Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
JUDE
“What’s going on here?” Abbey remarks as she walks into the house after getting home from her book club meeting. “I thought you were going to work late in the brewhouse.”
“I was.” I wipe my hands on a dishtowel and turn toward her, pulling her against me. “But I hated the idea of you being all alone in my bed with no one to keep you warm.” I feather my lips against hers.
At one point, I spent all my free time in the brewhouse. I didn’t want to be home any more than necessary. The memories that lingered in this place were too painful to bear.
Then Abbey walked into my life.
Now, I’m able to find a modicum of comfort within the walls of my house.
Thanks to Abbey.
“Remind me never to give you a day off again. I don’t care if it’s for book club. I love having you nearby.”
She smiles, but there’s tension behind it. It’s not her usual carefree, enigmatic smile that sends my pulse racing.
“What are you making?” She pushes out of my hold. “It smells delicious.”
I try not to read too much into her demeanor, but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s going on. She’s been distracted all day. I want to call her out on it, press her about what’s bothering her, but I’m not sure we have that kind of relationship. Actually, I know we don’t. Or we’re not supposed to.
Lately, I’ve been questioning who we are to each other more and more. Who I want to be to her.
“Pork tenderloin. Is that okay?”
She stands on her tiptoes and drapes an arm along my neck, her playful side returning. “You spoil me. You’re going to make it hard to—” She stops short, inhaling a sharp breath.
That unsettled feeling intensifies, my stomach hardening. “To what?”
She parts her lips, her eyes searching mine as she struggles to find the right words.
“I’m going to make it hard to…what, Abbey?” I prod, my pulse increasing with every second she remains silent.
Finally, she blows out a long breath and steps out of my embrace. “Someone came into the taproom yesterday.”
“Who?”
“An old friend from my time in the Peace Corps.”
“Okay…,” I draw out, unsure where this is going. Why she kept this from me.
Did she, though? It’s not like we have the type of relationship where we share things with each other.
We don’t have a relationship. Period.
“Now she works for a big food conglomerate as the social responsibility manager.”
“Social responsibility manager?” I repeat, clueless about what that is.
“A lot of big corporations have entire departments devoted solely to social responsibility. The goal is to develop a positive social value for the company and give back to various communities.”
“What does that have to do with you?”
She gives me a sheepish smile. “She offered me a place on her team.”
My expression widens and, without hesitation, I wrap her in my arms, swinging her around. “That’s amazing, Abbey.”
“Yeah,” she says, but her voice lacks even a hint of enthusiasm.
Confusion knits my brow as I set her back down on her feet. “Why aren’t you happy?”
“I should be. It’s a great job with an incredible salary. I wouldn’t have to depend on anyone in order to pay my bills, which is what I’ve wanted since I walked out on Carson and realized just how much control I’d unknowingly given him over my life.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s in New York.”
“Oh.” I swallow hard, neither one of us saying anything for several long moments.
She doesn’t have to. I already know what she’s thinking. It’s written all over her face.
She wants me to give her a reason to stay.
But I can’t do that.
“You shouldn’t let that hold you back, Abbey,” I tell her, trying to sound supportive but feeling like I’m choking on my own words. “Don’t give up this opportunity for anything…” A painful lump forms in my throat. Almost as if my body is fighting against what I’m about to say. “Or anyone.”
I give her a pointed stare, what I’ve left unspoken hanging heavy between us.
“I just thought?—”
“We both knew this had an expiration date when it started,” I interrupt her before she can finish. “Now we know when that is.” I force a smile, my voice trembling slightly as my true emotions fight to seep through the cracks. “I’ll definitely miss having you around…”
“Just not enough to?—”
“No,” I declare firmly, not wanting to make this any harder than it already is.
She doesn’t say anything for several long moments. Just stares at me. Finally, she closes her eyes, releasing a shuttering breath. “I understand.”
When she returns her gaze to mine, a faint smile plays at the corners of her lips, as if I didn’t just rip out her heart and shatter it into a million pieces all over the kitchen floor.
“I guess we should probably make the most out of the time we have left.”
She saunters up to me with a confident stride, but I can see the hurt in her eyes, despite her brave front. Just like the night she walked into my bar in a wedding dress.
“Unless you just want to call it quits now,” she adds quickly. “I understand if you do.”
I peer into her brilliant blue eyes, not immediately answering.
Every voice in my head tells me that’s exactly what I should do. That if I continue spending time with her now that I know she’s leaving, it’ll only be harder when we say goodbye. But I’ve said it since that very first hit. This woman is a drug. I’ll keep coming back for more until I have no choice but to let her go.
But I will let her go.
“If I only have a little more time with you…” I hook an arm around her waist and tug her against me, “I’m going to need to get my fill.”
I crush my lips to hers, a vice squeezing my heart at the idea that this will be one of the last times I’ll ever taste her. That I’ll ever feel her. That I’ll ever hear her tiny moans.
But this is how it needs to be. Any time I question if I made the right decision, all I’ll have to do is look at the door to the nursery and remember what it feels like to lose my entire fucking world.