Chapter 22
Kellan
I t felt like no time at all passed, and then suddenly it was time for us to head downstate.
I’d reserved about four to five hours for the drive in my mental clock, not that it meant much since we weren’t in a rush whatsoever.
I had my car packed and ready when I went to work on that Friday morning, and then I left as soon as possible to pick up Felix. By four, we were on our way south, with both our bags, some road snacks and drinks, and Felix’s wheelchair in the trunk. He was going to try and use his cane most of the time, but he’d decided it was best to have the wheelchair if he’d need it.
“So,” I said when we were comfortably on the Interstate. “I was thinking you can tell me when we need to stop and we’ll find a spot.”
“Sounds good. I can last about an hour and a half before I need to stretch. Two stops, and then I can probably make it to—where are we going again?”
He was holding my hand and I squeezed his fingers as a Chappell Roan song played on low volume in the background.
“We’ll drive to Marlboro, to my childhood home. Since we need to have dinner anyway.”
Felix chuckled. “Right. I remember now.”
When I’d hesitantly asked him if he’d want to have dinner with my parents while we were in the area, he’d considered it for a moment, shrugged, and said we should because I didn’t see them that often and “we need to have dinner somewhere anyway.”
I glanced at him, once again struck with how gorgeous he was. There was some of that tightness around his eyes, but I trusted him to tell me when he needed a break.
“Do you want me to recap the rest of the weekend’s program?”
Smiling, he rubbed my knuckles with his thumb. “Yes, please.”
“Okay, so we’ll have dinner tonight with my parents, then we’ll drive a bit more, just south and across the river to Beacon, because that’s where I found a nice hotel.”
I was planning on treating my man, because he deserved it. One of the biggest draws was that the hotel was accessible as fuck and had a jacuzzi we could utilize while there. I’d reserved it for tonight and tomorrow as well, but Felix didn’t know that yet.
“Yes, the secret hotel,” he snarked, because I refused to tell him details.
I grinned. “Yes. Then tomorrow morning we sleep in, get ready, and drive to Montgomery for the wedding. The ceremony starts at two and then I assume we’ll be at the brewery for hours upon hours.” My grin turned into grimace. I both was and wasn’t looking forward to any of this.
“And Sunday?” Felix prompted after giving my hand a squeeze in solidarity.
“There’s going to be a wedding brunch before they leave for their honeymoon. It’s at midday in Newburgh at some nicer restaurant on the riverside. Basically just across the river from our hotel.”
“Are you still sure you don’t want to leave on Sunday?”
“Absolutely. Besides, I took Monday off anyway. We’ll have time to just relax. We can do or not do whatever we want after the brunch.” I looked forward to being around Felix outside our regular existence.
Whether we’d actually do anything or just laze about in our hotel room, I was fine with either.
“And just so you know,” I started, my tone a bit careful just in case, “once we’re getting closer to Marlboro, if you don’t feel like you can handle the dinner, they won’t be upset. They still remember how my dad’s mobility was after his back surgery and… yeah.”
I saw the corner of Felix’s mouth tilt downward minutely from the corner of my eye.
“It should be fine,” he finally said. “I mean, I will be sore tonight either way, but I want you to have this time with your parents.”
Neither of us had used the phrase “meet the parents” in this context. I wasn’t even sure how truly solid we were despite agreeing to try and just… I don’t know. He hadn’t said anything back to my mistimed, angrily blurted out love confession. Part of me was sure he might not ever acknowledge it. Maybe he just wasn’t capable of saying it even if he felt it. I was pretty sure he felt it though, on occasion. Sometimes when I glanced over at him there was softness in his gaze that I didn’t see in him often and never for anyone else. Not in the same way.
“I just want to reiterate that even if we’re here for this thing because of me, you’re my priority, Felix,” I spoke quietly, then pulled my hand from his to grab the steering wheel when an eighteen wheeler barreled past us.
