Chapter 3
Chapter
Three
R am had to take a few moments to catch his breath and try to hold back the panic, that had been the single most intense orgasm he’d ever had and the thought made dread slide down his spine. “You okay?” he ground out. When he got no reply he looked up at Kade from his hiding spot in the man’s neck and reared back. The man was deep in subspace from nothing more than a frotting session. He was floating high, blissfully unaware of what was going on. His dominant side came out with a vengeance, and he rolled Kade so his back was against the couch and their fronts were pressed together. He knew they would probably end up stuck together but that was a price he was willing to pay.
Kade came back online to Ram gently stroking his hair. “Hnnngh.” Was all he managed to grunt.
Ram chuckled. “Go easy baby. Hold on, let me grab the water.” He refused to let Kade go but reached back for the bottle he saw on his desk. “Here, drink slowly,” he urged, helping him sit up enough to drink without choking.
“What happened?” Kade slurred, he was smashed.
Ram chuckled again. “You hit subspace, I’m sure you’re feeling like you’re floating.”
“Somewhat.” Kade knew about subspace, his buddy had talked about it often. He also knew about the consequential drop back to reality and it left him feeling almost despondent and emotional.
“You haven’t dropped yet so settle back down and I’ll hopefully keep the worst at bay,” Ram urged while running his fingers over the shorn hair at the back of Kade’s head.
Kade grunted, settling back into Ram’s warm arms.
He gave Kade a few moments to settle before he spoke. “You still okay with everything?” While it would probably kill him if Kade regretted what they had done, he still had to ask.
“Yeah.” Kade wiggled closer to Ram’s warmth, then froze. “I’m sorry.” Devin had used to go on and on about how he hated cuddling and how men didn’t really like it. To Kade it had been the only thing he’d been happy for. He would deal with fucking Devin if it meant he could rest in the man’s arms for a few minutes.
“For what baby?” Ram rolled his eyes at the endearment he couldn’t seem to help himself from calling Kade.
“I’m basically on top of you, I’ll move.” Kade made to get up when Ram tightened his hold. He wasn’t letting the man go anywhere.
“So? I’m enjoying it,” Ram said, still confused.
Kade just grumbled but didn’t move to lay back against Ram. He didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to do.
Ram sighed before sitting up, their chests brushing together as they breathed but it didn’t seem to bother Kade. “Kade, I’m gonna need you to talk to me. I can’t read your mind.” Ram knew Kade could sense him watching him, so to put the prickly man at ease he laid his head on Kade’s shoulder. He enjoyed this, being close to the man. All up in his space. He could still smell the combination of their cum, but this close he could smell Kade. He smelled like a cool summer breeze off the ocean, bergamot, and underlying scents of citrus.
“Hitting subspace is making me needier than normal. I’ve never hit it before.” Kade tried to explain. He’d always been fucking needy, all he wanted was someone who would give him the intimacy he craved and not turn it into a fetish or a bargaining tool to get what they wanted from him.
Ram chuckled. “I don’t mind you being needy Kade, hell I like it.” He pulled Kade back down with him and grinned triumphantly when his prickly baby went willingly.
This was one of the times Kade wished he wasn’t blind to make sure Ram wasn’t lying to him. “I hate being needy,” he grumbled, as he wiggled a little to settle deeper into Ram’s arms and then did his best impression of an octopus. Completely boneless, giving Ram all his weight.
Ram tried to contain his laughter. Kade was pouting and sounding like a petulant child, and it was the cutest thing in the fucking world. “I can see that, but Kade your whole life you’ve had to stand alone. I would love nothing more than to Daddy the shit out of you, but I’m trying to take this slow and be good. But you need moments like this, Kade. Everyone does.”
Kade just grunted, unable to put into words what he was feeling. “Devin hated cuddling, always tried to make me feel stupid for wanting more than just sex.”
“He was a fucking idiot,” Ram snapped. “He doesn’t speak for all men. From what I know of your background it doesn’t surprise me that cuddling is a deeper form of intimacy for you than sex. Can I ask you a couple questions, they may be uncomfortable so you don’t have to answer.”
