Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
It was another week before Elizabeth posted a response to either of her parents.
She did eventually write, in essence, what she had expressed to her husband soon after reading their letters.
She accepted their apologies and thanked them for finally accepting their role in the break between the families; however, she was unwilling to make any additional overtures towards them.
To that end, she kept her responses brief and straightforward—accepting the apologies but going no further.
In the meantime, Elizabeth and her aunt had called on Jane, learning a few things of particular interest. One, they discovered that Jane had also received a letter from their mother, less apologetic in tone but making it apparent that the matron had finally reflected on her treatment of her daughters and the havoc that wreaked upon the family.
Although Jane had been a favourite, Mrs Bennet apologised for pushing her so hard in the direction of any eligible gentleman and for her lack of excitement when she had made a good match.
Mrs Bennet told Jane she had been disappointed her ‘most beautiful daughter’ did not make as good a match as her least favourite and was upset that the Darcys’ marriage would always outshine the match of the eldest. The matron recognised the damage those words and feelings caused, accepting responsibility for the distance between the matron and her eldest daughter.
Jane made excuses for her mother, as remained her habit.
“I cannot but forgive Mama when she asks for it, and to be honest, I forgave her long ago. However, my husband has been less willing to travel to Longbourn after Mama’s hateful words, and I hope her letter will soothe him and convince him to allow her to come for my confinement. ”
“Jane, are you certain you would like Mama present when you give birth? She is hardly calm normally, and I cannot imagine her being of help when you are in the midst of your lying-in,” Elizabeth cautioned.
“Lizzy, you make too much of Mama’s excitement,” Jane admonished. “It will be well.”
Elizabeth held her tongue, unwilling to say any more in the light of her sister’s placidity. “We plan to remain in Town until mid-July, hoping your child will comply with our travel plans,” she teased. “You still believe you will enter your confinement at the end of June?”
“I do,” Jane confirmed. “The midwife visited a few days ago and confirmed the dates we thought. She believes I am carrying a girl because of how sick I have been throughout.”
Aunt Gardiner nodded. “When I carried the girls, I was sick from nearly the first moment we suspected I was with child. I was sick for the first months with the boys, but it quickly subsided.”
Elizabeth had nothing to add, but her sickness had not lasted long after they had begun to suspect she was with child.
In December, she had been sick for a few days, but it had faded nearly as soon as it began.
This time, she was slightly nauseated but had never felt more than that.
She merely felt more tired than usual and a little more emotional, two symptoms she recalled from her time carrying Alex.
During the remainder of the visit, little else was said about Mrs Bennet as Elizabeth was unwilling to discuss her feelings with her sister.
She felt Jane would only try to convince her to allow their mother back into her life without expecting any changes.
Jane was always too willing to excuse and forgive the offences of her mother, while Elizabeth was unwilling to do so without seeing evidence of a change.
After visiting for an hour, Elizabeth and Mrs Gardiner left Jane’s house, discussing Jane’s reaction for a few minutes.
“I will try to convince Jane not to invite her mother to town for confinement, as I do not believe Mrs Bennet will be of much use to her. She will be more likely to add to the general confusion of the event, but if Jane continues to insist, I will invite her to stay with me.”
Elizabeth sighed. “I am not willing to face her yet, Aunt,” she said.
“I will not visit your home or Jane’s while she is in residence.
In my opinion, Jane is far too willing to forgive, but then again, she has not been subjected to the angry and hateful words that I have been, and certainly not for as long as I have.
Mama rarely had a positive word to say about me, and even when I married William, she still thought only of what she could gain from my marriage.
She may truly repent her actions in the past, but while I can forgive her, I am still not certain I can be in her presence. ”
“I understand your feelings, my dear,” her aunt replied. “There is far more between you and your mother than between your mother and Jane. And your temperaments are not the same.”
