Chapter 1 #2
She stood abruptly, breaking the physical connection between them and walked several steps away before turning to look at him.
“I do not understand, sir,” she murmured.
“My cousin and your aunt have both stated that you are engaged to your cousin, Miss de Bourgh, plus I know that you find me only ‘tolerable’. How can you want to court someone who is only tolerable and who you view as beneath yourself? Last autumn in Meryton, you held yourself above our company, barely conversing with anyone. While I must admit my opinion of you has changed with our talks here in Kent, I have trouble believing you would ever really want to align yourself with me and my family.”
“I am not now, nor do I ever intend to be, engaged to my cousin Anne,” Darcy said, having stood up as she did and flushed brightly, first in anger, then mortification, as he comprehended her words.
“And it seems I have much for which to apologise. But please tell me, why do you think I find you ‘tolerable’? I assure you nothing could be further from the truth.”
“Because you said so, sir, at the assembly in Meryton before we were even introduced. Mr Bingley approached you to convince you to dance, and you looked at me coldly before pronouncing me as ‘merely tolerable’ and ‘not handsome enough to tempt you’. I was standing only a few feet away and heard every word you spoke as you did nothing to moderate your voice,” Elizabeth said, her anger rising.
He paled and nearly stumbled at her ire, ashamed over his recollection of that night.
“I am appalled at my words and behaviour, Miss Bennet. I sincerely apologise for ever speaking such a blatant untruth,” he said apologetically.
“It is no excuse, but I was in a foul mood that night—I did not want to attend the dance and said as much to Bingley beforehand.
Since I could not stay at Netherfield without Miss Bingley remaining behind, I unwillingly went to the assembly.
I would have declared any woman he thrust at me in such terms.
“I was uncomfortable coming to Hertfordshire in the first place. However, long before this autumn, I promised Bingley I would advise him whenever he took an estate. He reminded me of this promise in September and insisted I come with him to Netherfield to teach him how to run it. At the time, I believed Georgiana still needed me—we had been back from Ramsgate a month—and I did not want to leave her. She insisted I fulfil my promise to my friend and assured me she would use the time to get to know her companion better and recover from Ramsgate. I did investigate this companion much more thoroughly than the last, and I knew Richard would be nearby while she stayed with my other aunt. No fortune hunter could get near her, but I worried for her in more than just that. I failed her, and I wanted to stay near her to protect her.”
He stepped closer while she watched him intently.
“I am most dreadfully sorry I ever spoke those words and much more so that you overheard them and were injured by them. You must know they were then and still are false. You are far from tolerable, Miss Bennet; you are truly everything lovely and, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I have ever had the privilege to know, both inside and out,” he said, reflexively reaching for her hand before letting his hand drop, afraid she would not allow his touch.
She coloured slightly. “In Hertfordshire, you stared at me often, but I believed you only looked to find fault. And we argued so frequently.”
Darcy looked aghast. “If I looked—or stared—at you in Hertfordshire, Miss Bennet, it was to admire you, not find fault. The night you refused to dance with me at Lucas Lodge, I unwisely told Miss Bingley I was admiring your fine eyes and pretty face, and she teased me about it frequently afterwards. However, I did not realise I stared quite so often or so obviously; I certainly did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I do not recall any arguments, but I thoroughly enjoyed our debates, which, if I recall correctly, you won most often. I admired that you did not alter your opinions to match mine; I could make five contradictory statements in the same conversation in London, and most ladies would agree with every statement.”
“What of the conversation about what makes an accomplished woman? That was clearly an argument, Mr Darcy. Who won that one?” she enquired archly.
He laughed, taking her by surprise. She privately acknowledged he was most handsome when he smiled and laughed, and Elizabeth was sure she had never seen him look so handsome before.
“You did, most decidedly,” he said. “But I did not argue with you in that—Miss Bingley argued and was the obvious loser in the debate. I said I only knew a few accomplished women, then Miss Bingley recited her list of so-called accomplishments, adding that extensive reading was required to make one accomplished. You replied that you were surprised we knew any, causing Miss Bingley to state she knew many accomplished women, completely contradicting her early statement. She went from knowing only a few to knowing many without realising it. And I stand by my comment that only a few women have worthwhile accomplishments, the most important of which is to expand her mind through extensive reading.”