He was quiet for a while before sighing a little. “I know.” Then, after a beat, he murmured, “Thank you, honey. I’ll… I’ll try to be mindful of that.”
W e stopped at a rest stop around the hour and a half mark of our drive. I ignored the way Felix winced and struggled as he got out of the car, because I knew he didn’t want the attention.
Instead, I gestured at the building, knowing there would be a convenience store of some sort inside. There was also a Starbucks and a McDonald’s but we didn’t have time to wait in those lines and really, the prices would be ridiculous. “Do you want ice cream or a popsicle? I’m gonna run in for some cold drinks.”
“Yeah, uh, surprise me?” he bit out through gritted teeth, but he was trying to keep his tone neutral.
I gave him a two-finger wave and walked off as much as I didn’t want to.
A handful of minutes later, I made it back outside. There were some picnic tables nearby, and I’d expected Felix to stay there, but instead he was walking toward me from the other side of the parking lot.
“Feeling any better?” I asked as I sat on the edge of the table.
“A bit. Moving helps.”
I handed him a blue raspberry slushy. “Surprised?”
He chuckled and took it. “Thank you. Yes.”
Felix leaned his butt against the end of the table and we hung out for a moment, just enjoying our sugary treats. I’d chosen a popsicle so I was done way before him, but I also had some gummy bears, so I ate those. They were my favorites, so I kind of shimmied a little in my seat.
Felix turned his head to look at me fondly. “Having fun?” His mouth had a slight blue tinge to it, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Ths my favrith!” I replied happily, mouth much too full.
Chuckling, he put the slushy next to my hip. “Guard that with your life. I’m going to go use the bathroom.”
“Okay!”
I had my turn after him, and soon after that, we were back on the road.
“I know you said an hour and a half is good for the next stop, too, but how did this one feel?”
“Not too bad. Just regular stiffness from sitting down for too long. Normally, I try to get up once an hour if I’m sitting down a lot. Moving around helps and I don’t want to risk blood clots.”
My brain screeched to a halt. “What?”
“What?”
“Blood clots?” My voice might’ve climbed a little bit.
“Oh.” He shrugged. “It’s just one of the realities. I can’t risk sitting for too long. The threat of clotting is lesser now than it was right after the surgeries. I’m as healed as I’m going to get, so it’s… it is what it is.”
“But it could still happen?” I tried to process yet another piece of information.
“Technically yes. It could happen to you, too. Hell, a lot of completely healthy people get blood clots while they take longer flights.”
I wanted to point out that wasn’t just because of sitting down, but again, this was… I needed to be careful here. I was quiet for a while and reached for my iced water.
“Well, I guess we won’t be flying long distance anytime soon,” I finally managed to say after putting the cup back in the holder.
“I guess not.”
Felix took my hand, and we continued on our way.
B y the time we made it to my childhood home, I could tell Felix was in serious pain. I’d made him take some ibuprofen about an hour ago in the hopes that he’d be able to sit for dinner.
Luckily, my parents’ house was very accessible and as I parked in the driveway next to mom’s Kia, I made sure the passenger side door was as close to the short path to the front door as possible.
“Ready?” I asked, leaning over to Felix a little.
He nodded, his expression tight with discomfort. “As I’ll ever be.”
“Good.” I kissed him gently. “Take your time. Tell me if you want the chair. My mom is watching us.”
I quickly exited the car and rounded it, meeting my mom in the middle.
“It’s so good to see you, sweet boy,” she cooed as she wrapped her arms around my middle.
I hugged her back, closing my eyes. I didn’t get mom hugs often, and while Loreena was good at them, she wasn’t my mom.
“You too, Mom.”
“How is he doing?” she whispered just as she let me go.
I made a face, and she nodded knowingly. She’d had a front row seat to my dad’s injury, after all.
Speaking of which. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s on the phone with your uncle. Something about a fishing trip.”
The car door closed behind me, so I turned around, smiling.
