Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
L evi
I don’t know how long I stand in the dining room, watching the doorway that Mac disappeared through. My head is full of a cacophony of thoughts, so many it’s like white noise and I can’t focus on a single one. At the same time, my body, my soul, everything feels empty. I feel nothing. I should be angry but I can’t muster up the energy to even be that right now.
The knock on the door brings me back to the realisation of what day it is. That must be Nolan and Reece arriving, but I can’t cope with seeing anyone right now. Especially not being caught up with Marina meeting Mac’s friend and his half-brother. The jollity would be torture, and it would be best to give her some space anyway. I hear them go through to the kitchen and the exclaims of delight confirm my thoughts. Instead, I take the stairs and shut myself in my room, where I climb into bed and gather the brightly coloured blanket around me for comfort. I welcome the numbness; it stops the cuts at surface level so they’re only skin deep. It prevents them from burying down into my very bones. As I sit there, the blanket pulled tight around me, I focus on the only thing keeping me from dissolving right now. I might never let you go .
“Levi! Levi!” A shout travels up the stairs. It’s Marina. Shit, how long have I been up here?
“Sorry,” I apologise as I descend the stairs. “I went up for a quick rest, and I must have fallen asleep.”
She believes my lie and concern crosses her face as she cups my cheek. “You do look pale. I’ve worked you too hard getting this place ready, especially when you’ve been doing more shifts over the last couple of weeks. Do you feel alright to work tonight?”
“Darla needs me,” I say, not able to meet her eyes.
“You’re so good. She’s lucky to have you.”
I don’t mention the fact that I’m getting paid double, or that I’m now glad to be getting out of the house. All I have to do is get through this dinner.
“Now, come and meet everyone,” she says, taking hold of my arm and escorting me to the lounge. From her voice I can already tell she likes them a lot.
The lounge—which is not a big room to begin with, as none of them are in the small cottage—seems full, with the space being taken up by three large guys. Mac is tall, maybe six two, and the others match his height as well. I can instantly spot who Reece is. That he and Mac are related is evident as soon as you see them together. Same brown hair and warm brown eyes. Mac’s nose is a little crooked, probably broken in a fight, but to me it makes him all the more handsome. He also has a presence that Reece doesn’t have, not to me anyway, though they both possess the same easy assured manner.
Reece greets me warmly, and although I still don’t feel like being social, I do my best to be the same back.
Nolan is the one who intrigues me. With his dark hair, which is almost black, he looks quite stern, but when he’s introduced to me his face transforms with a broad smile. Once the greetings are over, they sit, and the only space left for me is a small wedge of couch next to Mac. Instead, I opt for sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“Do you want a drink?” Marina asks me, and I notice that everyone else has a beer or a glass of wine, getting into the festive spirit. I shake my head; I have to work later.
Marina looks so happy, in her element, and I’m pleased for her. She catches me looking and gives me the warmest smile, that reaches through to me and helps me to relax. I let the conversation wash over me. Although Reece has been in the UK for half his life he still has an American accent, and Marina asks him questions about where he’s from. I notice she’s carefully not asking him about his father. I guess she’s drawn a firm line under that part of her life, but she does ask about his mum. I can tell from the way he responds that he loves her very much.
“She knits a lot, just like you,” he says, looking round at the evidence of Marina’s craft.
“Do you miss her?” she asks.
“Of course, but I don’t regret coming here or making a life for myself in the UK,” he replies. “I’ll be going back in a few months, though. I’ve been invited to my high-school reunion. I can’t believe it’s been twenty years.”
“Have you kept in touch with your old school friends?” Marina asks.
A dark look crosses his face. “Not as much as I should have.”
“Well,” Marina says brightly. “Maybe you’ll get a chance to catch up.”
Reece makes a non-committal answer and takes a swig of his beer.
I catch Nolan looking at me a couple of times. After one time he says something to Mac, and whilst I can’t hear what either of them say, I can see Mac’s reaction as his face looks thunderous and he mouths the words “fuck you” to his friend. Nolan just shrugs and smirks, and Mac pointedly ignores him. It looks like Nolan has some pretty thick skin when it comes to his friend. I’m sure he needs it. But if Nolan is looking at me, does that mean he already knows of me? Has Mac mentioned me to him? That I could be a topic of conversation between them is fascinating. Any other time I’d be pissed off about that, but after what Mac said to me earlier I’m more intrigued. That thought alone keeps me occupied, and I’m not paying attention when Mac suddenly announces?—
“Presents. I brought presents.”
Fuck!
I haven’t bought anyone presents. Well, apart from Marina, who I bought a Buddleja davidii—or rather, butterfly bush—which I gave her earlier today when she gave me a large cozy hooded sweater in blue that she’d knitted for me. But I haven’t got anything for Mac, or anyone else.
Mac reaches into the bags he brought in earlier and pulls out several presents, depositing the first to his mum.
“Mac, you shouldn’t have,” she exclaims, opening a food hamper. Then I look with dismay as she passes him a small gift. She could have mentioned she was getting him a present. He opens it to find a leather wallet.
“Just what I needed,” he exclaims, saying all the correct things.
To Reece he gives a bottle of whisky, muttering something about it’s better than the American rubbish he insists on drinking. Reece just laughs him off and gives him a bottle of bourbon. It shows they truly are brothers, that they could have the same idea.
He makes a huge show of giving Nolan a present, just a small package, and Nolan chuckles and rolls his eyes.
“Let me guess,” Nolan laughs, taking the present and making a huge show of squeezing it, shaking it, and sniffing it.
He slowly unwraps it and goes into mock shock, placing his hand on his chest. “Just what I’ve always wanted.”
He holds up a pair of socks. Light blue, covered with rainbows. He reaches into a bag and gives Mac a similarly shaped package—also socks, only this time they’re black.
“Is this some sort of in-joke?” Reece asks.
“When we were uni students we always joked that we were so poor we couldn’t even afford socks, and it’s true, we couldn’t,” Nolan explains. “So we vowed that every Christmas we’d buy each other socks, and we have ever since. But Mac here insists he can only have black ones because he’s boring.”
“I’m a detective. How serious would people take me if I turned up in neon colours?”
“Believe me, Mac, no one is ever looking at your socks.”
I can’t agree with Nolan more. The way they act, I can see a friendship that’s been made over many years, and I feel a little sad that I’ve never had a friend like that. He’s lucky he has.
Mac takes out a last present and stands, coming over to me.
“This is for you,” he says and holds it out.
I don’t move from my position on the floor and he towers over me.
“I didn’t get you anything,” I say, feeling small and inadequate.
“Present giving doesn’t work like that. I don’t give to receive. I give because I want to.” He gives the present a little shake, drawing my attention back to it. Keeping my eyes on his, I reach up and take it from him, and he gives me a small smile that I feel is just for me, as if I’d done something that pleased him. Despite my embarrassment that I’ve not got anything for him, I feel my mouth twitch in response to that small amount of praise. Traitorous body. I turn my attention to the parcel in my lap and unwrap it slowly. It’s a Harrington jacket, a timeless style. The maroon colour is one of my favourites, but he can’t know that can he?
“Put it on,” he whispers and I rise, slipping it on.
Everyone exclaims how lovely it is, but I only want to know what he thinks.
“Gorgeous,” he says quietly, so only I can hear.
I smile my thanks at him and he matches it with one of his own. I remember that my plan today was to get him to notice me, and this shows that he already has. A piece of what he said earlier clicks into place in my head. “If we were found out.” And I know what my Christmas present to him will be.