Chapter 15
Chapter
Fifteen
K ade was having trouble catching his breath, he’d never felt the amount of sensation or need coursing through him as he did now. What the hell was Ram doing to him? He craved the man. On a primal, instinctual level that made his head spin just thinking about it. He’d be embarrassed later about the noise he made when he felt Ram’s warm wet tongue pass over his hole. “You’re trying to kill me,” he whined.
Ram chuckled, kissing one of Kade’s cheeks before he parted them with his fingers so he could get a better taste. He wanted to taste every part of Kade he could, and while to some eating ass was gross, to him it was just yet another way to gauge the amount of trust his boy had in him. It was something he loved, but didn’t engage in often. He wouldn’t just do this with anyone he slept with and he’d only done it with a few of the boys he’d been with in a scene for more than one time which was rare. He loved ass play in general, both giving and receiving, and he wondered what Kade’s reaction would be if he asked if Kade was interested in returning the favor.
Kade shifted uncomfortably, but the words got stuck in his throat.
“What’s the matter, baby?” Ram asked, having felt the tension in Kade’s body. He paused and gently ran a hand over Kade’s back, tracing the many scars that littered his frame. He would never push Kade farther than he was comfortable.
“I’ve never done…” Kade had to pause to take a breath.
“Shhh, I know, baby. If you don’t like it I won’t do it again, okay?” Ram asked softly, rubbing his hands up and down Kade’s thighs as he let Kade decide. While he was almost desperate to taste Kade, his mouth already salivating, he would let Kade decide. It was a lot for a first time. He knew he was probably going faster than he should but he was desperate to give Kade the pleasure he needed.
“Okay,” Kade mumbled, softly.
“Move up on the bed, baby, that’ll make it easier for you.” Ram tapped Kade’s hip and helped him move into the position he wanted, and stuffed a pillow under Kade’s hips. “Okay, do you remember the safe words?”
“Green means go, yellow means slow down and talk, and red means everything stops,” Kade grumbled before he shoved his face into a pillow so he could hide. While he couldn’t see Ram, just the thought of his big man behind him made him want to come desperately. He’d always had fantasies about being dominated. Not in a way that would leave him feeling emasculated, but in a way that would leave him feeling loved and protected.
“Good boy.” Ram grinned at Kade’s groan from the praise. He’d have to remember his boy needed all the cuddles and praise. Kade had been on his own for so long and had never gotten the affirmation he’d so desperately needed as a child. He settled back down between Kade’s legs and kissed one glorious cheek. The man had a fucking bubble butt, bless him he was about to find out what a bubble butt did to Ram. He spread those luscious cheeks once again before he went back to what he’d been wanting to do since he’d met the man.
Kade sucked in a deep breath, then proceeded to choke on it as Ram’s warm wet tongue slid over the most intimate part of his body. “Fuck,” he hissed, his legs twitching as he tried to process the amount of pleasure his body was experiencing.
Ram pulled back ready to ask Kade how far he wanted to go.
“More,” Kade groaned, shoving his ass up.
Ram chuckled. “I’ll give you more, I promise. I just wanted to ask, do you want me to make you come like this or do you want something else?”
Kade panted as he tried to get his frazzled mind to grasp what Ram had just said. “More.” Was all he could think to say.
“Okay, baby. I’ll give you more,” Ram murmured before he went back to it. He helped Kade rise to his knees so he could suck one of his balls into his mouth while he stroked Kade’s dick.
“Shit,” Kade gasped. He didn’t know which way to move, into Ram’s fist or back onto his mouth.
Ram pushed Kade back down on his stomach and held his thighs in a tight grip as he pushed the tip of his tongue into Kade’s hole.
“Ugh!” Kade moaned. Holy fucking shit he was going to come. “I’m gonna come,” he warned.
Ram pulled back, letting Kade’s body relax as he came down off the ledge. He reached over and grabbed the lube he’d placed on the floor, and dribbled some on his fingers. He tried to warm it up as best he could before he tapped Kade’s hole with his finger.