Felix stood there, leaning to the car as he gathered his faculties. I could tell the pain meds had taken a bit of the edge off, as he didn’t look that much worse than at our last stop.
He pushed away from the vehicle and came to us, holding out a hand to Mom.
“Mrs. Huntley, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
She beamed at him. “Likewise, Mr. Decker,” she replied with a spark of amusement in her gaze.
He chuckled. “Please call me Felix.”
“Only if you’ll call me Layla.”
He agreed with a polite little nod. “Layla.”
M y dad instantly liked Felix as well, and even though both of my parents clearly paid attention to Felix’s comfort level and he was physically uncomfortable throughout, the dinner went really well.
Felix, when he was trying to charm people, was kind of irresistible. He made both of them laugh several times, was polite and wonderful, and before we had coffee and dessert, he excused himself to go to the bathroom.
As soon as we heard the old creaky bathroom door close, Mom and Dad looked at me.
“He’s great,” Mom whispered. “Just… such a lovely man.”
I ducked my head and blushed. I knew that. Of course I did.
“He’s overcome a lot, that much is clear,” Dad said quietly. “As soon as we’re done with dessert, take him to the hotel. He needs rest.”
“I will.”
“And make him take a good pain pill for the night. I drove to the brewery yesterday to check it out and while it’s accessible, the distances are a bit much. It’s a big place,” he added.
I nearly teared up. There was no reason for Dad to go check the venue out, yet he had anyway. For Felix.
Mom got up and rounded the table to hug me around the shoulders. She pressed a kiss to my temple.
“You did good with this one,” she murmured. “Don’t let him drive you away when he’s grumpy. He doesn’t mean it.”
I glanced at Dad who had heard her words and ducked his head the same way I had just done. His cheeks flushed lightly. We all knew he still felt guilty about things he’d said and done in the past.
“I won’t. He’s a good man. He just sometimes needs reminding.”
Mom chuckled. “Well that sounds awfully familiar.”
She went to kiss Dad’s cheek on her way to the burbling coffee machine.
Dad gave me a look as if he was going to say something, but then he just nodded and smiled slightly. Yeah, I knew.
We finished the dinner with cheesecake and coffee, and Felix was polite and funny throughout.
As we were leaving, my parents walked us out. I didn’t know what my dad said to Felix when he stopped him on the way while Mom and I walked to the car, but it couldn’t be anything bad because Felix was keeping his expression carefully neutral when he joined us.
Mom gave him a big, gentle hug. “Please don’t be a stranger, Felix. I’m so glad Kellan could reconnect with you. I think you might be good for each other.”
“Thank you, Layla.” He squeezed her back.
I lifted a hand to Dad who had stayed by the door. “We’ll see you tomorrow at the wedding.”
Felix smiled at mom who was waving at us as I backed from the driveway.
“They’re nice people,” Felix murmured. “Not that I expected anything else.”
As I carefully maneuvered us away from the neighborhood, I pointed out the house where Riley had lived. It wasn’t far, and it had been safe for us to run between the houses back in the day.
“You said his parents sold it?”
“Yeah, apparently they did.” I shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, his parents were like another set of parents for me too and I loved their house, but I don’t have many feelings about all that anymore. Well, beyond the obvious.”
Felix squeezed my thigh. “I get that.”
The drive to the hotel was less than half an hour, and we checked in and took the elevator to the second floor room.
“This is much nicer than I was expecting,” Felix said when we slowly made our way down the hall.
I grinned. “I splurged. You know I don’t do that often but this feels worth it.”
I opened the door to our lovely room that had hardwood floors and enough room to maneuver around in a wheelchair if needed. The doorway to the bathroom was wide, and Felix went to check it out as I carried our bags inside.
“You got us a tub with jets?”
Chuckling, I set the bags down and went to lean on the bathroom door frame.
“Yes, and tomorrow night, I reserved the actual hot tub so we can relax after everything.”
He turned around to look at me with another one of his expressions I couldn’t read.
