Chapter 11
Felix
I was irritated by the flirting. Not because of the act itself—I’d seen plenty of harmless flirting between gay men, it was something we were sort of known for—but because of how freely Kellan and Luke expressed it. It probably didn’t mean anything, but they clearly clocked each other and had that moment between them.
That used to be me and it wasn’t anymore. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t rankled. But even though I was an asshole, I wasn’t that much of one that I would say something to them. Let them have their fun.
I told myself it didn’t matter as I made my way to the parking lot. While I was in nowhere near as much pain as yesterday, the day had been long enough that I was dragging now. And so was my left leg. I bit back the sigh and took a second to just gather my strength. I could push through, get to the car, and then it would all be fine. Once I was home again, I could take an ibuprofen, have a soak, and I’d be fine.
I’d almost made it to my car when I heard jogging footsteps behind me and Kellan called out, “Felix! Hold up a sec.”
I didn’t stop, because I was almost there, and I needed to lean. My left leg was ready to give out, just from tiredness. I’d done too much today, coming off the pain of yesterday, but I’d never admit it out loud.
“Feels like this is becoming a thing,” Kellan muttered as he got close.
“Hmm?”
“Me chasing you in parking lots.” He blew out a breath and waved that away, then pinned me with a serious look. “Why the hell didn’t you call me this morning?”
“Why would I?”
The growl of frustration cut off short. I watched him take a breath, like he was trying to rein in his emotions or gather his thoughts. After a couple of seconds, when he spoke, his tone was kind and curious and held nothing of the irritation from before.
“For a ride. To make it easier on yourself.”
For once when dealing with Kellan, I weighed my words before just spitting out the first thing that came to mind. Of course, my instinct was to snap, to insist that I was fine and I didn’t need help. But he was trying, and he’d been so pleased yesterday when I let him help me, that it felt cruel to squash him now. We’d made progress between us, and surprisingly, I found I didn’t want to just be bitchy with him. What we’d been before was over, and we’d never be that again. But maybe we could be…well not friends, but friendly.
“I was fine this morning.” I cocked my head, really thinking about that. “Well, fine enough. I didn’t want you to have to go out of your way or have to worry about carting me home again.”
“I like worrying about you,” he muttered.
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to hear that or not, and I debated for a second on whether to push him about it. The notion was ridiculous and I really should nip that in the bud so that he didn’t get any ideas. I didn’t need or want him worrying about me. But before I got the chance, he spoke again.
“Want a lift home? Your car will be safe enough here overnight.”
Tilting my head, I studied him. He wasn’t wrong. I wouldn’t have a problem with the car being there overnight. But it wasn’t necessary. I shook my head and did my best to temper it with a smile.
“I really am okay to drive. I promise you that if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t get behind the wheel. I’m not reckless. At least not anymore.” Not that I’d ever been when it came to motor vehicles, but Kellan knew of my prior thrill-seeking ways. It had been a topic of our discussion that long-ago weekend.
He pursed his lips and I had to avert my gaze. “All right. But will you let me know if you need a ride in the morning?”
“No.”
“Felix!” His growl was all frustration.
I laughed, I couldn’t help it and when I glanced back, I saw the surprise on his face. I shook my head again, still chuckling. “Tomorrow’s Friday. You have your whole day and then your little campout thing. I’m not going to add anything else to your plate.”
“I…” A small smile graced his lips. “Well, that’s considerate. But I swear you wouldn’t be.”
In that moment, I knew that he really believed that. And as nice as that was, it also wasn’t true. He had enough to handle tomorrow without making a stop to pick me up. Besides, I really was okay. Still in pain, still not at baseline, but good enough to do what I needed to do. And I was sure I’d be in even better shape tomorrow. That’s how these things usually went.
“Honey, really. I appreciate the thought, but I’m good. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
Kellan just stared, eyes wide. I wasn’t even sure he was breathing. He didn’t say anything. Didn’t even blink. I squinted at him, trying to figure out what was going on. After a few seconds, I still had no idea. I touched his arm, and it was as though he snapped out of it as he sucked in a big breath.
I squeezed his arm, then let my hand drop. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He nodded, his head bobbing quickly. “Yeah.”