“Fuck, yes please,” Kade begged.
“Shhh, baby I’ve got you.” Ram gently pushed against him. “Bear down and let me in… yes just like that good boy.” He praised Kade when his finger slid in easily to the first knuckle. He settled like that, moving his finger around before he even considered adding another one. “You want more?”
“Please.” Kade’s voice broke on the last syllable.
Ram leaned over him and kissed his hot cheek. “Easy baby, I promise you I won’t stop, but I refuse to hurt you.” He pulled his finger out, kissing Kade again when he made a noise of protest, before he added two and gently pushed back in. “You’re so fucking tight, baby,” Ram said breathlessly. He was already close to fucking coming, there was no way he’d last with Kade’s warm slick heat around him. “One more and then you’ll get my cock.”
Kade shook his head. “Now.”
“Kade baby, I’m thicker than three fingers you’re still gonna feel it but I won’t hurt you. You’re not gonna take me without prep right now.”
Kade could feel tears flood his eyes. Why was Ram waiting? Did he not want him? Was he hoping Kade would come before he got in him? Kade tried to hold back the sob that desperately wanted to escape.
“Fuck, baby.” Ram pulled out and laid across Kade’s back. He knew he was probably smothering his boy but that would have to wait. “Kade, baby, listen to me. It’s going to hurt if I don’t prep you, and not the good kind of hurt. I’m talking about a blinding pain type of hurt and I refuse to do that.” He moved a little to the side and pressed two fingers back into Kade making sure he hit his prostate.
Kade grunted at the rough treatment, but relished the pleasure that came with the slight pain.
“One more baby,” Ram murmured as he added the third finger, pausing for a moment as Kade tensed.
“Fuck,” Kade hissed as he shifted on the bed to open his legs wider. He could see what Ram meant, this finger stung and not in the burning pressure kind of way, more like a sharp sting.
“Deep breaths and bear down,” Ram coached, nuzzling into Kade’s neck to suck a dark mark onto his shoulder.
Kade gasped, almost coming from the dual sensations, as his body finally relaxed and Ram was able to slide all three fingers into him.
Ram scissored his fingers and rotated his hand, prepping Kade quickly but fully before he pulled back and manhandled Kade to his back. “Wrap your legs high up on my waist.” He helped Kade find the spot he was talking about as he reached for the lube and condoms.
Kade whined when he heard the foil wrapper tear. “No condoms.” He wanted the man in him with no barriers in place. Yet another first he was going to experience with Ram.
Ram froze, he was sure he painted a funny picture, the condom halfway on as he stared, mouth open wide at his boy. “Kade…”
Kade shook his head. “I know you’re clean and you know I am too. Are you planning to go somewhere else?”
“Of course not,” Ram said, indignantly.
“Then no condoms,” Kade said petulantly
Ram rolled his eyes at his boy knowing damn well he couldn’t see him. “Kade baby…” he started then paused at Kade’s scowl. The tears that filled his boy’s eyes gutted him.
“I want this from you… Daddy.”
Kade saying that word so softly, it was like he knew he had Ram wrapped around his finger and would do anything for him. Ram leaned back over him and kissed his cheek. “Alright baby, as long as you’re sure.”
Kade nodded. “Yes, please.”
Fuck him. Ram had found a rare one. A powerful and strong bottom. Ram knew that when anyone would look at Kade he screamed top, but to see him like this, begging for the pleasure he knew Ram would give him, it made him sad that people would throw Kade in a box without ever getting to know him. He also knew Kade would be ridiculed, even by people in the BDSM community because he was not a top. He wasn’t a twink like a normal boy but he was Ram’s and he’d do everything he could to keep Kade happy and sated. He shifted to pull the condom off and eased back down onto Kade, making sure not to crush him as the head of his cock rested on Kade’s pucker. “When you’re ready, push down on me, I’ll let you control it for now.”
Kade grimaced, that wasn’t what he wanted but he’d already pushed Ram enough tonight so he took a deep breath and attempted to relax as he moved to seat himself on Ram. He grunted when the head popped past the ring of muscle trying desperately to keep him out. He paused as he panted through the deep burning, and tried to get his body to relax even more.
