Fifteen
Ava
After probably the hardest discussion of my life, I established that Suki had not known that Gerard was still alive.
When I dropped the bomb, Suki looked traumatised.
My mother’s reaction to the news was too painfully raw and I hated that I was the one who had to tell her. I had always tried to protect my mother in the past but she had the right to know that her ex-husband was still breathing; if not for much longer.
I closed my eyes, the pained look on her face lashed at me when I said he was alive.
Suki had blinked back tears as I explained what Anton had told me about Gerard being broken out of prison and how his death was staged.
I wondered how far the lie went. Did other members of Kai’s organisation believe the old prick was gone? As we spoke, I remembered Gerard’s black, flat soulless eyes. God how I’d hated him, how I still hated him.
The rage finally evaporated and I started to think clearly again.
Once I had explained the situation as I understood it, there were still some blanks to fill in, and I told my mother what Gerard had done to me.
When I revealed that her husband at the time had touched me, Suki became so upset that I had to contact Dr Farmer on the phone Kai had given me. She was almost hysterical, her voice a hoarse whisper, saying how she felt she’d let me down.
I pulled my punches and didn’t tell her about everything. Suki said she had questioned his intentions towards me once and then told me about the medication he’d put her on. So, she must have sensed something wasn’t right. Why didn’t Kai? I pushed that useless thought to one side. I could no longer blame Kai for something he was unaware of. However, Kai knowing his father was still living and breathing would be a subject I would be taking up with him when I saw him; the lying rat.
And then, finally, once Farmer had left with my instructions to contact Cillian on my mother’s behalf, Suki told me what had happened that New Year's Eve night. The sedative the Dr gave her helped me to drag the truth from her.
After reports of her becoming overly familiar with the head of one of the other Cartels, Gerard confronted Suki in their rooms.
Strangely numbed by the shit Farmer had given her, Suki explained in a daze, how Gerard had become enraged that night.
As I threw my arms around my mother’s trembling body, she told me how Gerard had then forced himself on her; twice.
The level of anguish I felt in that room as she said those words, caused me physical pain. We both sobbed together and even though our secrets were out in the open, it was anything but a relief.
Gerard had raped my mother!
I knew then that I’d had enough and my mission became clear.
If Gerard was alive, I had a chance to get the closure I thought his death had cheated me out of. Now I knew the full extent of what he had done to my mother, the man had to pay. Cancer wasn’t punishment enough for him. I wanted him to suffer and then I wanted him dead.
Fucking dead, wiped off the face of the earth.
After taking my mother to her room, I knew I needed to take revenge for both of us.
My feelings and thoughts about Kai were mixed. It hurt that he’d kept Gerard’s condition from me but maybe, he did it to protect me.
Stop being a fool. You can’t trust him, he’s a Kinlan.
A Kinlan who had been inside of your body and had given you such immense pleasure. Kai had always made me feel safe.
Well, that girl no longer needed protection. The only way I could fully move on with my life, whether with or without Kai was to take away the one thing that still contaminated my mind.
I needed to wipe Gerard Kinlan’s existence from the planet and to do that right, I had to kill him.
*****
For once, luck was on my side. Kai’s office was unlocked. The room was ominously quiet, all I could hear was the wind against the glass windows and the clicking sound of the nail file as I wiggled it into the lock. I must admit, they made it look so much easier in the movies.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves which had twisted into a million knots as soon as I’d entered the space. Glancing around at the bookshelves and various cabinets, the mind boggled at how many secrets they contained. If the walls surrounding me could talk, I couldn’t even begin to imagine the picture they would paint.
It was mid-morning. Nico was still out with the car and Suki was asleep and I had used that as my chance. Kai and Cillian were still out on business, and the usual level of security in the house had reduced. I knew that was because I was no longer a prisoner. As Kai had promised, I could go out if I took my bodyguard Sam. Sam had been sitting in the kitchen, looking awkward as I had watched Anton leave. I’d informed him that I had no intention of leaving the house that day and he’d stood down. He hadn’t batted an eyelid when I’d let myself into Kai’s office, he just sat at the kitchen table staring at his phone.
Pushing forward onto my knees, I reattempted my task. The desk drawer wouldn’t budge, and I placed my fingers beneath and started to rattle it, frustration pounding through my veins. Gritting my teeth, I punched the drawer with my fist. The noise caused me to glance at the closed office door. If I made too much of a racket Sam would come charging into the room with his gun drawn. He’d only been assigned to me for a short time but fuck me the guy was trigger-happy.
