Chapter 10
Kellan
B eing a caretaker by nature was a blessing and a fucking curse, especially when faced with someone’s stubbornness. Especially if said someone was someone to me. Despite every reason he shouldn’t have been—let’s face it, one weekend years ago and assholery ever since we met again—he still was.
I knew Felix had his mom and she was a great lady. He also had Teague who I knew was one of his best friends from their school days, and he also had Oak. Yes, it was Oak who had told me these things, and the man could talk for sure.
What I wasn’t sure of was whether Felix understood that he had this family at the Inn who had clearly chosen him as theirs and was patiently waiting for him to accept them. If I ended up being the reason why he wouldn’t want to be around them, I would step back. Hell, as much as it would hurt, I would stop going to the Inn and the Nook and even the bakery.
Now that I was in his house, trying to take care of him because I wanted to be fucking selfish for once and I needed to make sure he was okay, I was shocked when he actually agreed.
“Great!” I said, trying to not sound too excited but probably unable to hide it. “So first food and meds. I’m gonna go get the food and we can see what Dana packed for us.” It was a statement, and I turned around again to go get it from the car.
My heart was pounding a little too fast and hard, but I could deal. I always did. Except I did feel awfully similar to the way I’d felt the night I’d decided to finally tell Riley I liked him liked him. I’d chickened out that night, and many other nights after, but still.
Something must’ve been off in my expression when I got back inside, because Felix took one look at me and frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head and pasted a smile on my face. “Just remembered something—”
“If you have to go—”
“Jesus Christ, Felix,” I snapped. “I remembered a similar night when I stepped into someone’s house and felt like I could be kicked out at any moment because I was too much when all I wanted to do was….” I sighed and put the bags on the kitchen table. “Nevermind.”
I unpacked the food and only once everything was visible did I realize that we were having fish and chips. With mushy peas. I laughed.
“What is it?” Felix, who had gone to the fridge for drinks, asked.
“Dana is going British today.” I went to take the water pitcher from Felix so he could maneuver his chair easier.
Felix snorted when he saw the spread and pointed me toward glasses and cutlery. He grabbed his pill bottle and brought it to the table instead of just chucking back his meds first. I approved.
We settled to eat and didn’t really talk. I felt awkward, because I was still sure he’d kick me out as soon as I stepped even close to his invisible, self-sabotaging lines. I didn’t want or need him to erase those barriers completely, but I would’ve preferred it if he accepted me near them, even over them if the situation called for it.
“This is really good,” he said, cutting into another piece of whatever white fish it was that Dana had battered and fried to perfection.
It was a simple meal, but even I could tell it was a step above your average fish and chips.
“It’s amazing. I wonder if the people who come to eat at the Inn even realize how lucky they are to have a chef of her caliber cooking for them?”
Felix snorted softly. “Probably not.”
“I’ve always liked peas, but I never thought I liked them mushed like this,” I admitted and ate a bit more of the deliciousness.
I glanced at Felix and saw him hide a little smile. I wasn’t ready to call it progress.
Once we were done eating, I collected our dishes and stepped away from the table, so that my back was to him when I asked, “Do you want me to come with you while you get ready for the tub?”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll, uh, I’ll call out if I need you.”
“That works. I’ll head toward the back once I’ve tidied up here.” I glanced over my shoulder just as he vanished down the hall toward his bedroom.
I might’ve taken extra care to clean up his kitchen. It was spotless, not that it had been messy to begin with, by the time I was done and ready to face whatever would happen when I tried to make sure Felix wouldn’t brain himself, everything sparkled.
I followed his tracks, listening to where I might find him. The bedroom door was open, so I knocked on the doorframe. “You ready?”
“Yeah, just about.” I heard him do something in the bathroom, and then he came out, a towel hanging over his shoulder as he supported his weight on a walker.
He seemed wobbly but able to walk, so I kept my eyes off his lower body and stepped out of his way.
I followed him out to the back and smiled at the setting he had going on. “This is really nice,” I commented.