Kade tensed.
“Not about your scars, more about Devin,” Ram soothed him.
Kade sighed but nodded, burrowing deeper into Ram’s arms.
“He was your first right?” Ram kept his voice calm, just because he loved sex didn’t mean everyone else did. He didn’t want Kade to feel like he was being made fun of.
Kade snorted. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat, he knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed but it was pathetic what he’d dealt with just so Devin wouldn’t leave. “I knew I was gay from very early on and by the time I hit puberty I knew what it meant. Where I come from that would just have gotten me jumped or killed, so I hid it. Thankfully the girls at school just thought I was the weird quiet kid and left me alone, and I was big enough to keep the bullies at bay. I met Devin at a bar in my late twenties, I was on leave and wasn’t looking for a hookup but after so many drinks I went for it. Apparently my size made him want to stick around, so I went with it because he didn’t know my past. It was easy to pretend with him and I never told him he was my first, he would have just used that against me.”
“Did you always top?” Ram asked softly, caressing Kade’s hair.
“Yeah, he didn’t want to top which in hindsight is probably a good thing, and the one time we went to a club he tried to get me to bottom for a bunch of different men who called themselves Doms. They only wanted me to bottom to…” He broke off not even wanting to think about that night. When he’d asked Devin if he wanted to top he’d laughed Kade out of the room.
“Wanted you just so they could say they got a man like you to kneel,” Ram almost growled. “Not real Doms. Sounds like some type of underground shit.”
“The whole thing was stupid, I never should have stayed with him as long as I did.” Kade sighed, again feeling stupid for the decisions he’d made.
“He was safe Kade, as weird as that is to say, he was safe,” Ram told him, hugging him tighter.
“In some ways yeah. I hate change, but I let him get away with shit he shouldn’t have been able to.” Kade grunted, loving the feeling, the pressure and tightness of Ram’s hug.
“Maybe. Did you love him?” Ram asked, running a calming hand up and down Kade’s back to help ease some of the tension.
“No. Devin was shallow, obsessed with sex and I’m pretty sure he only approached me because I was in uniform when I stopped at the bar. He became angry I wouldn’t take him to functions or introduce him to my men. They all know I’m gay, once I left home I never wanted to hide again, but all he would have done was flirt with anything that moved and complained the whole time. It would have just pissed them off. I started to refuse to have sex with him, hell at that point I couldn’t even get it up around him anymore. That last time I had to pretend all sorts of shit just to get him off then I acted like I did. It got to the point where he would bring other people into our bed, and then get mad at me for not reacting to it.”
“The woman?” Ram assumed.
Kade shrugged. “She stuck around. I only took the orders for my last deployment because Devin wouldn’t quit hounding me to sleep with her. I said no. I’m gay, not bi or even bi curious, I’m fully gay. He kept pushing for it so finally I just said fuck it and left. When I got hurt they called Devin because he insisted on being my in case of emergency contact and I had forgotten to change it before I left. I guess he thought he’d get the money my grandparents left me even though if I die it’ll go to Saint.”
“You changed the contact right?” Ram asked through clenched teeth. He had a feeling he would be having a little chat with Devin sooner or later.
“Yes, Saint and Torres are my contacts for everything.” Kade patted Ram’s chest having felt the anger move through the man’s magnificent body. God the way his powerful chest moved when he breathed gave Kade all kinds of naughty thoughts he didn’t think he’d ever had about another man in his life, except for Sam Elliot. That man could fuck him seven ways to Sunday and he’d thank him for it.
“That’s good. I take it that’s how he knew where you were when you got back?” Ram asked, relaxing into the soft touches. Kade had snuck his hands under his shirt and seemed to enjoy petting his thick chest hair, he wove his fingers gently through the curly strands as they spoke, almost like it soothed him in some way.
