Chapter 3
Felix
I f Oak brought out the best in me, then Kellan brought the absolute worst. I couldn’t help it, and to be honest, I didn’t even try. I hated that he knew about my injuries and the pain that still plagued me. I hated him for having the audacity to even mention it. Who the fuck did he think he was? We certainly weren’t friends.
Just seeing him put me in a piss-poor mood. Every time.
When he got up to join Dana in the kitchen, I seized my chance to escape. Well, it took me a moment because I had to make sure I could stand without grimacing or showing any other outward sign of discomfort. I got enough sympathy from Oak and Charlie as it was, and I didn’t need any more pity.
Confident I could stand, I did so, causing Charlie to blink up at me with his wide brown eyes. Maybe it was his glasses that made them look bigger. Either way, he was surprised and his mouth turned down. I jumped in before he could speak.
“I have to get to the Nook. Let me know when a good time to train on the software is, and I’ll make it work.” I covered the awkward shuffle I needed to do by making it look like I was taking the time to push in my chair. “Thanks for the coffee and cookies.”
“You didn’t finish the cookies,” Oak pointed out, a smirk in his tone. I didn’t have to look at him to know it was on his face. I kept my gaze on Charlie as I flipped Oak off. His belly laugh made me smile.
The twinge in my leg made that smile disappear.
Feeling the need to say something else, I added, “You’re gonna have a great time and we’ll make sure the Inn is still standing when you get back. Try not to worry about anything.”
Charlie sat back and a small smile played at the corners of his lips. “It’s like you don’t even know me.”
I forced a laugh and a smile. I did know him, probably better than he thought, because Teague’s favorite topic in the world was this man. And because most of my knowledge came from the person who loved Charlie most in the world—though there was a very long list of people that loved him, and I was glad he was learning to trust that—I knew without a doubt that he was a really good person. Anxieties aside.
“It’ll be fine. Call me when you have a plan.” I tilted my head in Oak’s direction. “Behave, twink.”
“Never,” he responded with a wink.
I chuckled as I made my way to the door. The dining room had an exit right to the parking lot, so instead of going back through the lobby, I hit the push bar to shove the door open. I couldn’t handle the extra steps it would take me to walk all the way through the building and then back across the walk outside.
Once I was through the door, the heat hitting me in the face, I took a breath and dropped the facade. I was no longer worried about what my friends would see now that the door was shut. Shifting my weight to my better leg, I carefully extended my left and flexed my knee. It helped a little and that was about as good as I could ask for.
After a few seconds of just breathing, letting the pain wash through me and out, I felt marginally better. I’d had worse days. A lot worse. This was more like my base level pain. Adjusting my hold on my cane, I started toward my car.
I was still more than three feet away when I heard the door crash open. “Felix! Hold up!”
I moved faster, but it wasn’t fast enough. Kellan made it to me about the same time I got a hand on the door. He touched my shoulder, but I immediately shrugged him away. If I hadn’t been glaring at him at the same time, I would have missed the split second of hurt that crossed his face before he held up his hands and took a step back.
Not far enough so that I could get the door open though. I glared harder.
“I didn’t mean to run you off.” His voice was soft, contrite even.
I scoffed. “It’s humorous that you think you have any control over my actions whatsoever.”
He looked like I slapped him, but quickly schooled his expression, eyes turning hard. “Yes, you made that perfectly clear at Giacomo’s that day.”
“When you stalked me here to—”
“When we coincidentally ended up in the same town.” It was weird how he could talk over me, interrupt me, without raising his voice at all. But his tone was firm, and I imagined it came in handy when dealing with elementary schoolers. “When I’d been in town all of three days, and I was overjoyed to see you, even though you ghosted me after our weekend together. When you cussed me out before I could even say ‘hello’ and jumped to conclusions. Is that what you’re talking about?”