Ram could see the perspiration on Kade’s forehead and leaned in to kiss him. He took control of the kiss, nipping at Kade’s lips until he submitted and when his body fully relaxed he surged in.
“Fuck,” Kade hissed, his body arching.
“Easy, I’ve got you.” Ram gentled him, peppering kissing across his face and neck as he slumped back on the bed.
“What happened to letting me control it?” Kade said tersely.
Ram chuckled at his boy’s pout and nipped his bottom lip before he answered. “You were overthinking it. I didn’t want to draw it out and make it uncomfortable for you.” He slid one leg up towards Kade’s hip and gave an experimental thrust.
“Oh, fuck.” Kade bucked as pleasure wracked his body making him shiver. “Again,” he ordered.
Ram snorted and thrust harder. If Kade was going to be bratty he could take it like a man.
“Yes!” Kade shouted, rolling his hips trying to get Ram to do that again. He could feel Ram so deep inside him and it made him feel so full and with Ram hovering over him he felt so safe, it was enough to have the tears building in his eyes spill over his cheeks.
“That’s it baby, let go,” Ram said through his gasps as he snapped his hips, trying his best not to come. He knew Kade would be tight but holy shit he’d never been this close to coming this quickly with anyone before. “You like taking Daddy’s cock?”
“Yes,” Kade whimpered a second before he shouted, his warm release coating their chests as his chest heaved with each breath.
“Thank fuck,” Ram ground out as he followed, shooting his release into Kade, his warm channel milking him for all he was worth. He grunted as every aftershock from Kade set off one in his own body.
After a few moments or a few years Ram really couldn’t tell he tried to roll to the side, only to have Kade make a noise of distress as he tried to stop him from moving. He clutched Ram’s back with more strength than Ram had anticipated given what they had just done.
“Easy baby, I’m just going to get a cloth to clean us up and then I’ll be right back and we can cuddle okay,” Ram said soothingly as he petted Kade’s hair trying to calm the whimpers his boy was making. He gritted his teeth against the painful pleasure he was getting as Kade’s body contracted around him. He was so close to Kade he couldn’t even slide out of him. “Baby, I promise.” It took a few more moments for Kade to finally release him, but when he did Ram moved quickly to grab a cloth. After he cleaned his boy up he rejoined him in bed pulling him close and setting Kade’s head on his shoulder. “Sleep baby, we’ll talk in the morning.”
Kade tried to stem the anxiety crossing through his body as Ram parked the car at the park they were meeting his mother at. The fact that he’d also had sex with the man last night was another reason but he kept putting Ram off when he wanted to talk about it. He didn’t regret it. It had opened his eyes to so many things, but he just needed time to process it all.
“You okay?” Ram asked, softly. He could see Kade was trying to hide the fact that he was wringing his hands. Valk’s large head was resting on Kade’s shoulder as he tried to shove his big body through the gap in the seats to get into Kade’s lap from the backseat.
Kade looked towards Ram. “Yeah, nervous but I’m ready. Do you want to go and see her for a few minutes first, and then come back and get me?”
“No I want to take you with me, there is a bench though so you can sit down and relax while we talk before I introduce you if that’s easier.” Ram assured him. He knew Kade was nervous and he adored his boy for still working up the nerve to come with him.
“Okay, that sounds good.” Kade got out of the truck and got Valk in all his gear as he waited for Ram to lead them in the right direction.
“Can I take your hand or do you need to focus?” Ram asked softly. He’d almost just reached out and grabbed Kade, but he knew being in a new environment would make the man on edge and being touched could be the opposite of comforting.
Kade could hear the longing in Ram’s voice, so he put Valk on his left side and held out his right hand that was immediately engulfed in Ram’s warmer one. “Lead the way.” He didn’t know why, but now that they were here, and Ram was the one who was nervous, it made him relax a little. If Ram was nervous then he could focus on him and try to help and ignore everything else. “Does she bring your sister?”
