Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
KARIMA
M y apartment was so damn dusty. Although my mama had taught all of us how to clean, it was the one thing she taught us that I hated. I would rather be on my feet, cooking all damn day instead of cleaning. It wasn’t just that surface cleaning shit either. I literally cleaned baseboards, blinds, and grout. I only did a deep cleaning like this once a month or so. Today was the first time since before I moved here that I would conduct a cleaning of this magnitude.
I’d been living here close to two months now, and Rhodes and I were extremely close. While I hadn’t verbally committed to a relationship with him, my heart was completely in. He’d been telling me he loved me for over a month now, and today would be the day that I responded to him the way he’d been hoping for. I loved him too.
I hated that it took me so long to get here, but the point was that I’d made it. Rhodes had been so patient with me. The way he showed his love was overwhelming at times. We’d gone on multiple dinner dates, had fun together no matter where we were, and he’d catered to the romantic in me by buying bouquets of flowers at least once a week. Like King Sis said in her song, “Love Bomb,” we could lie in each other’s arms all day. I just hoped we didn’t end up the way they had in the song’s lyrics, allowing the love to eventually fizzle.
I tried not to think that way, though, because I couldn’t go into the relationship expecting it to fail. Rhodes was perfect for me, and I wished I would have noticed sooner. It took my last trip home to witness my brother’s relationship and how they’d overcome so much already. He and Cassie were truly relationship goals. Nothing that happened was able to tear them apart. Her mother was so damn evil, yet Kendrall was by her side through it all.
It took him a while to get back to her, and I refused to go over twenty years before giving into Rhodes. He and Cassie felt like they’d wasted time, but God orchestrated that for them to mature and go through things to be better for each other. I liked to think that I was pretty mature for my age and knew when God was speaking to me about something. My spirit was keen to His voice, and I knew it was His voice telling me that Rhodes was my one.
As I cleaned, I was in a great mood and had even started to enjoy my alone time. Lecrae was hyping me up to put in a good workout on those baseboards. When I got to my bedroom, I huffed, knowing I would have to move my queen-sized mattress to be able to get to the baseboards behind the bed. That was where most of the dust probably was. Slightly rolling my eyes, I gripped it at the bottom and pulled it toward me, making sure half of it had slid off the box spring.
That was more than enough room for me to get behind it since my headboard was a little higher. When I walked around the mattress, my breath caught in my throat. My eyes widened as I looked at all the condoms on the floor. There had to be at least ten. They were unwrapped but clearly unused because they were still rolled up.
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Rhodes trying to get me pregnant? My heart was racing. He knew I wasn’t on birth control pills. What was he thinking? The rage and hurt I felt inside was something I hadn’t felt since the death of my little brother, Kendrick. That was over twenty years ago, and I was a kid.
I snatched my phone from the nightstand and called him. He answered on the first ring. “Hey, baby. I was just thinking about you.” He chuckled. “Shit, I’m always thinking about you. What’s up?”
“Get over here now.”
I could hear his confusion through his silence. “KD, what’s wrong?”
I was doing my best to remain calm, but it wasn’t working. “Get the fuck over here now, nigga!”
I ended the call and sat on the floor… more like dropped to the floor. “God, you said he’s my one. Why would You allow him to deceive me this way? I know I didn’t confuse Your voice with my own. My voice was saying to leave Rhodes in the friend zone, no matter how fine I thought he was. You told me he was the man for me. I’m so hurt, confused, and disappointed.”
A lone tear escaped my full eyes, and I quickly swiped it away. I didn’t want to cry over this. I should have known better. I counseled all my cousins, time and time again, offering them words of encouragement after bad decisions, but here I was with no words for myself. How could I counsel them after being so foolish to trust this nigga?
If I was pregnant, this wouldn’t turn out good. I couldn’t get an abortion, even if I wanted to. I wanted to be married first. The last thing I wanted in life was to be a single mother. Plus, I had so much shit I was trying to accomplish out here. I was enrolled at Fisk, trying to get a degree in Family Counseling, and I was also trying to follow in Aunt Tiff’s footsteps and form an all-black female rodeo team.
How would I continue to do all that while being pregnant and having a child to raise alone? I had no family here. I needed a pregnancy test ASAP. My mind would drive me crazy with the unknown. Just as I stood and was about to leave to go to the drug store at the corner, there was a knock at my door. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths as he knocked again, a little harder.
I unlocked the door with trembling hands to see him standing there with a bouquet of roses. I rolled my eyes and stepped to the side to allow him inside. He set the flowers on the bar top and asked, “What’s going on, Karima? I’m not really feeling the way you talked to me. Real shit. If I didn’t love you, you would have gotten snatched up by now.”
I chuckled but not because anything was funny. I was two seconds from letting my Henderson side take over. Keeping my temper subdued took work, but it was something I prided myself on accomplishing. It took a lot to get me this angry, and right now, I felt like I was at the point of no return.
Instead of answering him, I walked down the hallway toward my bedroom.
“Karima? You not gon’ answer me?” he asked, then began following me.