“Yeah and at that point I didn’t even know what was happening. Devin was very helpful during the first few weeks after I got home, I won’t lie, he did a lot of shit for me I never expected or even asked him for. Doc and Saint were supposed to be the only ones there, but he wouldn’t leave. I was up for a very risky transplant surgery for my eyes, they hoped to be able to replace the fried nerves and retinas, and he couldn’t seem to grasp that I didn’t want to be touched, and he started to complain again that I never touched him anymore and couldn’t I see how much he missed me.” Kade took a deep breath, his hand clenching in Ram’s chest hair. “Because you know I was so fucking affectionate before,” he muttered bitterly.
Ram ran his fingers over the back of Kade’s neck and pulled him back to his chest in the hopes of helping him calm down.
“It started to get to a point where he wouldn’t respect my boundaries, he kept pushing to see the scars, he wanted to know… if I had been f..fu…” He had to swallow hard past the lump in his throat. “I wasn’t but that didn’t stop them from threatening to.” He couldn’t help the shudder that coursed through him, the one and only time it had gotten to that point where he was held down, a guard falling and setting off an alarm had been the only thing that had saved him from them taking everything from him. He swallowed thickly as he tried to shove those memories to the back of his mind, where he hoped one day they would be forgotten.
“Kade it wouldn’t change anything for me, while I would hate what it would do to you, I wouldn’t treat you any different,” Ram said softly and squeezed him tighter when he relaxed in his arms. He’d guessed correctly, Kade had been worried about his reaction. Sexual assault on men was still such a taboo topic that did more harm than good for his community. The stigma surrounding it and the victims was heart-breaking. Men were supposed to be the more dominant of the sexes and when they were assaulted it was like they were worthless in the eyes of society.
“Thank you,” Kade said roughly.
Ram pulled him closer knowing he needed to get it out. “Finish it.” He kissed Kade temples going back to playing with Kade’s thick hair as he waited.
“The night things changed Devin was extremely pissed that I wouldn’t sleep with him, that I just slept on the floor by the door. I couldn’t sleep in a bed, they were too soft. Wearing clothes was another battle. I always felt like I was suffocating when I put anything on, but that was the only thing that kept him from trying to touch me. If I walked around the house naked or hell if I was even sitting on the floor staring off into space he’d take that as ‘oh I think I’ll just take what I want, fuck what you’ve been through I need this’. Doc had been by earlier that day to check up on me after I had gotten the casts off my leg and arm and I was in the shower when Devin came home. Doc was in there to make sure I was okay because I’d had a seizure earlier. Which happened a lot when I first came home, the doctors said it was because of the damage I took to the head during beatings. Devin flipped, he kept trying to barge in demanding to know why Doc could see the scars but he couldn’t.” He gave a horse laugh. “Doc wasn’t even looking at the scars, he respected me too much to deny the one thing I had asked of him, he was watching my feet to make sure they stayed where they were supposed to. He didn’t realize Doc is an actual fucking doctor,” Kade shifted, sliding his leg between Rams, knotting their bodies together, “but the whole thing pissed Doc off. When Devin got a look at him he immediately changed his tune and asked if he wanted to fuck.”
“You’re kidding?” Ram sputtered, shocked at the man’s audacity. He also felt a little pissed on Kade’s behalf. Whether or not he still wanted to be in a relationship with the man, to see him blatantly flirt and proposition his best friend had to have done some damage.
“Nope. His ego was shattered by the time Doc was done tearing into him, it was amazing.” Kade grinned, then sighed. “But after Doc left he kept coming after me, I would move to another room and he would follow. He grabbed my shoulder and I reacted knocking him back a few steps, which he only seemed to take as some kind of fucked up foreplay.”
“Is this where you tripped?” Ram asked gently.
“Tripped.” Kade snorted. “No, Ram, I didn’t trip. He pushed me because I told him I was done and going to call Saint to come and get me. I guess he thought if I was a vegetable he’d get the money.” He grunted when Ram’s body tensed under him.
Fury burned through Ram at a surprising intensity. Kade had lost so much due to that piece of shit and if he ever got his hands on him he was going to show him how the Amish handled things. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Kade sighed. “What was the point? The guys would have tried to avenge me and there was no reason for it, I was already blind. The surgery at the time was super risky and I ran the risk of suffering more than just being blind. Now I'm thankful I never did it.”
