Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Blinking lazily, I move my stiff arms and legs to bring some sense into them, but it feels like needles are stabbing me all over my body. Light penetrates the crack under the closed door of the closet where I’m curled up in a ball. It’s how I find myself every dawn.
Dread gnaws at my stomach while I inspect my body for any indication that the monster inside me had a lot more fun last night than I dare admit.
To my relief, apart from my stiff arms and legs and sore back from being curled up too long in the corner of the closet, I don’t feel tender anywhere else. Disaster averted for one more night.
Blowing a breath through pursed lips, uncurling from the thick cream carpet with a wince, I roll my neck.
Twelve hours of daylight give me time to search for answers on how to get back to my old self.
Not that it’s possible even if you try. That snide voice in my head reminds me of the futility of my dreams. Pushing it away, I inch closer to the solid wood door, pressing my ear on it.
Even with heightened senses, the rest of my roommates, as I’d like to call them, can be very stealthy, like freaking cats padding around the penthouse on the carpeted floor.
Not even the wooden parquet helps to hear them.
Freaky as hell.
Holding my breath, I strain to hear anything.
Silence meets my eardrums, relaxing my muscles into a puddle.
Limbs trembling, I press my forehead on the door and close my eyes, letting a prayer float through my mind.
Please, God. Please let me find a way to get out of this nightmare I found myself in.
I know I’m unworthy and have done many things in my life not to deserve your mercy.
I will do better. I swear on my life. Please just help me.
Tears prickle from the corner of my closed eyelids, but I grind my teeth, pushing them away. I will not break down. Not now.
With great effort, I push away from the warm wood under my palms, straightening my shoulders.
I hide in this closet for some reason when the monster in me comes to life, but I’m not going to hide while she is asleep.
I’ll fight her with everything in me or die trying.
That’s the plan anyway, the only one I’ve got for now.
The hanging clothing around me feels like a menacing witness to my internal declaration, their stillness like an accusing finger between my shoulder blades.
The soft breeze of fresh air stirs the tiny hairs around my face when I soundlessly open the door.
Sebastian’s bedroom is bathed in the warm glow of the morning sun through the parted drapes on the window, giving it a calm, inviting feel.
I still hesitate at the open closet door.
I can feel the presence tugging at the center of my chest without seeing it.
Eyes darting around looking for shadows or silent predators lurking in corners, my fingers grip the doorframe, cracking the wood and plaster like Styrofoam.
“I won’t move from here. Come out, April.” Sebastian’s deep accented voice causes tingles in my lower belly, making me clutch the doorframe harder.
“Why are you here?”
Hating that I sound breathless and timid, I bite my lips so hard the taste of blood coats my tongue.
Giddiness flutters inside me at that, but I breathe through it.
I guess my prayers were left unheard, again.
The last person I want near me decided to invite himself into my space.
Well, his space if I’m honest, but I claimed it after he turned me into this monster.
“You can’t keep hiding while you are calm enough to talk, my redemption.
” From the corner of my eye, I see him push off the bedroom door to my right.
“Your transformation is not like the others. Not that I expected you to be like the rest of us.” A tired smile lifts just the corners of his full lips, tightening my stomach when I turn my head to look at him.
“Be that as it may, we need to find a way to deal with it, together. I hate to see you suffer so.”
“That’s fucking rich, Sebastian!” Anger moves my feet, taking me to the middle of the bedroom.
“I hate to see you suffer so.” Mimicking his deep voice, I sneer the words in his face.
“You did this to me, you monster! I’m a creature just like you because you wouldn’t leave me alone.
And I fell for your schemes like a moron.
” Humorless laughter bubbles up, sounding harsh to my own ears.
“The stupid little girl thought she would save you. I deserve all the suffering I get and then some.”
Sebastian winces.
Shaking my head at the pathetic idiot that I am, I turn my back on him, walking up to the window and yanking the drapes open.
He hisses and pulls away, plastering his tall frame on the bedroom door.
The only place in the room left in somewhat of the shadows.
Steam curls up where his legs are covered in daylight, making me grin like a fiend at him over my shoulder.
“My redemption, please. Hear me out. I’m not your enemy. You know this!” Slinking out of the room, he stands in the shadows of the hallway, his pleading words twisting my heart into a thick knot.
“There is nothing you can say to fix this.” Looking away from him, I stare unseeing through the window at the city stretching in front of me.
“All your words are like a slow killing poison. Sweet and tempting until they stopped my heart.” Pressing a hand at the center of my chest, the thumping of the organ under the pads of my fingers betrays my lie.
“It just didn’t work out so well for you, did it?
Your treachery bit you in the ass, so deal with it. ”
“I did what I had to do so we all survive this cruelty that was thrust upon us, and you know it.” I turn to look at him, when snapping at me, he leans forward, his arms trembling with his anger where he grips the walls.
“You are just too stubborn to see it. No”—raking his eyes over me in disappointment, his lips curl up, displaying his descended fangs— “you refuse to see the truth. It’s time you stop feeling sorry for yourself and open those eyes wide enough to grasp the truth.
We have all been fucked by life to be what we are today.
You are aiming your anger at the wrong people.
I gave you the tools to fight for what was taken from you, yet you want my head instead of theirs.
” Pushing off the walls, he turns his back on me, stopping just for a moment.
“Perhaps I have made a mistake. You are not strong enough to be our salvation.”
With those words thrown over his shoulder like an anvil around my neck, he disappears into the dark apartment.
My heart is beating so fast and hard I have no doubt the entire hotel full of monsters can hear it.
Can he be right? Am I so pitiful, so stuck feeling sorry for myself, that I don’t see the forest for the trees?
Pressing my cheek on the glass warmed by the sun, I let the tears trickle down my face. I wasn’t worthy of life when I was human. It looks like I’m not worthy of life as a monster, either.