Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
ABBEY
“What are you going to do?” Dylan asks as I sit across from her at a table in the lounge of the Inn at Holley Ridge, which seems to be what Sycamore Falls is most famous for — an expansive property on a lake with a gorgeous resort and wedding facility.
And home to the famous Holley Ridge Christmas Festival.
Now that the inn is officially open for business again after extensive renovations, this is where we’ve been having our book club meetings, since Parker, one of the other women in the book club, owns the inn.
I never thought I’d be the type of person to be in a book club, but this group has blown all my preconceived notions to pieces, considering each book seems to be even spicier than the one before.
I’ve certainly been enjoying these books.
And Jude’s definitely been reaping the benefits.
But for how much longer?
That question has been plaguing me since my run-in with Becca yesterday. And when I walked into the lobby of Holley Ridge less than an hour ago, everyone in the book club picked up on the fact that something was bothering me. Which is why I’ve spent the past several minutes telling them everything. About my arrangement with Jude. About my growing feelings. And about this once-in-a-lifetime job offer that will require me to move three thousand miles away.
“I have no idea,” I answer honestly, playing with the stem of my wineglass filled with chardonnay —my drink of choice for book club.
“What’s holding you back?” Haley, Beckham’s wife, leans closer, her auburn hair cascading over her shoulder.
“I think we know precisely what that is.” Dylan waggles her brows. “Or perhaps I should say who.”
I don’t even try to deny it. Not now that I’ve finally spilled the beans about our secret arrangement. Although no one seemed surprised to learn we’ve been sleeping together.
“Have you told him about the job?” she asks.
I slowly shake my head. “Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“I’m worried about how he’ll react.” I tap my nails nervously against the wood table. “Or more appropriately, how he doesn’t react.”
Parker tilts her head. “How so?”
“I’m worried he won’t seem fazed by the thought of me leaving. And I get it,” I add quickly. “It’s stupid. We agreed that it was just sex. Hell, I’m the one who suggested it just be sex.”
“But did you do that because that’s what you want?” Dylan raises a pointed brow. “Or because that’s what you knew Jude would want?”
I open my mouth to protest, but snap it shut, her words hitting a little too close to home.
I may have only known Dylan for a few months, but between working together a couple of days a week as well as spending time together outside of the taproom, we’ve gotten to know each other fairly well. It shouldn’t surprise me that she picked up on my tendency to sacrifice my needs just to avoid being rejected.
Hell, that’s how I ended up completely dependent on Carson in the first place. I was petrified I’d lose him. But after shit hit the fan on our wedding day, I swore I’d never willingly put myself in that position again.
But isn’t that what I’m doing by even entertaining the possibility of turning down Becca’s job offer?
“It doesn’t matter,” I finally say, my voice firm. “I’m more than aware of his reluctance to date, especially after I learned about…everything. A few weeks of sex won’t change his mind.”
“Never underestimate the power of the magical pussy,” Grandma Estelle remarks.
I choke back my laugh at her blunt response. I doubt I’ll ever get used to some of the things that come out of this woman’s mouth. Most eighty-plus-year-old women I’ve met have been reserved.
Not Grandma Estelle.
And I couldn’t imagine her being any other way.
“As much as I’d love to believe in the power of the magical pussy, like in this book…” I lift my e-reader for emphasis, “that’s just not real life. There are no fairy tales. No white knight coming to save the day.”
“I’m going to preface this by saying I hate this conversation since it involves my brother,” Dylan begins with a hint of feigned disgust, “but I’ve seen you together. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Abbey.” She gives me a sincere smile. “I don’t think it’s just sex for him. I don’t think it’s ever been just sex for him. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.”
“Lawrence men and their damn stubbornness,” Haley remarks under her breath with a dramatic roll of her eyes.
“It’s a family trait.” Dylan smirks at her before turning back to me. “Which is exactly why you need to talk to him.”
“I know I need to tell him about the job eventually, especially if I take it.”
“If?” Parker interjects. “This is a great opportunity, right?”
“It is. I’m just trying to figure out if it’s the right opportunity for me.”
“Let me ask you something,” Grandma Estelle chimes in. “Take Jude out of the equation. If you never met him, would you take the job?”
“Without a doubt,” I answer quickly.
“Then I think you know what you need to do.” Dylan reaches across the table and gives my hand a squeeze. “Be honest with him. Tell him the truth. That you have this amazing opportunity but the only thing holding you back is how you feel about him. Because you love him.”
I part my lips, about to argue I’m not in love with him, but it’s useless. I’ve always been a horrible liar anyway.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I admit through the tightness in my throat, the reality of everything sinking in. It feels like an impossible situation.
“No one ever does, sweetie,” Grandma Estelle offers. “That’s the scary thing about love. It hits you when you least expect it and sinks its claws into you until you have no choice but to declare defeat.”
“Regardless of what you decide about the job…,” Parker adds, “You deserve to tell him how you feel. Not for him, but for you. So you won’t always have to wonder. So you can start the next chapter of your life with a clean slate. Whether it’s here with Jude or in New York.”
I stare straight ahead, considering her words. She has a point. If I take this job without mentioning anything to him, I’ll leave unfinished business behind. I’ll never truly be able to move on.
But is he finally ready to move on? I’m not sure if he can, the memory of his raw heartache the day he found me in the nursery still fresh in my mind.
“I went through something similar with Callum,” Parker continues. “He swore off love after being betrayed pretty badly. Made it clear he could never give me anything more than a no-strings fling. I took a risk and told him I wanted more after realizing I’d fallen in love with him, even though I fought it. Now I can’t picture my life without him in it.”
“And if Jude rejects me?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. “If he can’t give me more?”
Parker gives me an understanding look. “It’s a risk you have to take.”
I’m no stranger to rejection by any means. All my life, I’ve been rejected and tossed aside. First, by my mom. Then my dad. Most recently, by Carson.
But the idea of Jude rejecting me stings worse than I thought possible. With him, I’ve finally found a place where I belong.
A place to call home.
The idea of losing all of that guts me.