“In the hospital is when he found out he’d been removed from all my stuff. He was pissed. He played the part of the grieving boyfriend until they called Saint and he had Devin banned,” Kade said softly, he would forever be grateful to Saint for that. He’d given him the peace he’d so desperately needed and made sure it stayed that way until Kade had left the hospital.
“Is that why he sent the girl to see you?” Ram wondered. He wouldn’t blame Devin, going up against his nephew when it was someone he cared about was scary as shit.
Kade shrugged. “Probably. I never liked her per se, but she usually left me alone when I told her to, so I guess he thought I’d be nicer to her versus had he shown up. She never tried to push me to sleep with her and would usually try and act like a buffer between me and Devin.”
“He still wants your money?” Ram asked, exasperated.
Kade yawned so big his jaw cracked. “Yeah, that and sex, he feels I owe it to him because he took care of me when I got back.”
“You’re not considering it are you?” Ram had to ask.
Kade tried to snort but ended up blowing a raspberry instead. “No, I didn’t ask for his help and even told him to get lost many times.” He yawned again feeling utterly exhausted all of the sudden.
“Let me take you home and we can talk later.” Ram gently urged him to sit up.
“Nap,” Kade mumbled, swaying as he sat up.
Ram smiled, the man was just too damn cute for his own good, all warm and sleepy, his unique eyes blinking slowly. Ram helped him stand, taking most of his weight as he shuffled them to the elevator. He propped Kade up against the wall but stayed close, the elevator had a camera in it and he didn’t want to cause him any problems even though it hit like a physical blow for him to release Kade. Out in the garage he poured a boneless Kade into the passenger seat. Their cum had already dried making Ram’s chest and stomach itch something fierce, and he knew Kade’s would be too if the man was conscious enough to notice. It didn’t take long at all to reach Kade’s apartment and usher him inside. Ram led him straight to the bedroom. “Wanna take a shower? You’ve got dried cum all over you,” he asked Kade as they entered the bedroom.
Kade just grunted before he flopped on his back, spread-eagle across his bed.
“I guess not,” Ram chuckled as he went about cleaning himself up. He looked over at Valk who’d wandered in because of the noise. It seemed Saint had already dropped the big baby back off at home on his way to work the graveyard shift. “Outside?” The happy grumble and whipping tail wag told him he’d asked the right question. He spent some time with Valk, noticing he looked so much better, tossing a ball and just loving on the big baby before heading inside. Kade was still in the same position, looking like he was dead to the world. “Kade, baby, I’m gonna wipe you down okay, I’ll turn out the lights but I can’t leave you like that.” The Daddy in him was raging that he’d left Kade this long, without cleaning him up.
Kade mumbled something, then smacked his lips, but didn’t wake. Ram knew Kade wouldn’t remember him asking and sighed. It was a risk he was willing to take. He made sure he had all the supplies he needed before he turned out the lights. He easily popped the button on Kade’s pants and unbuttoned his dress shirt before he lifted the undershirt. Gently running a warm damp rag over his skin he wiped away their combined releases from his stomach, he then used a second one to clean Kade’s dick. He immediately knew what Kade was so worried about. A normal penis was smooth whereas his was rough. Like the skin had been grafted, it had ridges and dips where it normally wouldn’t. He was thankful Kade was asleep as he battled his emotions. This man had been through so much and never seemed to catch a break. He had to focus on something else for fear he’d punch a hole in the wall. Kade’s pants and boxers were still wet from the lube so he eased them off, then searched around the room for something to put him in. After a few minutes he found the drawer that held sweatpants that looked like they hadn’t been touched in ages. They smelled a little stale but he went ahead and slipped them on Kade commando, then eased his dress shirt off his shoulders and left him to catch some sleep. He took Valk into the living room to hangout while Kade slept. He was just dozing on the couch with Valk stretched out across him when keys jingled in the door and he met Torres’ stunned eyes over Valk’s giant head. “What time is it?” He knew his voice sounded like he’d gargled gravel.
