping her and pulling her into my chest. I kissed her head, and she started crying again.
“What’s going on Becks? Why are you so upset?”
She let out a sob. “I watched the replay.”
“What replay? What are you talking about?”
She pointed to the T.V. that had the sports network on. Replay. What—oh.
My replay.
“I understand, but I’m okay Becca. I’m standing right here in front of you.”
She pulled away and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her Queen sweatshirt. “Yes, but you almost weren’t, and I was such an asshole. And I left you after—I just—”
“It’s okay, Becca. We’re okay. ”
After calming down enough to fix our coffees, we sat on the couch, quietly watching the replay again. It was the first time I’d actually seen it in its entirety, and I could almost feel the lingering pain from the blow to the head. I took a breath and sipped my coffee.
“What was he like?” I asked, knowing damn well that I was pushing my luck. I wanted to know about Thomas, I didn’t want his memory to be taboo for her. She needed to talk about him—remember him. I knew it was important to her and even though I have to share a part of her with him, I still can’t hate him.
Her eyes softened as she peered into her coffee, swirling it around, almost as if she was hoping the answer was somewhere in there.
“It doesn’t have to be a lot. I just want to know a little about him, if that’s okay.”
Becca nibbled her bottom lip, processing my question. She blinked a single tear from her eye as she gave me a soft smile. “Um… he was, he was so full of life. Of hope. Every person he met became a better person from knowing him. His mom, his coaches, his friends, all wanted him to go to college and play ball but he didn’t want to.”
My brows raised, taking another sip of coffee.
“He wanted to join the Peace Corps. I told him he was crazy, but he just laughed and pretended that it would all be alright. The, um, the last night he was alive… we had a conversation about the future and he mentioned that we could or could not be together after he graduated. That he wanted to have a good time that night and celebrate their championship.”
My heart sunk in my chest watching Becca relive the hardest moments in her life. “I knew deep down we wouldn’t work out. He loved me, but his goals and dreams didn’t include me. When he died, I wallowed in the what ifs damn well knowing that there wasn’t any of those. He was the guy I would date in high school, learn from, and never see again.”
She chuckled slightly, pulling her gaze to mine. “In a lot of ways, you remind me of him. He was so funny, and charismatic. You’d never know if he didn’t like you because he loved everyone. No person was a stranger. The day I met you, I had already known who you were.”
“Seriously?” I asked, knowing how much of a hard time she gave me.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I remember when you were drafted to the Kings, and I remember the time that you were the front cover model of that athlete magazine—”
“Wait? The one where I was naked?” I asked in shock.
Becca laughed, throwing a small pillow at me. “Yes, that’s the one. I had always thought you were… handsome.”
My heart skipped a beat hearing that she had been watching me. “So, you had a crush on me?”
Her mouth dropped open into an O— utter shock. “No, I did not. I just so happen to enjoy looking at you.”
I smirked at her. “That’s all? ”
Toying with the rim of her coffee cup, Becca sighed. “Now I happen to like looking at you, but also talking to you.”
“And…” I suggested.
“And what?”
“And having amazing sex with me.”
That made her laugh. One that I didn’t want to ever forget. “You’re not too bad, Shyloh Mendoza.”
"Lies. I’m amazing and you know it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, you’re amazing. I know.”
Reaching over, I grabbed her cup and placed both of our mugs down on the coffee table. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know that wasn’t easy.”
Her shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “It wasn’t easy, but I need to remember that talking about him isn’t a bad thing to do. I actually feel better talking about him.”
“So, if you don’t mind me asking. Why do you think you both agreed that you didn’t have a future together?”
Blinking a few times, I could see the wheels in Becca’s brain turning before she finally placed her hands in her lap. “It was a feeling. A mutual feeling. I knew I was okay with it because I wasn’t angry at him for wanting a different life. I was angry that his life had ended. He deserved an opportunity to live.”
I took a breath, knowing that I was about to ask her a big question that I was scared to get an answer to. “What about you and me? What about our future together? ”
Immediately she looked away from me and turned her body towards the TV. Leaning her elbows onto her thighs, Becca propped her hands under her chin. “What is it that you want for us?”
I scooted closer to her, grabbing her hand. “I want there to be an us in our future. Whatever that might look like. That’s what I want, but you need to figure out what you want.”
Kissing the side of her head, I stood. “I’m gonna go take a walk for a minute. I’ll be back.”
I walked out the door and walked to the little dive bar next to the apartment complex, saddled up to the bar and ordered a beer. I realized that I had left my phone on the couch, but I didn’t need it.
I needed her to choose me because… I needed her.
I loved her.