35. Chapter 34
Chapter 34
BECCA
A buzzing kept vibrating the couch and I was gonna lose my ever-loving mind if it kept going. I reached in between the cushions to find Shyloh’s phone with 3 missed calls and 1 new voicemail from Conrad.
I hoped Lenna is okay. I clicked to play the voicemail from Conrad, expecting an update about Asher, their little boy, but instead I found out something that Shy was keeping from me.
Hey Shy, It’s me… again. I know you’ve already said no a million times, but we need you to be back home. There is not a single person that could be a quarterback coach for us besides you. They’re offering you a mega contract with a whole hell of a lot of money. More than me! You bastard. Anyways, give me a call back when you get this .
He was being offered a job and he turned it down? For me?
My hands immediately began to clam up as the door to the apartment opened and Shy walked in. “Ah! You found my phone,” he said with a smile. “I thought I might have— wait what’s that look for?”
“You were offered a job in New Orleans.”
His eyes widened. I definitely was not supposed to know.
“I can explain…”
I stood, holding out the phone. “You need to take it. You need to take the job, Shy. That’s your whole world.”
His brows pushed together, and he stepped towards me. “But you’re my whole world, Becks.”
I felt the tears welling in my eyes. “I can’t be. I’ll never leave this place. I don’t want to go back to New Orleans. You already know that.”
“Yeah, I do know that which is why I’ve turned down the job every time they call me.”
I huffed out an obnoxious laugh. “You can’t turn down this job. Not for me. I need you to take it. Football means so much to you.”
“It does, but you mean a lot to me, Becks. God.” Shyloh shoved his hands into his hair. “Don’t you know that? I’m falling in love with you and here you are pushing me away.”
“I’m not pushing you away, I’m stating facts here. You love football. You want to move back to New Orleans.”
“You forgot that I just told you I love you, and you’re still looking for excuses to make me leave. ”
God, this man. “Then leave!” I shouted. “Leave! Obviously, this isn’t going to work between us. Go, Shyloh. Go home.”
He stood tall, shoulders moving in reaction to his deep breaths. “Is that really what you want?” Stepping towards me, reaching out, but I pulled back. Cutting off the connection between us.
He nodded, nostrils flaring. “Fine. I’ll go.” Shyloh walked into the bedroom, throwing clothes into his duffel bag. Crossing my arms, I watched as he calmly gathered his things. I contemplated telling him to stop or that I'd go with him, but he’d already made up his mind.
Walking to me, Shyloh’s eyes were angry, his mouth stilled into a solid line. “Bye, Becca. I hope that you find your true happiness here.”
The door frame rattled as he slammed the door shut behind him. What had I done?
***
Day twenty-seven of no Shyloh and it might be the worst day. Instead of stalking his social media, like normal, I was watching the sports network, waiting for any opportunity to see him on the sidelines.
We hadn’t talked, and to be completely honest, I wouldn’t talk to me either. I was such a dick.
I typed and erased and retyped so many messages. I ended up blocking Lenna’s number because I didn’t want her to try to convince me to come back home, because she would sucker me into it.
Oh my God.
There he was on my T.V., looking absolutely gorgeous. Dammit.
He’d cut his hair; his black-on-black coaching uniform with his headset was a delicious look. Why must he be so gorgeous? They kept the camera on him for a solid minute. The analysts talked about his career ending injury and his friendship with Conrad.
My heart was an absolute shit show. Who am I kidding? I was a shit show.
There were times that I know it was a good thing I sent him away, and I wish I was brave enough to go with him. Why was this so difficult for me? Why couldn’t I go back?
I grabbed my phone, unblocking Lenna’s number. Almost immediately my phone started ringing.
“Hello?”
“You are an absolute bitch. I am no longer your best friend. You blocked my number!”
I sighed. “I’m sorry, Lenna, I just didn’t want to hear anything you were gonna say about Shy because everything you said or were planning to tell me is correct.”
A loud laugh came through the phone. “So, I’m right? That’s how we started this conversation… great. You are insane to let that man go. You realize that? He has been a damn mess. I’ve never seen him so lifeless and alive at the same time. I made an inappropriate joke in front of him, and he didn’t even laugh. Zero laughs. What the hell did you do to this man? ”
Leaning back on the couch, I took in everything Lenna was yelling at me over the phone. I know she needed to say these things and I needed to listen.
“And also, I’ll have you know that I’ve witnessed dozens upon dozens of women approach him in public and he pretends they don’t even exist. God dammit woman, you are still his lock screen photo! The man is crazy about you.”
“I know. I know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Lenna. How can I just pick up my life here?”
