Retribution (Anthem River)

Chapter 1

Chapter

One

S leep.

It had been eluding him for the past few weeks. Ram could grab a solid hour here and there, but not enough and he could feel his body starting to revolt. He sighed and, regretting the fact that he took over a shift for another vet who had a family thing, he walked into the office to find his schedule.

“Hey Ram, how’s it going? I’m so glad it’s you and not that pompous asshole.” The fiery vet tech, Kat, almost screeched as she flung herself into his arms.

He chuckled. “It’s good to see you too sweetie.” He set her back down grinning at her. “Now where is the schedule so I can make preparations.”

She grinned. “Right here.” She handed him the clipboard and then went about helping a patient that was checking out and leaving after being cleared to go home. Ram took a look at the schedule before grabbing his first patient, hoping the night wouldn't be too difficult. Thankfully the night passed quickly and he just had to suffer through a few hours of ER work before he could head home. He was cleaning up the rooms when he heard the door open and heels click on the floor. Thankfully Kat was out over there ready to handle it, his patience for people was very limited hence his career path. Putting the supplies back in the back he headed for the staging room where they held the animals that were yet to be seen.

“What do we have, Kat?” Ram asked when she came back around the counter.

“A Bullmastiff, name Valkyrie, four years old. Owner came in saying he’s been lethargic and not eating. He’s a service dog.” She looked over at Ram, as she led Valk into the back.

His heart sank as he looked at one of his favorite babies he had ever raised. “Oh baby, Valk what’s a matter, huh?” He immediately soothed the giant dog when he whined pathetically.

“You know him?” Kat asked surprised.

“Yes, I raised and trained him. I also know the owner personally. Start running tests, I’m going to go talk to him.” He helped her lift him onto the table where they had a soft blanket for him to stretch out on.

“Him? It was a woman that brought him in,” she told him, confused.

He shrugged. “Maybe a girlfriend but look at his paperwork - owner Mercy Kinkade.”

“Yup, you’re right, alright I’ll work on him.” She waved him out while she got the supplies ready to take his blood and tried to make him comfortable.

He nodded leaving her to it and walked out into the waiting room where he could see one of the reasons he wasn’t getting a lot of sleep sitting in one of the chairs anxiously bouncing his leg.

“Relax babe it’s just a dog.” The beautiful woman next to him stated, flicking her hair off her shoulder.

Ram saw Kade shoot a glare her way, even through the sunglasses he knew that was exactly what was happening.

“For the last time Maria, that dog is my freedom,” Kade said condescendingly.

“You have your stick,” she said in confusion and Kade just shook his head at her.

“Look, I’ll save you some time. No I will not give you or Devin any money, you left as soon as I got hurt and him not long after. I know you two got married, and yay for you but leave me the fuck alone,” he barked.

“Come on Kade you’re blind what the fuck are you going to do with all that money,” she snapped, her true colors starting to show through.

“I’m sure as fuck not gonna feed his addiction to gambling or yours to shoving shit up your nose. Now leave me the fuck alone,” Kade snarled. He was so tired of being harassed and ambushed by his ex and the man’s latest victim.

That deep dark tone sent shivers down Ram’s spine, Kade’s voice was just the right amount of deep and raspy. He was about to intervene when he saw her hand shoot up but was again amazed by Kade when he caught her wrist before her hand could make contact with his cheek.

“Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I’m fucking stupid you dried up whore,” Kade hissed.

Ram had had enough. “Enough,” he snapped, coming fully into the room.

Kade jerked at that deep voice but didn’t release Maria’s arm, he had made that mistake once and he wasn’t doing it again.

“Oh, thank you sir, he’s trying to hurt me.” She all but cried and Kade’s jaw got hard.

“The fuck he is. Considering both the cameras and I saw you try to hit him, and he defended himself, you might want to rethink your plea. You need to leave ma’am before I call the cops and have you escorted off.” Ram put authority in his voice and made it a demand.