I was going to ask him if he was okay, but then he smiled and it lit up his whole face. Damn, but he was pretty. He’d gotten even prettier in the past five years. I needed to make my escape now, so I pulled open the back door of my car. The walker was easy to fold up and stuff inside. When that was done, Kellan was still standing there, staring at me with that grin. All I could do was give a stupid little wave, get in the car, and drive away without looking back.
I was halfway home, unintentionally replaying the conversation in my head, when it hit me. I remembered what I’d said. More importantly, what I’d called him. Dammit all to hell. I growled and banged my hand on the steering wheel. I hadn’t meant for the endearment to slip out. Hell, I hadn’t even consciously thought it. And judging by Kellan’s reaction, he thought it meant something. When it definitely didn’t. Shouldn’t. Couldn’t .
Even though I wasn’t the endearment type and never used them.
Frustration and anger bubbled in my gut, squarely directed at myself. I don’t know what the fuck I’d been thinking. Well, clearly I hadn’t been. But now I had to decide what to do about it. Either I could pretend it never happened, which didn’t seem like the best option, since the Kellan I knew would take that endearment as encouragement, or I could talk to him about it so that he knew it was a mistake. To be honest, I didn’t really want to do that either. Disappointing him yet again just seemed shitty.
That was a problem for tomorrow me. Maybe I could just see how he acted and respond accordingly. There was a chance he’d let it go, not mention it and not act any differently, and I could act the same way. It would be the best-case scenario, but I wasn’t holding my breath.
A long time later, after I’d eaten, soaked, taken a gummy, and was sitting in my recliner, I let my mind wander back. And let myself fantasize in a way I hadn’t for more than five years. I’d never denied that I was attracted to Kellan. He was exactly my type, back when I gave thought to that sort of thing. Pretty, lithe, with a sharp sense of humor and a sultry voice. When I’d discovered he was a pushy bottom who let me have control and liked being manhandled? Well, there was a reason I’d been willing to see him again.
In my mellow state, I let myself imagine what things would be like now, if I was still able to give him what he needed. How he’d look up at me with big, wet eyes when he was on his knees before me. Of having those long legs wrapped around me, trying to force me to go faster or harder, and his whine when I didn’t give in. Of me muscling him and contorting his body into different positions, listening to him whimper and moan as I fucked him hard. The way his legs would shake when I was done with him.
I started to get hard, but I didn’t feel like doing anything about it. I just closed my eyes and let the daydream wash over me. Part of it was memories, like when I’d fucked him against the wall, his legs over my elbows, and he’d been turned on by my strength as much as everything else. But the rest was all imagination, of the things I would do to him now if the situation was different.
It was a good thought, even though I knew it would never happen. I drifted to sleep with a smile on my face.
I woke up the next day later than I liked and still in the recliner. I groaned as I took stock, but surprisingly, I felt pretty good. Definitely better than yesterday. My neck was stiff from the awkward angle, but my legs were at baseline. Or at least, close to it. Somehow I always forgot that on rare occasions, the chair was better for positioning. It was a reminder, once again, to look into adjustable beds. When I’d first been released from the hospital, insurance paid for a rental of a hospital bed. After about a year, I was happy to get rid of it and all the reminders. My stubbornness had come into play, and I’d rejected buying a commercial adjustable bed just on principle.
I was aware that I was sometimes my own worst enemy.
But maybe it was time to revisit the notion. Plenty of able bodied people used them simply for comfort, and it would be a hell of a lot easier than the wedge and body pillows I used now. Thinking about it now, it just seemed stupid to make things more difficult for myself. I put it on my mental to do list and hoisted myself out of the chair.
I got ready as quickly as I was able, knowing that I was still going to end up being a few minutes late. Nic wouldn’t care, but I shot her a text telling her I overslept but was good and I’d be no more than ten minutes late. She acknowledged it with a double thumbs up.
And then, because I was in a rare good mood, I texted Kellan too.
Feeling good today. Just overslept. Don’t worry.
The reply was almost instant.
Too late. ;)
And then a second later.
Thanks Felix
I smirked, stared at my phone for at least a minute trying to decide how to reply, then decided I didn’t need to and shoved the phone in my pocket. I grabbed my fancy cane, hand carved by Sean Mulligan and cut to exactly the right height, and headed out the door.
The Inn was even more lively than usual when I arrived. I could hear the kids singing positive statements along with…Snoop Dogg? That couldn’t be right but hell, it certainly sounded like him. The kids were enjoying the fuck out of it anyway, judging by the sheer volume. And the cheers that followed when the song about affirmations finished.