“Just so you know, you’re getting your dick sucked tonight.”
I laughed and gave him a kiss. “Okay. I’ll hold you to that.”
“You better.”
T he next morning, I woke up in the incredibly comfy bed with that feeling of “oh shit am I late for something.”
As if knowing that, Felix put his hand on my stomach. “There’s no rush, honey.”
I settled and groaned, then rolled over to look at him. “Hi.”
Felix smiled. “Hi.”
“Have you been up?” I asked, but we both knew I really meant to gauge whether he was in pain or not.
“Went to the bathroom. I’m pretty good.”
“Good.” I moved closer and put my head on his chest.
He began to pet me and we dozed off for a while. Some time later, I began to pet him back, ending up sliding my hand to his thigh.
“What are you doing?” Felix murmured.
“I dunno. What do you want me to do?”
Morning sex was just the thing sometimes.
Later, as I got ready for the wedding, I wondered if Felix had known that I needed to feel him while coming face to face with my past. The twinge in my ass spoke volumes on how hard I’d ridden him—I’d drawn the line on him moving at all with such a rough day ahead of us.
“We do clean up damn nice,” Felix murmured as he took our appearances in via the mirrors in the elevator.
He looked amazing in a black button down and gray double breasted vest. I’d opted for a crisp pale pink button down and a navy blazer. We looked really good together, even if I thought so myself.
“I wish we had more time,” I whined a little, making him laugh.
It was one of my favorite sounds, so I didn’t pout. Much. Maybe if he wasn’t too sore tonight, I could relax him with things other than the jacuzzi, too?
P arking at the brewery was good. There were some accessible spots, and I hung Felix’s parking permit on the rearview mirror just in case.
I put my hand on the handle to get out of the car, and suddenly I couldn’t move.
“Honey?” Felix asked, reaching to take my hand. “Breathe. It’s going to be okay.”
I nodded rapidly. “No, I know. It’s….”
“A lot. I get that. But I’m here and I’m sure your parents will be happy to sit with us if you want.”
I’d told him that during the ceremony, I wanted to sit in the back, instead of in the front where I assumed my parents would be. They were so close to Riley’s parents still, our mothers more like sisters instead of friends despite their physical distance, that they might even be sitting in the front row.
“I know.” I took in a deep breath and forced myself to let go of the door. Then turned to Felix. “How do I look?”
He gave me a beautiful smile. “Like yourself. I like the purple.”
I had purple hidden in my hair now. It was obvious as soon as I ran my fingers through or the strands moved on their own just so. He wasn’t wrong. I did look like myself.
“Let’s do this.”
“Let’s.”
I got out of the car and went to wait for Felix in front. I could see others who had recently arrived, and realized that I only kind of recognized one of Riley’s aunts from his father’s side. My dad’s truck was already parked nearby, which didn’t surprise me in the least.
Even though the bride’s parents had been the ones mostly organizing everything, I was sure Michelle was bustling around the place, doing whatever she could while my mother joined in or, if Michelle was asked to relax, held her back.
Felix joined me, and we started the walk toward the doors that were open and decorated within an inch of their life. There were large bouquets on toddler-height vases on either side of the double doors and everything that could be draped with some sort of garland was, in fact, draped. I spied some cleverly hidden fairy lights that would probably look lovely in the evening.
As we made our way to the courtyard area where the ceremony was held, a couple of young people I didn’t know were directing people to their places.
“Bride or groom?” a kid of maybe seventeen asked.
“Groom,” I said, smiling back at them, because they were clearly a bit uncomfortable.
I brushed back my hair and their gaze caught on the purple. The smile on their face was everything.
“This side.” They pointed to some available seats.
There were over a hundred chairs, and I took Felix’s hand as we went to find a place to sit at one end of the back row furthest from the aisle.
I could spy my parents standing to the side in the front, talking to Riley’s parents.
The bride’s side was slightly more full already, and I watched all those strangers talk amongst themselves.
