Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
M ac
“What do you mean?” Levi croaks, and I see how much effort it took for him to speak. His face turns to confusion, but I know he’s quick to anger and I see a spark flare in his eyes. It’s beautiful, just like him, I could easily get lost in his eyes, burnt by the flames.
I take a step backwards, trying to put myself at a safe distance, because if I can’t hold it together for the next few minutes and I reach for him... I meant what I said. I’ve already said too much. I can’t tell him how I feel, how being near him makes me feel alive and I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I do him. None of that is going to help this situation.
“Levi, you’re a key witness in a case I've been working towards for a long time. For years I’ve been wanting to bring down Winstanton, and now I have a chance to do it. I cannot be seen with you—with any of the witnesses. Even my being here is risky. If anything were to happen, if we were found out, at the very least your testimony would be unusable, but more likely it could cast doubt on the integrity of everything I’ve worked for. The tabloids would have a field day. A clever lawyer—and Winstanton has a clever lawyer, the best in the business—could use it to ask for a retrial, or worse still, have the trial dismissed. And Winstanton walking free is not an option. Also, I could lose my job, my career, everything!”
Levi’s eyes dull to stone and his shoulders slump. He looks so defeated, small, vulnerable. Until today, I hadn’t realised he felt even a fraction of what I’ve been holding back for months. But in this moment it brings me no satisfaction. I want to fold him in my arms. I want to kiss his lips and bring back that vital energy he has, even if I get stung in the process. But I can’t. It takes every ounce of strength I have to turn and walk away. After today, once Christmas dinner is over, it would be best if I don’t come back here. I’ll explain to Mum, she’ll understand. Maybe she can come to see me instead. Belatedly I realise I should’ve done that from the start, but I wasn’t able to stop coming here because I knew he would be here. It was a foolish notion to think I could build up a resistance to him, like taking a small dose of poison regularly to cope with larger amounts. All it did was leave me wanting more.
As I reach the door I hear him whisper and my heart cracks down the middle.
“That’s not the question I asked.”