“Thanks.” His tone seemed pleased, but he was clearly feeling awkward. And he was wearing trunks. What a shame.
I didn’t say anything, though, and instead chose to walk over to the hot tub with him. Then I stood to the side a bit as he tucked his walker to the side and left his towel on top of it.
It hurt me to watch him move so gingerly, but I understood. The only thing I had personally gone through that I could even remotely compare with his issue was having a bout of sciatica a few years ago. The way he moved now reminded me of how I’d moved for a couple of weeks after the initial worst had passed; I’d been scared that any movement might bring the horrible pain back.
At the last moment, I moved to stand right next to the tub and put my hand on the edge, locking my elbow. Then I concentrated on not watching him too directly as he maneuvered himself over the edge, wincing and grunting a little. He did, however, grab my arm when he wavered as he pulled his weaker leg over the edge, and I, oddly, felt gratitude that he’d taken the help.
Once he was sitting down in the tub, I went to sit on one of the chairs nearby and sighed. It was so peaceful here. The chairs were slightly behind the tub, so I was sitting with a side view of Felix. It felt safe. As if I couldn’t fuck up too much by staring at him from here. I hoped.
“I almost feel like there should be music and drinks and cabana boys,” I blurted out, chronically unable to not fill the silence.
Felix huffed, then I saw him brush his blond hair back with his wet hands. His biceps and forearms were deliciously muscled, and I realized he must’ve built more muscle there naturally after his accident.
“If you suggest you want to put on a speedo and prance around with a tray of drinks, you’re out of here,” he snarked.
I snickered at the image. “Yeah, that does both sound like something I might do, but also not the best idea. We’ll let Oak do it.” He was certainly the type who would relish the idea and fill the role perfectly based on his looks.
Felix snorted, and I watched as he closed his eyes. His face relaxed little by little as we sat there. He was handsome in an almost understated boy next door kind of way. I could still see hints of him as the professional who likely disarmed others with his good looks.
I turned my gaze away and sighed quietly. He was still every bit as attractive as he’d been. I might’ve been taller, but I’d never really felt that way back in the day. He’d had such a big personality; he’d been so self-assured and just…. I sighed again.
Maybe that was part of why I hated seeing him like this. As if the fact that I’d seen him in his prime and now as the man fate had made him become seemed so fucking unfair.
It didn’t diminish my feelings at all, of course. I could learn to… to care for this version of Felix. If he just let me inside. He was gorgeous, and I wanted to be his in a way I’d never wanted to be anyone’s before him or since that weekend.
Suddenly it hit me that I hadn’t looked at his legs. I still had no idea what they looked like now. I could make assumptions, hell, I’d stumbled through some awkward words earlier in the kitchen, but in my mind I’d already decided none of it mattered.
What mattered was how Felix saw himself and how he assumed I’d see him if I looked. And that was just looking. Touching? Actually wanting him? Yeah. I wanted him still, I could admit that. But more than that, I wanted to be his friend and be there for him.
So of course, by the time Felix began to doze off and snorted himself awake, my body decided to betray me.
“I think I’m done,” Felix announced and carefully began to get up.
I got out of my chair, hoping that the shorts I wore would cover the reaction my traitorous dick had to his wet skin and beautiful face.
I went to stand where I had been where he got in and locked my elbow again. This time I faced him, figuring that it might get a bit slippery under his bare feet.
I kept my eyes fixed around his torso, which didn’t help even a little. He was just such a beautiful man and it had been a while. I got harder as he maneuvered himself over the edge. Then, just as he started to stabilize himself to get his walker, he slipped.
I saw it happening in slow motion, and moved before I could register what was happening. I grabbed him by one arm and around his body, the water clinging to him soaking through my shirt.
“Holy fuck!” he hissed, and I could briefly see the way he’d gotten scared before his eyes shuttered again.
Waiting for him to get his balance back, I let go as soon as I could do it safely. “You good?”
