Chapter 23
Felix
K ellan kept his gaze fixed on the wedding party as they laughed and made their way in our direction, heading back inside the venue. I kept my gaze on my man. He was putting up a good front and it was clear he was happy for his childhood friend. But there was also something underneath it all, a sadness or unease maybe, that shone through. If you knew what you were looking for.
Apparently I did.
I was pretty sure it was the upcoming confrontation. No, confrontation wasn’t the right word. I didn’t expect any negativity or anger. Nothing like that. But Kellan would be confronting his past, and his old feelings, and that was a lot. I was glad I was at his side, ready to support him in whatever he needed.
Huh. I actually meant that. Originally, when I offered to accompany him, it was more about it being the right thing to do. And yeah, I did want to be there for Kellan. But in that moment, with Kellan’s past looming large in front of us, I meant it deep down in my soul. My legs might not be as strong as they used to be, but I would stand between him and the world if that’s what he needed.
The groom caught sight of Kellan and his expression froze for a split second before the smile slipped. Kate noticed right away and murmured something to him. Riley murmured back. A moment later, the rest of the party continued on their way toward the doors and Riley and Kate made their way to us.
Kellan straightened and plastered a smile on his face. It was only 90 percent genuine, his real smile, but I figured under the circumstances, that was pretty good.
“Kellan.” Riley had a good voice. Not as good as Kellan’s—because let’s face it, who did?—but deep and smooth. His smile was shaky though, even if his words weren’t.
“Hi. Congratulations, you two.” Kellan took one step forward, made an awkward sort of motion where it seemed he didn’t know whether to go in for a hug or not, but ultimately just offered his hand. Riley shook it, held on for a second longer than was necessary. Kellan either didn’t notice or ignored it, because then he offered his hand to Kate. He held her hand in his, placing his other one on top. “It’s lovely to meet you, Kate. You look radiant.”
“Thank you.” Kate’s smile was wide and sweet, and she let out a small, melodic laugh. “It’s nice to finally meet you too. Ri’s family talks about you all the time.”
Kellan gave a cheeky wink. “It was a long time ago, but for a long time, we were inseparable.” He stepped back and tucked his arm around my waist. “This is my boyfriend, Felix.”
I didn’t care enough to actually shake hands, which was rude, but whatever. I held up a hand in a sort of half wave instead. “Hello. Nice to meet you. The wedding was beautiful.”
Riley narrowed his eyes, really studying me. Kate’s grin grew wider. “Thank you so much. We got some push back when we decided to break some traditions, but it was much more us. Isn’t that right, Ri?”
Riley blinked as though he was coming back to himself. “Definitely, yeah. More us.” He cleared his throat, gaze fixed on Kellan. “Well, uh, we have to get in there. We’ll see you later?”
“Of course,” Kellan was quick to respond.
It took Riley another second to lead his wife away. As soon as they were out of earshot, I turned into Kellan, wrapping my free arm around him and murmured, “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Kellan nodded, shook his head, and then smiled down at me. “Yeah, actually. I’m good. Let’s go find our seats?”
I nodded and threaded my arm through his. I didn’t need the extra assistance—my cane was enough so far—but I thought Kellan might benefit from it. Considering he dropped a kiss on my hair and inhaled deeply before steering us back inside, I figured I was right.
K ellan and I had seats with his parents at one of the tables close to the wedding party. It was clearly one of the “important” tables since both sets of parents and all living grandparents were seated at the table next to us. The other six chairs at our table were occupied by two of Riley’s aunts, their husbands, and another older couple. The Burtons, from what I could gather, were also good friends of Riley’s parents.
There was an open bar, a live band, and a cupcake tower that one of the employees policed so that no one took their dessert too early. The booze and the music were good, the appetizers top tier, and we’d just been informed we wouldn’t have to wait long for dinner service. It couldn’t come soon enough.
