Chapter Ten
Tatiana
I felt sick to my stomach as I looked over myself in the mirror.
Today was my wedding day and I was getting married to someone that I didn’t know. Every time I brought it up, my mother or father would remind me that we went to middle school together. Middle school was ages ago, and it wasn’t something that I really never remembered.
If Karin Sterling was someone I was supposed to know and marry, then I would have remembered him.
I would have run into his arms and been excited to walk down the aisle to him.
Instead, I felt this lump in my throat, and wave of sickness in my stomach.
My body was telling me to run away and not go through with this.
As much as I wanted to listen to my body, I also knew that I couldn’t. My father had gone through so much for this wedding and for our marriage. Apparently, it was a union that was always supposed to happen.
The door creaked and I saw my father coming into the room. The photographer followed him as he smiled with this look of pride on his face, taking in the dress that I wore. It was flown in from Italy. A mermaid style dress with beautiful lace flowers that were sewn one by one onto the dress.
My veil floated behind me as I walked with the Sterling crest embroider into the lace. As sad as I was today, I couldn’t deny that I felt beautiful in this dress. The only thing that I kept thinking about was Nazir. How much I wanted it to be him that I was coming down the aisle to.
“Tati, you look beautiful, Baby… like an angel,” he came and gave me a kiss on both of my cheeks, as he looked down at me.
The photographers took pictures of us having our first look as father and daughter. My father quickly dismissed him once he finished doing his how for the photos.
I dropped my smile as I returned back to looking in the mirror.
My father looked from behind me as I messed with my hands.
In this moment I was resentful of my father.
Resenting the life that I could have had.
Instead of being seconds away from walking down the aisle, I could have been enjoying college and having fun.
Have love with the love of my life, not sitting here about to vow to love someone that I didn’t even love. How did my mother do this?
“Moving up the wedding date was the smartest thing to do.” He said, from behind me, as I avoided eye contact with him.
I was supposed to have months to prepare for this, and it was slapped right into my face. Forcing me to deal with what I never wanted to deal with in the first place. Instead of being a father, he was treating me like a cash cow. Stock that he could just use whenever he wanted.
“Why do I have to do this?” My voice broke, hoping that he would find it in his heart to just love me.
Be my father and not the businessman he had always been. I wanted him to protect me because that was something he had never done before. Instead, he looked at me in the eyes, fixing a loose strand of hair from my updo before smiling.
“Ruin this, Tatiana, and I’ll make sure that you won’t be able to fucking speak through your wired jaw.”
I gasped, as he walked away and then turned back around. “I hate you.”
He chuckled. “Tati, I’m not someone to love… I was born not to be loved… as your father, this is the plan, and I don’t want to hear shit else.“
He opened the door, and did a fake ass hearty laugh like we were having a good time in here. I looked at the door and all I saw was hate for a man that was supposed to my father. How could my mother love him?
She was just as unhappy and now I was forced to be the same. Forced to marry and love a man that I wasn’t in love with, or knew. Karim could have been a great guy, but I didn’t know him.
The door opened once more and my mother stood there. She paused and took in everything that I had on, holding back tears like this was a happy moment. As if I was marrying the love of my life and wasn’t being forced.
“Why are you so happy about me marrying a man I don’t know?” I muttered.
She walked across the room and put her arms around me, both of us staring into the mirror. “Right now, none of this makes sense… I know. I always want you happy and taken care of, and this secures that. Baby, there’s so much you don’t know, but I know one thing, those Sterlings will protect you.”
“Mom, what are you not saying?”
She kissed my cheek gently. “I was here before… here because my father thought this was best. I can promise you the best thing that happened out of all of this is you, Tatiana. You are my entire world.”
“Mom, please.”
“I would run away with you, baby, I would, but your father. Just do as he says and I promise we won’t suffer for much longer.” She squeezed me, and then looked over me once more.
My mother loved being my mother, and as she started at me, I could tell she loved me. Unlike my father, he looked me over like a prized horse in a show. One that would secure him even more money.
“Now, you go down that aisle and put the best show on… I promise, Tati…the Sterlings are good people.” She assured me again, as if she knew something that I didn’t know.
That lump never disappeared, but I somehow felt a bit better. A bit softer, and ready to get this over with. Would I make it easy on my new husband?
Absolutely not.