“Do you recognize anyone on his side or in the wedding party?” Felix asked, and my attention snapped to the people sitting in front of us.
We’d seen the groomsmen walking with purpose to do their tasks, I assume, just before we sat down.
“One guy I know because he used to run track with Riley. The others must be newer friends.” And frat brothers, because they all screamed that sort of thing despite being nearly thirty.
I shuddered. I was so fucking glad nobody in my circle of people had that sort of energy.
“There are a few people I’ve seen before. His uncle and aunt, and a cousin or two,” I added, while pointedly not making eye contact with those people.
Suddenly someone whirled into my view.
“Are you Kellan?” a man around my age with a distinct queer flair about him asked, eyes shining curiously.
“Uh, yes, I am.” I must’ve frowned, because he crouched next to me and grinned.
“I’m Zack. Kate is my sister. I’ve heard about you a bit and I couldn’t help but notice how nice you were to my cousin.” He nodded back at the teen. “The family needs to stick together, so thank you.” He held out his hand and I shook it.
“Hey, anytime I can make a kid feel more like they’re not alone….”
“You’re a good person, Kellan.” He smiled, then added quietly, “The vibe is incredibly cis-het here and that kinda gives me the creeps. It’s great to see other queer people here, even if I’m not a kid.”
Someone called his name, and he said a quick goodbye and went on his way.
“Well, that was….”
“Something,” I concluded Felix’s statement.
It became obvious that Zack was his sister’s man of honor. Riley appeared with another man I didn’t know and took his place on the altar, with a middle-aged officiant or chatting with him.
“He’s….” Felix clearly wasn’t sure what to say.
I chuckled. “Completely and utterly average. I know.”
I could understand what I’d once seen in Riley. He had that All-American boy next door charm about him still. In some ways Felix had the same look, except Felix had more personality. Probably on the inside too, and not only the outside.
I snorted softly. Felix heard it but didn’t ask, just raised a brow at me.
And then, a very nervous looking Riley made his way to the front and took his place. He looked happy and excited, and a little bit like he had right before every math test we’d ever taken together.
The music kicked up, and a hush settled over the audience. Then, to some wedding-y version of a pop song I couldn’t remember the name to began to play, and the wedding party walked down the aisle to take their spots. Seeing Zack across from the best man was kinda funny, especially in the more conservative setting.
The bridesmaids all had really nice dresses on, and I hoped it meant Kate was a good person who wanted them to have fun and be comfortable, too. I hadn’t been to many weddings, but I’d seen some monstrosities brides made their bridesmaids wear.
And then, suddenly there she was.
Kate was walked down the aisle by her father, and I looked at Riley in that moment. He seemed dumbstruck, as if seeing her walking toward him was more than he could handle.
The flower girl was someone’s toddler daughter who had extra flair, and eventually Zack produced the rings with a flourish that made everyone chuckle.
Felix squeezed my hand and I leaned my shoulder to his as we listened to the vows and watched as the happy couple beamed and cried and kissed.
We clapped politely at the end, and I found that I didn’t really feel anything at all.
The best man, whomever he was, announced that there was an hour and a half reserved for pictures in the garden and explained where guests could find refreshments and so on and so forth.
“Let’s go walk a bit. Get the present to put… wherever he just said the gift table is,” I suggested.
“ W hat did you get them?” Felix asked as I placed the gift bag among the massive pile of other things.
“Couple of Nintendo games, or well, a game and a gift card. The newest Mario Party and the gift card has a note that states it’s for the next Pokemon game when it comes out. We used to play the old ones together back in the day.”
Felix gave me a little smile. “He’ll know it’s from you.”
“That’s kind of the point.”
As we moved to go find the drinks and fancy snacks, I spotted my mom and Michelle across the large space.
“Incoming in five, four…,” I told Felix quietly.
He snorted and followed me to the hors d’oeuvres-laden tables.