As I leaned forward, my head was level with the surface of Kai’s desk. There were neatly piled papers and a laptop closed in front of me. I’d already attempted to gain access to his computer, but I didn’t know the password and after three tries, I locked him out of his account. Kai would now eventually find out I had been trying to access his files but I didn’t care. I just needed the safe house’s location, and then I would go out there and end that man’s life. With Sam hot on my tail no doubt. I hadn’t yet got to that part of the plan where I slipped out without my bodyguard noticing.
Narrowing my eyes, I pushed my hair out of my face and furiously shoved the file into the lock as far as it would go. I held my breath, there was a crunching noise and a snap as the file broke in half.
Fuck! A rush of adrenaline shot through me.
The handle was now in my hand and the pointy bit stuck in the lock of the desk drawer. I was screwed. Maybe I needed to start searching other areas of the office.
My annoyance at myself for not bringing a knife from the kitchen jumped up a notch. But arming myself with a knife whilst my bodyguard sat there watching me would not have gone unquestioned. With a surge of fresh determination, I grabbed the bottom of the drawer with both hands and shook it.
CRUNCH.
I almost jumped for joy as the compartment buckled, and with a further rattle slid off the runners into my hands. I tugged the drawer fully out and the first thing I saw was the gun. My gun. The one Kai had taken off me in Milan. Pushing to my feet, I placed the broken drawer on Kai’s desk and stared at the weapon. As my fingers touched the cold steel a zip of nostalgia shot through me.
This was fate, it had to be. Finding my gun whilst looking for clues as to the location of the man I would use it on screamed meant to be.
Running my hands down my hoodie, I scanned the room. Bullets, I needed bullets. And that original intention of getting in and out without disturbing anything fled my mind and I searched like my life depended on it.
Shelves rattled as I started moving books to see behind them, I found a safe, which was locked and a hidden cupboard that held leather wallets. I didn’t look through them, the thought of where their owners were was unpalatable.
Just when I thought I had gone through all accessible drawers and cabinets, I spotted a cubby hole at the bottom of the large grandfather clock behind the door into Kai’s office. I raced over and tugged it open. It was full of pieces of paper, an old mobile phone, and other trinkets, but there were three loose bullets. They looked old but were intact.
Rolling them into my fingers, I crossed the carpet and moved back around Kai’s desk.
Staring at the gun, I picked it up, feeling the coolness of the handle against my palm. I had shot it a handful of times, usually at the shooting range in Italy but once in a field in the middle of nowhere. Anton and I had driven out there, gotten drunk and shot cans off a wall. All the time, discussing how good it would feel to put a bullet between Gerard Kinlan’s eyes, only to find out later that he had died in prison. Died my fucking arse.
Now I knew that wasn’t the case, it was time to act on that ambition. To take him down, but not before he knew the reasons why.
The gun felt the same as it had that day at Anton’s apartment and so I knew it still wasn’t loaded. Closing my eyes briefly, I took a deep breath, praying that the bullets I had found were a fit. I knew my Glock took 9mm bullets but I couldn’t remember what the size looked or felt like. With the thumb of my firing hand, I pressed the magazine release button on the grip behind the trigger and it dropped out into my hand.
My heart banged hard against my chest as I slid the bullets into the magazine. They fit as if they had been purposefully made for that gun. Reinserting the mag into the pistol, I took a deep breath, the blood rushing through my ears, mirroring the sound of the wind outside.
You can do this.
I then pushed the gun down the waistband of my jeans behind my back and pulled my hoodie over the top to conceal it.
As I was rifling through the rest of the contents searching for a possible address, the hairs on my neck prickled and I realised I wasn’t alone. Trepidation curled in my belly and my hands started to itch.
Shit.
“What are you doing?” Memories of twisted sheets as Kai fucked me raw slid into my brain.
Keep it together, and leave the physical attraction to one side. This is business.
I pressed my lips together. Glancing slowly up, Kai stood at the doorway into his office wearing a dark expression. His strong arms were folded over his chest and he looked like sex on legs. He was still wearing the black jeans and a dark grey button-down he’d worn that morning. The sleeves of his top were rolled up to reveal his tanned tattooed forearms. He tried to mask it but I could see he was angry. I hadn’t seen him in a mood for a while, it was stormy and unpredictable.