“She did a few times when she was younger, but now I think one of her brothers watches her while she’s out.” Ram squeezed Kade’s hand as they walked. He couldn’t put into words how happy he was that Kade asked random questions all the time. It made it clear to him that Kade was serious when it came to him and that he really did want to learn all about him.
“Makes sense,” Kade murmured, taking a deep breath.
“We’re here,” Ram said, softly as he led Kade to the bench at the opening of the clearing. “She’s not here yet, we’re kinda early,” Ram rambled as he made sure Kade was settled as he continued to shoot glances towards the wooded area his mom would appear from. Warm calloused hands grabbed his face.
“You know it’s going to be okay, right?” Kade asked when he was sure he had Ram’s attention.
Ram blew out a breath, before he settled his forehead against Kade’s and took some of the quiet strength that was being offered. “Deep down I know that, but I’m always worried something will go wrong. That she won’t be able to make it, or my father found out…” He paused as he heard the sound of leaves crushing and twigs snapping. He looked up to see his mother stumbling through the woods. “Momma,” he said, softly. He squeezed Kade’s hand before he moved towards his mother.
“Ephraim,” his mother said happily as she threw herself into his arms.
Ram chuckled, he’d been trying for years to get his mother to call him ‘Ram’, but he’d been named after her favorite uncle. He held her tight, until she smacked his shoulder and ordered him to put her down so she could breathe.
Hannah cupped her son’s face as she studied his features. The soft caring blue eyes of her son had always been her favorite part about him. Abraham had been wild when he’d been a kid but her sweet Ephraim had been docile and caring, her sweet boy had wanted nothing more than to be around her all the time. She smiled back at him as he grinned down at her.
“Mom, I have someone I want you to meet,” Ram said softly, as he smiled at his mother. She hadn’t changed a bit. She was plump in the middle now that she’d reached her late seventies, and her once blonde hair was now mostly gray, but her warm smiling blue eyes held a spark of mischief he’d missed desperately.
“Oh?” She pulled back, and stared at him curiously.
Ram gave her a nervous smile as he let her go and headed back to Kade. “Baby? You wanna come meet my mom?” he asked, smiling softly at his mother’s happy gasp.
Kade stood and took a deep breath, allowing Valk to lead him towards Ram and his mother. Once he was standing next to Ram he relaxed a little when the older man threw an arm over his shoulders and pulled him close.
“Mom, this is Kade… baby this is my mother, Hannah.” Ram met his mother’s curious eyes as she took in Valk and the patches on his vest.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hannah,” Kade said, proud when his voice came out level and polite. He jerked in surprise when his arms were suddenly full of a giddy woman.
“Oh I am so happy to meet you,” Hannah said happily as she hugged Kade tightly.
Kade smiled a little at her accent and the fact that she was so happy, and talking so fast he couldn’t understand a word she was saying.
Ram laughed and pulled his mother away from Kade and into his own arms. “Mom, slow down, he can’t understand you.”
Hannah laughed lightly. “I apologize. I am so happy to meet you Kade, you have no idea how much.”
Kade smiled at her. “The pleasure is all mine.” He chuckled as they sat back on the bench and Hannah sat close and immediately started asking his questions. “What do you do?”
Kade smirked at Ram’s put out groan. “I run my own security company, along with the men I served in the military with.”
Hannah nodded as she thought. “Parents? Siblings? Kids?”
“Mom,” Ram started but paused when Kade waved him off.
“My parents are in jail for child abuse, I have an older brother, a younger brother and a younger sister. Sadly my younger sister passed away.” He paused to take a deep breath, saying the words out loud still gutted him. “I don’t have any kids and have never planned to have any. After my childhood I would never want to pass that on.” Kade smiled at Ram when he placed a hand on his shoulder. “The only family I have are my brothers I served with and well… now Ram.”
“What about your other brothers?” Hannah asked, looking at Ram confused.
Kade shrugged. “I have no idea where they are, we were separated as kids and I haven’t seen them since,” he explained a little, not really wanting to explain the whole reason why.