I scowled. His revisionist history was interesting. That wasn’t how I remembered it at all. I opened my mouth to refute him, blood rising, but he waved a hand.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ve steered clear of you. But our circles are intersecting, and that can’t be helped. I’m not going to get on my knees for you and beg to suck your cock. So just….” He lifted his gaze to the sky, exposing the long column of his neck, and took a breath. My gaze got stuck on all that lovely skin and my traitorous mind reminded me of when he’d been covered in my marks. “Felix?”
I jerked my gaze back to his and snapped, “What?”
He sighed. “I came out here to make sure you were all right, but now I just…. If anyone has the right to be pissed off about our situation, it’s me. So how about you agree to be civil with me? I’ll settle for that. Just leave the asshole at home, and I’ll make sure to interact with you as little as possible. Deal?”
“Fine,” I bit out.
“Great,” he responded in the same tone, and then without another word, he turned and stalked away. His long legs ate up the ground, and it would be a lot better for me if I didn’t know how those legs felt wrapped around my hips.
“Fuck,” I muttered, tearing my gaze away from him.
I practically ripped the car door off, my anger leaking through, and I tossed my cane into the passenger footwell before I slid into the driver’s seat. After I got situated, I blew out a breath. Dammit all to hell.
In my rearview, I saw him pull out of the lot, and I wondered how he managed to fold himself into that sedan. Then mentally chastised myself for wondering about him at all. I’d put him out of my mind the moment I woke up in the hospital and saw all his missed calls and texts. We’d made loose plans, not even really a promise, to get together again. But before we could, I’d been damaged beyond repair.
For the millionth time, I cursed my own stupidity. Not for going bungee jumping with my pack of adrenaline-junkie friends. We’d done it dozens of times. But for not realizing the attendant had been high as fuck. For not realizing he hadn’t calculated my weight correctly and hadn’t checked my harness. For showing off for my friends instead of paying attention.
The court had ruled gross negligence on the part of the company, and that was the only reason I’d been able to sue. The settlement was enough so that I could live comfortably for the rest of my life. At least financially. Not physically. My legs were as good as they were going to get. It was cold consolation in light of my injuries.
If that jump had gone differently, I would have seen Kellan again. We would have hooked up a few more times before going our separate ways. And he wouldn’t be a stark reminder of who I used to be. The man, and top, I could never be again.
Fuck this shit. I didn’t need this. I wasn’t going down that road again. I’d made my peace with it, as much as I was able. And I wasn’t going to let it in, because then I’d end up back in therapy, and I didn’t want to do that.
No, I would push it aside. Move on. Be civil when I had to and keep the angry to myself. I was good at that by now.
N ostalgia Nook had been a staple in Fairville since my uncle opened it in the late 70s. I’d updated the signage when I took over a few years ago, but little else had changed. It was still the same storefront my uncle had purchased back then, and it was still across the street from the bakery, although that was now Sugar Rush instead of the Hinman’s Bakery I’d grown up with.
The Nook was dimly lit, which I found invited people to shop around, but not so dark as to be dreary. When customers really had to look at things, they usually found treasures they didn’t know they needed. Neither my mother nor I really needed to work. Loreena Decker had taught sixth grade science up until two years ago, and her pension, along with my father’s, was enough to keep her comfortable. I, of course, had the settlement money. But when my uncle was ready to sell and move south, I’d bought the shop from him because we both liked to have something to do.
“Hey, Ma,” I called softly as I made my way inside, carefully weaving through the displays of furniture to reach the register. She looked up from her knitting and offered me a smile. A split second later, she squinted at me.
“What did you do?”
I scoffed. “What makes you think I did anything?”
She tutted. “You’re in a mood. I can always tell. You get this particular scowl on your face. You’ve done it ever since you were a baby. Your father did it too.”
Maybe because I’d just been thinking about him, but hearing Ma mention him was like a stab to the gut. He’d been gone fifteen years now, taken from us far too soon, and on foreign soil. He’d have been so disappointed in me if he saw what I’d become.
“So? You gonna tell me?” Ma had gotten to the end of her row, so she had a free needle to point at me in a threatening manner. Not that it was remotely threatening at all. Ma was the sweetest woman on the planet.
