Chapter 24
Maven
I leaned into Ben, his arm around me as we drove back into Autumn Ridge.
We’d gone up to Burlington for dinner like we’d planned, but our marriage counseling session with Mr. Hughes had put a slight damper on the evening.
Ben had been surprisingly quiet from the start of it, keeping his answers short and not once teasing me.
A huge contrast from our last session. It had taken an intense amount of effort on my part to pull him from his pensive state as the evening had progressed, and though he was back to his teasing self for the most part, he still seemed somewhat guarded.
Apparently, the truth was hard for both of us, and Mr. Hughes’s observations had been uncomfortably on point.
Namely, that we’d stopped inviting the other person into the decision-making process in our relationship.
Not because we didn’t care—we’d simply wanted the other person to be happy.
We’d wanted to shield them from disappointments and burdens.
It turned out that assuming what someone needs or wants leads to making sacrifices no one asked for.
But, thinking of all those years Ben and I maintained a long-distance relationship, it had never felt right to mention the opportunities I’d given up so I could be with him.
Probably because I knew he would have told me to take every one of them.
“Want me to drop you off at your mom’s?” Ben asked, tightening his hold on me as if subconsciously giving his opinion.
“It’s only nine forty-five,” I said. “What if we grabbed some ice cream at the market first, then went to your place to eat it?”
“You sure that’s a good idea?”
I glanced over at him. “I always think ice cream is a good idea.”
He dropped his chin, sending me a pointed look. “You know exactly what I mean.”
“That old habits are hard to overcome?”
Ben’s brows lifted. “I’m an old habit?”
“No, you’re worse than that.” I leaned in close to him, discreetly breathing him in. “You’re an addiction. You should come with some sort of warning label.” I lifted my finger, tracing a spot on his neck. “It should go right here.”
He gave a tight laugh. “Sounds to me like we shouldn’t go back to my place, then. I don’t want there to be any regrets.”
My heart sank. Not just at the reminder that this was all temporary, but at Ben’s acceptance of the inevitable.
Which meant I had some soul-searching to do.
Was I wanting Ben to ask me to stay? To fit me back into his life here in Autumn Ridge?
That would be crazy! My life was in New York.
My career. And yet, cuddled up next to him as we drove, it felt like this was all I needed to be happy.
“What if we put a few boundaries in place?” I was suddenly unwilling to give up more time with Ben. If our days together were numbered, I wanted to make the most of them. “Strict boundaries. I have no intention of spiraling farther than necessary at the end of this.”
He didn’t respond for a good solid breath cycle, his gaze locked on the road. “So pre-barn situation boundaries?” he finally asked.
I jabbed my elbow into him, my mouth parted. “Ben!”
“What? It seems like a pretty clear indicator.”
“True,” I said, realizing he was right. Though unlike when we were dating, there was a knowledge of where our kissing was supposed to lead. A pull that would be extremely difficult to resist. “Maybe we should issue a temporary no kissing order for the rest of the night.”
Ben pulled into a diagonal parking spot in front of the market and glanced over at me. “If that won’t keep us in check, I don’t know what will,” he deadpanned.
I shifted in my seat to face him, not sure how to read that. “If you’re actually worried about it, you can just drop me off at my mom’s.”
He considered me a long moment before putting the truck in park. “What kind of ice cream do we want? Cookies and cream?”
I smiled. “How’d you know?”
“I’ll be right back.” He left the engine running, and my gaze slid to the car parked next to ours—Edna Bloomberg’s Buick.
Oh, this could take a while.
Fifteen minutes later, Ben came out carrying a pint of ice cream in one hand and a sack of groceries in the other, Edna B happily chatting at his side.
He sent me an apologetic glance as she came to stand at the passenger side window nearest her car and rapped on it with her knuckles.
I scooted over and cranked the window down.
“Hey, Edna,” I said. “You’re out and about late.”
She released a heavy sigh. “Frank is backed up, if you know what I mean.” She pointed at her lower stomach, and I regrettably knew exactly what she meant.
“He ran out of Miralax yesterday and was griping so intensely about his discomfort this evening, I had no choice but to make a run to the store.”
“You’re a good woman.”
“It was worth it, being that I got to see you and Ben. He said the two of you were out to dinner in Burlington?” Her eyebrows rose to match the intonation of her question.
“We have to share a meal a day.” I wanted to stifle that look in her eyes. Hopefully, she hadn’t somehow discovered we’d also been at the Walkers’ for lunch. “It’s part of the court order.”
“Is a late-night ice cream run also part of the court order?”
“It should be.” Ben stepped to her side. “Where would you like me to set these groceries?”
“The passenger seat is fine, dear.”
While he went around to put the groceries in her car, Edna leaned toward me, dropping her voice.
