Chapter 3
THREE
MAV
I lean against the brick wall of the building, a bouquet of peonies dangling at my side, and watch as the ceremony wraps up. After making eye contact with Mckenna, I needed a fucking minute.
She wasn’t supposed to see me. I didn’t want her to know I was here. I didn’t want her to think she owed me her time or a smile or anything at all.
But then our eyes met and she smiled and…fuck. How the hell can I walk away now? How can I leave without knowing that maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance for more?
My therapist didn’t come out and say I was delusional the way I thought he would. The way a part of me hoped he would. He didn’t shut me down although he did advise me to tread carefully.
So, I slipped outside, purchased flowers, and am now waiting to see how Mckenna receives me.
Having her smile at me changed everything.
God, she looks beautiful. Breathtaking. But I already knew that.
The part that haunts me is the sadness that ringed her irises when they found mine. All these weeks and my girl is still twisted up over us. I had hoped by removing myself from the picture, hell, from the fucking city, I would make things easier for her.
But she lost weight. Her cheeks lost some of their color.
And while she still looks a hell of a lot better than she did when the bodyguard I hired for her had to rush her to the hospital a few months ago, she doesn’t exude the same joy as when I pegged her with a snowball back over the Christmas holidays.
Her laughter calls out to me and my neck snaps in her direction. Sure enough, Mckenna is hugging her father and his girlfriend Jeannie. Allegra and Reign are here. West and Nova. Ivy, Levi, and even my brother.
I push off the wall and walk toward the group. I’m happy they showed up for Mckenna. My girl deserves all the support in the world and a flicker of pride sparks in my chest that Jameson is here for her today.
“There he is,” Reign calls out, his face splitting into a grin.
“When’d you get back in town?” my brother asks, looking equal parts confused and relieved.
“Last night,” I reply, shaking Mr. Byrne’s hand.
“Good to see you, son,” he says quietly. Son. The fact that he would still use that term to apply to me—even now—twists me up inside.
“You too,” I rasp out. “I couldn’t miss this.”
“Our girl did it,” he agrees, sliding an arm around Jeannie.
I kiss Jeannie’s cheek. Then, I greet Allegra, Ivy, and Nova. I shake West’s hand, slap Levi on the back, and give my brother a bear hug.
Reign snorts. “You’re such a fucker.”
I grin, turning to hug him hello. “A fucker you missed.”
“Bet,” he agrees.
I turn toward Mckenna who continues to stare at me as if she can’t believe I’m here. As if she doesn’t fully trust it.
“Congratulations, beauty,” I say, handing her the bouquet of flowers.
“Thank you, Mav,” she replies quietly.
“We’re heading to lunch,” Mr. Byrne announces. “All of us.” He looks around the group, his smile wide. “I have a reservation at Carter’s Steakhouse.”
“Not The Ivy?” Allegra mutters under her breath. Luckily, Mr. Byrne doesn’t hear her, but Nova scoffs. So much of our band drama has gone down at the trendy restaurant and no doubt, right now, with me showing up out of the blue, tension thrums under the surface.
“Thanks, Mr. Byrne,” Ivy says graciously. “I’m riding with Nova, West, and Stella.” She gives Stella’s stroller a little push and I dip my head to catch sight of the sleeping toddler inside.
“Levi can ride with A and me,” Reign offers.
“Great.” Mr. Byrne gives his daughter a long look before his eyes cut to mine. “I took the sports car so can Kenny ride with you?”
I almost snort at how obvious he’s being but say, “Of course.”
Mckenna doesn’t voice an objection, and I breathe a little easier. We hold back as her family and our friends move toward the parking lot.
Finally, Mckenna looks at me. I want to drown in those navy eyes.
I want to wrap her in my arms and kiss the freckles that fan out over her nose and cheeks.
Christ, I missed her so much that just seeing her hurts.
Aches. It transports me to the twenty-four hours after she signed the papers when I wondered if I’d ever breathe normally again.
Hell, maybe I should have stayed in Costa Rica because this, with her, is fucking agony.
“You don’t have to come to lunch if you’re tired or—”
“There’s no place I’d rather be,” I interject.
Mckenna sighs. “Why are you here, Mav?”
“Couldn’t miss this, Mckenna.”