They sat and talked for a little bit more until Ram got a text on his phone telling him that Bram had arrived.
“Hey momma?” Ram called out, grinning when both her and Kade jumped at the suddenness of his voice. “I have another surprise for you,” he told her teasingly.
She raised a brow at him then turned and shrieked in happiness as Bram and his hoard entered the clearing. “Abraham!”
Bram got the same treatment as Ram, as their mother threw herself into his arms.
While his mom was distracted he kissed Kade’s temple. “You doing okay?” he asked, softly.
Kade’s smile was a little sad and didn’t reach his eyes when he turned to look at Ram. “She’s very sweet… I’m guessing that’s what it feels like to be loved by a mother.”
God his boy was going to break his heart. “Yeah, baby. You feel it deep in your bones. I wish you could have had that as a child. Everyone needs a mother’s love at least once in their lives.”
Kade nodded distractedly as he moved his hazy gaze towards the trees as he got lost in thought. Who would he have become had he been born to parents like Saint’s or hell even Ram’s mom? Would he still have his siblings? Would Siren have lived? Would Carnage have still loved Kade as fiercely as he had? Kade sighed, he missed his brother so much it was hard to really be happy when he now could see first hand what their lives should have been like. Filled with love and affection from his mother, and pride and praise from his father. He’d only ever received praise, affection and pride from Carnage. When he’d been six he’d learned to spell his full name and Carnage had praised him, then said he was going to the store. Half an hour later he’d returned, his cheek bruised, and a wide smile and a cake all for Kade. He’d made sure Kade knew how proud of him he was. Just thinking about it brought tears to his eyes. He didn’t want to believe his brother was dead, but after years of searching he wondered if it was all in vain. If he was just getting his hopes up just to have them crushed yet again.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Ram asked, his voice a soothing whisper. As he’d sat and watched Kade, he’d seen the sheen of tears. He knew Kade had never dealt with all the trauma he’d been through in his life, but seeing his tears gutted Ram. He wanted nothing more than to take that pain into himself so that Kade could experience some fucking peace, for just a moment.
Kade shook his head, as he fought for control over his emotions. “I think it’s time I accepted the fact that Carnage is dead.”
Just the way Kade had said it caused Ram to swallow thickly. The utter defeat in his boy’s voice made his heart hurt.
“Can you take me home please?” Kade asked, not bothering to look at Ram.
“Of course baby, give me just a second to say bye.” Ram gently cupped the back of Kade’s head and kissed his temple before heading over to his brother and his mother, who was currently living her best life surrounded by all of her grandsons and their own kids. “I’m going to take Kade home,” he told Bram as he hugged his brother goodbye.
“Is he okay?” Bram squeezed him tight then met his eyes.
Ram shrugged. “It’s hard on him to see what a real family is supposed to be like ya know? I think he’s just overwhelmed and a little heartbroken.”
“Do you think you made a mistake bringing him here?” Bram asked, raising a brow, calling Ram out immediately.
Ram huffed. “Logically no I don’t. I want him to know he has people out there who want him… but emotionally yes I do wonder if I just hurt him by accident. I don’t want him to ever feel like I’m trying to push him into being around family or that I’m trying to replace his family, but I want that little boy inside of him to know it wasn’t his fault. His parents should have loved him unconditionally and they didn’t. The only one that seems to have shown Kade any amount of love was his older brother and the fact that he can’t find him after looking for decades is killing him.”
Bram’s brows furrowed in thought. “Well I guess you should call a certain someone for a favor.”
Ram stared at his brother in confusion. “What?”
“I’m sure Kade has looked everywhere he can think of but why don’t you call the man who is the best at finding people when they don’t want to be found.” Bram slapped Ram on the shoulder as he moved towards their mother to let Ram think on what he said.
Fuck him Bram was right. He turned and moved towards his mother, smiling as Saint was practically in her lap as he told her all the things she’s missed out on in his life. “Momma, it was so good to see you again. I’m going to take Kade home now but I wanted to say goodbye.”