Torres’ eyes narrowed. “Half past six.”
Ram nodded while sitting up. “He needs to eat.”
Torres pointed towards the pantry. “Valk’s food is in there.”
“I meant Kade.” Ram grunted as he stood, old aches and pains making themselves known from sleeping on the couch.
Torres’ eyes narrowed further. “How would you know?”
“Was here last night because Valk was sick, he was too wound up to eat then and it didn’t look like he had anything at his office,” Ram said, meeting Torres’ heated gaze head on knowing the man was very protective of Kade.
Torres grunted in reply. He was uneasy seeing as he was with Leo now, guarding him among other things, and it was still very new.
Ram nodded understanding the unspoken rule and went to go get Kade. He had to stop and just take in the sleeping man in front of him. Kade was sprawled out on the massive bed, one arm flung above his head and the other resting on his stomach where his shirt had ridden up like he was subconsciously trying to pull it back down. “Kade baby. It’s time to get up and eat something.” He needed to remember to ease up on the affection with Torres around, but it was hard. The man just brought out the Daddy in him.
Kade groaned, rolling away from him and settling back down.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Ram grinned then grabbed his feet and dragged him to the end of the bed.
“The fuck!” Kade barked, kicking out at the offending hand that was touching him.
“Food Kade, let’s go.” Ram added a little more power to his tone.
“Fuck.” Kade pushed down on his erection. “Stop that.”
Ram chuckled. “Come on, you haven’t eaten in awhile, and heads up Torres is here.”
Kade nodded through his yawn. “This isn’t what I fell asleep in,” he muttered, fingering the sweatpants.
Ram mentally braced himself. “No, I changed you, you had dried cum and lube all over you. I couldn’t leave you like that, I turned off all the lights but I understand if you’re upset.”
Normally he would have been furious but he could hear the resignation in Ram’s voice. He stood, easily finding Ram’s tense arm and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”
Ram swallowed hard. “Always.”
Kade grinned, before following him into the kitchen.
“Sit down and I’ll make you something to eat,” Ram grumbled.
Kade rolled his eyes as he sat at the table. “Thanks Daddy,” he teased, then almost winced when Torres choked and coughed.
Ram laughed. “I’ll get you back for that,” he promised.
“You good?” Kade asked, looking towards the sounds of hacking.
“Yep,” Torres wheezed.
“You sure? You sound like a dying frog over there,” Kade said cheerfully.
“Yeah, I’m good. I just came to check on you, it’s been a rough few days,” Torres said, still watching them closely. He didn’t know how he felt about Ram and Kade together.
“Here, simple BLT at your twelve,” Ram said as he placed the plate in front of Kade before going back to the counter to devour his. “Want one?” he asked Torres around a mouth full.
“No, thank you.” Torres leaned against the wall, right inside the kitchen doorway. “I would like to talk to Kade in private for a moment though, if you don’t mind.”
Ram saw Kade tense.
“Sure, as soon as he’s done with his food. I’m sure he’ll need that boost of energy for your interrogation,” Ram said sarcastically, making Kade try to cover his laugh with a cough.
“Watch it asshole,” Torres barked.
“No, you watch it Torres. I won’t tolerate you treating Ram this way, contrary to your belief I know what the fuck I’m doing.” Kade jumped in before Ram could reply.
“Yeah, cause you so knew what the fuck you were doing with Devin, and look where that got you,” Torres mocked.
Ram saw pain flash in Kade’s eyes before the shutter fell. “Enough,” he snapped with enough venom to stop Torres in his tracks. “Get the fuck out.”
“Excuse me?” Torres demanded.
Ram walked towards him. “You heard me. Leave before I make you.” He pointed towards the door. “You’re not gonna come in here and take potshots at him because you don’t like the thought of us. I didn’t like the thought of you sniffing around my nephew but I gave you a chance,” he growled. “Now, get the fuck out.”
Torres knew he fucked up, not only did he hurt his best friend but he also hurt him in front of a man that would seriously fuck him up if he hurt Kade. “I’m sorry, Kade,” he mumbled on his way out.
