32. Adrian
I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. The way Nevaeh feels in my arms is… I don’t have words, to be honest. I just love it. So much. I love that I get to study the way her breathing turns even as she falls asleep. The way she nuzzles her nose into the crook of my neck to be surrounded by my scent. The way she is smiling a little as she dreams.
It scares and fascinates me so much, I don’t sleep the whole night. Nope, not a fucking wink. Instead, I lie there with Nevaeh cuddling me and study her like a creep. As Gabriel told me he sometimes does with Valentina because it overwhelms him how much he cares for her to the point where he can’t sleep.
I almost shudder when I realize that’s exactly how I feel right now. I like her so much, I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t sleep, can’t even comprehend she’s here with me. Every single barrier I’ve carefully built and reinforced with more and more cement my entire life is crumbling to the ground like they were all made out of crackers.
At six in the morning, I give up. Daniel’s gonna kick my ass for not sleeping after he made me work out for three hours yesterday morning, but there’s no point trying to achieve something that’s not happening right now.
So, I slip out of bed as carefully as I can and leave a note for Nevaeh, telling her I’ll send Val to pick her up later. I need to get rid of all this energy.
And I need to talk to a friend right now.
Using my spare key, I unlock the front door to my grandfather’s house half an hour later. I make my way up the stairs as quietly as I can, knocking carefully on Val and Gabriel’s bedroom door.
When no one responds and I’m sure they’re still asleep, I open the door and say, “Pssssst.”
Chase jumps out of bed and runs toward me, wagging and going wild at the sight of me. I crouch down to pet him, smiling at how excited he is to see me. God, I love this little guy. Ever since Val found him at the side of the road and brought him home, I adored him, and he seems to love me too, excitement making the Husky-German Shepherd mix jump against my legs when he sees me.
“I swear to God, one of these days, I’m going to kill you for always doing that,” Gabriel whisper-screams at me, sitting upright and squinting while looking at me because he”s still half asleep.
“Can you kill me while we go have some hot chocolate and play a game of cards?” I ask, trying to stay quiet so as to not wake Valentina.
For almost a year, Gabriel and I have made a habit of coming to each other in the middle of the night to hang out and talk about whatever bothers us. We usually play cards and drink hot chocolates. I’ve come to speak to get him for one of our talks a lot more often than he’s come to me, but I don’t feel bad like I would with most people. Gabriel and I might be teammates and rivals, but he’s my brother in every way that counts, and I need him right now. If I’m being honest, I also need my sister, but I know exactly what she’ll say to me.
Give love a chance.
Relationships can be worth it.
Nevaeh is wonderful, she won’t leave like Mom did.
None of that will help me right now, and I need to speak to someone who understands how scared I am. Gabriel was frightened out of his mind when he realized he was in love with Valentina. It made him push her away, and if my sister wasn’t so deeply in love with him, I doubt he could have gotten over his fear of letting someone in.
My sister’s always been stronger than both of us in that regard. Yes, she was scared too after all of our grief, but she figured her shit out a hell of a lot quicker than Gabriel or I did and have.
“Let’s go, Adrian,” Gabriel says, sliding out of the bed when Val grabs his arm and sits up a little, looking around to find me in the door frame.
“Adrian? Are you okay?” she asks, worry creasing her forehead.
“Yeah, all good, Val. Just need to talk to Gabriel for a bit,” I say, and she releases her fiancé immediately, nodding several times as she clearly processes my words.
“Okay, I’m here if you need me,” Val replies, readjusting herself until she’s facing me. Her eyes are still closed, but I know she’s awake enough for what I’m about to say.
“Can you go to my place and pick up Nevaeh later?” This makes her eyes pop open and even though she’s barely awake, she has enough energy to shoot me a disapproving look.
“You left her at your apartment all by herself?” When I don’t answer, merely tense up from her words, my sister scoffs. “I knew you were stupid when it comes to relationships, but I didn’t think you were that dumb. At least tell me she isn’t sleeping in your bed,” Val adds, sitting up and wiping a hand down her face.
Chase runs toward her now that she’s awake, and she pets his head as she waits for my answer.
“I left her a note,” I defend, but my sister looks at me with a combination of disbelief and shock.
“I know you’re new to this, but you don’t leave a woman you have feelings for, who asked to go to your apartment and you took into your bed in there by herself,” Val says as she stands up, stumbling around her room to pick up some clothes.