Hannah grinned up at her son and hugged him tight when he leaned down to let her. “Thank you so much my boy, you’ve made this old woman so proud of the man you’ve become.”
Tears flooded his eyes as he pressed his face into her neck, the smell of lavender and mint soothing him. Those words, hell any words of praise always made him have to fight not to cry. “Thank you, Momma.” He knew his voice came out ragged but he also knew she wouldn’t comment on it.
“Is your man okay?” Hannah asked, as she looked at Kade who hadn’t moved from the bench on the opposite of the clearing.
“Yeah Momma, he’s just a little overwhelmed at the moment.” Ram assured her.
Hannah patted Saint’s thigh and he moved over to let her stand. “I would like to say goodbye to him if that’s okay?” she asked hopefully.
Ram smiled warmly at her. “Of course, Momma.” He led her back over to Kade and placed a hand on her arm when he noticed Valk pawing at Kade’s thigh. “Kade baby.” Ram moved in front of Kade, urging his mom to stay where she was.
“Hmm?” Kade answered distractedly.
“My mom wants to say goodbye,” Ram told him softly, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
“Of course,” Kade murmured almost robotically as he stood.
Ram could see the concern on his mother’s face and shook his head. He’d get Kade home and deal with everything when he did. He knew Kade would get upset if he tried to help him in front of everyone so he swallowed down what he was going to say and smiled at his mom, but by the look on her face the smile didn’t ease her worries.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Kade,” Hannah said warmly as she wrapped the much bigger man in her arms.
Kade huffed a small laugh. “The pleasure was all mine, I hope to be able to see you again,” he told her truthfully. She had been an amazing woman to get to know and he could see now where Ram got his tender heart from.
“Be careful heading home, Mom, please?” Ram urged as he pulled her into his arms, happy to have there once again.
She chuckled. “I will, Ephraim. Now go take care of your man.” She shooed him off with a happy smile.
Ram waved at the others as he led Kade and Valk back through the clearing towards his truck. On the drive back he kept stealing glances at Kade who sat like a statue and stared forward. Ram could tell his boy was lost in thought but he just hoped Kade would come back to him soon. He parked at Kade’s apartment and helped him inside. He swallowed hard when he noticed Kade standing in the entryway, not moving, or doing his routine. “Kade, baby?” He kept his voice soft and soothing.
“I think I want to go lay down,” Kade mumbled, and headed towards his bedroom, not bothering to take off his shoes or undress Valk.
Ram hated to see the vulnerability on Kade’s face, and he wondered yet again if he’d made a mistake in taking him to meet his mother. He sighed deeply, rubbing his hands down his face as he undressed Valk and followed Kade so he could grab his shoes. Kade was sitting at the end of his bed and Ram had the feeling of Déjà vu. “Let me take your shoes off, baby.”
Kade stuck one foot out not bothering to reply. How could he? The burning sensation of guilt and despair were eating away at his insides. Had he been fooling himself? Had Carnage been dead all these years and he was just holding onto a hope that would never be fulfilled? Would Carnage have even remembered him? He could barely remember what his brother had looked like, but he could remember the feeling of safety whenever he was near.
Ram took Kade’s shoes back to the spot by the front door, but when he returned Kade was not the same. Gone was the quiet sullen man and in his place was a man who was pacing erratically and murmuring to himself. Ram entered the room slowly. “Kade,” he called out softly, if he was having an episode the last thing he wanted to do was scare him. The tears coasting down his boy’s cheeks didn’t worry him as much as the absolute rage in Kade’s unique eyes. Ram paused, trying to figure out what had happened. He knew Kade was struggling with the visit to the jail to see his parents coming up, but he had a feeling this was something else. Something was really wrong.
Ram stayed where he was giving Kade the space he seemed to need at the moment. “Kade, baby. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” He kept his voice soft and soothing, but also firm, he didn’t want Kade to think he was placating him.
“I’m just deluding myself,” Kade gritted out.
Ram’s heart sank. He’d pushed Kade too far.