Chapter 8
TATE
“You heard?”
I looked up at Ronan as he came to a stop in front of me. When I’d heard Hawke striding towards me from the gym, I’d taken a few steps back into a darkened hallway. But as I’d heard Ronan’s footsteps approaching, I’d stepped out of my hiding spot.
I nodded.
“How much?”
“All of it,” I admitted. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” I added. “I wanted to get the release signed.”
“Sure,” Ronan responded, but he didn’t move away from me and at the moment, I didn’t care. Because all I could focus on were Hawke’s final words.
“Where’s Matty?”
“Still in the backyard,” I murmured. “He and Seth are throwing a ball for Bullet.”
I hadn’t been surprised that Matty would warm up to Seth as quickly as he had because there was something so innately kind about the young man, that it would have been impossible for anyone, man or child, not to gravitate towards him.
When I’d asked Matty if he wanted to stay outside with Seth or come inside with me while I got the release form ready to send, he’d barely paid me any attention as he’d waved me off.
“Tate, I’m sorry, Hawke shouldn’t have threatened you.”
I wasn’t sure if I managed to respond in any kind of way because I was still reeling from what Hawke had said.
Not only had Buck and Denny murdered Hawke’s wife, they’d stolen the life of his unborn son too.
I felt my stomach rolling and I briefly wondered if I would have to ask Ronan where the nearest bathroom was.
“I know Hawke, Tate. It was an empty threat. He never would have gone through with it. But if it makes you feel better, I can make the DNA test and results go away,” Ronan said.
I had no idea how the man could manage something like that and I realized it didn’t really matter. Like with Hawke, I was completely out of my element. “No, he and I…we have a deal. I need to keep up my end.”
“What kind of deal?” Ronan asked.
But instead of answering Ronan, I shook my head and kept my mouth shut, though I had no idea why. I didn’t owe Hawke anything.
“He offered you something, didn’t he?”
“I should get back to Matty,” I whispered, but Ronan gently grabbed my arm before I could get away from him.
“You and Matty are safe now, Tate. Money, protection, support…you have all those things here.”
I looked up at him at that. “Why? You don’t know me.”
Ronan released my arm. “Seth and I both know you. We were you.”
I didn’t know what to make of the cryptic statement and truth be told, I was still too caught up in everything that had happened in the last few days - hell, within the last few hours - to actually want to try and understand it. “I should get that release form done,” I said quietly.
“Sure, my laptop’s in the kitchen.” I followed Ronan out of the hallway, but my thoughts were still on Hawke and I wondered what the hell I was supposed to do next.
My limbs felt heavy and sluggish as the barista handed me my coffee.
The small coffee stand near the entrance of the hospital had been a blessing in disguise because I couldn’t stomach the sludge they served in the cafeteria.
I was on my second visit of the day, my first being when I’d left the hospital to go back to the hotel to shower and change and try to grab a few hours of sleep.
It had only been ten days since Matty had been admitted, but it felt like a lifetime.
The day after arriving at Seth and Ronan’s house, I’d taken Matty to the children’s hospital in Seattle.
I’d expected to make the journey by myself and had been trying to get up the nerve to ask Ronan and Seth if they had a car I could borrow, when Seth had knocked on the bedroom door of the room Matty and I were sharing and had asked if he and Ronan could come with me.
I’d barely managed to hold it together at that point because I hadn’t been at all prepared to try to deal with understanding all the information the doctors would be throwing at me to explain the treatment plan for the next six months.
Ronan had driven us to the hospital and he’d kept Matty entertained on the ferry to the mainland while I’d had a chance to talk to Seth.
I hadn’t seen Hawke since the day before when he’d stormed out of the gym.
On the one hand, I’d been relieved because I wasn’t sure when Hawke was going to insist that I keep up my end of the deal.
On the other hand, I’d missed the distant, brooding man, though I had no idea why.
The visit with Matty’s new oncologist had gone well and Ronan had stayed with me to ask the questions I hadn’t thought of while Seth kept Matty busy by playing with him in the waiting area.
The doctor hadn’t tried to gloss over the seriousness of Matty’s illness, but he’d been very optimistic that Matty would respond to treatment, especially since we’d caught the disease so early.