As I watched him from my position at what was usually his side of the desk I felt no remorse for my actions. Pissed off at being caught, yes, but no fucking guilt.
You should have told me your father was alive! I wanted to scream.
Righteous anger burned through me as I dropped my arms by my sides, motioning to the drawer with a nod, “What does it look like?”
Would Kai remember the drawer was where he’d put my gun and if he did, would he notice it gone?
Before he could answer, I tacked on the obvious. Keep him talking and distract him. If he knew I had the gun, he could disarm me in seconds I was sure of it.
“I’m searching your office.”
Kai still hadn’t moved and he raised one dark eyebrow and quirked me a look, “I can see that. Why?”
Dashing a hand across my skin it suddenly felt like a thousand ants crawled over my body. The man before me had let me down, again , “You know why?” I almost spat out, my temper starting to fray. Kai looked at me like I had disappointed him when he was the guilty party.
Two-faced bastard. My emotions were all a jumble; how could you hate a man and love him, at the same time?
My anger flashed wildly, and I ground my teeth as he said, “Would I be asking if I knew why, Ava.” His tone of voice was so cold and icy.
Placing my hands on my hips, I attempted to appear in control and business-like, “I’m looking for something. And why are you back so early? You said you’d see me at dinner?”
His lips twisted, “I apologise if my sudden presence has inconvenienced you ransacking my fucking office, Ava.”
And then it dawned on me, that he was back because someone had given him a heads-up on what I was doing. Fucking Sam.
Kai must have seen from my expression that I had realised my bodyguard wasn’t just that. He was clearly also a spy.
“Yes, Sam called me but Farmer also contacted Cillian, something about Suki being sick.”
His explanation drew my attention back to my mother, “Is Cillian with her now?”
“Yes. He went straight upstairs.”
“She’s in an awful state and it’s all your fault,” I hissed.
Kai’s expression twisted, “Don’t try and change the subject. Your mother is fine, Cill is with her. So, what exactly are you looking for?”
“An address. Surely you know who’s?” I replied, dropping my hands, and fisting them by my sides.
Kai released an elongated sigh and dropped his arms pushing off the door and walking into the room. “Look, we can continue to go around in circles all fucking morning. Just cut to the chase, what the fuck are you doing in here?” he said, motioning towards the broken drawer with a wave of one hand.
“I’m in here because you’re a liar and a cheat and I hate you,” I snarled, slamming my hands on the desk in front of me and leaning forward.
His eyes scanned my face as if the answer would be written there, “So we’re back there, are we? You didn’t seem to hate me last night when you were coming on my cock and screaming my fucking name. And what the hell have I lied about?”
I flinched at his crass words as he jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels.
Kai watched me down his nose, his expression both curious and cross, “Well?”
“You lied about your father.”
Tugging his hands from his pockets, he raised one and dragged it through his hair. I could see the tension in his shoulders.
“What?” he said on an exhale.
“Gerard is still very much alive,” I snarled. My expression must have screamed that I wasn’t taking any more of his shit lying down.
There was a beat of silence as realisation slid across his features, “Ah,” he said with a tight smile. Kai’s eyes were now locked onto my face, and he watched me with a wary expression; almost like he wasn’t sure how things would go now I’d finally dropped the bombshell.
Yes, I know your beast of a father is still breathing. A man who was the lowest of the low after what my mother had told me. Her shattered face swam into my mind; the man had to pay!
When Kai didn’t speak, I scoffed, “Yes, ah. And after all that crap you gave me about no more lies. How could you?” I was so angry to be there again. To be let down by Kai, a man who didn’t deserve my love.
Kai then spoke to me softly, some of his anger had lifted, “I didn’t lie to you.” Moving forward, he too placed his palms on the desk. This brought us closer in that space, not nose to nose but almost touching.
“You said Gerard was dead,” I pointed out, my stomach started to churn again.
Kai shook his head, his expression becoming grave, “No, you said he was dead, I just didn’t correct you.” Did he think I would let it go on such a base technicality? Did this man know me at all?
I yelled, “You lied by omission!” My temper was getting the best of me, and I shoved off the desk and stormed around it.
Kai watched my movements and as I approached, he took a step back and raised his hands, “I didn’t tell you about Gerard, as what good would it have done? He’s dying anyway. So yes, I let you believe he was dead. It was for your own good, to allow you to move on.”
