Chapter 18
Kellan
A fter Oak’s birthday, things got incredibly busy for me. I had very limited time left before the first day of school, and since I liked to refresh my classroom each year, yeah, it was a lot. Not only were there lesson plans and all that stuff, but also checking my student list for the year and trying to figure out what adjustments I might need based on who would be in my class.
I was sad to see Marlie and her classmates go, but I was certain I’d see her a lot during our free time. Besides, Tristan wasn’t far behind, and he would be a handful in a couple of years.
I’d taken down the old posters and things before I closed the door for the summer, so at least that was done. I appreciated exhausted-from-the-school-year-Kellan as I carried in bags and boxes of stuff to start over with.
Just as I got the last bit in, there was a knock on the open door. I lifted my gaze to see Bree.
“Hey, you made it!” I smiled, and she came in to give me a warm hug.
“Of course!” Her smile was there but a little bit brittle.
“Wanna talk about it while we work?” I asked gently as I handed her scissors and the double-sided tape I used to put up my posters.
She shrugged and sighed in a way that was familiar by now. She would start talking eventually.
A few minutes later, she finally said, “I agreed to couples’ therapy. We’re gonna do that for a while at least. See if it helps. It was his suggestion, and I… I feel like I owe that to him. To try, I mean.”
I hummed noncommittally and put up a couple of posters while she cut me pieces of tape and handed them over.
I made my tone gentle on purpose. “Just… don’t stay together because of the kids, you know?”
She snorted. “Oh, I know better. Trust me. That’s what my parents did and… just no. It’s… it’s not that I don’t love him, you know. He’s a great guy and an amazing dad, it’s just….” She sighed. “We’ve been growing apart for a while, but maybe the therapy will help with that.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t need to rehash the conversations we’d had before now, where she’d talked at length about how she didn’t feel the spark anymore.
“So, how’re things with Felix?”
Smiling, I sighed, sounding like a teenager. Then I chuckled, which turned into a giggle.
“Oh, that good?” Bree laughed. “Do tell.”
I called Felix that night.
“Hey, so wanna go on a date with me on Saturday?” I asked, hoping he could hear the grin in my tone.
“Well, hello to you too.”
He went quiet for a moment, and I knew where his mind had gone immediately. There was a Labor Day weekend thing in town. It was a whole to-do and there were many activities and so many people that it grated even on my nerves. It also meant a lot of walking, because they closed a long stretch of Main Street for all sorts of booths and food trucks and even a couple of little stages.
Keeping my voice light, I prompted, “So, is that a yes or a no?”
He sighed a little, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to hear it or not. “What did you have in mind?”
I beamed. “Obviously we’re going as far away from Main Street as we can.” This time, I heard his relieved exhale as clear as day. “I looked into some stuff, and I want to take you on a picnic. Now, it’s a bit of a hike—”
“Kellan—”
“No. Listen, it’s an accessible hiking route. I even went there yesterday to check it out. It was pretty busy, but I bet it’ll be mostly deserted on Saturday with the event in town.” I crossed my fingers and made a face, hoping he’d accept.
He exhaled again and stayed quiet for a while. “You’re sure it’s accessible?”
Victory. I smiled. “It is. You can take whatever you think you might need based on how you’ll feel on Saturday. It’s even wheelchair accessible and flat ground throughout. It’s about half a mile only, but it’s gorgeous out there. There’s picnic tables at the end of the trail and we can have lunch there. The weather should be really nice. Let me send you one photo so you can see a bit of the route, that’s how it is for the whole way.”
I sent the picture I’d snapped to ease his mind, and sent it. Then put the phone back to my ear, listening carefully.
I tried to not sound needy when I asked, “How does that look?”
This time I could hear the smile in his voice. “Yeah, okay. What time?”
I fist pumped. “Eleven okay? It won’t be too hot in the woods.”
“Okay. Eleven it is.”
“See you then!”
“Good night, Kellan.”
“Night!”
I ended the call, tossed my phone onto the couch next to me, and flailed a little. Okay. I could do this. It was time to romance the grouch a little.