I walked inside and stood at the head of the bed as he got to the doorway. When he saw the mattress hanging off the box spring, he lowered his head and tucked his bottom lip into his mouth. My face was twitching, and my hands were tingling. I wanted to jump on his ass and fuck his face up.
“Karima—”
“Naw, nigga. There’s no explanation you can give me that will be good enough to warrant you deceiving me… fucking lying to me through your actions. You a bitch ass nigga, and I should have never given myself to you. You have proven that I can’t trust your diabolical ass. How shady you gotta be to pull some shit like this off, nigga? You know all the shit I’m trying to accomplish! We talk all the fucking time! If I was ready for a baby, I would be married by now!”
“Karima… you pregnant?”
“I don’t fucking know, but ain’t that what you trying to accomplish? Get the fuck out my house, man. I can’t deal with you. A friend don’t do shit like this. Above everything else, I thought we were at least that. I gave myself to you. That means I trusted you. You know me and how I move. I’m not just a casual sex type of person. I’m selective on who I share myself with. You were a huge fucking mistake. Get out!”
“Karima, I’m sorry.”
“No the fuck you aren’t. If you were, there would only be one condom down there. I haven’t counted them, but there has to be at least ten down there, Rhodes! You would probably keep doing the shit if I wouldn’t have seen this. I don’t associate with fucked-up individuals. I’m going to tell you one more time to get the fuck out of my house before I light yo’ ass up Henderson style.”
He lifted his hands as I pulled my gun from my nightstand drawer. Unable to stop them, tears fell down my cheeks. Was I willing to kill Rhodes? My heart shuddered at the thought. He started backing his way out of my room as he said, “If you’re pregnant, please don’t keep my baby from me. I love you, KD.”
He disappeared down the hallway, and when I heard the door open and close, I fell to my knees and cried my eyes out. My entire body was trembling from the emotions surging throughout my body. This hurt even more than the breakup with Jared did. I thought I knew Rhodes. We were best friends our senior year in high school. He’d been around my parents and KJ. At this point, I knew niggas couldn’t be trusted.
Finally standing and composing myself, I grabbed my purse, phone, and keys and headed to my car. Once inside, I pulled up the Find My Friend app and stopped sharing my location with him. I was done. That action alone had my heart sinking to my feet. The weight I felt on my chest couldn’t be normal or healthy, but I didn’t know how to make it stop.
I glanced around to see if I saw his truck. When I did, I wished I would have grabbed my gun. He was going to make me call the police on his ass. I took off out of the parking lot and headed to the store. Constantly checking my rearview mirror, I noticed he didn’t follow me. When I got to the store, I sent him a text.
If you’re at my apartment complex when I get back, I’m calling the cops. I want you out of my life. I’m blocking you after this. We have nothing further to talk about.
I blocked his number as the tears dropped from my eyes uncontrollably. This shit hurt. However, I knew I would get over it eventually if I didn’t stay in this sunken place. I went inside and picked up what I needed and made my way back home. His truck was gone, and I was grateful. Trudging up the stairs with my bag, I had a feeling that this test would come out positive. I hadn’t been sick or anything, but my cycle was a week late. I hadn’t noticed until now.
After making sure the door was locked and I’d gotten to the restroom, I knew I needed support. There was only one woman I could call that I knew wouldn’t tell a soul. It wasn’t my mother, because I knew she would tell my daddy. I couldn’t have that. I would tell them what I wanted them to know, but only in my time. I dialed the number, and she answered excitedly. “Hey, superstar! How’s it going?”
“Aunt Tiff, I need you to listen… judgment-free, okay?”
“Karima, what’s wrong?” she asked as I heard doors closing.
“Where are you?”
“I just stepped out of the house. I’m heading to the barn.”
“Good. Umm… I fucked up. I allowed myself to trust someone, and he fucking played me.”
“Karima, what are you talking about? You sound like me, baby. That ain’t in your personality.”
“I’m about to take a pregnancy test. He fucking pretended he was using condoms, and I found at least ten of those muthafuckas behind my bed.”
She gasped. “Who I need to get at? I will be on the next flight to Nashville, even if I have to strap myself down on the top of that shit.”
“Rhodes.”
There was silence. “Your friend from high school?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn.”
I opened the test as she remained quiet. After setting the phone on the vanity, I read the instructions, then sat on the toilet and did what I had to do. I set the test down and flushed the toilet and washed my hands.
“What does it say, Karima?” she asked.
“I haven’t looked. I’m scared, Aunt Tiff. What if I am?”
“Then you will handle that shit like the boss you are.”
“But how will I look? The counselor who ain’t got her shit together.”
“Girl, fuck that and anybody who worried about it. We all make bad decisions at times, but this shit ain’t your fault. It’s his. You love him, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but I pulled my gun on him today.”
“Sounds familiar.” She cleared her throat. “Look at it, baby.”
I supposed she’d done the same thing to someone at some point in her life. I took a deep breath and looked over at the test. My heart was beating loudly, drowning out any other sounds. It felt like my entire body was about to explode as I stared at it.
“I’m pregnant.”