She balked, looking at him like he was insane.

“Now.” Ram jerked his head towards the door folding his arms over his chest. He would love nothing more than to remove her himself, but she wasn’t worth losing his job over.

“This isn’t over Kade,” she snapped.

“I wouldn’t threaten him around me either, I have no qualms about hitting you,” Ram hissed, stepping forward.

“You wouldn’t hit a woman,” she boasted.

“I don’t see a woman here,” Ram growled in her face. “Get the fuck out,” he barked with enough bite that she scurried out the door. “People wonder why I prefer dick,” he mumbled to himself.

Kade snorted, agreeing with that statement. “I didn’t need you to intervene.” He wasn’t mad, more shocked than anything.

“I know but I actually came out here to talk to you about Valk when I saw what was going on. I know you can handle yourself but you’re already stretched thin as it is, she was making it worse therefore I took her out of the equation.” At the mention of Valk, Kade paled, standing so fast he almost tripped over his stick. Ram caught him easily.

“Valk.” The pained whisper almost did him in.

“He’s fine right now.” Ram squeezed the tense shoulders in his hands. “I’ve got my vet tech running tests, I just wanted to ask you about his symptoms.” He gently urged Kade to sit back down.

“At first I thought he was just tired. So I gave him the day off and just stayed home with him but then he didn’t want his breakfast, I thought okay we’ll give it a while but then he didn’t want his dinner and I even added chicken hearts which are his favorite. I knew something was wrong so I immediately came here.” He took off his glasses, furiously rubbing his eyes in the hopes of staving off a migraine.

“Stop that you could tear the skin,” Ram said, reaching out.

Kade felt gentle hands grab him.

“Do you have a migraine?” Ram asked, wondering if Kade had brought his medicine with him.

Kade huffed. “I’m more worried about Valk.”

Ram chuckled at his not so subtle topic change.

“Okay, come with me. I’ll put you in a room and bring him in while we wait for the results unless you want to go home?” Ram asked, half hoping Kade would because he looked tired but knowing damn well he wouldn’t.

“I’m not leaving him.” Kade stood and gestured in front of him. “Lead the way.”

Ram led the anxious man into one of the exam rooms. “Okay, table is at your twelve about two paces, bench is directly behind you, if you back up a half step you’ll hit it. Take a seat and I’ll bring him in.”

Before Kade could answer the man was gone. Speechless he sat on the bench and tried to calm his racing heart.

“Here we go,” Kat said sweetly as she helped Ram bring Valk in and get him settled on a blanket on the floor.

Kade could hear a sweet feminine voice speak a moment before his hands were licked and buried in fur. “Hey buddy,” he grated out.

“Thank you Kat, Kade I’ll be right back. I’m going to go check and see if we have results yet,” Ram said as he rushed back out, silently cursing when there wasn’t a result yet, with Kat on his heels.

Kade could do nothing but nod as he slid down onto the floor, holding Valk tight as the dog laid in his lap.

“Symptoms make me think it's Gastroenteritis,” Kat said.

Ram nodded thinking the same thing. “Let’s wait for the results just to make sure, you keep checking, I’m going to go talk to him and make sure he’s okay.”

She raised a brow at him. “How do you know him?”

Ram winked at her. “Not what you think.” He laughed leaving her with that. While all the staff knew he was gay, he didn’t flaunt it. Walking into the room shattered his heart. Kade was on the floor, Valk in his lap desperately trying to lick away the tears that were coasting down Kade’s face. He could hear Kade having trouble taking a deep breath and knew a panic attack was coming. “Kade I need you to focus on the sound of my voice okay?” He squatted down in front of him placing his hands on his thighs to help ground him.

Kade could hear his name being called but the voice was too far away, all he could think about was how his life would go if Valk died, and he didn’t know if he had the strength to get through that. Warm gentle hands cupped his cheeks and he jerked back but one of those strong hands kept him from smacking his head against the wall.