“How do you know she’s in my bed?” I ask, surprise making my heart beat a little faster.
“Because at dinner yesterday, you looked at Nevaeh like you finally get it. Like it all makes sense now, and she gave you the same look in return.” My sister grabs a towel before stepping in front of me with a sympathetic smile.
“I don’t know how not to be afraid of my feelings,” I admit, and my little sister nods like she understands because she does. She understands me better than anyone, except maybe Gabriel.
“Do you want to know why I let her in? Why I chose to make myself vulnerable, Adrian? It isn”t just because I think she is one of the most incredible people I”ve ever met, which she is. But I let her in because the way you look at her like she”s the very oxygen in a room is something I didn”t want you to lose. I let her in so you”d see she”s worth trusting, and she is.”
Val pauses to look at Gabriel, who sees something in her face that has him closing the distance between them.
“I know you’re not allowed to date her because of her job, but so what? All the best people are worth waiting for,” she goes on as Gabriel wraps his arms around her and presses a kiss to her temple.
“I told her last night I’d wait for her, however long it takes,” I mumble. Val beams up at me in response and Gabriel snickers to himself. I slap his shoulder to get him to stop, but he only bursts out laughing. “I don’t know why you’re laughing. You’re the fucking reason why I’m like this with all of your ‘Oh, I’m so good at expressing my feelings. I’m a fucking ray of sunshine for my fiancée because I remind her how much I love her every second of the day’ bullshit.” Gabriel cocks an unimpressed yet slightly amused brow while I rant.
“Alright, let’s go. We’re not playing cards today. We’re going for a run to help you get rid of all of your pent-up frustration,” Gabriel says, smacking me on the shoulder before kissing Val once and leaving his bedroom to go get ready.
My sister’s eyes meet mine.
“I’ll go to your apartment to get her here, but please, don’t run from Nevaeh, big brother. She could be so good for you if you just let her, even if it’ll take some time for the both of you to get there. She won’t be forbidden from dating you forever,” Val says, pressing a swift kiss to my cheek and disappearing into the bathroom too.
I’m a fucking idiot for being here instead of with Nevaeh right now, aren’t I?
“I’ve never seen you so motivated to work out,” Gabriel teases as we make our way down the same trail I’ve taken a thousand times in my life.
“I’m leading the championship at the moment. I have to be on the top of my game,” I reply with a breathless laugh.
“Yeah and that goddamn Lincoln Nash is right behind us in the points, too,” Gabriel complains, and anger boils inside of me. Not because the rookie threatens me. I’m going to beat him, but I hate him. I hate him for being such a spoiled little asshole. For upsetting Nevaeh. For upsetting Nevaeh.
Wait, I listed that twice.
Whatever, it should be there twice. Once is not enough to describe how much it pisses me off that he’s hurt her feelings, over and over. That he thinks he has some weird claim on her. God, I hate him.
“So, you told her you’d wait for her, huh?” Gabriel says, throwing a smug smile my way.
“Fuck off.” I’m even more out of breath now than before and it’s definitely not because I’m thinking about Nevaeh.
“I think it’s nice. I’m proud of you for taking such a big step,” Gabriel goes on as we make our way down the slope leading toward one of Val’s favorite cafés.
“Don’t be proud of me. It feels like I’m going to spontaneously combust any second.” That makes him laugh.
“Whether you realize it or not, you’ve taken a million steps toward Nevaeh already. You may have taken a thousand backward, too, but I want you to acknowledge the forward ones. You hug her, protect her, seek out her affection, and let her give it to you. You took her to your place and she spent the night. You brought her home when you’ve never brought anyone to your grandfather’s house. You fight for her, even if you don’t see it.”
Gabriel stops in front of the café my sister loves, slipping his hand into his pocket to retrieve his wallet.
“Sometimes, it’s all about the little things,” Gabriel adds before walking inside and ordering my sister”s favorite drink, clearly making his point.
Once we bought coffee for all of us and an iced chocolate drink I got for Nevaeh, my future brother-in-law and I make our way back home. The sun is burning my skin, making sweat trickle down my spine. My t-shirt sticks uncomfortably to my body, so I take it off and shove it into my pocket.
When we get back to the house, my sister’s voice comes from the pool area.
“Gabriel is…” Val trails off for a moment, and I almost hear the smile in her voice. “He’s one of the best Formula One drivers to ever walk this Earth, but he’s humble and sweet, too. Don’t let his angry game-face intimidate you. He’s a big softie on the inside.”
