Chapter 10 #2
He didn’t answer me right away, but when he did, he finally turned my way. “No, I won’t leave. Get some sleep, Tate. We have a long drive ahead of us.”
Hawke closed the door and I took a deep breath and looked around the empty room.
I went to grab my bag so I could search out my toothbrush, but when I saw the pillows lying at the head of the bed, I let my fingers trail over one of them before picking it up and putting it to my nose. It smelled like Hawke.
Fucking perfect.
“Tate, wake up.”
I’d never exactly been a morning guy, but having a heavy hand shaking me awake brought back a slew of memories, and I jerked away from Hawke and threw up my arm to protect my head before I could stop myself.
Humiliation flooded through me as I realized what I’d done and I slowly lowered my arm to see that Hawke was watching me with an unreadable expression.
“Sorry,” I murmured.
“Ronan’s on the phone,” Hawke said as he held up his cell phone.
“Is it Matty?” I nearly shouted as I scrambled upright and grabbed for the phone.
Hawke gently put his hand on my shoulder to hold me back and quickly said, “Matty’s fine, Tate. He’s completely fine.”
I blew out a breath and pressed my hand to my thudding chest. “Thank God,” I whispered.
“Ronan just wanted to make sure you made it okay last night. He said you didn’t text him and you didn’t answer your phone.”
“Shit,” I said as I grabbed the phone off the nightstand. “I forgot to charge it last night. It’s dead,” I said as I held the phone up to show him.
“I have a charger in the car,” Hawke said. “Here, talk to Ronan.”
I took the phone from him and reassured Ronan I was fine and apologized for forgetting to let him know I’d made it.
Hawke watched me for a moment before leaving the room and a glance to my left showed it was still dark outside.
I listened as Ronan gave me a rundown on Matty’s final night of chemo.
I pulled the phone away from my ear long enough to check the time and saw that it was only four in the morning so I knew Matty would still be asleep.
“How you holding up?” I heard Ronan ask.
“I’m good,” I said.
“And Hawke?”
I wanted to laugh at that. The man was so unreadable that I had no fucking clue how he was doing. “He didn’t ditch me, so I guess that’s a good sign,” I finally said.
Ronan chuckled. “I wish I could say he’ll warm up, but Hawke is…well, Hawke is Hawke.”
I smiled at that. “Thanks, Ronan. For everything.”
Ronan didn’t respond right away and for a second I thought he’d hung up on me without saying goodbye. “It’s a good feeling, isn’t it?” he finally said.
“What is?”
“Knowing you don’t have to do it alone anymore.”
I swallowed hard at that and managed to say “yeah” before my throat closed up with emotion. I’d suspected I’d found something in Seth and Ronan that I’d been needing for a long time, but to hear Ronan confirm it was nearly too much.
“I’m going to send some pictures to Hawke’s phone in a few minutes since yours is dead, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“And I’ll have Matty call you as soon as he wakes up.”
“Okay,” I whispered as I dashed at a stray tear that fell. “Thanks.”
“We’ll talk soon, Tate. Take care and trust in Hawke…there’s no one better to have at your back.”
I managed to say goodbye and then climbed out of bed so that I wouldn’t keep Hawke waiting.
It took me just a few minutes to get cleaned up in the bathroom and then I was hurrying down the stairs.
I stopped in the living room to see if Hawke was in there, but it was empty.
I was about to turn away when I noticed the mantle… the picture was gone.
“You ready?”
I turned to see Hawke standing near the front door. I nodded and handed him his phone but it beeped just as I was giving it to him. I saw that it was a picture from Ronan. “Can I?” I asked Hawke.
He nodded and unlocked the phone for me and gave it back so I could scroll through.
I laughed as I realized what I was seeing.
In the first picture, a dozen pieces of paper lined the wall of Matty’s hospital room.
They all had multiple Tic Tac Toe games on them and on each page was a big “M” in the right hand corner and Matty was standing proudly next to them, a huge smile on his lips as he pointed to the pages.
The next picture was of Seth standing in front of only one piece of paper with an “S” written on it.
His over exaggerated pout was laughable as he pointed to his meager winnings.
The very last picture was of Matty standing side by side with Seth, but this time Matty was wearing a paper crown that he’d clearly colored himself.