Wedding receptions were boring. Doubly so when I didn’t know anyone here. I was trying not to be too much of a grumpy asshole, even if Riley’s uncle Dave was peppering me with questions about the Nook. Dave was the type to have opinions about everything. Especially, it seemed, running an antique and secondhand shop in a tiny tourist town in northern New York. Only Kellan’s hand on my thigh reminding me to behave kept me from snapping. The man might be an accountant, but what the hell did he know about my business?
Eventually, after dinner was served, the party picked up. There was all the usual falderal; the first dance, the father-daughter dance, and the mother-son dance. After that, people flooded the dance floor, and I shooed Kellan off with his mom when his face lit up at a particular song. They were both, apparently, having the time of their lives, hamming it up, twirling, and dipping.
“You can see where he gets it.”
I jerked my gaze to the side. Nolan watched his wife and son, but he’d moved into Kellan’s vacated seat next to me. I studied his profile for a second, then turned my attention back to the dancing.
“Yeah,” I agreed with a nod.
“Layla is the light of my life,” Nolan said after a few more minutes of silence. “Has been since I met her. My kid is pretty great, too.”
I chuckled. “He is. I agree.”
Nolan looked at me then. “Kellan can be that for you, too, if you let him. You should let him, Felix.”
For a moment, I didn’t know what to say to that. It was a tacit acceptance of me, both as a person and for his son. Unexpectedly, it made me choke up. I didn’t need his approval but having it was weirdly nice. It made me think about my own father and what he would have thought about Kellan. I’d never gotten the chance to come out to my dad, but I was pretty sure he wouldn’t have cared. And I liked to think he would have approved of Kellan.
“I’m trying,” I said, softer than I intended.
“Keep trying.” He clapped me on the shoulder as he stood up and I turned to watch him walk away. Then I found Kellan again, who aimed a smirk and an ass wiggle in my direction, making me laugh.
I let the loud music and sound of hundreds of voices wash over me. Was I excited about where I was and what I was doing? No. I would have rather been chilling on my couch, in my quiet house, and eating a gummy. But the fact that I was here with Kellan, who was enjoying himself? That right there made all the difference.
Deciding I needed a drink, I hoisted myself up and started the arduous process of making my way across the room. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have to dodge people right and left. Most of them weren’t paying attention to their own spatial awareness and I nearly got clocked with an elbow twice. Everyone was loud and animated and didn’t care that an invalid with a cane was trying to walk around them.
Kellan met up with me halfway across the room. That instantly made things easier. He was so tall, there was no missing him coming, and people moved out of the way. He smelled a little bit like sweat, his cologne stronger from his workout, and I inhaled deeply, loving the mix. Kellan chuckled as though he knew exactly what I was doing.
“You didn’t have to leave your mom.”
Kellan shook his head with a snort. “I passed her off to dad when a slow song came on. I could use a drink anyway.”
We made it to the bar and Kellan sidled up to the surface while I hung back just a bit. It was easier for him to get in there and get one of the three bartenders’ attention.
“Hey. Who are you?” One of the groomsmen said, listing a little to the left before he righted himself and leaned on the bar. His tie was undone and hanging around his neck, his jacket was gone, and his eyes were just a touch glassy. He took Kellan in from head to toe. “Must be one of Zack’s friends.”
The other groomsmen laughed, except for one who was clearly more level-headed and less drunk than the rest. He groaned and said, “Come on, Chad.”
Chad made his eyes wide, like he was just so innocent. “What? You come on, Joe. Lookit him! He’s all…” He gestured with a floppy hand. “And the hair and the shiny girl shit on his lips.”
I pushed my way closer, using my cane to nudge folks out of the way. Kellan straightened up, now towering over the fuckwit Chad, but Chad didn’t seem to realize that he was in no state to do anything. He was spoiling for a fight. Fortunately for Chad, Joe seemed to have a cooler head. He pushed himself between the fuckwit and Kellan and offered Kellan an apologetic smile.
“Ignore him, okay? He’s just drunk. That’s all.”
“I am not!” Chad’s shout was far too loud and everyone in the immediate vicinity was looking at the fracas. “He’s gotta be Zack’s. No way he’s here for Riley or Kate, because they know better than that.”