“What life? You hide in your little apartment away from all the scaries just in case you get hurt. It’s bullshit. You know what—I’m not wasting my breath anymore. When you want to be a grown up and own up to your feelings, you’ll pack your shit and come home—not because New Orleans is your home, but because Shyloh is.”
The phone call ended. I sat in silence for a while, watching the game continue on the screen. The Kings were playing in Atlanta, and they were up by seven with two minutes left. The screen cut back to Shyloh calling a play through his headset to the quarterback. He was stoic, he was calm, and—what was I doing?
Standing, I started to gather all of my clothes and toiletries, throwing them into a suitcase. I grabbed my phone, looking up the next flight to New Orleans.
6:20 PM. I glanced at the clock, it was 3:30 P.M., and I could make it .
I looked around my apartment one last time, making sure I wasn’t leaving anything. I sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t be coming back.
Becks: Can you do me a favor?
Lenna: What?
Becks : Can you pick me up from the airport in about 6 hours?
Lenna : Glad you came to your senses. I’ll be there.
***
“Wow, you look—”
“Like shit? I know.”
Lenna giggled, grabbing my backpack. “I mean, you could have at least brushed your hair.”
“I’m here, okay? I don’t want to talk about what I look like right now. I’d like a shower and to go to sleep so I can process what I need to do.”
“Good thing. I wasn’t going to say anything, but you smell.”
I flipped her the bird, walking beside her to her car. I didn’t have a plan, but I did know that I did the hardest part: leaving and coming here. Everything else I’d need to figure out later.
“Shh, you’re gonna wake her up. You’re being so freaking loud. ”
My eyes cracked open to see a smiling Lenna and Conrad holding their baby.
“Were you watching me sleep?” I asked, yawning as I sit up on the couch. They had a guest bedroom, but I barely made it in the door before I passed out.
“We weren’t watching you sleep, but we were trying to see when you’d wake up because we were hoping you’d watch Asher? I want to go get my nails done and Conrad has a meeting,” Lenna begged with a sweet smile.
I nodded my head. “Yeah, sure, I can do that.”
She placed Asher in my arms, who was peacefully asleep. “You sure you’ll be, okay? The diapers are in the top drawer, the formula is on the counter—”
I held a hand up. “I got it, Lenna. Y’all go.”
“Okay,” Lenna said hesitantly, but they both left within minutes, leaving me alone with the baby.
Propping him up on my thighs, his eyes were open as he looked around, making little cooing noises. “So, what’s it like having the most annoying parents ever?” I asked in a sweet voice.
He coughed, and I chuckled. “Yeah, I get it. They’re ridiculous. Overbearing. But they’re the best parents you could have, ya know?”
He blinked up at me with a hint of what I thought was a smile. “You like talking about them, don’t you? Well how ‘bout I tell you what I’m thinking, and you tell me if I’m an idiot, okay?”
A sneeze shot out of him, and I laughed. “Wow, you are super responsive. Thanks. Okay—here is my dilemma. I’m in love with a man who is way out of my league. He’s handsome, smart, kind, funny, and I think I am pushing him away.”
I knew I was but saying it out loud felt different.
“And I think the reason I’m pushing him away is because I’m scared. Scared of being let down. Scared of him going away and never coming back. Scared of not being enough. But I’m tired of being scared. I want to live freely, like how I feel when I go camping. I don’t have to worry about anything except me and where I am. When it comes down to it, I love him. Wait. I love him.”
I look down at Asher and he’s sleeping, with drool slipping out of the corner of his mouth. I kiss his forehead and walk him to his bassinet. “You’re a great listener,” I whispered.
Grabbing the monitor, I walked into the kitchen, fixed a coffee, and sat on the porch in one of Lenna’s millions of rocking chairs. The home Conrad bought for her was in our hometown, a short ride away from downtown New Orleans.
It was the perfect location for them, quiet and peaceful. Surrounded by meadows and farm animals from their neighbors. I glanced over at a few things Lenna had hanging on her porch, a butterfly feeder being one of them.
I smiled, watching a few of them approach and take what they needed before fluttering away. I knew I was making the right choice in coming back, and not necessarily all for Shyloh, but for me.
There was this overwhelming peace sitting here. I didn’t need to be in California to have this peace; I needed to carry it with me wherever I went .
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black animal run through the bushes.
“What the hell is that?” I said to no one in particular.
Walking over to the corner of the porch, I saw what animal it was. A mommy skunk, protecting her baby skunks. I knew they probably have cool scientific names in the animal kingdom, but baby skunks were so much cuter.
A flood of memories rushed through me about Shy. When he first started to talk to me, he always told me he’d reserve a seat for me at the games, and I wondered if that was still true.
I was going to find out.