I laughed and didn’t resist when Hawke took the phone from me and scrolled through the pictures himself. A brief smile ghosted his lips, but when his gaze shifted to mine, his eyes went dark again and then he was turning away from me.
“We should get going,” he said.
I followed him out of the house and put my bag in the back of the pickup truck.
He’d moved my rental car at some point so it was parked next to the garage.
He said nothing as he climbed into the truck next to me and in fact, it was almost an hour before he said a word…
and that was only to ask what fast food place I wanted to stop at for breakfast.
The drive to Lulling was well over twenty hours and by hour fourteen I was sure Hawke was a robot because he was showing no signs of fatigue and he’d ignored both my offers to take over driving for a while.
We’d stopped only when we’d needed gas or food and I’d long ago given up on trying to draw him into conversation.
I’d talked to Matty a few times throughout the day which helped pass some of the time because I always felt better afterwards, but as we drew closer and closer to Lulling, I could feel the tension overtaking my body.
We’d just crossed over the border into New Mexico when Hawke finally exited the Interstate and stopped at a small restaurant that was attached to a gas station.
We ate in silence and then gassed up the car, but instead of getting back on the road, Hawke drove across the street to a small motel.
Despite the early hour, I felt my eyes grow heavy as I waited for Hawke to check in.
Our room ended up being at the far end of the motel and I was thrilled to see that it was surprisingly modern for its small size and remote location.
There were two queen beds in the room along with a flat screen TV sitting on top of a large dresser.
Hawke chose the bed closer to the door, leaving me with the one near the bathroom.
“I’m going to shower,” Hawke said tersely. I was surprised by the anger in his voice and watched as he dumped his duffle bag on the bed and jerked it open. As he pulled out a couple of items of clothing, I went and sat on the other bed.
“Are you okay?” I ventured.
“Fine.”
I wanted to laugh because the way he barked the word said he was anything but fine, but all I could feel was the fear building in my gut.
Because I’d been in this exact position more times than I could count…
the calm before the storm. When would the explosion come?
What words would I end up saying or what thing would I end up doing that would make him snap – that would have him lashing out at me with his voice and ultimately his fists?
“Did I do something?” I asked quietly, hoping like hell I could deflate Hawke’s anger.
Hawke stilled, but didn’t turn to face me. “No,” he finally said and even though the word was spoken quietly, his tone still simmered with agitation.
“Um, okay…I’m going to video chat with Matty.”
Hawke didn’t respond, but I did see him digging around in his bag and then he was turning to me and handing me his tablet. “Use this, the screen’s bigger,” was all he said before he grabbed his stuff from the bed and strode into the bathroom.
I waited until the water was running before calling Ronan from the tablet.
Both he and Seth were with Matty and I could tell they were in the toy room with him.
We spoke for only a few minutes since Matty was playing with his friend, Susie.
Ronan assured me the final chemo treatment had gone well and that they would call me in the morning as soon as Matty was awake.
I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes as Matty came back on the screen and told me he loved me.
My fingers were shaking by the time I hung up and I stood up to put the tablet back in Hawke’s bag.
But the sight of the back of the picture frame I’d seen sitting in Hawke’s house had me freezing.
Before I could even consider what I was doing, I put the tablet down on the bed and reached for the picture.
I already knew what I would see when I turned it over, but seeing it from a distance wasn’t the same as seeing it up close.
It was a candid shot of Hawke and the woman I had no doubt was his wife.
Revay.
The picture had been taken outside and I realized they were standing in front of the house in Wyoming because I could make out the porch just behind them.
Hawke’s wife had been a beautiful woman with platinum blonde hair, flawless skin and bright blue eyes that were lit up with life and laughter.
She was smiling at Hawke who had his arms around her.
He was considerably taller than her and I couldn’t miss the fact that there were no burn scars on his face.
They were stunningly beautiful together, but it was Hawke’s expression that held my gaze.
He was looking down at Revay, his mouth open wide with laughter.
He looked so young and happy and carefree that I reached my finger up to run it over his features as if I could somehow experience that moment with him.
But just as my finger made contact, the picture was ripped from my grasp.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Hawke snapped.