“He belongs to me,” I said, voice hard, staring down the fuckwit.
“He’s drunk—” Joe tried again.
“He’s a bigot who’s talking shit about the man I love. How about I—" Kellan’s hand on my shoulder had me cutting off my own words and taking a breath. Remembering where we were and that an even bigger scene was ill advised, I shook my head. “Take him for a walk.”
It took both Joe and one of the other groomsmen to get the fuckwit to not only turn around but stumble away. I watched them go, staring them down, ready to wield the cane as a weapon if I needed to. Not like I could fight any other way.
“My hero,” Kellan said in my ear, all sultry with just a hint of amusement.
I growled and leaned back into him. “Yeah, well. He’s an asshole and he needed to go.”
“Mhmm.” Kellan kissed my neck. “You realize what you said, babe?”
I harrumphed. “That he’s a bigot? It’s true.”
“After that.”
It took a second, and then it dawned on me. Love. I’d said he was the man I love. I went still, because until that very second, I would never have assigned that emotion. Shit, up until a few weeks ago, I was still convinced I wasn’t capable of love. Not the Teague-and-Charlie kind of love that Kellan deserved. And fuck, Kellan still could do a hell of a lot better than me. Shit. I couldn’t deal with this right now.
“Let’s ignore that for now.”
He chuckled and when I glanced at him his eyes were shining with both love and amusement. I scowled just to get us back on even ground. It only made him laugh hard.
“Sure,” he said, laughter still coming through. “We’ll ignore it just like we ignored what I said.”
“Good.” I turned in his hold, and when he kissed me, I let him keep it mostly chaste. He was smiling when he pulled back, but I still had to ask. “You okay?”
For a second or two, he seemed confused. Then his expression cleared. “Because of that frat bro? I mean, it sucks, and I can’t believe Riley is good enough friends with him to make him a groomsman.” He stared off in the distance for a moment. “Well maybe I can, but it makes me sad. Anyway, yeah, it sucks to hear that kind of crap. But it’s nothing new. You know that. I hate it, but it doesn’t…”
“Gut you anymore.” I knew that feeling all around. Rage was still simmering that someone had dared to speak to Kellan like that, but it was banked by this sweet man in front of me. We were here for Kellan to do what he needed and then we could leave it all behind. We’d never see that fuckwit again. I was pretty sure we wouldn’t see Riley again either.
I was fine with that.
“Dance with me?” I asked, stepping back and taking his hand. Kellan’s face lit up and he nodded.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to move well to the fast paced song but fate stepped in. By the time we made it to the dance floor—which actually took up a good portion of the room—the band shifted into a popular ballad I’d heard on the radio recently. I didn’t know the words or who sang it, but it was easy to sway to. Kellan leaned my cane against a nearby table and pulled me into his arms, tucking me in close. I went with it. Usually I led. He could this time.
Kellan lowered his head, kissed my cheek, and then my ear. “I know we aren’t acknowledging what we both said. But can we at least, for the moment, acknowledge that we both said it?”
I groaned, but Kellan chortled, knowing I wasn’t serious. I took hold of his chin and angled his face to mine to kiss him. It was hard to keep myself in check because I wanted to devour him. But I could hold off. We’d get to that later, when we were back in our room.
“Yeah, fine. You said it. I said it. Whatever.” I kissed him again so he would know the tone was at least partially for show.
“So, no more arguing?” He winked.
I scoffed. “We both know that’s still gonna happen. But…yeah.” I had to say something. He needed to hear it. Honestly, so did I. “It’s you and me, okay?”
“Okay.” Kellan sighed happily and I knew he got it.
Yeah, we weren’t perfect. Mostly me. And we’d still hit bumps along the way. Argue, as I said. There’d be conflict. But we’d both come so far since we reentered each other’s orbit. We’d both learned. It was easier to trust in a possibility for a happily ever after because I trusted Kellan.
I never thought I’d have this. But with this man, I could see a future.