I couldn’t help the smile at the happiness pouring out of the room.
“Felix? Are you okay?” Oak was sitting at the desk, presumably covering until I arrived. He stood up, his face all shock and surprise. He gave a big, theatrical gasp. “Have you been replaced by a pod person?”
I shook my head at his antics and couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped as I said, “Shut up.”
“You’re…laughing. In public. When it’s not just me around.” He squinted hard. “Quick. What’s your favorite cupcake?”
“I’m not a pod person. Knock it off. Go clean something.”
Oak hummed. “That sounds more like you, but still. It’s sus. I don’t trust it.”
“Go. Away.”
That set him off, and he broke, laughing as he stepped to the side so I could get through the door. I kept my scowl in place, but for the first time in a long while, I didn’t really mean it. I was enjoying Oak’s amusement, even if I wasn’t willing to let him see it. He leaned on the frame, still studying me.
“What’s got you in a good mood for once?”
I didn’t answer, instead focusing on the desk in front of me. Oak had opened all the appropriate software but it looked like nothing else had been done. Not that there was a lot to do first thing, but there were some reservations in the system that needed to be approved. And it looked like a couple of emails to the general account as well. I’d start with those, in case I needed to track down answers, then move onto the bookings.
“It wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain, tall, tatted, hottie, would it?”
“Seriously, Oak. Go away. Or I’m calling Law.”
Oak sniffed. “My boyfriend loves me.”
As if he was summoned, Law appeared through the dining room door, Tristan hanging off his arm. It was a credit to the man’s steadiness that he barely blinked.
“I do. It’s true. But what does that have to do with whatever it is you’re discussing?”
“Nothing!” Oak was quick to say, making it clear that despite how much Law loved Oak, he wouldn’t necessarily be on the younger man’s side in this. Oak batted his big baby blues at Law. “I was just stating a fact.”
Law narrowed his eyes, not believing it for a second, but whatever he was going to say was cut off by Tristan turning himself upside down and saying, in a voice a little too loud, “Dad, can you wait until after Gramps picks me up to do kissy face with Oak?”
I seized the change of topic. “You hanging out with your gramps today, little man?”
“Yep!” Tris hopped down from his climbing, landing hard. He ran over to the window and grabbed the edge to pull himself up until his upper half was partway on the desk. “We’re gonna chop wood and then sleep outside in the trees!”
I shot a questioning look at Law. “Since the girls are part of the campout tonight, and so am I, Tris here gets the privilege of having the first sleepover in the rather ostentatious tree house Sean built the kids on the edge of the work site.”
“It has lights! And a bafroom!” Tris said excitedly, reaching forward to pull himself further in. That’s when Law swooped in and snatched him up, throwing the little boy over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. All I could do was blink. It had a bathroom?
As if reading my mind, Oak snorted. “It has a composting toilet. Though there is running water and electricity. It’s honestly like a guest house on a platform, twenty feet up and supported by four maples. There’s a spiral staircase to get to it. Gramps got inspired by some old TV show. He and Uncle Teague finished it right before the trip.”
“Old,” Law muttered, shooting Oak a look. “It was still airing like five or six years ago.”
Oak opened his mouth, but Law cut him off with a quick kiss, probably not wanting to hear whatever Oak was going to say. Then he turned around so Tristan was facing us. “Say goodbye to Oak and Mr. Felix.”
“Bye to Oak and Mr. Felix!” Tristan dutifully repeated, then broke into giggles like he thought he was just so funny. I waved at him, and Oak gave him a squeeze and a kiss on the head. He watched them walk out the lobby door, and then sighed happily. I thought that was it, but Oak turned back to me and shot me a look.
“It would be okay, you know.” Oak leaned into the window, keeping his voice down.
“What?” I asked, like I didn’t know exactly what he was talking about.
Oak wasn’t deterred. “If Kellan was the reason for the good mood. More than okay, actually. It would be a good thing.”
“Mind your own business, twink,” I muttered, not wanting to acknowledge what he was saying. Except my response did exactly that. Fortunately for me, Oak suddenly straightened, waved, and walked away. I let out a relieved breath.
But that emotion was short lived, because in the next second, I understood exactly why Oak had made a quick exit. Coming my way, his long stride devouring the floor and with a bright smile on his handsome face, was Kellan.