Coming to stand before him, I looked up, my neck aching from trying to retain eye contact, “For my own good? How could you lie about something like that? You know I wanted to face him. I said that was the only way I could get closure.”
Kai’s demeanour softened, “How would seeing him give you closure, Ava? It would just dig it all up again. Leave the past in the past. Surely, after everything he did, you’d feel more comforted by the thought of him in the ground as worm food?”
From his tone of voice, he thought he’d done the right thing by not telling me and that did soften the blow slightly. But he was wrong. As the injured party, I had a right to know.
I felt another wave of sadness that the man who stood before me didn’t know me. Kai, out of everyone, should realise the need for revenge. Was that not why he brought me there in the first place? To force me to pay a debt to him?
“I’d feel a hell of a lot more comforted if I had put him there.”
Kai released a tormented sigh of frustration and it pissed me off. It felt like he wasn’t taking me seriously, “Whist your need for justice is understandable, Ava. I’m afraid it isn’t possible.”
“Why?”
“I don’t think you have quite grasped the reality of the situation, Ava.”
He even had the gall to raise a hand and place it on my shoulder. My pulse took off from his touch, but I batted any tenderness aside and drew back. This wasn’t about Kai and me, this was about me and Gerard and payback.
“Is that so?” I replied, moving back a step, my glare still in place. His fingers fell away. That contact and then nothing left a pang in my chest.
“Ava. Please?”
I felt like shouting, please what? Please leave it, after what your father did to me and mine. But of course, he didn’t know about my mother, yet .
Taking a deep breath I demanded, “I want to see him.” My voice was strong and determined but it did not affect Kai. He stood tall, like a mountain I would never have the stamina to conquer.
“No,” he said in a firm voice. That pissed me off even more. Who the hell did he think he was to try and stop me from getting justice?
The son of the one you want justice from that’s who!
A horrible thought occurred to me. If it came to it, would Kai be able to choose between his father and me?
Shaking off that thought, I realised I hadn’t responded to him shutting my request down just like that, “Excuse me?”
Kai took me gently by the shoulders and lowered his head, “I said no. I won’t take you to see my father. What purpose would it serve?”
My legs trembled and I yanked out of his arms and turned away, pacing the floor in front of him, feeling thoroughly agitated, “It would give me a chance to say my piece, just like a victim does in court,” I explained, turning back, and stopping. I kept my hands moving, I couldn’t seem to settle. The whole thing was eating me up inside, I needed to see the fucker, hurt him like he had hurt me and my mother. What he had done to Suki bubbled inside me like lava.
Kai hadn’t answered, he just closed his eyes and raised his head to the ceiling.
“Did you hear what I said, Kai? I want him to say sorry for what he did. To admit that it was wrong.”
“And that’s it? he replied. His cavalier attitude annoyed me.
“He needs to pay for what he has done!” I shouted.
“Alright, calm down Scarface,” Kai replied, his usual dry wit kicking in.
“I mean it, Kai.”
He lowered his head and fixed me with a penetrating stare, “I know you mean it but you’re fucking clueless if you think that’s ever going to happen, Ava. So, you’re going to rage at an old man for all his misdeeds and you think he is going to allow you to smack him on the hand. Do you expect a man like Gerard to apologise and ask forgiveness for what he did?” he barked, now clearly annoyed. “That isn’t the way it would go down. As I said, he isn’t well, he’s on medication. The shit that came out of his mouth would probably only upset you more and I can’t let that happen.”
It was clear now that Kai thought my need to see Gerard was pointless, that it would hurt me more. I knew in his own misguided way, he thought he was protecting me, but he was wrong.
“You don’t know that,” I said, remembering the gun in my jeans. My true intentions were not those I had vocalised. I intended to say very little to Gerard, my Glock would speak for me. But if I told Kai I intended to kill his father, he wouldn’t allow me anywhere near him.
There was a tense silence before he spoke again, “I do know that, Ava. He’s a twisted fuck and doesn’t think he has done anything wrong. And even if he did, he won’t let you know that. The man is a stubborn old fool but as clever as they come. He managed to hide his true colours from me for years. Do I regret that, yes. Every fucking day. He broke so many codes when he was the head of the family and I wasn’t there to see it. You need to move on, Ava. Nothing good would come from seeing him as he is today. The man is rotting away, take some comfort in knowing that.”