Ram walked him to the door and made sure he left before he went to find Kade. He wasn’t in the kitchen when he returned but he heard the shower going in the master bedroom. He cleaned up the plates and put everything back in its place before he went to Kade. The shower was still running when he tapped on the door. “I’m gonna give you some time Kade, I’ll lock up on my way out.” When he didn’t get a reply he sighed praying to whatever God would listen that Torres hadn’t just fucked everything up.
Kade barely got any sleep that night. Any time he would close his eyes he would go right back to his time with Devin. The hell he went through with him, but the second he woke up he would feel such a pang of loss because Ram wasn’t with him, it brought tears to his eyes. Knowing he wouldn’t get any sleep he got up and got ready for the day. Thankful his car service ran twenty four seven. He got Valk ready as he waited, his thoughts going back to a night not too long ago with his best friend.
“Gabe was taken from the arcade, and by the looks of the guy he’s one of the ones looking for info on Daegan.”
Kade had clutched his phone hard as he tried to understand what his brother was telling him. “I’ll mobilize the team. Vince, I need you to take some deep breaths for me.”
“Gabe’s fucking gone, Kade!” Torres had screamed. “They took him.”
He was taken out of his memories by a knock on the door. “It’s Ray, sir, and I have the SUV.”
Kade nodded, thankful it wasn’t Edwin, he adored the kid but he liked to talk and Kade wasn’t up to that. “My office, please,” he mumbled as he got in the back and Valk settled at his feet. The whole drive over Kade berated himself for being too much of a coward to answer Ram last night. He knew that had hurt the man and he didn’t know how to fix it. At the office Kade slumped in his chair, Valk stretched out on the little loveseat in the corner. Valk knew he wasn’t allowed on the future outside of home but Kade couldn’t bring himself to care, he was just so fucking grateful his baby was still here. Trying to shut his brain off enough to get some work done he zoned out not even aware of the time until his office door opened slamming against the wall. He prided himself on not flinching even though his heart skipped a beat.
“We need to talk,” Torres growled.
“We can, when you calm down and actually think about what you did,” Kade fired back, not bothering to lift his head up.
“What I did?” Torres roared. “I was protecting you.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” Kade mumbled, exhaustion riding him hard. He both hated and loved Torres at the moment but he was so damn tired of being treated like a invalid.
“Kade,” Torres said like he was talking to a petulant child.
Kade lost it. “When you can treat me like a fucking adult we can talk,” he said firmly, gesturing towards the door. “But if you ever come into my home again and disrespect someone I care about, I’ll show you why I don’t need your protection. Leave,” he barked.
Torres was floored. Couldn’t Kade see he was just trying to protect him? “Kade.”
“I said leave, Vincent. You disrespected not only me by treating me like a fucking child, you also disrespected your new man’s uncle, and that man did nothing more than take me home when my meds kicked in.” He tried to reign in his anger. “I am done being treated like I’m stupid, I don’t need you or anyone else to protect me. Either respect that or get the fuck out. Put yourself in my shoes Vincent and tell me I’m overreacting.” Kade waited until he heard the door shut before he got up. Unable to sit and work anymore Kade walked a few blocks to his favorite deli hoping some lunch and a much needed break would be just what the doctor ordered.
“Hey, Kade, your usual?” A sweet voice called out.
“Yes please, thank you Jenna,” Kade replied. He always imagined her as a pretty blonde with blue eyes and a bubbly personality.
“Coming right up sweetie, your table is open,” Jenna replied, setting about getting his order ready.
“Thank you.” Kade had a special little table in the back that he usually sat at, it was more quiet and darker so he didn’t have to wear his shades. He easily slid into the booth, Valk settling under the table at his feet. While he waited he tried desperately to come up with a way to explain himself to Ram.
“Here you go,” Jenna said quietly.
“Thank you.” She always made his plate the same way so he never had to guess. Taking a big bite out of the bread, salami and cheese he groaned. Heaven. He was deep in thought until he felt someone settle into the booth across from him. The too sweet cologne told him who it was along with Valk’s groan against his shin.