Felix swallowed hard, then nodded as he grabbed his towel. “Yeah. Thank you.” Then he glanced at me and the way my light blue T-shirt was now wet. “Sorry about th….” He trailed off mid word, and I realized he’d seen the bulge in my shorts.
I had no idea what went through his brain, but his gaze flicked to mine too quickly for me to read him.
“What? You’re fucking gorgeous, wet, and practically naked, and I haven’t had sex in a long time. Sue me.”
He grabbed his walker and I stepped away to let him make his way inside. He murmured something under his breath too quiet for me to hear as he went.
As soon as he was back in his bedroom, he turned around again. Before he could open his mouth, I lifted my hands.
“I’m going, I’m going.” I didn’t step inside the room, just stayed in the doorway. “Just promise me you’ll let me know if you need a ride in the morning. I’ll swing by.”
He frowned.
“Promise me.”
In a tone that suggested I was asking him to pull his teeth or fingernails out, he acquiesced, “Okay. I’ll text you if I need a ride.”
I smirked. “Good boy. That wasn’t as hard as you thought it would be, was it?” With those words, I turned around and walked through his house.
By the front door, I made sure it would lock behind myself before stepping out.
I exhaled, then headed to my car. I needed a long shower with my hand and then sleep.
Tomorrow would be the third day of the camp, and I knew I needed energy for the rugrats, especially given that we had a field trip in the afternoon.
W hen I woke up in the morning, I felt surprisingly well rested. Maybe coming my brains out in the shower while thinking about touching Felix with his permission had done it, or something else. Either way, I felt almost like whistling when I got dressed and ready for the day.
The message I was waiting for didn’t appear, though. I kept checking my phone while I had some coffee, and then I texted him instead of waiting any more.
You need that ride?
Within a minute, I got back a curt response.
No, I’m good to drive.
“Well, okay then.” I put my mug in the sink, grabbed my bag, and my plastic bin of sidewalk chalk and left the house.
We’d used the other chalk I had already, and this bin held boxes of brand new ones. I had promised Nic that I’d hose the parking lot off at the end of the week, but she didn’t seem bothered.
By the time I parked at the Inn, Josie was already there, loving on the dogs. I carried my loot to the corner of the building where it wouldn’t be in anyone’s way.
“Good morning!” she said brightly.
“Morning. Rugrats incoming in T-minus fifteen minutes,” I warned her, as if she didn’t know already.
“At least the weather is great!”
It was nice, because it hadn’t gotten too hot yet, and the sun would only hit the parking lot directly later in the day. This way we didn’t have to worry about the kiddos getting sunburned, no matter how much we tried to make sure they were lathered in sunscreen for any outdoor activities.
Felix arrived before the kids, and I watched as he got out of his car, then grabbed his walker from the back. My jaw ticked, but I also knew that he was his own man. If he believed he was going to be fine driving himself here and back home after the workday, I needed to believe him.
He wasn’t wobbly per se, just a bit unsteady as he made his way to the entrance.
“Good morning, Felix!” Josie said brightly.
He gave us a tight smile. “Morning.”
I went to my chalks instead of interacting with him. Otherwise I might’ve said something less than kind. I’d noticed the tightness of his features, and I hated it.
T he morning’s outdoor play and chalk art exhibit was a roaring success. Just before we’d break for lunch—easy sandwiches and fruit cups, with my group inside and Josie’s in the parking lot to save space—a family of five parked their car in one of the spots.
The two smaller kids saw what we were doing, and they squealed loudly.
“Daddy, can we do chalk too?”
One of the men smiled at the enthusiasm. “We don’t have any chalk, but if it’s fine with the Inn and we can get some from the store, then sure.”
The second man made eye contact with me behind their backs and mouthed “Sorry!”
I shook my head and smiled back.
Then I looked at the rugrats, clapped my hands, and called out, “Everyone, gather the chalk into the boxes and bring them back to the bin, please. Then line up to go wash your hands before lunch!”
I leaned down to grab a couple of unopened packs of chalks from the bottom of the bin and walked to the family while Josie oversaw the campers for a while.
