Three
THREE
HARLEY
Sixteen Years Old
I try to see Hadrian as often as I can. The twins spend a lot of time with my father. Their meetings are frequently held behind closed doors, and I’m not entirely sure what it is they talk about, but some nights, when the brothers return to the house, they’re splattered in blood.
I know what my father does for a living, but I’m still shocked when I see evidence of the violence so close to home. In truth, I rarely think about the organisation. All my focus is on my schoolwork, and when Hadrian and I do have a natter, it’s usually about me and my future studies and dreams. He never talks about his own life, but the last time we had a heart-to-heart, I could see the sadness in Hadrian’s eyes. His past hasn’t been easy, that much is obvious.
I find myself making excuses to be wherever Hadrian is. Even when he’s drinking pints with his brother in the garden, I’m there, wanting to be close to him. There’s a sense of calm about Hadrian, and my thoughts often drift to him, wondering what he’s doing and what he’s thinking.
Hades seems to have warmed to me. He’s started offering me a smile and greeting every time he sees me. I wonder, deep down, if he knows what I feel for his brother. I don’t think I’ve made it that obvious, but who knows how perceptive he is. If he works for my da, then he must be able to read people.
One afternoon, I’m sitting in the library, trying to study but finding it hard to focus, when I hear footsteps approaching. I look up to see Hadrian standing in the doorway.
“Hi,” he says, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Are ya busy? Can I come in?”
“Aye, come in,” I reply, feeling my heart skip a beat. “I’m not really concentrating on this homework right now.”
He walks over to the table I’m working at and takes a seat opposite me, his presence filling the room. “What subject are you studying?”
“It’s probably my worst subject to be fair,” I say, trying not to sound too despondent. “Which is why I can’t concentrate on it.”
“Mind if I take a look?” he asks, leaning forwards.
“Sure,” I say, pushing my books towards him.
He scans my notes, his brow furrowing in concentration. “Science, huh? It’s a tough subject, but it’s fascinating once ya get the hang of it.”
“You like physics?” I ask, surprised.
“Aye, I do,” he admits. “It’s all about understanding how the world works and the laws that govern everything around us. There’s a certain beauty to it.”
Looking at him now, he doesn’t come across as a dangerous criminal who works for my father. He looks like a lad who could be attending university or college. He’s the right age to be studying for a degree in a subject he’s passionate about.
I smile, feeling a sense of connection. “I never thought of it that way. I usually just think of it as hard and shite.”
He chuckles. It’s a warm, rich sound that makes me feel at ease. “It can be. But once ya understand the basics, it starts to make sense. Want some help?”
“Aye, I’d love that,” I say, feeling a thrill of excitement.
We spend the next hour going over my physics problems. Hadrian explains things in a way that makes them seem simpler, more logical. His patience and clarity are impressive, and I find myself actually enjoying the subject for the first time.
“Thank you,” I say sincerely when we’re done. “You’re a great teacher.”
“Anytime,” he replies, his eyes meeting mine, and I can’t stop my heart from thudding against my chest. “I’m glad I could help.”
There’s a moment of silence—a tense pause where I feel like there’s so much more I want to say, but I don’t know how to begin.
Does he feel it too?
Before I can find the words, Hadrian rises to his feet, breaking the spell.
“I should get back to work before ye da comes lookin’ for me,” he says, his tone tinged with a hint of regret. “But if you ever need help again, just let me know.”
“I will,” I promise, watching him as he walks away.
In the days that follow, Hadrian and I continue to cross paths. We have brief conversations, and each interaction leaves me wanting to know more about him. I look forward to our encounters, finding any excuse to spend time with him.
One evening, I find myself back in the library, this time reading a novel. The house is quiet, the only sound the faint ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. I’m so engrossed in the story that I don’t hear Hadrian come in until he speaks.
“Good book?”
I look up, startled but pleased to see him. “Aye, it’s by one of my favourite authors.”
He smiles and sits down next to me. “What’s it about?”
“Well, it’s a thriller. There’s a stalker tryin’ to get to this lass who’s just married a handsome, wealthy business owner. I’m convinced it’s his ex-girlfriend, but there are so many twists.”
He listens attentively. “And what makes ya think it’s the ex-girlfriend?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. It’s just that she keeps popping up everywhere, even though he’s told her to leave him alone. It’s been over a year since they broke up. They stayed mates for a while, but he noticed she’s still fancies him, so he told her to walk away. He can’t handle her shite.”
“Hmm, and are there any other suspects?” he asks with a smile, his interest endearing.
I shake my head. “Not really. I mean, she’s the obvious choice.”
“Sometimes, things that seem the most obvious aren’t always the answer.”
I’m not sure what Hadrian means by that. It doesn’t make sense to me, but then again, with all the plot twists in the book so far, perhaps he’s right.