“Easy baby.” Ram rolled his eyes at his slip, but the reaction he got from the man on the floor made it better: a hitch in his breath and the clenching of his fists in Valk’s fur like he was trying desperately not to reach out for comfort. He moved in closer to Kade, Valk squished in between them. “I need you to stay with me Kade, okay? Just focus on the sound of my voice.” He kept caressing the soft strands of his hair as Kade’s breathing eased back to normal. “It’s okay, Kade. I promise Valk is right here and I’ve got the meds for him okay. He’s going to be okay.”

Kade nodded numbly. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything, he could hear Ram still talking but couldn’t make out the words.

“Kat, can you grab me some water please?” Ram asked, when she came in to give him the final results.

Kat looked at him nervously. “Of course, be right back.”

“Come on Kade you need to get up.” Ram didn’t take no for an answer. Hauling Kade to his feet and helping him sit back on the bench seat just as Kat came in with the water. “Thank you, darling, will you go get the paperwork and instructions ready. Since we’re almost done and the others should be here shortly I’m gonna let you go early.”

“What about him?” She gestured to Kade.

“I’m going to take him home and make sure Valk is settled.” Ram kept a hand on Kade’s shoulder to keep the man from pitching forward and falling.

“Of course, I’ll go get that ready just let me know if you need anything else.” She patted his shoulder before she left, closing the door softly behind her.

“Kade, I’m going to take you home okay?” Ram tapped Kade’s cheek when he got no response, making him jump.

“No, I need to call my driver,” Kade slurred, the effects of the panic attack still lingering.

“Valk needs to be monitored overnight so he either needs to stay here, or I need to be with him.” While it was mostly a white lie and Ram just didn’t want to leave him alone, Valk really did need to be monitored.

Kade groaned. “I’m not leaving him.”

“Then I’ll take you home, because you can’t stay here, the overnight policy won’t allow it. So call your driver and tell him you’re okay and that you have a ride home and I’ll get you both there and I’ll monitor him throughout the night okay?” Ram squeezed him close when Kade sagged into his arms.

“Okay,” Kade mumbled, the warmth of Ram’s arms making it hard for him to focus. He just wanted to take a quick nap.

“Okay, good, go ahead and call and I’m gonna make sure everything is ready and our relief is here then I’ll take you home.” He helped Kade lean against the wall in a comfortable position before he went to find Kat.

“Morning Ram!” The first shift vet tech Danielle called out as she placed her bags under the front desk.

“Good morning, love.” Ram gently hugged her. “I’ve got a friend in room one that I’ll be taking home so I’m gonna grab my stuff. Do you need anything from me before I leave?”

She shook her head. “Nope, Carson is already back there prepping for today so we’re good. I hope to see you again sometime this week.” She grinned.

Ram chuckled. “It does feel like it has been awhile doesn’t it? Thank you sweetie, I’ll see you later.” He quickly got everything done and printed before he grabbed the file Kat left for him and went back in to check on his patients. Kade was again on the floor with Valk in his lap but this time he seemed to be quietly talking to the dog while he gently caressed his soft fur. “I’ve got all the paperwork and the meds, we’re good to go.” He spoke softly, already seeing the strain around Kade’s eyes meaning a migraine wasn’t far behind.

Kade nodded trying to hold in his groan as he got to his feet, his whole body felt like one giant sensitive bruise.

“Do you wanna take my arm?” Ram asked, still speaking softly.

Kade nodded, he couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work and thankfully Ram didn’t seem to mind.

Ram easily and gently lifted Valk into his arms carrying him like the precious baby he is while Kade kept one hand on his arm and the other on Valk’s leg as they made their way to Ram’s truck. He gently helped Valk across the back seat, thankful he had protective gear set up in case Valk got sick, and led Kade to the passenger side, placing his hand on the frame. “It’s a lifted truck so the step is kind of high, but it’s directly in front of you.”