“I won’t pretend to know all that’s gone on between you, what with how tight-lipped you’ve both been over the years, but what I do know is that the two of you have been given a rare second chance. Don’t throw it away.”
I blinked, uncertain how best to respond.
Ben shut the door and started back around, pulling our attention to him. He stopped on the sidewalk in front of her. “I hope Frank feels better.”
“Thank you,” she said. “And thanks for your help.”
Ben nodded, then continued to the driver’s side.
Edna’s gaze met mine again. “Some things are worth sacrificing for. That man’s one of them.”
Again, I just stared at her, unable to form a coherent reply. One thing was for certain—Edna B really didn’t know what had happened between us. Maybe she should be having this pep talk with Ben.
“Is your favorite color still green?” I asked, taking a spoon of ice cream directly from the container set on the table between us.
His gaze held mine, shifting back and forth between my eyes as if appreciating their color. Then he nodded. “I don’t think that one will ever change. Do you still go through a bag of dark chocolate chips a week?”
“It depends on the week. Sometimes I manage two bags.” I couldn’t even remember how we’d started on twenty questions, but it had been about sixty questions ago.
I tapped my fingers on the table, thinking of my next question.
Finn looked up at me with a less-than-pleased expression from where he was sleeping on the couch.
“What has been your top memory since you moved home?”
Ben scooped up a bite of ice cream but left it in the carton, his gaze down while he considered my question. “Probably the day I opened Dust & Timber. It had been a rough two years getting there, but that felt like a bright spot.”
“I’m sad to have missed it,” I said.
Ben didn’t look up. “Yeah.”
“Your turn,” I said a touch too eagerly, my spoon clanking against his when I released the handle. “Ask me anything.”
“What happened between you and Colin?”
Except that.
I searched my mind, trying to put words around something I still didn’t fully understand.
“It didn’t feel right. He was a great guy, it’s just that when he proposed…
” I shook my head and shrugged. I think until that moment, I had tried my hardest not to compare my relationship with him to my relationship with Ben.
But when he dropped on one knee and asked me to marry him, the difference between my feelings for him and what my feelings had been for Ben were undeniable.
It didn’t matter the lengths Colin had gone through to make it a beautiful moment or the size of the ring he’d bought me.
He deserved someone who would feel the way I’d felt when Ben had spontaneously asked me to elope. “It wasn’t meant to be.”
We didn’t navigate around the discomfort but just sat there, allowing it to linger. Mr. Hughes would be proud.
“Tell me something no one else knows,” I said, finally breaking the silence.
He looked hesitant to answer. “A few years ago, I drove to Boston to see you perform in your string quartet.”
My lips parted. “You did?”
“I almost got up the nerve to come speak with you after, but…”
“Colin was there,” I finished. Colin and I had only been dating a few weeks, but he had been in Boston for work and surprised me by showing up at my concert with a massive bouquet of roses.
Ben cleared his throat. “It was probably for the best.”
My heart ached at his confirmation.
He leaned back in his chair, pushing the carton of ice cream away from him. “But I got to see you play, so it was worth it.”
I gave a small smile, my mind trying to make sense of his admission.
And the way he now loved classical music.
And the picture of us in his desk drawer.
With all Ben had accomplished and become since he’d left, I had assumed he’d moved on, but maybe he hadn’t.
Maybe, like me, there was still a part of him that hoped it wasn’t over between us.
“Are you done?” he asked, gesturing to the ice cream.
“Yeah.” I cleaned off my spoon with my mouth and handed it to him, then followed him into the kitchen as he placed the carton in the freezer and went to the sink.
While he washed the spoons, I placed my back on the counter and looked over at him.
“Do you still love me?” I asked before my bout of courage was gone.
His gaze met mine, uncertainty in his expression. “Isn’t it my turn for a question?”
“No. You asked if I was done with the ice cream.”
He turned off the faucet and faced me. “I don’t think I’ll ever figure out how not to love you. And, trust me, I’ve put a lot of effort into it.”
My heart took off at a sprint, leaving me winded. “Then ask me to stay.”
His gaze dropped, and he ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t, Maven.”
I stilled. “Why not?”
His gaze lifted to mine. “I just can’t.”
My cheeks grew hot and tears stung my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of Ben. “I need to use the restroom real quick, then can you drive me home?”
Ben grabbed my hand. “Maven, it’s not that I don’t want—”
I pulled my hand from his. “Honestly, it’s for the best. Like you said.
We knew how this was going to end heading into it, and it makes sense.
Your life is here and my life is in New York.
We’re just a pair of star-crossed lovers.
” I gave a strained smile. “Let’s just get through these next few weeks, and then we can move on with our lives once and for all. ”