Chapter 29
Felix
The floor rumbles as another piece of furniture collides against the wall of my father’s office downstairs.
I can hear his belligerent tirade clear as a bell.
His poll numbers are worse than ever, and the election is less than a month away.
A more moderate candidate has gained momentum, and it ain’t looking good for dear old daddy.
Serves him right.
I peek my head out of my bedroom door, scamper along the hall, and tiptoe down the stairs.
Tonight, I’m hanging out with Torren. The back entrance is my plan of escape—not risking my father hearing the front door close.
I snag my bike and head to the gate. Alfonzo is working security tonight, and I have exactly what he needs in exchange for a little discretion.
I hand him the bag of Maggie’s donuts, whispering, “You didn’t see me leave.”
A thumbs up is quickly followed by the gate opening.
Normally, I’d Uber to Torren’s place when Mayor Hargrove is hysterical, but this little boy is pinching pennies! I need to get my own place as soon as possible.
I peddle to Torren’s shop, relishing the cool breeze on my hot face. October is my favorite time of year in Belmont, and Torren is taking me to a drive-in movie tonight.
Which feels very much like a date, but don’t tell him that.
Torren’s shop comes into view, and I hop off my bike, leaning it against the garage door. My knock is met with Torren, wearing all black as usual, with a little smile on his face.
“Sup.”
Jesus Christ. “Sup,” I say it with a comically deep, masculine voice.
“Are you making fun of me?”
I continue using the voice, leaning in and doing the ubiquitous “bro-shake.” “Naw, bro. Naw.”
“You brat!” He pulls me into the shop and starts playfully spanking me, “I’m gonna beat your ass.”
“Please and thank you, sir.”
He releases a low moan. “I should have known not to tempt you with a good time.”
God, I’ll never get used to how hot he is. I close the distance between us and croon, “A quickie before the movie?”
“After. More time to prep.”
Prepping means cuffing him to the bed. I purse my lips, making a show of my pouting, then shoot him a wink. “Totally fine.”
I love being with Torren, and the sex is incredible, but I do hope we can stop the handcuffs eventually.
I want Torren to put his hands on me—rough me up and actually punish me as he did at the Kitty Cat Club.
I know it was a traumatic experience for him, and I’ll move at whatever pace he needs, but I really hope he can figure out a way to spank and choke me without losing it.
That was so fucking hot.
Torren snatches his coat from the hook. “Shall we?”
“One sec!” I run outside to roll my bike into the shop before making my way to his motorcycle.
Torren tosses me a helmet, and I board my dark knight’s steed, grateful that I can get away from the lunacy of life in the Mayor’s Mansion for a little bit.
Torren
On the second Friday of each month, the drive-in shows a classic movie.
When I saw Rebel Without a Cause slated for this month’s classic flick, I nearly did a spit-take. My favorite movie on the big screen? Hell-fucking-yes.
I avoid the overcrowded lot and park my bike on a hill overlooking the scene below.
It’s so cool—like being transported back to the 1950s.
Nobody comes up here, which is why I always watch the movie from this spot.
I started coming to the drive-in shortly after Tobias and I created the Hellcats.
I was having nightmares, so I’d hop on my bike and ride until the sun came up.
When I spotted the drive-in on one of my nightly rides, I was stoked to see the sign advertising Classic Movie Friday.
I love old movies. Life would be better in black and white if you ask me.
I saw Rebel Without A Cause on TV when I was still living with the Kays, and I was transfixed.
Dean’s raw sexuality mixed with overwrought acting as Jim Stark, complete with a motorcycle, was just what my broken fifteen-year-old brain needed.
Every scream he released hit me right in the chest, because I was on the verge of screaming like that all the time, too.
Felix and I take a seat on the soft grass, and I reach into my side pocket and pull out a box of chocolate-covered raisins. I don’t like chocolate or raisins, but I somehow love them together during a movie.
Go figure.
“Want some?” I ask Felix, handing him the box.
“Oh, hell yes! I love eating these during a movie.”
“They’re not really good at any other time,” I add.
Felix stares off, thinking for a moment. “You know? You’re right. If someone had these at a party, I’d be like, “Nope,” but during a movie? Perfect.”
Felix finds a way to make me laugh no matter what we’re doing. The movie begins, and we share the snack. Once again, I’m mesmerized by James Dean, and I also realize Felix kind of looks like him.
Guess I have a type.
At one point in the film, Felix leans closer and says, “I bet you kind of looked like him when you were younger.”
The person he’s referring to on the screen is Plato, played by Sal Mineo. I can see the resemblance. We both have dark hair, brown eyes, and a tan complexion. I’m not sure how old Sal Mineo was when this film was made. Maybe 16? 17? Right around the age when I first saw it.
Plato lies about his dad, making up all of these grand stories about him, when, really, he’s a deadbeat who bailed on the family long ago. He looks to Jim as a father figure—maybe more than just a father figure if you give credence to the homosexual undertones of the film.
Which I do.
A mentor of sorts. I never really paid attention to his storyline. It was always Jim Stark and his motorcycle for me, but Plato had a lot going on. He just wanted a dad who loved him and was looking for that in Jim.
My chest squeezes as I watch the scene of Plato asking Jim to stick around for dinner. His socialite mom isn’t around either, so Plato is desperate for connection.
He just wanted a family that loved him.
My eyes zero in on Plato, the rest of the screen vanishing, and soon, my face replaces his. It’s me. I’m just a little boy, and I’m so nervous to be going home with my new parents…
This car smells nice…like rich people. Maybe I should tell them it smells good. That’s showing good manners, right? That’s all they talked about at home. “Be on your best behavior!” “Show good manners!”
I hope they like me.
Shit, I’m going to have a brother! I hope he likes me, too.
Things will be better.
They adopted me, so they have to like me—at least a little.
I’m just nervous. I’m sure they like me.
Yeah, this will be good. If they didn’t like me, they wouldn’t be taking me home.
Home…
I jump to my feet and walk in the opposite direction from the film.
“Torren? You okay?”
I can hear Felix approaching, and I wave him off as I walk down the hill. “Just need air.”
Which is a stupid thing to say, because we’re outside, but I need to walk, move.
My feet carry me to the bottom of the hill, and I look at the cars racing down the street that borders the drive-in.
Flashes of the Kays’ car arriving at the group home cloud my vision.
I shake my head, trying to get rid of the image and all of the feelings that swirled within when I saw it.
That mix of hope and anxiety was soon followed by horror. My God, I was so little. I didn’t know what to do when it all started, and I just… followed orders.
The fury builds inside me, angry for that little boy who just wanted a family, but instead got a couple of monsters. How can people believe in God when shit like that happens? Why would God make people like that? Why would they hurt children?
Why did it have to happen to me?
I open my mouth to release a soundless scream and fall to my knees, slapping my head to stop the thoughts.
“Torren! What is it? What’s wrong?”
Fuck! I didn’t want him to see this.
He wraps his arms around me, “Talk to me. What do you need? I’m here.”
The dam finally breaks, the tears spilling down my cheeks. I do everything I can to muffle my sobs, but they rip from my throat. Felix pulls me closer and lets me rest my head on him.
That’s when I finally let it out. I scream. With my face pressed into his sweater, I release one, sustained scream for all of the years of pain I had to endure.
And Felix holds me.