Kade nodded, easily finding the step and levering himself into the seat. The ride back to his apartment was silent, only interrupted by him quietly giving Ram the directions. Once there Ram immediately settled Valk in his big bed at the end of Kade’s. “Go ahead and take some meds, Kade. There’s no point in you being in pain as well, you’ll just make him try and alert you all night when he needs to get some rest. I promise you he’s okay and I’ll keep an eye on him all night.”

Kade nodded tiredly, he was too worn out to put up much of a fight and went about getting himself ready for bed before taking his pills. They were the fast-acting kind and always seemed to knock him on his ass when he least expected it. He crashed for a few hours before waking and he knew he wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon. He rarely slept more than three hours a night and his body had become used to it. Remembering he wasn’t alone he padded quietly into the living room where Ram had moved Valk as Kade fell asleep, the deep even breathing and loud snoring told him both Ram and Valk were fast asleep. He couldn’t help but smile. Ram was quiet when he slept whereas Valk sounded like he was a lumberjack ready for a long day of work. He got ready for work silently, easily making his way through the apartment without disturbing his guest. He gently petted Valk who didn’t even stir from the meds that had helped him sleep pain-free, before he quietly left the apartment and went down to meet his driver to take him to the office. He hated to leave Valk, he always felt off center without his faithful companion, but he needed his boy to be okay. Valk was his lifeline and he’d make himself suffer before he ever put Valk in danger.

“Good morning Mr. Kinkade.” His receptionist, a young ditzy blonde, said in her annoyingly high-pitched voice.

Kade winced as her voice made his ears ring and his eyes water with the pressure that was trying to make his head explode. He grunted his greeting and quickly escaped to his office. He needed to take some deep breaths and try to calm himself down. Without Valk there it was hard for him to regulate his emotions. He’d heard it all, especially that he was a grown man who should be able to control his emotions and that he was too old for tantrums, but when you had a severe case of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, sometimes you couldn’t control it. The brain reacted to different stimuli and when your brain had damage due to PTSD your body hit fight or flight mode. His was heavily weighted towards ‘fight’. He often had bursts of anger at work, which is why he had strict rules that his employees were to follow otherwise he’d fire them on the spot. It was for their safety as well as his. He hated being seen as a cruel man by his employees, but sometimes there just wasn’t anything that could be done about it. Torres was the one who hired everyone and he made it clear to whoever interviewed at Clairvoyant Sight, that the boss was a decorated military veteran who was blind but had also been a POW. He made clear to them that there were specific rules they needed to follow and that there would be consequences if they didn’t. He’d had a few of the women that had been hired not take those rules seriously and he’d had to fire them, in which case they would try to sue him but he had all the rules in their copy of the job requirements and all he had to do was have his lawyer show them the paper they signed stating that they would follow all the rules as listed above.

Kade raked a hand through his hair, trying to calm his breathing. He should have stayed home, he should have taken the day off. He rolled his eyes, taking the day off would have led to nothing but leaving him alone with his thoughts, and that was a dangerous notion. One he refused to even think about. It was bad enough he’d had to call Doc and have the man come and remove any weapons in his home that he could potentially get his hands on. Eating with plastic silverware fucking sucked, but he didn’t want to even think of what he could do if he’d been left alone with all the possibilities running through his mind. Of how easily he could have just ended it all. No more pain. No more nightmares. No more guilt. Peace. The thought alone made his chest tighten, what would life be like if he were normal? If he wasn’t weighed down by all the guilt? Could he be happy? The others would survive without him, he knew that, but he hated to think of what his death could do to his men. They relied on him. For work, advice, and to just be there when they needed him. He fumbled for his phone in his pocket as his breathing ticked up. “Fuck,” he hissed when he dropped it on the floor. “Hey Siri?” He heard the tone telling him the program was up and running. “Call Justice.”