My brow scrunched, this conversation was going nowhere, “Maybe I want to see it for myself. You want me to be your wife and form a partnership, even if it’s a temporary one. You said we could be friends. If you had to choose, who would it be Kai, me, or him?”
Kai’s shoulders slumped and he stepped towards me and took my face between his hands, “And I choose you. You’re the one I am protecting here, not that twisted old fuck.” His tone was now pained and full of raw emotion, and it spoke to that special place inside me. “What’s done is done, Ava and I can’t apologise enough for what happened. But believe me when I say, Gerard is suffering. He has cancer, the aggressive type and he is in pain daily. The man is paying his dues, maybe not the way you envisaged, but he will answer for what he has done. It is a twist of fate that he is paying for his sins in this life. And he will continue to do so in the next one when death finally comes.”
A shiver ran through me. I wanted nothing more than for Kai to place his arms around me and make everything go away. But I knew if I did, I couldn’t live with myself. I needed to pay Gerard back, I had always felt that need, it was like a beast I had to exercise. What I hadn’t known in the past was how I would do that. Now due to my mother’s revelation, there was only one way to do that; with a bullet.
The fact that this would make me a killer did not compute.
Under normal circumstances, it would have been foolish to believe I could go toe to toe with someone like Gerard Kinlan, but he was an old man now. Weak, just like I had been as a child.
Kai must have seen the flicker of emotion as it passed through my face, my determination, that desire to hurt Gerard as he looked worried, “You need to put the past behind you and concentrate on your future, our future.” He looked at me like I was responsible for bringing so much disruption to his life; almost like he was pleading with me to let it go.
I didn’t know how that made me feel now, our future as he had called it; our business arrangement. One which I was certain may have naturally shifted into something else. But with Gerard hanging over our heads, I wasn’t sure how that could ever happen now. Could I marry Kai if I couldn’t trust him, “How can I have a future with someone I don’t trust, even if it is only a temporary one?”
Kai looked deflated as he dropped my face, “Please stop throwing that word around. You can trust me, Ava.”
My eyes suddenly felt gritty, “You say I need to move on, but it’s not just about me. Not anymore. Not after what I found out this morning.”
I jumped as some branches hit the window, the scratchy noise causing my skin to itch again.
Kai stepped forward with a curious expression, “What did you find out?” I held my breath, if I told him about Suki and he already knew, I would have to walk away. I didn’t care what he threatened me with, if Kai had turned the other cheek when he found out a defenceless woman had been raped, I would never be able to forgive him. That would be the end of us.
Dread trickled down my spine, “I found out what your father did to Suki,” I said, my voice steady.
He seemed genuinely confused and relief soared in my gut, “I know he didn’t always treat her right, but she seemed happy enough.”
Please don’t let me down Kai, not now.
“There’s more to it than that, Kai,” I began, lowering myself into one of the sofas by the fireplace. Lifting my chin I looked Kai in the eye. He had moved to lean back against the desk and was watching me closely.
“Enlighten me then,” he said. The mood in the room was now deathly serious.
I started slow, to ease him in, reading his tells all the time, “My mother was terrified of Gerard.”
Kai frowned, his voice raised as he said, “Why didn’t she say anything? She could have come to me.”
I studied his face before pointing out, “Really? Because you were so approachable back then.”
His jaw clenched and I knew his restraint was slipping. Kai didn’t like my dig, and he shifted uncomfortably against the desk and washed a hand down his face, “Well, she’s free of him now. And before you say anything, she doesn’t know he’s alive either. I thought that best as she’d divorced him anyway. If what you said is true, then I think we should keep it that way. Knowing my father is still alive would only upset her.”
And of course, that ship had sailed. Hence my mother’s panic attack earlier and Cillian being called.
“She knows.”
Kai’s breath shot through his teeth, “For fucks sake, Ava.”
And then I dropped the bomb. I did so without hesitation. At that point, as I had my clarification that Kai had no idea what his father did to Suki, I blurted out the truth, “He raped her, Kai.”
A myriad of emotions crossed his face; shock, disbelief, disgust even a moment of mirth, as if he thought my news was some type of joke.
Pushing to my feet, I stepped towards him.
Rolling his shoulders, Kai pushed off the desk, “What did you say?” His tone was snappish, and he continued to walk forward and I moved back.