“Nothing happened,” I lied.
Ma didn’t buy it. “Don’t tell me you didn’t convince Charlie to go on vacation. Teague’s been so hopeful, he’s planned everything out. It’s going to be a wonderful trip. Teague’s worked so hard.”
I snorted. “You love him more than you love me.”
“Sometimes.” She pursed her lips and started the next row of her pattern, but all I could do was laugh. It wasn’t true but I liked to tease her about it. She liked to play into it.
“For your information, Charlie has agreed to go, now that he’s sure that I’m sure about helping out. You can definitely handle the store, right? Because I’ve been thinking of hiring someone part-time.”
Ma shot me a look. “I’m not so old that I can’t handle working a full day anymore.”
“Of course not.” I was quick to placate her, but it was the truth. She was only fifty-five. She claimed she retired to make way for new blood, teachers who were far more up to speed on the new curriculum requirements and technology that went with it. That after thirty-two years of teaching, she was tired. But I had a feeling it was so she could help me out here, knowing that I wasn’t able to do everything. Of course, both of those things could be true.
“I can handle it,” she said. Then she smiled. “Not that it would be a bad thing to hire someone part-time. Especially now that tourist season is picking up.”
“I’ll look into it.” I eased myself down onto the barstool I kept behind the counter. Sometimes it was exactly the right height to ease the tension in my legs. Today was one of those days. I blew out a breath as my muscles relaxed.
“Sounds good. I sold the Chesterfield that’s been gathering dust in the front corner, by the way. They’ll be back either before close or tomorrow morning to pick it up. I’ve entered everything in the computer and made sure they knew we’d be checking ID’s before we let it go. And you might want to check with your suppliers about….”
I jiggled the mouse to wake up the computer, and listened with half an ear as Ma told me about her morning. I made a mental note to scour the sites I frequented for everything she mentioned, which was mostly baskets and books. Both were big sellers. I clicked into the inventory program and started scrolling through to confirm what she was saying.
“Oh, and Oak stopped in this morning. To look at rings.” Her gleeful tone was one of someone who had the juiciest of gossip to share.
I glanced at her. “I’m sure it’s not what you think it is. He and Law have only been together a few months.”
“Six,” she corrected. “And I’m sure it is what I’m thinking.”
I turned to squint at her. She batted her eyelashes at me. I sighed and took the bait. “Okay, why?”
“Because he was looking at the larger sizes. Far too big for his fingers. Besides, why else would he be looking at rings ?”
“I can think of at least three reasons,” I said.
“Spoilsport.” She harrumphed. “I think it’s incredibly sweet. Anyone who sees the two of them together knows they’re in it for the long haul.”
I wisely kept my mouth shut. As happy as I was for him, and it was clear he and Law were in love, I didn’t hold much stock in forever anymore. Too few people I knew were still married, or even together. Life, or death, got in the way far too often.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I said, pointedly glancing at the grandfather clock next to the counter that we kept wound. Technically it was for sale, but I’d priced it so high no one would buy it. I liked it far too much to let it go easily.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Ma asked cheekily, but since she was planning on meeting Florence for lunch, she started packing up her knitting.
“Yes.”
Ma barked out a laugh, a rich deep sound I’d always loved. After she packed her bag, she hopped up and leaned over to give me a kiss on my cheek. Then she brushed my hair back from my forehead, like she used to do when I was sick as a kid.
“I’m here for you, Felix. I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to talk.”
“Thanks, Ma,” I said, meaning it.
She was gone a moment later, and I watched until she disappeared out the door. Then I closed my eyes and just breathed. I wasn’t going to burden her with any of this. It was my cross to bear and my feelings to deal with. My pain, both inside and out.
Later tonight when I got home, I might dig out a Percocet. I definitely was going to spend some time in the hot tub. And in the meantime, I was going to focus on work and forget about the tall, lithe, pretty man who was once again turning my world upside down.