I made sure to coordinate with Regan on Friday for some treats from their bakery for the next morning. I went to get the goods and then stopped at the store and got ingredients for a light but tasty salad. It was an easy thing to put together, but I made sure to make it a bit fancier than usual, just because. Then I packed coffee and bottles of water, and finally some chocolate covered strawberries, because yes, I wanted that cliché. Sue me.
I hadn’t checked up on Felix, just hoping that he was having a good pain day, but also mentally preparing for grumpiness, because that was always a possibility. I didn’t blame him for it, of course, but it was still something that took some adjusting on my part.
As I parked next to his house at three to eleven, I beamed, because he was already stepping out. With only his cane. And a certain shirt that he hadn’t returned tied around his waist. The sight warmed me down to my toes.I took in a deep breath, got out of the car, and jogged up the ramp to meet him on the porch.
“Good morning!” I said cheerily, hoping to gauge his mood.
He smiled fondly and leaned closer to give me a kiss. “Morning.”
I hummed happily against his lips. “We ready?”
“Yep. Lead the way.”
I could see the usual tells on his face. The pain was there, but it wasn’t bad yet. I hoped he had some meds with him, or that he would take my help if needed, but I didn’t question anything. Instead, I led the way to my Sedan and once he was inside, I started the engine again.
“It’s about half an hour away, a bit more. But since it’s away from town, there shouldn’t be much traffic.” I was happy, a bit bubbly, even.
“Everyone’s going the other way,” Felix mused.
I put my hand palm up on his thigh, and he took it, squeezing my fingers.
“It just struck me that we’ve never been on a date before,” I blurted out.
After a beat of stillness, Felix chuckled. “You’re right.”
Grinning, I glanced at him. “Not that either of us was doing much, erm, dating back then.”
His lips twitched, even though I could tell he didn’t really care for the subject of the Before Times. We’d both been all about easy, uncomplicated hookups back then. It had worked for us, until… yeah.
I turned on the radio and hummed along with the tunes until we turned off Route 11 and onto the back roads.
“So from what I learned online and the info sign at the beginning of the trail is that there was a young girl who had cancer and was wheelchair bound for years, and since her family were outdoorsy people, her last wish was to have more accessible hiking routes somewhere pretty,” I explained. “This is one of those spots around the State. There are a couple of others and then some of their friends made them happen in… I can’t remember. But in the Northeast anyway.”
“Huh.” Felix looked thoughtful. “That’s a nice legacy.”
“Yeah. I actually heard about this place from Law, because they’re putting in an accessible route to the Inn’s property, and he’d been researching it.”
“Oh. Maybe we can go test theirs when it’s done?” Felix asked in a tone that bordered on hopeful.
I smiled. “I’m pretty sure you’ll be used as a guinea pig at some point.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, and I hoped it meant he was beginning to understand that this was Law’s way of including him more. Not that it wasn’t extremely convenient for the Inn to have someone they could trust to use as a test subject.
Soon, we emerged from the tree-lined dirt road to a decently sized parking lot. An empty one, at that.
“Looks like I was right and we’re the only ones here at the moment!” I couldn’t help the excitement in my tone. I parked near the beginning of the trail and got out of the car while Felix hung his handicap placard from the rearview mirror. I went to the trunk to grab the picnic basket I’d packed, and then locked the vehicle once Felix was out.
“Okay, so it’s all wide enough for a wheelchair or a couple of people to walk side by side,” I said, gesturing toward where we were heading once he got out. “It’s… well, you’ll see.” I moved to his left side, since he had his cane in the right hand, and held my hand out.
He took it, smiling slightly as he inhaled the clean forest air.
The trees towered around us, and I made a happy sound. “Listen,” I whispered.
Felix lifted his head, his brow raised in question. Then he realized what I meant, and a beautiful smile spread on his handsome face. “Ah, silence, with only the forest sounds.”
“Exactly.” I leaned over to peck him on the lips, then gestured forward with the basket. “Let’s go.”
We walked at a leisurely pace, holding hands, and just enjoying the peace and quiet for once. I was present in the moment with him, and it was so, so good. I didn’t even want to talk, because it would’ve broken the silence that felt so precious.
I could practically feel Felix relax the longer we walked and he saw that the route was everything I’d said it would be. Whenever there was a dip or a spot where the ground was wet, it was covered by smooth wooden planks you could just walk or push a wheelchair over just as easily.