After the appointment, Ronan and Seth had suggested we go down to the waterfront for lunch.
Matty had had a chance to play the various arcade games that were housed in the same building as the restaurant and then we’d explored the aquarium.
The fun had continued once we’d returned to the house on Whidbey Island and by the time we’d sat down to a dinner of hamburgers and hot dogs on the patio, Matty had barely been able to keep his eyes open.
I’d put him to bed shortly after that and had used the quiet time to explain to Matty that he was sick and would need to spend some time in the hospital.
I wasn’t sure how much Matty had really understood, but it hadn’t mattered because just before he’d drifted off to sleep, he’d murmured something about superheroes always getting better even when they got hurt.
I’d gone back downstairs after that to talk with Ronan and Seth about them watching out for Matty after I had to leave with Hawke to go to Lulling.
They’d both been sitting at the kitchen table, hands joined as they’d poured over some papers that they’d spread out in front of them.
I’d watched them in silence for a moment as they’d talked and laughed amongst themselves and I’d envied the easy conversation and the loving touches between them.
And none of those things had stopped when they’d spied me.
Instead, they’d waved me over and as I’d sat down, they’d started going over the plans they’d made on how to split up the time spent staying with Matty in the hospital so he’d never be by himself.
I’d lost it at that point and had started sobbing uncontrollably as I’d realized I wouldn’t have to face this by myself.
Seth had held me as I’d cried and when I’d finally managed to get control of myself, there’d been no judgment or recrimination.
We’d simply picked up where we’d left off and made our plans.
The following morning, we’d taken two cars to the hospital.
Ronan and I had gone directly to the hospital to get Matty admitted while Seth had taken Bullet to the nearby hotel we’d be using as our home base for the foreseeable future since their house was too far away to travel back and forth to.
I’d been nervous about the admission process in terms of the financial aspect, but the woman at the desk had merely slid a piece of paper in front of me and pointed to the billing section and asked if the information was correct.
I’d felt Ronan’s eyes on me as I’d read the name on the page, but he hadn’t said anything.
Michael Hawkins .
Michael .
At first the name didn’t seem to fit the harsh man, but the more I’d said it to myself over and over in my mind, I’d found that I liked the way it sounded in my head and as soon as I’d been by myself, I’d actually spoken it out loud just to see what it felt like.
I hadn’t asked Ronan where Hawke was staying though he clearly hadn’t been staying at the house or I would have seen him.
I’d kept hoping he would show up at some point, though I had no idea what I would have said to him if he had.
Matty had been a trooper for all the various poking and prodding he’d had to endure, but he’d had his first meltdown when he’d woken up after receiving anesthesia so that doctors could put in a central line.
The central line had been inserted under his collarbone and was threaded under the skin until it came out of his upper chest. It was meant to make the administration of the chemotherapy drugs easier, but Matty had cried when he’d realized that the strange looking device would be staying in his body for the foreseeable future.
He’d been inconsolable until the moment Ronan had leaned down and whispered something into his ear.
I’d only heard the words “superhero juice” but whatever he’d said had been enough for Matty to settle down and I’d held him in my arms until he’d finally fallen asleep.
It was at that moment that I’d known I’d be able to leave my son in the care of the two men who were fast becoming friends.
Matty’s first chemo treatment had been done the following night while he’d been asleep and Ronan had stayed with me the entire night while Seth went back to the hotel to get some rest. Matty had reacted better than expected to the medication, though he was nauseous the next morning and hadn’t eaten anything.
By lunch time, he’d been sitting up in bed and had taken a few tentative bites of the mac and cheese the nurse had brought him.
He’d spent the rest of the afternoon napping, watching cartoons and coloring and when Seth had arrived to relieve us, Ronan and I had gone to the hotel to get some sleep.
As planned, we’d each taken shifts and while I’d spent every hour that I wasn’t sleeping by Matty’s side, Ronan and Seth alternated so that the only time I was ever alone with Matty was when he was asleep.
I usually managed to snag a few hours of sleep myself at those times, but after only ten days, the physical and emotional stress were taking their toll on me.
Hence the many coffee runs.