“Calling Justice, cell,” the robotic voice replied and he could hear the phone ring as he bent down to grab it.

He grumbled as his hands shook to the point it was hard for him to hit the speaker button.

“Kade?”

Kade grunted in response to his friend and therapist’s soothing voice.

“Hey buddy, you having trouble?” Dr. Justice Price, had always been at Kade’s six. The man had served with him and when he’d been hurt in action, he had gone home and used the GI bill to get his degree so he could help his brothers when they came home.

“Valk’s sick, I had to come to work without him,” Kade mumbled.

“Is he okay?” Justice asked, softly. He knew what the ramifications could be for Kade if something happened to his lifeline.

“I think so, Saint’s uncle is taking care of him.” Kade was still standing in his office by his door, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“So… you decided to go into work without him? Why?” Justice asked, his voice taking on that therapist’s tone that made Kade clench his teeth.

“I have a business to run, I can’t just take a day off because my dog is sick,” Kade grumbled.

“One, most people in America would take a day off if their pet was sick. Two, Valk is more to you than just your dog and you know it. It’s okay to take the time to decompress, Kade. I know you, I know you barely got any sleep last night because you were worried about him, and I know you struggled to leave the house without him. While I am happy you were able to make it to work, ask yourself was it worth it? How you are feeling now. Was it worth pushing yourself?” Justice asked, his voice taking on a frustrated tone. “Kade, you’ve only been working on really getting better for just a few months, if you push yourself too fast it’s going to get worse than before.”

Kade’s breath stuttered as he thought about how life had been just several months ago, before he’d been asked to help Saint and Danno. While he’d had Valk for two years he hadn’t really wanted to bond with the big baby until he’d hit a wall, and he had been pulled out of his thoughts by helping Merrick and Danno. “I had to get out of that house, Justice.”

Silence answered him for a moment. “Are things getting worse, Kade?”

Kade swallowed hard. “I don’t know… I’ve been questioning a lot of things lately and that’s kind of scaring the shit out of me.”

“Do you want to tell me what kind of things, Kade?” Justice asked, softly. He could hear the unease in Kade’s voice and if there was one thing Kade wasn’t it was lacking in self-confidence.

Kade sighed heavily. “No, and only because I don’t understand it myself.”

“Are you sleeping?”

Kade scoffed.

“I want you to make an appointment with me Kade, I want to lay eyes on you. In the meantime I recommend you either go home, or take today to decompress in your office. Do not push yourself too hard Kade, please,” Justice told him. “I’ll put some things together in the meantime that may help you.”

“No pills,” Kade argued.

“Not yet at least, these will be exercises to help you decompress a lot like yoga.”

Kade snorted. “Sure.”

“Make the appointment Kade, if you’re not in my office within the next week I will come and find you,” Justice told him calmly.

Kade grimaced, the man would do it too. Kade had been skeptical when Justice had joined his elite team. The man had been a Green Beret before he’d been chosen to join Kade’s team. Kade thought back to that time with a small smile. The president had decided he needed a special group of elite soldiers from every branch that he could call on should he need them to go somewhere normal soldiers wouldn’t have the clearance to go. McBride had been the Detachment Commander of their ODA. Cahill had been the Assistant Detachment Commander. Kade himself had been a Warrant officer 1, given approval by the Secretary of the Navy to lead the team. Justice had been a Medical Sergeant before he’d been injured, Doc had replaced him when he’d been medically discharged. Torres had been the Operations Sergeant. Cho had been the Assistant Operations and Intelligence Sergeant. Keegan and Scorpion had been their Weapons Sergeants. Drax and Digger had been their Engineer Sergeants, and Lewis had completed their twelve man team by being the Communications Sergeant, while Saint was off training to become a Communications Sergeant when they were taken. They had mostly been split up into two teams which had been why only Kade and the other five had been taken. He doubled over as the pain of losing his brothers knocked the wind out of him and brought tears to his eyes.