“You make me sound too nice, ma chérie.” We join them by the pool when my breathing catches in my throat at the sight of Nevaeh.
In a bikini.
In. A. Fucking. Bikini.
I might have to sit down or take a cold shower or both.
What I definitely need is to stop staring at her where she’s lying on one of the lounge chairs with her arms and legs stretched out to show off her curves. Her body is barely covered by the bikini, and she’s so, so gorgeous, I don’t even know what to do with myself. All the blood rushes south and my heart hammers as I study the swell of her breasts, her thick thighs, her generous hips, her wavy hair all over the place, and finally, the warm smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
Her eyes trail over my bare chest in the same way I was ogling her, waking me up. No matter how distracted I am by the fact that I very much want to move between her legs and pull her bikini bottoms to the side to get a taste right now, I owe her an apology for leaving this morning.
“Hi,” she says, grinning up at me like seeing me brings her the most joy in the world.
“Hi, déesse,” I reply, handing her the drink I got her. She thanks me and smiles before remembering what I just said.
“What is it with all the French nicknames? I don’t even know what this one means,” she complains, forcing a low chuckle out of me.
“Trust me, the nickname I used just now expresses exactly what I thought when I saw you lying over there.” Because she is a goddess. At least in my eyes.
The goddess of heaven, perhaps, just like her name claimed her to be.
She sits up and crosses her arms under her chest, pouting playfully at me, but I’m hanging on to the thinnest of threads of my self-control because her breasts are almost spilling out of her little top. I’m not gentleman enough to keep my gaze averted entirely, and she knows it, which is probably why she laughs at me.
“Then again, démon would probably be more accurate,” I tease, entranced by the way she runs her tongue over her bottom lip. “Alright, that’s enough,” I say and take her drink away, placing it beside her lounge chair before lifting her into a standing position.
“What are you doing?” she asks with a laugh, but I don’t respond, merely guide her toward the pool.
Sensing what I’m about to do, she tries to fight me, but she’s laughing so hard, she has no more energy to be stronger than me. I throw her in with ease, watching as the water envelops her within seconds.
Val and Gabriel snicker.
Nevaeh resurfaces, sucking in a sharp breath.
“Adrian, I think I scraped my knee when you threw me in. It burns,” Nevaeh says, her face pulled into a pain-filled grimace, making a wave of panic crash through me.
“Fuck, mon ange, I’m so sorry,” I say, stepping toward the edge of the pool to help her out.
She lets me, but as soon as she’s out of the water, she turns us around and pushes me in instead. A laugh bursts out of me underwater, but I push up to reach the surface and get back to Nevaeh.
“You play dirty,” I say, wiping my face to get my hair off my forehead.
“You started it,” she reminds me as I push out of the pool and stand in front of her. She swallows hard once I’m barely a centimeter away, my chest brushing against hers.
“Yeah, and if it were up to me, you’d be the one finishing,” I say low enough to make sure only she hears me. Her gaze attaches to my lips, her chest brushing against mine with every fast breath of hers.
“I think you missed a word there,” she replies, so I flash her an innocent smile.
“Well, English isn’t my first language,” I explain, and she nods several times as if that explains it. “Then again, I grew up bilingual from the age of three.”
A nervous laugh bubbles out of her as I reach behind her for the towel she was lying on, wrapping it around her shoulders. Her cheeks are pink, but she’s still grinning at me, and it’s at this moment that I wonder if buying all of Griffin Sports to get rid of the no-dating-driver”s rule is a little too extreme.
“I’m sorry I left this morning. It won’t happen again,” is what I apparently decide on instead of telling her I’m thinking about buying the company she works for so she can date me, which would be highly inappropriate for many reasons.
“Yeah, because I’m never sleeping in your bed again. It’s unprofessional,” she says, holding the towel closer to her body.
“We’ll see,” I reply with a wink before making my way inside and allowing myself to take a deep, full breath.
I’m about to go upstairs to shower when my sister’s voice fills my ears.
“Nevaeh?” she starts, sounding serious. “It’s great to prioritize your career, I did too, but you shouldn’t fight your feelings either. Life is about more than work.”
My sister is my favorite person for many reasons. This is one of them.
“Plus, secrets can be fun when they don’t harm anyone,” Val says, the sound of her and Nevaeh’s chuckle making me smile.
I’d be Nevaeh’s secret any day of the year.