But as tough as the days had been, we’d gotten some really good news the previous day when the doctor had spoken to us about the bone marrow biopsy they’d done.
The fact that the disease hadn’t progressed enough that Matty would need a stem cell transplant had helped ease some of the constant fear and anxiety that plagued me day in and day out.
I took a few sips of the coffee as I made my way to the elevator.
The bitter liquid helped clear my muddled thoughts and I threw out the coffee before I entered the ICS ward.
The unit was home to nearly a dozen immunocompromised kids and it was both humbling and encouraging to see the children of all ages and their families who were going through the same things Matty and I were.
I hadn’t had a chance to talk to any of the other parents yet, but Matty had already made friends with a little girl named Susie who was a year younger than him and was halfway through her course of treatment.
He’d spent some time playing with her in the toy room and I’d nearly cried when I’d gotten to see my little boy being the kid he was meant to be.
In those few minutes, he hadn’t been sick and I hadn’t had to deal with the prospect of losing him.
“Daddy!”
I smiled as Matty welcomed me before I’d even gotten the door to his room completely open.
“Hey, buddy,” I said as I hurried to the bed and carefully wrapped my arms around him. I gave Seth a smile over Matty’s shoulder.
“Seth and I are playing Tic Tac Toe,” Matty said excitedly as he pointed to a piece of paper with dozens of Tic Tac Toe squares on them.
“He’s beating me,” Seth announced grumpily.
Matty chuckled. “You can win next time,” he promised .
“Deal,” Seth said with a laugh. “Hey, didn’t you want to show your dad something?” Seth asked.
“Oh yeah,” Matty said and then he was searching the bed for something. He finally pulled out a doll I didn’t recognize. “Look what Hawke brought me!”
My heart lurched at the mention of Hawke and I felt a sliver of disappointment go through me that I’d missed his visit. “Wow, cool,” I said.
“It’s Hawkeye,” Matty explained.
“That was so nice of him,” I said. “Did you say thank you?”
Matty nodded, but then his face fell. “He said he had to go away for a while.”
“Hawke said that?”
“Uh-huh. He said he might not be able to come back.”
I glanced up at Seth who gave me a slight nod. “He left this for you,” Seth said as he reached for a folded over piece of paper sitting on a small table next to Matty’s bed.
My fingers shook as I saw my name scrawled across the front of the note. Inside were just a few words, but they shook me to my core.
Take care of your son, Tate. --H
My knees felt weak and I had to search out a chair. I shook my head in disbelief and I looked up at Seth. “Did you read this?”
Seth shook his head and I handed him the note. He read it and then folded it closed.
“When did he leave that?” I asked
“About an hour after you left.”
I leaned back in the chair and watched Matty play with his doll. Hawke was letting me go. I couldn’t believe it.
“Why would he do this?” I asked. I had no doubt that Seth knew exactly what Hawke’s plans for me had been since I was sure Ronan would have told him.
I wasn’t sure if Seth was going to answer me or not, but before he even had the chance, there was a knock on the door. Mira, the second shift nurse entered.
“Hi Matty,” she said .
“Hi,” Matty returned and then he was holding up the doll. “Look what I got.”
“Hawkeye,” Mira said knowingly. “He’s my favorite.”
“How come?” Matty asked as Mira came farther into the room.
“Because he doesn’t have any actual super powers, but he’s just as brave as all the other Avengers.” Mira bypassed Matty’s bed and came up to me.
“The billing office asked that I give this to you,” she said as she handed me a piece of paper.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Your receipt.”
Mira turned her attention to Matty before I could question her further.
I studied the piece of paper and felt my heart constrict painfully in my chest when I saw Hawke’s name again in the payer section.
I shifted my eyes to the bottom of the page and sucked in a breath when I saw the balance.
It was a negative number. A really big number.
“What is it?” Seth asked.
I glanced up to see that Mira had left at some point and Matty and Seth were once again playing Tic Tac Toe.
“He prepaid the bill,” I managed to say. “For Matty’s treatment.”
Seth’s eyes held mine for a brief moment and I swore I saw a hint of a smile drift over his lips before Matty demanded his attention again. I sat back in the chair and let my eyes fall back on the receipt.
What the hell did this mean?