“How’s the prep for next week going?” Felix asked about halfway into the walk.
“It’s good. Pretty much done on the decorating side. I need to put some things together and all that. Last minute things, but that’s about it. My neighbor Bree? She came to help me out on Thursday.”
“That’s nice.” He grinned briefly. “Did you manage to gossip and chat without wine this time?”
Ah, I might’ve told him that was what we did on occasion.
“Yeah, surprisingly we didn’t need the alcohol.” I smiled but then sighed. “She’s not doing so well. Marriage-wise.”
Felix didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so he stayed quiet. Not that I’d expected a response, really.
There was a small, steady incline the last third of the way, and I hoped it wouldn’t be too much for Felix. The tightness around his eyes intensified a little, but he made it up and to our picnic spot pretty easily. At least so it seemed.
“Ta-da!” I said, putting the basket on the table nearest to the little railing.
The area overlooked a river that wasn’t anything too impressive, but there was a small waterfall, maybe four or five feet high, that rushed over some rocks and made the loveliest of sounds while doing so.
“Oh, wow.” Felix went to stand by the railing and looked at the view. “This is… serene.”
I could tell he was being genuine, so I joined him. I hugged him from behind and put my chin on his shoulder.
“I think it’s pretty. Really unassuming, you know. Must be even better in the springtime.” The melting snow would make the river wider and faster, for sure.
Felix nodded slowly. “I don’t know what time of year they open the trail, but we could see next spring?”
Okay. I… I got a bit choked up at that. “Yeah.” My voice was rough, and I pressed my forehead against the back of his neck, then squeezed him.
For five years, I’d hoped that I’d get an actual chance with this man, and now he was talking about the future, even if indirectly. We hadn’t really established what we were or where we were going with this… relationship. I wanted to call it that, at least. Quietly. Mostly just in my head.
I let go of him and stepped back. “Let me set everything up.”
I put an actual checkered tablecloth on the table, then set our drinks to our spots, and went on to put down cutlery and opening containers of goodies.
“Now, I’d suggest you leave a bit of coffee for dessert, but they’re large mugs so, maybe there’s enough.” I smiled as Felix turned around.
His eyes widened comically, then he walked the few steps to the table. “What did you do?” he breathed out.
“I’m romancing you, duh.” I pecked his lips and waited for him to take a seat on the bench.
Then I sat down and opened the salad container. “So, here’s what we have….”
I explained everything to him, except the eclairs and the strawberries that were still in the basket. The soft pretzels we could have with the main course, because there was a cream cheese dip for it.
Shaking his head, still looking a bit surprised, Felix grabbed his tall travel mug of coffee that I’d doctored to his preferences. He took a sip and let out a happy noise.
“How’s the Nook been?” I asked conversationally, as I hooked my ankle around his under the table as best as I could. Who knew picnic tables weren’t great for playing footsie?
Felix chuckled and began to tell me a story about how he had agreed on an acquisition of randomness because his mother had “found an interesting deal.” I was in stitches laughing in no time.
“And then she opened the last box and shrieked so loud I almost fell off the stool.” Tears were streaming down his face as he gestured with his fork. “I went to look and there was a taxidermy squirrel that looked nothing like a squirrel. I only realized what it was because of the tail and half of the fur was gone on one side of it, too!”
I almost choked on my sip of water and mopped my face with a napkin. “Oh gods, stop!”
I’d never seen Felix look so carefree and relaxed as he was right then, and something inside me stopped. I realized I was staring at him.
“What?” he asked, swiping his own cheeks with his fingers to get rid of the tears.
I’m in love with you. “Nah, just… good to see you laughing.”
He ducked his head and reached for another pretzel.
When it was time for dessert and I pulled out the box, he laughed again.
“I know, I know.” I waved a hand dismissively. “But I had to, because the strawberries looked so damn tasty.”
“I forgive you.” He smiled.
He shifted on the bench, and I knew it probably wasn’t the greatest seat for him, but we had some time still, I hoped.
We chatted some more, and we got to talking about our families with some more depth. He told me how they’d lost his dad, and I squeezed his hand in sympathy.
“That must’ve been rough.”