My heel hit the back of the hearth and I held out a hand to ward him off, “Gerard, he raped Suki, twice .”
Kai stopped, his entire frame appearing twice its usual size.
“When?” his voice was a whisper.
I sighed, just accept what I am telling you , I felt like screaming. I cocked my head, “Does it matter?”
Kai started pacing; back and forth, like a tiger in a cage before he stopped and froze me with one look, “Are you sure?”
I swallowed and took a step forward, touching his arm gently. He too was in shock just like I had been. Saying it out loud felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“Yes, the night of my birthday party, after you’d thrown me out of your bedroom, I saw Gerard dragging my mother to their room. Her face was bright red, and they had been arguing. She said he was angry as he’d received reports that she was flirting with other men in the organisation. He called her a slut and that night he raped her. Once that night and then in the morning, can’t you remember how strained and awkward it was at breakfast the following day?”
I watched the emotions play out over his face, “Fuck,” Kai said, moving forward and taking me in his arms. I inhaled as he lowered his forehead to mine.
“I don’t know, Ava. I can’t remember. I remember she wasn’t herself but I assumed Suki knew about your twilight visit to my room. I thought that’s why she was so short with me.”
“Short and quiet?” I pointed out as he lifted his head.
“Yes,” he grunted. Kai was now hurting and tormented as fuck. This would be another blow to him and I could see that in every angle of his body. My heart pumped faster at the relief I felt that he hadn’t been aware of the rape.
And my next question was going to be. What was he going to do about it?
I took a shallow breath as pain scored through me, “She was brutalised. Your father raped Suki with you and me sleeping only a few feet away.” I knew it was cruel but if I could rile his temper, maybe he would take me to Gerard.
“I just can’t believe that Gerard raped Suki and she never said anything to me. Not even after she thought he was dead.”
“She was ashamed and embarrassed,” I said softly.
“Ashamed? I’m the one who should be ashamed of having a rapist and child molester for a fucking father.”
“You can’t blame yourself.”
“Gerard touched you and raped your mother under my nose and I did fuck all,” he growled out; temper oozing from him.
Kai and I jumped apart as a voice bled into the room. It was as cold as steel.
“ What did you just say?”
A wave of panic washed over me and we both turned, horrified to see Cillian standing just inside the doorway. The killer’s mouth was pulled into a taunt line and his eyes were almost black in the dim glow of the office lamp.
Kai glanced at me briefly with a warning look before moving towards his soldier, “Cillian?” he began, his voice calm, like trying to soothe a dog before it attacked.
A gasp left my throat as Cillian drew his gun on Kai, it was so fast and full of intent. “Repeat what you just said, Kai? What did your fucker of a father do to Susannah?”
Kai had the sense to raise his hands and my tummy flipped as he stepped in front of me, to shield me from the path of the gun and the angry man wielding it, “Cill. Just come inside and listen. Let’s talk about this. Rationalise what is to be done.”
“Rationalise? Gerard, raped Suki?” Cillian repeated, tilting his head past Kai’s body towards me, his gun still aimed at his boss’s chest.
“Ava?” Cill barked making me jump.
My shoulders slumped, “Yes,” my voice came out as a hoarse whisper. “Gerard raped my mother, more than once.” I knew I was taunting the devil but I wanted the matter to go nuclear.
Kai twisted to me and then back to Cillian, his hands still in the air, “Ava, for fucks sake, stop. Let’s all just calm the fuck down until I get my head around this?”
I took that as my cue to throw more fuel onto the fire, “What’s to get your head around Kai?” I moved around him to stand by his side, totally vulnerable to Cillian now. I didn’t care.
For Cillian’s benefit, I pointed out to Kai, “Gerard Kinlan is a lying bastard who broke one of your precious codes. Doesn’t that always end the same way? What’s different this time?” Kai appeared to be in shock that his man had pulled a gun on him. And to be honest, so was I.
Dropping his hands, he placed a finger and thumb on his nose and closed his eyes, “I’m thinking. If you just…”
And then Cillian took matters into his own hands, “Wrong answer,” he said, holstering his gun and walking out of the office.
“Cill—Cillian, wait. Stop, that’s an order—shit!” Kai went to move after him then thought better and withdrew his phone. He raised a hand telling me to stay put and silent and I did.
