Chapter 41
Hallie
Age 19
I’m supposed to be looking for a place for us to live, but every time I open my laptop to do so, I end up typing in the words non-Hodgkin lymphoma in the internet search bar.
Because right now, that’s all I care about.
I need to know everything. I need to find the best treatment options. I need to know how sick he’s going to get so I can prepare myself. But most importantly, I need to know how to fix him.
I’m frantic and desperate to fix him.
I’m also terrified, but I don’t know how to handle this fear other than doing everything in my power to change this outcome.
The past three weeks have felt like a dream. Rio got picked up in the first round of the NHL draft, which for anyone is a huge deal, let alone a defenseman. We celebrated with both our families, some of our old high school friends, and the entire neighborhood. I immediately started packing for our move and working on my transfer paperwork to a Chicago-based university, and each day since, I’ve spent looking for the right apartment for us to rent until we can find our dream home.
But everything changed last night when my parents sat me and my brother down to tell us that my dad has cancer.
A few days ago, the idea of living a thousand miles away from my parents seemed like no big deal. But today, that distance feels unfathomable. After crying myself to sleep last night, I woke up with the determination to fix this... right now, ideally.
There’s so much of me that still wants to go with Rio, but the terrified side of me doesn’t want to be more than ten feet away from my dad. Yes, I’m panicked and frantic, and probably not thinking clearly because this is all so fresh, but I don’t care about logic at the moment.
I need him to be okay. I’d give up everything to make sure he’s okay, and last night, as we found out everything was about to change, it seemed like I was the only one of us who felt that way.
Luke was completely checked out after we got the news. I had hoped to talk to him because he’s the only person who can understand how I’m feeling right now, but his bedroom door was closed all night. However, I heard him on the phone for hours, talking about it to his new girlfriend, Sarah, who I haven’t met yet.
Then there’s my mom, who hasn’t seemed like herself since I came home for the summer. I thought it was strange until last night when I realized that my dad had probably been showing signs of being sick for weeks leading up to his diagnosis. She must have been so worried about him.
All I wanted to do was go to my parents for comfort, but how could I? My mom just found out that the love of her life is sick. And from the research I found, his treatment journey is going to take its toll on her too. She didn’t need me crying to her about it.
Then there’s my dad, who is probably the most scared of all. This is happening to him, after all.
The only other person I wanted to go to was Rio, but I couldn’t tell him. As soon as I say the words out loud, it’ll mean they’re real, but I’m not ready for them to be real yet.
So instead, I cried myself to sleep and have never felt more wrung out as I do this morning.
Which is why I thought that a coffee shop would be a good place for me to bring my laptop to apartment hunt. I was hopeful that the caffeine would help me focus, but I’ve been here for over an hour, my coffee is untouched and cold, and my internet search has nothing to do with Chicago and everything to do with a cancer research hospital I found in Minnesota.
I don’t understand how everyone around me in this coffee shop is having a normal fucking day while I’m sitting here more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life.
I need to tell Rio.
If I decide I’m not ready to go with him yet, he’ll understand. I know he will. I just don’t want to blindside him two weeks from now when we’re supposed to be loading up our cars and driving to Chicago together.
The mere thought of this conversation has my eyes burning with tears, but I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been crying a lot. It starts up again at the drop of a hat. So, before I end up breaking down in the middle of this coffee shop, I close my laptop and start the short walk home where I can do so in the privacy of my own room.
Or rather, his room.
Rio is at a training session but should be done soon. When I get back to our street, instead of going to my house, I go to his. I’ll wait for him in his room and tell him about my dad before I lose the nerve to do so.
His parents are both at work, so I find their hidden spare key under one of the planters and let myself inside.
Technically, I live in the house next door, but Rio’s feels equally like home. I’ve spent so much time here with him. I’ve enjoyed countless hours here in the kitchen with his mom. Our families have endlessly bounced between this house and mine for years now, so letting myself into their home isn’t strange in the slightest. Rio does the same with our place.
Leaving my laptop by the entryway, I head straight upstairs. His parents’ room is at the top of the landing, so when I pass their closed door, I take a right, down the hall to Rio’s bedroom.
His door is closed too, but when I reach to open it, another door opens instead.
Over my shoulder, I watch his parents’ bedroom slowly creak open, but the woman who exits isn’t Mrs. DeLuca.