Again, she sighed. “We are different, but I will not appreciate Jane pressuring me in this regard. While I forgave Mama long ago, Jane kept trying to persuade me to act against my intention by writing to Mama after I said I would not. She told me I was obstinate and unforgiving by refusing to write or speak of her. I will not be manipulated or persuaded into seeing her until I am ready.”
Mrs Gardiner patted her hand to calm her niece’s rising anger. “I will not encourage Jane to act against your inclination in this matter and will warn her against doing so.”
They arrived at the Gardiner home, and that lady departed the carriage with a few more reassuring words.
Elizabeth returned home lost in thought of the exchange between the two sisters and briefly wondered if Jane was right.
“Am I making too much of this? Am I wrong not to merely forgive and move on?” she thought.
She was nearly in tears when she arrived home and proceeded directly to her husband’s study, where she nearly fell into his arms. “What is wrong, dearest?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around her, returning to his seat with her in his lap.
“Jane cannot understand my unwillingness to see Mama—truly, I do not want to see either of my parents and am not certain when I shall. She still believes I am being resentful and unforgiving, as she can easily forgive Mama for her sins against her. How much easier it is to forgive being treated as the favourite and only ‘sinning’ in disappointing Mama by not marrying as well as she might have done. I have years of disappointing and angering Mama and being subjected to her cruel words. Why can Jane not understand what I have tolerated over the years and allow me my reasonable anger? Why can she not understand that I might forgive my parents for their ill-treatment of me while still holding them accountable? Things have turned out well for me, but that was not due to the actions of my parents but is due entirely to the wonderful man who was willing to marry me when I came to him with nothing. I recognise my good fortune that you were willing to overlook my failings and lack of fortune or connections and marry me anyway,” Elizabeth whispered as she cried.
“Shush, dearest,” he murmured into her ear.
“Jane does not understand because she did not have the same experience you did, and as you have frequently said, she tends to see the good in all things. She never experienced the vile accusations that your mother hurled at you or saw the callous way your father and mother treated you. You will only see your parents when you are ready to see them, and no one will force you to do so until then.”
“We intended to remain in London until after Jane gave birth, but if she follows through with her desire to invite Mama to come to town for the birth, I may ask you to leave London earlier. I would not want to encounter her accidentally, and I suspect Jane would try to force a meeting between us, thinking that would ‘fix’ things,” Elizabeth said after a moment.
“We have spoken before of leaving town sooner than the end of the Season. Georgiana will not object, or we can leave her here with Lady Matlock to escort her.”
He smiled and kissed her temple. “Dearest Elizabeth, you know that I would not object to that in the least, but do you truly desire not to be present when Jane gives birth? I know how upset you were to miss her wedding, and I do not want you to miss this if I can prevent it.”
She snuggled further into his embrace. “I love you, my Will,” she said, lightly kissing his lips.
“However, Jane will have to decide if she prefers my presence or my mother’s at her lying-in because both of us will not be there.
I will ask my aunt to let me know if she is expected in town, as Jane may not be willing to inform me and may attempt to manipulate me into seeing my mother. ”
Darcy hugged her tighter. “I love you too, my Elizabeth,” he said before returning the kiss. They remained sitting in his chair, their arms around the other, as they considered what to do about the Bennets and Jane.
Over the next month, Elizabeth and her parents exchanged a few more letters.
Mr Bennet had written a more newsy letter, speaking of the changes he was continuing to make to the estate and his expectations for success.
Mrs Bennet wrote describing her efforts with the tenants and outlining her plans for helping her husband as he makes changes to the estate.
She also told Elizabeth the news of the tenants—two had new children that had come over the winter—particularly of the children.
Strangely, Mrs Bennet had found herself drawn to the children and had become almost grandmotherly towards them, spending time entertaining and teaching them.
To say Elizabeth was surprised by this was an understatement. Her mother had barely taken an interest in her children’s education, so it was rather shocking that she would take time to educate their tenants’ children.