He gave me a sad little smile. “It was. It still is, sometimes. We don’t really celebrate New Years because of it.”
I understood the logic and filed the new information away. I would never ask him to do things for New Years, unless he initiated it.
“What was he like?” I asked, and he brightened.
He stared off into the middle distance for a minute before he spoke. “He was quiet, but not in a bad way. Proud of his service. That’s the thing I remember the most. He was honored to fight for this country and protect our freedom. Back then it was different, you know? It was…” He waved his hand and just breathed for a moment before he continued. “He was a big man with a big heart. Loyal and strong. And he loved us more than anything.”
I had to smile at that and there were tears in my eyes I blinked away. “That’s a lovely memory.”
“I’d rather have my dad,” he said bluntly. Then shrugged and the corner of his mouth lifted into a sort of half-smile. “But yeah.”
“Do you look like him?” I asked, desperate to lighten the mood a little but also wanting to keep him talking. I wanted to learn everything I could about him.
“Aunt Christy used to say I looked exactly like my ma and dad made a baby.” He chuckled at that. “So I guess somewhat. I’ll show you a picture some time.”
I beamed, thrilled at that invitation. “Yes, please.”
Felix turned the tables on me then, asking me about my parents. I shared some stories about growing up and I was pleased to see he was listening. But that brought up the thing that was taking up too much space in my brain recently, and I decided to mention it.
“So,” I started. “I have a wedding I need to go to at the end of September.”
“Oh?” he asked as he reached for an éclair.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “When I was a kid, I had a best friend, Riley. We were inseparable, pretty much right up until I, in a moment of teenage hormones and weakness, tried to kiss him when we were sixteen.”
Felix winced. “Oh, one of those.”
“Yeah. Like… I knew even doing it that it would go wrong, but I couldn’t help myself.”
“Because what if it didn’t go wrong,” he concluded.
I pointed at him with a chocolate covered strawberry. “Exactly.”
“And he’s getting married now? To a woman?”
“Yeah. I don’t know her, I haven’t talked to him in about… well, since high school graduation when our parents wanted to go to a dinner together because they didn’t know we’d fallen out.”
He made a face again. “That was probably not at all awkward?”
I snorted softly. “None whatsoever.”
“Why are you going?” he asked after a moment.
Sighing I looked up at the clear blue sky with just a few wisps of clouds passing my limited view. The treetops were high up and I felt as if we were sitting in a cathedral with a skylight or something.
“When I tried to kiss him,” I spoke to the sky. “He pushed me away and acted disgusted. He didn’t say anything, but he left my house and didn’t answer my texts that day. Then the next day at school, he ignored me.” I lowered my head again, my gaze bypassing Felix’s expression as I concentrated on my coffee mug instead. “Since that day, until we graduated, he was… he didn’t completely cut me out of his life, probably because I was his best friend for so long, since kindergarten, right? But… but he got vicious. He could be nearly normal for days, and then say something really horrible out of the blue, you know?”
Felix reached his hand over the table to take mine and tangled our fingers together. “Should I repeat my question?” he asked gently.
I shook my head and smiled sadly. “I guess I wanted to show him that I survived? That his horrible attitude toward me, the one who loved him with my whole being, didn’t crush me?”
“Oh, Kellan.” He squeezed my fingers.
“And my parents are going. They’re still friendly with Riley’s parents. I also want to see them, since I haven’t in years. They were like a second parental unit for me growing up. It’s not their fault their son made questionable decisions.”
“Is it not?” The annoyance in Felix’s tone was kind of gratifying.
I squeezed his hand back. “No, babe. It’s really not. They’re good people, and we hid everything from our parents until after we went off to college.”
“Why?”
“Because we didn’t want to ruin their friendship, even if ours was wonky.”
Felix was quiet for a while, then sighed, clearly not agreeing fully, but ready to change subjects. “Come feed me a strawberry. I know you want to.”
I clapped my hands, then blushed as I got up and went to straddle the bench next to him. I was being ridiculous. Still, I reached for a strawberry and held it to his lips, licking my own because I knew I would get to taste it from his mouth soon enough.
Looking incredibly fond and like he was half humoring me and half actually into it, he bit into the chocolate concoction.
If we ended up making out for a while, nobody was there to watch us other than the birds.