“Mom?”
Adjusting her blouse, her eyes snap up to mine.
I’ve always been told I am the spitting image of her, and right now it feels like I’m looking in a mirror due to the complete and utter shock on her face that I know is reflected on my own.
She’s in her work clothes, though her heels are dangling in her hand. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair is a touch tangled, and she’s frozen in place outside of her best friend’s bedroom.
“Hallie.” My name is hardly a ghost of a whisper past her lips. “What are you doing here?”
My eyes go wide. “What are you doing here?”
Because what the hell is going on?
My attention flicks to the open bedroom door, but she steps in front of it to block my view.
“It’s not what it looks like.”
“What does it look like?” My heart is pounding. I can hear my pulse ringing in my ears. “What are you doing here?”
“Mia... needed...” She throws her thumb over her shoulder towards the room. “Mia needed me to grab her something.”
My gaze drops to her arms. She’s carrying nothing but her shoes.
“Mom?” My voice cracks, laced with a panic plea. “Please tell me what you’re doing here.”
“Steph,” Mr. DeLuca’s voice calls out from inside the room. “Did you want—”
His sentence cuts short when he steps behind my mom and spots me down the hall, standing in front of his son’s bedroom.
And just like that, everything I was hoping I’d falsely assumed is confirmed.
His shirt is untucked and partway unbuttoned. His belt is still unfastened.
“Hallie,” he breathes out, eyes impossibly wide.
I can’t speak. I can’t move. This can’t be fucking happening.
“Go back inside.” My mom puts a hand on his chest, urging him back. “I’ll handle this.”
“Steph.” His tone is desperate. His eye contact is pointed.
“She won’t say anything.”
My mom sounds so sure of herself as she closes the door, leaving only her and me in the hallway together. If I could get out of this house without having to pass by her, then I would. I’d run.
My mom turns her attention back on me. “Hal—”
“How could you?!” I practically scream.
She closes her eyes. “Hallie, let me explain.”
“Let you explain?” I laugh sardonically. “Let you explain what? What kind of explanation could you possibly have for sleeping with my boyfriend’s dad? What the hell are you thinking?”
“I know,” she says calmly. “I know.”
“How long?”
“Hallie.”
“How long have you been fucking your best friend’s husband, Mom ?”
Her jaw tenses as she rolls the answer over in her mind. “It started last fall, after you left for college.”
I shake my head. “Unbelievable.”
“Things changed between me and your dad once you and your brother left the house. It was different without—”
“Do not blame us!” I point a finger at her. “Don’t you dare blame us for what you’re doing to our dad.”
Oh my God. My dad.
Those tears I was trying to delay begin stinging the back of my eyes again. “Why would you do this to him?” I can’t even recognize the woman standing in front of me. “Dad has cancer and you’re off having an affair with his closest friend?”
She takes a frantic step in my direction, but I hold my hands out to stop her.
“I was ending it,” she attempts to claim. “That’s all this was. I was ending it for your father.”
“For my father?” The laugh that rips out of me sounds manic. “How about not cheating on him in the first place? This is going to destroy him. And Mia.”
And Rio.
Oh my God.
This is going to devastate him. His parents’ marriage is everything to him. It’s the foundation on which he’s built his own ideas of what love looks like.
It’ll be entirely dismantled because of this.
I choke back a sob. “Rio’s heart is going to be broken, Mom.”
“No,” she says firmly. “Hallie, you cannot tell him.”
My eyes shoot to hers because what the hell does she mean I can’t tell him? Of course I’m going to tell him. I have to. And screw her for making me be the person to break his heart.
“You can’t tell Mia either.”
“I have to! I’m not going to lie to Rio about this. We’re about to start our lives together and you expect me to keep this from him? No way. I’m not protecting you.”
“I’m not talking about protecting me.”
My eyes narrow in confusion.
“I’m talking about protecting your dad. You cannot tell anyone, Hallie. If your father finds out, this will kill him.”
All the air leaves me.
Did she really just say that?
And is she right?
Fear takes over again, pushing my rage to the side. I’m not sure what a broken heart would do to my dad when he’s fragile already, but no part of me wants to test her theory.
“Think about what this information could do to your dad’s health, Hallie. Do you really want to be the one to tell him?”