Elizabeth’s mouth dropped open at his recounting of the conversation. After a moment, she spoke, head slightly bowed. “Again, sir, it appears I have misunderstood and misjudged you. I believed you agreed with Miss Bingley’s list of accomplishments and found my own wanting.”
“It was perhaps clumsy, Miss Bennet, but I was attempting to compliment you,” Mr Darcy said, dismayed at her admission of how she viewed the conversations he so enjoyed.
After a moment, he spoke again. “Miss Bennet, I do admire you, but it seems we have not understood each other very well. Could we start anew? I would like to court you, but under the circumstances, perhaps we could get to know each other better before we discuss …. more.”
Elizabeth stared at him for several moments, her cheeks burning brightly.
“I would like that, Mr Darcy. I have allowed your comment at the assembly to colour my opinions of you unfairly throughout our acquaintance. Might I … would you allow me to consider your request and give you an answer tomorrow?”
“I would be happy to walk again with you tomorrow, and any other day you allow me to do so. Please take as much time as you need to answer—I would like to create a better impression than I have thus far. It would also be best if my aunt were not aware of any understanding between us before you leave for London,” Darcy said, then sighed again before continuing.
“My aunt refuses to listen to any wishes besides her own regarding my supposed engagement to her daughter. Neither Anne nor I desire to wed the other; Anne because she prefers never to wed, and, well, I, um, prefer another, obviously.” He coloured as he said the last. “Aunt Catherine will be livid when I announce an engagement to anyone other than Anne. I suggest you not mention my request at the parsonage so it does not accidentally get back to her until things are more certain between us.”
“I can agree to that,” Elizabeth said. “I will not write to Jane about it either. Since I have been at Hunsford, I have wondered whether Mr Collins has been reading my post. Several letters I received since arriving appear to have had their seals broken and heat used to reseal, and more than once, I have noticed that letters I placed downstairs to be posted were disturbed.”
Darcy scowled at that and changed the topic to one he hoped would be more pleasant. “How is your sister enjoying spring in Hertfordshire?”
“She is in London, sir, and has been rather disappointed,” Elizabeth’s voice was sharp as she recalled the melancholic tone of her sister’s letters.
“Disappointed?” he asked.
“Yes, Jane visited Miss Bingley when she first arrived in town, but they claimed to have an appointment, and Jane did not stay long. They waited three weeks to return the call and only stayed a few minutes, making it obvious how displeased they were. Jane believes the connection severed after their behaviour and has made no additional attempts to visit them. She is disappointed because she believed Mr Bingley cared for her as much as she did for him,” Elizabeth explained.
Darcy paled slightly. “She cared for him?”
“Yes,” Elizabeth said, eyeing him carefully and wondering what about that statement made him pale.
“Then I am very sorry for her, for Bingley will not marry her,” Darcy gently stated, then hurried to explain when he saw the anger in Elizabeth’s eyes.
“It has nothing to do with her and entirely to do with him and his family.
Bingley is engaged and has been for some time.
It is not widely known because the girl is not yet out.
His father and hers made the match several years ago and signed the settlement on behalf of their children.
I am only aware of it because I knew Bingley when the arrangements were made and tried to warn him against the match.
It did not make sense for him to engage himself when neither would be prepared to marry for years.
“On several occasions since, I have warned him to be careful and not raise expectations with women, but he is personable and, quite frankly, a bit of a flirt. I warned him at Netherfield, but not until the ball did I realise the entire neighbourhood was anticipating an engagement between your sister and Bingley. I pulled him aside that night and suggested he take his leave of the families in the area and depart for the holiday season to allow talk to die down. I also encouraged him to at least subtly hint to your sister at his engagement after the attention he paid. However, I did not think her heart was touched and believed she would easily recover from the loss of his attention.”