“Maybe.”
We sit in silence for a while, and it feels like we’re the only two people in the world, cocooned in this quiet, intimate space.
As the evening continues, our conversation shifts to more personal topics.
“Will you tell me about where you’re from?” I ask.
“It isn’t a great place. My mam died when Hades and I were young, so Da raised us on his own, but he wasn’t a good man. We learnt early on that you have to fight for what you want in life. Nothing comes easy.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs it off, but I can tell it weighs on him. “My brother was with me. We’ve been close all our lives. I can’t imagine my life without him. I didn’t need any friends, because I had Hades. In many ways, I think that makes us lucky.”
“And you left home?”
He nods then. “Aye, we finally walked out on the shite we put up with when Da was in one of his moods, which was most days. We moved around a lot after that, tryin’ ta find our way, and finally landed in Newcastle.”
“But, it’s not that far from where you grew up,” I say softly, and he nods once more.
“Aye, but at the time, it felt like it was worlds away.” His voice lowers to a mere whisper, and leaning in closer to hear what he’s saying, his warmth cocoons me.
“What about school?” I ask then, realising he hasn’t mentioned anything about his studies.
“We both finished our A Levels, but there was no opportunity for college or university, so we did our own thing. Maybe, one day, I’ll go back to studying. I haven’t decided yet.”
I’m intrigued. It’s like he’s taken time off to think about what it is that ignites his passion. So I ask, “What subject would you choose?”
“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure,” he says, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “Maybe music. But I’m more interested in using a mixing desk than playing an instrument. I enjoy taking the raw voices and electronic sounds and tweaking them until they’re perfectly in tune with the melody. It’s just a hobby, but it’s carried me through so many difficult times. Or I could do something really wild and study at a seminary.”
I laugh, feeling a warmth spread through me. I can’t see Hadrian as a priest, but I can see him helping people. “You’d really do that? Give your life to the church and never get married?”
“I don’t know. I mean, there are different ways to commit to the church. The idea of helping people, making sure they’re on the right path in life, is something I’ve always been interested in. And if I can help someone spiritually, why not?”
We talk late into the evening, and by the time we finally say goodnight, I feel like I’ve made a real connection with Hadrian. There’s something about him that draws me in, something deep and compelling that I can’t ignore.
As I lie in bed that night, I replay our conversation in my head, feeling a sense of anticipation and longing. I know there are boundaries we’re not supposed to cross—he’s here to work and I’m the boss’s daughter—but I can’t help but hope that there might be something more between us, one day.
In the weeks that follow, my feelings for Hadrian continue to grow. I find myself looking for him, craving his presence and attention. I show him my favourite place, which is an old stone bench on the cliffs overlooking the sea. We spend time together there, working on my school projects, discussing books and music, and just enjoying each other’s company.
One afternoon, we’re sitting on the bench with the sun on our faces. It’s the middle of July, and it’s coming up to my birthday. I’m telling him about my dreams for the future and my plans to go to college and study literature, when he suddenly turns serious.
“Harley,” he says, his voice soft but firm, “I need to say something.”
My heart skips a beat, and I feel a rush of fear and excitement. “What is it?”
He takes a deep breath, his eyes locking onto mine. “I enjoy spending time with you, but there are boundaries we can’t cross. Things will get complicated if we get too attached to each other.”
I feel a pang of disappointment but also understanding.
“I know,” I say quietly. “But I like talking to you. There aren’t many people in my life who I can talk to so honestly. My friends at school don’t understand my life. They believe I’m as dangerous as my father. Sometimes, I think they’re only friends with me out of fear.”
“I understand,” he tells me, his expression pained. “But you’re young, Harley. You have so much to look forward to. You’re going to finish school soon, and if you get the chance to go to college or university, take it.”
I look away, my heart aching. “The thought of us being together has been on my mind constantly for the past few months.”
He reaches out and gently lifts my chin, making me meet his gaze. “You’re special, Harley. But this isn’t the right time for us. Maybe, one day, things will be different…”
“Maybe,” I whisper, feeling a glimmer of hope.
He leans in and kisses my forehead. It’s a tender, lingering kiss that sends shivers down my spine. “Take care of yourself, Harley. Never forget how amazing you are.”
I feel a mix of emotions as I watch him stand up and walk away. I know he’s right. We do need to be careful, but I also know my feelings for him are real, and they’re not going away anytime soon.
I hope that when I’m older and he’s no longer working for my father, we can be together. But until then, I’ll cherish the moments we share, and the connection we have. I’ll hold on to the memories of our time together in the knowledge that some things are worth waiting for.
As I sit there on the bench and the sun sets behind me, I make a silent promise to myself—I’ll wait. No matter how long it takes, I’ll wait for the right time, the right moment, when Hadrian and I can be together without any boundaries or restrictions.