“Kade!” Justice barked his name.

“I’ll make the appointment,” Kade said roughly.

“Promise me Kade, or I’m coming to get you right now. I’ll fucking have you admitted if you test me,” Justice growled.

While Kade would normally have something to say to that threat, he could hear the fear in his friend’s voice. “I promise. Go ahead and mark me down.” He could hear papers rustling as Justice moved around over the phone.

“I’ve got you down for the day after tomorrow, there’s a meeting I have to attend tomorrow but if you need me beforehand you fucking call me, do you understand?”

“I hear you brother,” Kade said, his voice cracking at the end.

“What just happened?” Justice asked, his voice softer.

“I was thinking of them… Do you think one day I’ll think of them and it won’t hurt so much?” Kade asked through a sob.

“It’ll take time Kade, but yes I do think one day you’ll be able to look back on their memories with fondness. When you accept the fact that it was not your fault and our brothers would kick your ass if they could see you now. Blaming yourself for their deaths, when you did everything you could have to save them. Kade, brother, they would have gladly laid down their lives for you, and they did. That right there is the ultimate proof that they loved you, man.”

Justice’s words cause his chest to cave in. “I didn’t ask them to!” he cried.

“You didn’t have to Kade, that’s what brother’s do. Had I been with you guys when it happened I would have been right there with them, Kade. I love you so much man that I would kill for you. I would die for you. You were there through it all with us man. How could we not?” Justice asked him, his own voice cracking a little.

Kade tried to smother his sobs as he fell to his knees. “It should have been me, Justice. Not them.”

“Why Kade? Why should it have been you?” Justice demanded. “Tell me why it should have been you?”

“They had families Justice, hell Cho had just had a baby. They had wives, families, people who miss them dearly,” Kade argued through his labored breathing.

“And what, you think you don’t?” Justice asked.

Kade laughed but there was no humor in it. “My parents tried to kill me, I have no idea where my siblings are. I have no husband nor do I have children. The only people I have that care are you and the others. That’s no where near enough to justify me still being here while they lay rotting God knows where in the fucking Hindu Kush.”

“We need you here, Kade. We wouldn’t have made it without you,” Justice told him. “The only reason we made it is because you dragged us kicking and screaming to the finish line, and you bet your ass I will do the same for you my brother. You are not alone in your pain. I wish you had come to me sooner.”

Kade shook his head. “What if it never gets better?”

“Whether it does or not Kade we have your six, so please lean on us. You don’t always have to act like a strong badass, alright? Sometimes you need to break so that way I can help you put the pieces back together. So that we can face this life without our brothers. It sucks Kade I know it does, I know you feel guilty even though it wasn’t your fault and there’s no way I can make you see otherwise, only time will show you it’s not your fault, Kade.”

Kade closed his eyes as the tears fell. How was it not his fault? He was the one who led them into a trap. He was the one that pissed off the guards. He was the one who got Keegan shot. He was the one who caused his men’s deaths. How could Justice say it wasn’t his fault when it was? Had he controlled his temper his men would still be here. Cho would have seen his baby girl grow into the little spitfire she was now. He would have been so proud of her, he’d been so damn happy when he’d found out that he was going to be a dad that he’d cried tears of joy in Kade’s arms. He would have been just as happy to meet his little boy. Keegan would have seen his kid brother graduate high school and follow in his big brother’s footsteps and join the Army. McBride would have seen his mom beat cancer. Cahill would have been there for his sister when she’d been left at the altar, and he would have asked the rest of the brothers to help him hunt down the spineless groom and hide his body. Lewis would have been there to hold his girlfriend tight when she miscarried their baby for the second time. Melissa had blamed herself for the trouble she had with having children, Lewis would have held her tight and told her that one day they would have their very own baby to smother with the love they both were bursting at the seams to give. It was all so unfair, and he couldn’t even begin to think of how their families felt. A giant piece was missing and it was all his fault.