As soon as we had our plates and drinks and headed to one of the benches along the brick wall, the women descended. I had just enough time to put my plate and glass of bubbly down before they caught up with us. Felix sat down with a wince, the bench being a bit too low.
“Oh, sweetheart, wasn’t it a lovely ceremony!” Mom looked teary eyed.
“It was beautiful,” I agreed as I turned to greet them.
“Kellan, it’s so good to see you!” Michelle said, her tone genuinely happy and open.
“You as well, Michelle.” I gave her a hug and kissed her cheek.
I knew she knew who Felix was, but I gestured to him anyway. “Michelle, this is my partner, Felix Decker. Felix, this is Michelle West, Riley’s mother.”
Felix held a hand for her to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am. Excuse me for not standing up.”
“Oh no, no need. It’s good to meet you as well. Layla has told me good things about you.” She smiled, and I was surprised to see a hint of sadness in her expression. “I’m glad that Kellan found someone like you.”
That was the closest she’d ever come to acknowledge what her son did in the past, and I was both grateful and ambivalent at the same time.
A woman around their age called for Michelle, and she excused herself. Weddings were busy as hell.
“I’m going to go find your father,” Mom announced, and left us alone.
There were other people snacking along the wall further away, but we were out hearing distance of what I assumed was gossip, because in my experience that was half the reason people went to weddings anyway.
“These are really good,” Felix commented, nodding at his plate.
“The Wests have money and so do the bride’s parents. I think they shared the costs and it shows.” I looked around the stunning space.
The reception would be held in another hall that we could see through some giant glass doors at the end of the room we were in. The venue was gorgeous and the decorations were tasteful.
“How are you feeling?” Felix asked once we were done with our snacking.
“So far so good. But I kind of want to go outside.” More people were filling the space now, and despite its size, I started to feel a bit claustrophobic.
“Sounds good. I need to move, too. Let’s go check out the garden if we can without disturbing the photography session.”
“Let’s.” I got up and held my hand to him, then ignored the way he winced as he used my arm for support to pull himself up.
Once he was up and balanced, he took my hand and held his cane in the other one. We made our way through the people, and I could feel some of the looks we were getting.
Dad had mentioned during dinner that some of the people here would be from more conservative circles. Mom had assured us that there wouldn’t be any outright hatefulness, because Michelle and Frank wouldn’t allow that, and neither would Kate's parents.
I understood that better after meeting Zack. If his parents were part of the conservative crowd but still embraced him, it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.
We made our way down the side of the garden ever so slowly. There was a river behind the brewery, and a scenic little spot with a bench that seemed higher than the ones inside.
Sun was shining into the spot, and we could see the wedding party taking their pictures further away across the gardens. We weren’t bothering them whatsoever, and the couple of flowers from a bouquet that were by the bench told the story of them having been here already.
There was a waist-high wall on the river’s side, and I went to lean my palms on it as I peered at the flowing water. It was calming.
The occasional laughter carrying to us made us smile.
“Weddings can be lovely,” I said thoughtfully. “Not that I want to get married myself, but I can see the draw.”
I turned around to set my butt on the wall and closed my eyes, lifting my face to the sun.
The next peal of laughter I could hear was familiar. Riley.
“I’m happy for him.” I opened my eyes and smiled at Felix who had sat on the bench. “There were many years when I hoped only the worst for him, you know.”
“That’s what we do when someone we love hurts us, especially when we’re young,” he mused.
“True. But now? I don’t know if it’s more about me being good with who I’ve become and feeling settled in my life, or just enough time passing, but I’m happy for him. He’s clearly in love with her. I hope they’ll make it.”
As if summoned, there was more laughter, and then I saw Riley and Kate walking down the path toward us.
“Here we go,” I murmured as we waited for them.
“You can do this, honey,” Felix assured me and held out his hand.
I took it and he pushed to his feet, then came to stand next to me, his arm going around me.
“Thank you,” I whispered to him.
He pulled me closer in response, and then it was showtime.