She bites her bottom lip, her hands twisting together. I hate that she’s unsure around me. Fuck, I hate that I’ve made her feel unsure around me. “I’m happy you came.” Her gaze holds mine. “I was hoping…well, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” My voice is hoarse. My tone, honest. “I’m staying, Mckenna. I’m not going…” I trail off to choose my words carefully. “I’m here now.”
She nods, something flickering through her eyes. “I understand. I’ll clear out my things by—”
“No.” Horror washes over me as I realize how she interpreted my words. “I don’t want you to leave. The brownstone is yours for however long you want to live there. I only meant that I’m back in Boston now and…fuck, beauty, I don’t want us to be strangers.”
A smile flits across her mouth. “Are you suggesting we be roommates again?”
I laugh, some of the tension seeping from my shoulders.
Hell yes, I want to live with Mckenna again.
But it’s too soon. And our spending that much time together would only blur lines that are already crisscrossed more than they should be.
“We need time. Space,” I say gently, reminding her of what she once asked me for.
“I know.” She nods solemnly. “Besides, I might be gone sooner than I thought.”
“What do you mean?” A thread of panic unspools in my stomach even though it’s irrational. Even though I have no right to feel anything but supportive of Mckenna and her dreams.
“I’m preparing to take the Massachusetts bar exam in July and the California bar in February. If things pan out…well, entertainment law in Los Angeles would be more exciting than Boston.”
“Right.” I clear my throat. “I didn’t know you were considering a move to LA.”
She shrugs. “Things changed in the past few months.”
“Of course.”
Mckenna doesn’t say anything else, but the unspoken words expand in the space between us. We’re not together anymore. We’re divorced. Everything is different.
And still…she’s taking the Massachusetts exam first. California isn’t an option until February. I know I shouldn’t read into every little thing, but why is she sticking around here if LA is her end goal? Could there be a chance for us?
“Well, while you’re still in town, I’d like to take you for coffee, dinner, a hike, whatever,” I offer.
Her eyes flare and a hint of a smile caresses her lips. “Remember our hike to the waterfall?”
Anguish twists my gut. It’s the date I planned on our honeymoon.
Back then, I thought things couldn’t get any worse between us.
Mckenna had just recalled the trauma of what Bran put her through and she was retreating into herself.
I was scared and angry and desperate to comfort her.
But back then, she was still mine. “I remember everything with you.”
Mckenna rolls her lips together. “Me too, Mav.” She sighs. “Come on, let’s go to lunch.”
I fall into step beside her as we walk toward the parking lot. She bumps her shoulder against my arm and I glance down at her.
“I missed you, you know?”
“I missed you too.” More than she knows. More than anyone does.
“Where are you staying?”
“With my brother,” I chuckle. “I still have to clear that with him but…I crashed at a hotel last night. I got in really late.”
“Oh. I’m sure Jameson will be happy to have you.”
“Hope so.”
Silence descends for several moments.
And then, Mckenna glances up at me from beneath her long lashes. “What does this mean for us, Mav?”
“I’m not sure.”
We pause in front of the building as a black Escalade pulls up to the curb.
“But we’ve been in each other’s lives for too long, and we’ve been through too much together, for me to pretend that this doesn’t mean something.” I gesture between us. “I never stopped caring about you, Mckenna. Hell, I still love you.”
A tear falls to her cheek and I reach out tentatively to brush it away.
“I don’t want to be the cause of your tears on graduation day,” I whisper.
She shakes her head. “It’s okay. Go on.”
“I don’t know what this is, but I know what it’s not,” I say slowly, getting ready to show her my cards. To admit to the feelings coursing through my veins and crashing in my chest.
“What?” Barely a whisper.
“It’s not the end,” I admit.
She works a swallow, but her eyes hold mine. “It’s not the end,” she repeats, relief snaking around her words.
I pull open the back door for her. “Not even close.”
She slides onto the seat and I watch as her shoulders slump with relief. I slip into the seat beside her and close my eyes as her hand reaches for mine.
She holds my fingers tightly as she forces a smile and meets my driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Hi, Alfred.”
He fucking beams at her. “Good to see you, Kenny.”
As Alfred pulls away from the curb and we drive toward Carter’s Steakhouse, I can’t help but feel immense relief and gratitude.
Mckenna still cares about me. She’s still in Boston. There’s still a chance.
And for the first time in months, a glimmer of hope flickers on the horizon.
I haven’t lost her.
Not even close.