Chapter Eight #2
When he was murdered, my mother fell into a deep depression, and I knew I had to step up. Still, I was never all the way in. Just long enough to make some bread, then I’d pull back out.
With Tatiana, I always knew she came from money, but when the pieces connected, it made sense––and it made me want to do more.
The money I made was split between her and my family.
My family came first, and agreeing to leave with Tatiana would’ve meant leaving them behind––and dragging her into a life she knew nothing about.
That would have been unfair to her, so I left so she wouldn’t have to make the decision of picking me over her family.
The sound of the car door opening pulled me from my thoughts.
“Come inside. You look tired. She’ll be up in a few hours, and I know she will be excited to spend every second with you.”
“You got shit planned in the morning?”
“I do. I have a few meetings with this local coffee shop in town. The owner is a single mother, and I want to highlight her on the blog. A single Black mother,” she emphasized while lifting her brows.
I chuckled and killed the engine before climbing out of the car.
“Everything is Black in this town––the only wealthy area I actually feel safe and seen.”
“We’re the majority, and I love it here. Although I hate to admit that last part.”
We both paused, and she busted into a fit of giggles.
“Go ahead and tell me. Tell me I’m right, Natalie.”
“I refuse.”
“Nah, ‘cause you fought me tooth and nail about moving here.”
She continued to laugh. “Your mom and sister only being fifteen minutes down the road helps a lot, too. Zareena actually called me the other day. She wanted to take Zani to get some ice cream.”
“Oh yeah? She never answers that damn phone when I call,” I said, raising my eyebrow as I followed behind Natalie.
My tall frame swallowed her 5’3” figure. Natalie, petite and curvy, often got annoyed about always being the short person. It was a known rule never to mention her height. It was the reason she always wore heels––if she wasn’t, she would complain about feeling naked without them.
As soon as I crossed the threshold, the scent of eucalyptus and jasmine consumed me, making me relax my jaw and shoulders. Natalie was into all that wellness bullshit, and even though I called it bullshit, the shit worked.
“Breathe in, and I’ll make us some tea, because clearly you got something on your mind,” she said before turning and walking off toward the kitchen, leaving me in the foyer.
I kicked off my sneakers and headed in the opposite direction to the sunken living room with a huge sectional that always drew me in.
I don’t know how many nights I ended up in Natalie’s driveway, and she always welcomed me in.
The couch was my spot, and it’s where my daughter would find me when she woke up.
After pulling my shirt over my head, I flopped onto the couch with my feet up on the chaise. I closed my eyes, and images of that little girl flooded my mind.
Zira.
She looked so much like Tatiana, but she also resembled Nazani with her curly hair and the dimple on her cheek. She also had the exact birthmark that my mother had, and I hadn’t met many people with the same.
I didn’t miss the look on Tatiana’s face when her daughter rounded that corner and ran into her arms. She looked like she wanted to disappear into thin air and refused to look me in the eyes.
I had a nagging feeling that little girl was my daughter.
Not to mention, she reminded me of Zareena when she was younger.
“Alright, no sugar and just a dash of honey.”
Natalie placed the tea down on a coaster while getting cozy on the other end of the couch. Then she tossed her throw across her legs and took a sip of tea from her mug.
“Why are you awake at this hour?” I asked.
“I was doing some last-minute work and couldn’t sleep much. My homie and I have been going at it lately.”
I snorted. “Does homie have a name, Nat?”
She giggled. “You don’t need to know that until I’m sure. I feel like I’m sure, but then there are things that keep me on the fence. Anyway, I’m not the one who showed up in your driveway. What’s going on?”
“I saw her.”
Natalie casually blew on her tea. “Who? Please don’t tell me it’s that chick you couldn’t get rid of.”
“Tatiana.”
Her eyes widened. “Thee Tatiana Rich?”
The moment I couldn’t give Natalie what she needed in terms of love and a relationship, she wanted to know the woman behind my reason.
I told her daily she should have been a therapist with the way I would lay on her couch and share everything I was feeling.
I was able to cry and be vulnerable when I was in her space.
That was something I couldn’t do or be out in the world.
My clients paid me big money to protect their families and knew my reputation, which is why they had no problem sending over seven figures to ensure their family’s safety.
What would I look like crying on the job or discussing my personal shit?
When I first started, it was just me. I was the nigga who went from state to state––even out of the country––with whatever family had the best price. Over the years, I built a team of solid men who could ensure the safety of my clients.
I knew Jonah from around the hood. We didn’t know each other personally, but we knew about each other. We would acknowledge each other and keep it at that. When he sent word through the grapevine that he needed security for his family, I reached out to him to see what he was talking about.
Jonah Cross’s money was long, but little was known about his movements or whether he had a family.
His vague explanation about needing to protect his goddaughter and her mother caught me off guard.
He invited me to meet with her, and that’s when I saw the love of my life.
The woman I should have married had been asleep under the same roof as me for nearly an hour, and I hadn’t known.
Nor did I know I was sharing a drink with her best friend.
“Yeah.”
“How did the two of you end up crossing paths?” Natalie was now fully invested.
“It was only a matter of time. Her father is in the life, and I heard she married into it, too. That’s all I knew because I purposely didn’t go looking for her.”
She sighed. “Well, what did you say to her, Nazir?”
I watched as she tucked her legs underneath her and watched me closely.
“I didn’t get to say much because she made it very clear that things would stay strictly business between us. But I could see she was hurt. The shit was easier to deal with when I didn’t have to look into her eyes.”
“Well, you have to face the consequences of your actions that you made years ago. We all have to answer for the decisions we make.”
“She was pregnant with my baby.”
Natalie had just started to sip her tea when I blurted out those words, causing her to spit it all over the coffee table, with some hitting my arm. I was so numb that the liquid hitting my arm didn’t bother me.
“What do you mean?”
“She has a daughter, and I think she’s mine. Nat, she has the same dimple as Nazani and the same birthmark as my mother. She looks like a younger Zareena.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you ask her?”
“I tried, but she brushed me off before I could get the words out. Then she quickly left the room.”
Natalie sighed again. “The good thing is that you have someone as her security, so you can keep your distance and approach this gradually. If that little girl is your daughter, it means Nazani has an older sister, and we want to approach this—”
“I can’t approach this gradually. If she’s my daughter, I’ve wasted too much time already. Feel me?”
“Yeah, I get tha—”
“Dada,”
I looked over the couch at my daughter who was standing in the doorway holding her favorite blanket and teddy bear.
“Hey, baby, you wanna sleep with Daddy?”
Nazani quickly rushed into the living room and around the couch. She climbed up and jumped onto me, resting her head on my chest. I placed her blanket over her and kissed her forehead.
“Missed you, mamas.”
“Missed you too, Dada,” she yawned sleepily, rubbing her eyes as I gave her a gentle squeeze.
Natalie smiled. “We’ll continue this conversation another time. Get some sleep, you two.”
She grabbed her cup and quickly cleaned up her mess. Before leaving the living room, she nuzzled Nazani’s curls and kissed her head. I did the same, watching her softly snoring as I rubbed her back.
I never understood my role in this life until I became a father.
Nazani Kane made me realize what I was meant to do: to love and protect her with my life.
I loved being a dad and didn’t know what the fuck I was doing before I became one.
If Tatiana’s daughter was indeed mine––which I strongly suspected she was––that meant I missed out on years with her.
Tatiana went through this alone, and for that, I doubted she would ever forgive me.
Fuck.