Fuck. This was not the way it was supposed to go. I didn’t want anyone else involved. Now Cillian had overheard and was intending on dealing with Gerard single-handedly. What if something happened to him? My mother would be crushed. Shit, was this even fixable?
Kai
Fuck! This was so not fixable.
Ava grabbed me by the arm whilst I was waiting for Lester to answer his fucking phone, “What’s happening, where’s he going?”
Glancing down, I could see her eyes were wide with fear but there was no soft soaping that shit, “To assassinate my father. Lester—have you—yes, I know what I said. Get after him. Call Henry and have him move Gerard to the panic room. Cillian has already left. Under no circumstances are you to shoot to kill, do you understand me?”
“Cillian’s going to shoot Gerard because of Suki?” Ava panted; her face contorted in panic.
I nodded, ending the call, and striding to my arms cabinet, “Yes, shoot, maim and anyone else who gets in his way.” After keying in the code, I reached for my gun holster and started to shrug it across my shoulders.
Ava was in shock as she stood by the desk she had ruined, wringing her hands together, “Why would he do that?”
I felt a wave of dread as I replied, “As vengeance for your mother of course.”
The little pain in my arse had no clue how much she’d fucked up. If Cillian went against my orders and touched Gerard in any way, I’d have to have him killed, especially after what had happened recently. Letting Ava off the hook, and releasing Quinn had not been decisions that had gone down well with the outer circle of my organisation. My fortress was gradually crumbling down around my ears. The whole thing was becoming a shit show and I had the little minx in front of me to thank for that.
You should have just let her see him.
There was no doubt in my mind that Ava Cawthorne would be the death of me.
“Why on earth would your hitman want to do that for my mother? I get that they were fucking but to go to those extremes.”
Securing my Beretta, I slammed the gun cabinet door closed, before blasting her a look, “Why do you think? Because he’s in love with her.”
Realisation dawned on her pretty face and I would have given anything to tug her into my arms and tell her that she had nothing to worry about and that I would handle things. But at that moment, I didn’t know if I could.
Pursing her lips, Ava took a step to block my exit, “Why don’t you just let him do it?”
Moving Ava to one side by gently pushing her, I swung past her and set off for the door.
Ava followed as I explained, “Because that isn’t the order of how things are done. There are rules, Ava. Protocols that we must follow. I can’t have my men just going off haphazardly killing people, irrespective of how much they deserve it. Stay here.”
She ran to block the door, her face now showing that strength that I loved about her. Wait, what, love?
Yes. You’re in love with her.
Ava’s words distracted me from what I had just realised, “No, I’m coming with you.”
Dashing a hand through my hair, I glanced behind Ava as I heard the car pull up outside, “I don’t have time for this, Ava.”
She nodded, understanding me, and then turned on her heel to grab the door, pulling it open, “Then we’d better get going.”
The whole thing was fucked up. As Ava climbed into the SUV with Lester and Sean in the front, my eyes clashed with Sean’s in the rearview mirror. Blood-curdling shock didn’t even begin to describe that exchange.
If Cillian killed my father without a kill request the entire organisation would be lost.
The car set off as the security gates opened to allow us to pass. I pulled out my phone and blasted a couple of messages out to Cillian, knowing they would remain unopened but I had to try.
I was Kai Kinlan, the head of the Kinlan Cartel and I hadn’t a fucking clue how to assert damage control on what lay ahead. I had two of my best, most trusted soldiers with me and my backup was an almost twenty-year-old female who was dressed like a fucking student on her way home from college.
When did things get so complicated?
When you brought Ava home.
Ava’s hands were white as they clutched the headrest of Lester’s seat. “You will stay close and if I even think you’re about to do something stupid, I will knock you out cold, fiancé or no fiancé. Do you understand me, Ava?”
“Yes,” she panted but I could see the fire in her eyes. Ava had her way. I was taking her to see my father. Not the way she had wanted but it was there all the same.
The main question which circled me like a shark’s fin was what state he’d be in when we got to him. Even if Cillian broke a few bones, he would still have done so without my order. That would be a direct dismissal of authority. Mine.
I didn’t care about my father’s life just then, he could rot. But things needed dealing with in the right order. A rogue soldier was a dead one and I couldn’t allow that to happen.
I needed my man to stand down, I also needed my woman to do the same.
As the car careered down the road and up a dirt path leading to the fastest route to my father, I knew with every fibre of my being that Ava was just that.
My woman.