“I’m sure Nic and Dana won’t mind a bit if you want to color,” I told the kids. Then I pointed at the outer edge of the parking lot where my kids’ art was lined up. “If you take that end of the side over there, you can make pictures for our collection.” I looked at the dads. “If that’s okay with your grownups, of course.”
The shorter one who came up maybe to my collarbones beamed at me. “It’s totally fine. Thank you so much.”
That was when I noticed the service dog next to him. I ignored the dog immediately. It looked alert and uninterested, which meant it was good at its job.
I handed the chalk over the children, then glanced at the older kid who tried to seem interested in their phone. “If you want to show off, grab yourself a box from the bin.”
Scoffing, but sheepishly walking over to the bin, they took one from Josie and followed their younger siblings to the edge of the lot.
“Thank you,” the taller dad said and held out his hand for a shake. “I’m Curtis and this is Luke.”
“Kellan.” I lifted my hands to show the chalk and we chuckled. “And no problem, I’m all for kids having fun, especially on vacation.”
“What do we owe—”
I cut Curtis off. “Not a cent. I have plenty left.”
Luke smiled. “Maybe we can leave the chalk for other visitors?”
“That might be a good idea, actually. I’ll bring that up to Nic at the end of the week for sure.”
“Kellan?” Josie called to me.
“Duty calls. Was nice meeting you.”
“Same. See you later.” Luke beamed again.
A fter lunch, we had a visit to a local wildlife rehabilitation center, and it was as if someone pumped some pure energy and helium into the kiddos.
Everything went well, though, and by the time we got back and we managed to send off each kid with their respective parents, I was wiped out.
The day had run a bit long, and I went indoors to find Nic to chat about the chalk.
I glanced through the office window and saw Felix move around with his walker. His body language betrayed how much pain he was in, and it looked bad. Not quite as bad as the day before, but close.
Stubborn fucking idiot.
Instead of Nic, I found Dana in the kitchen and told her about the idea, and she wholeheartedly agreed.
“I don’t know why we haven’t thought of that. It’s a great activity for kids and we need more of those. Besides, it’s not like we don’t have the space.”
The parking lot was oversized, so there would certainly be enough room for play and more than enough left for vehicles.
“Okay, I’m off. See you in the morning,” I finally said after downing a cup of coffee.
As I went back into the lobby, I spied Felix being ready to leave as well.
Instead of paying any attention to him, I smiled when Luke walked inside, his dog next to him and three boxes of chalk under one arm.
“Oh hey, Kellan!” he said brightly. “You know where I could drop these?”
“Absolutely. Let’s put them in the office, and Nic and Dana can figure it all out when they have time.” I knocked on the office door and Felix opened it.
At the last second, he made sure his face was neutral. “Did I hear something about chalk?”
“Yeah, Luke and I were going to leave these here,” I explained.
I took the boxes from Luke and took one step inside the office to place them on the desk.
Then I stepped back out and smiled at Luke. “I hope your kids had fun.”
He beamed again. “Oh, they did. Thank you so much. Curtis and I are really grateful for your kindness,” he said, placing his hand on my arm in a way that was decidedly flirty.
“Is that so?” I asked, grinning a little.
The connection was definitely there. In another situation, we both knew what it could mean. I hadn’t been that guy in a long time now, but I still remembered the excitement of a connection like that.
Next to us, Felix cleared his throat. We hadn’t moved far, so the two of us and the dog were blocking his way, given that he needed the walker.
“Oh, sorry!” Luke said and backed away.
I watched as Felix grumped his way through locking down the office and then turning back to go to the front door. His legs were clearly tired, and he was dragging the left one a little.
One of Luke’s kids called him somewhere outside, and he quickly said bye and walked out with his dog.
I couldn’t help but to snort bitterly at the way Felix was still slowly shuffling toward the doors. I wanted to wring his neck. In that moment, I even hated him a little. Why was he doing this to himself? And me?
I immediately aimed the hate at myself. This wasn’t about me, after all. But the thought still lingered.