Chapter 11 Amelia
Amelia
Six weeks.
Forty-two days.
That’s how long it’s been since the shooting and the last time I heard from Darius. Though I miss him, it helps he hasn’t answered a single call or returned a single text. The anger has kept me going. He’s the one who should have apologised by now, or at least checked up on me, but nothing.
Besides I have more pressing issues to deal with.
There are seven positive pregnancy tests laid out in a line on my bathroom counter, and I can’t stop staring at them.
Hoping that somehow the result will magically change if I stare at them long enough.
It doesn’t, and I’ve never felt so alone.
Every time I’ve reached out to talk to Clare, she’s either sent me to voicemail or been distracted on the short calls she’s actually answered.
Deep down I know it’s not her I need to talk to, it’s Darius, but my stomach bottoms out at the thought.
I’ve paced the living room, the kitchen, the hall, my bedroom, and it’s not helped at all.
If anything, it makes my anxiety worse. I got no sleep last night and I vomited four times this morning.
I still have no idea how to wrap my head around this, even though everything is startling real.
Glancing at the time, it’s just after ten p.m. and I figure Darius will be at Tariq’s place. My dad is at a charity ball and won’t know if I slip out for an hour. If I’m going to do this, I can’t put it off any longer.
How am I going to tell him I’m pregnant, let alone believe he’s going to have all the answers to help me? I have no idea what I’m expecting him to do but I have to believe he’ll do something. At the very least, I won’t be alone in this secret.
Every stop light flashes red as I approach them. The universe is doing everything it can to drag me through Hell.
I drive by his house, and it’s shrouded in darkness.
Driving up to Tariq’s house, there are more people hanging around on the porch than usual.
They all look my way as I climb out of the car and make my way up to the front door.
The bullet holes have been filled in and painted over, like it never happened.
Yet it’s still vivid in my mind. I guess it always will be.
My heart races as I step inside. I look around the living room, not only for Darius, but for Clare too, but she’s nowhere to be seen.
Pushing through the throng of people hanging around drinking and smoking, I try not to breathe in the smoke hanging in the air and track down Darius in the kitchen.
He hasn’t changed in the last six weeks and the breath catches in my throat.
He’s leaning against the counter, between some girl’s legs as she hangs her arms over his shoulders.
I don’t have time to be jealous or care that he’s obviously moved on so fast. I was stupid to believe he meant what he said.
Fuck the universe, it doesn’t know shit.
He just wanted to use me, the same as Tariq with Clare.
Jermaine accused me of wanting to use the guys the first night I came here, but he had it all wrong.
Darius used me and I see it so clearly now.
He tokes on the joint and his eyes lands on me. He doesn’t flinch. I didn’t mean anything to him, and it hurts that I get no reaction, not even a tiny flinch. It’s Jermaine who speaks up and everyone in the kitchen quietens.
“Dar, looks like your lamb is lost again. Thought you said you was done with her?”
His announcement stings but I steel my emotions and hold my chin high. Like hell are these people going to their entertainment from me tonight.
“We are done,” I tell him and turn to face Darius. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
For a moment I believe he’s going to stand there and ignore me, which would be humiliating but he finally says, “I’m pretty busy.”
He’s passed a beer and I bite down on my tongue in frustration.
“Please. It’s important.” I hate that I’m pleading but I won’t share the news in front of his friends.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He passes the joint to the girl behind him and places his hand on her thigh. I track his movements and his hand stops above her knee.
“Go home, Amelia.”
Hearing my name from his mouth hurts more than his absence. It’s like there’s been no time apart at all.
“I’m…” Laughter around me has me shutting up. This is so humiliating. “We need to talk,” I grind out.
He lurches forward, a path clearing to make room for him. Getting in my face, he sneers, “What? What do you need to talk about? You here to beg me to fuck you again? Not gonna happen. I’ve had a taste of rich pussy and there wasn’t anything special about it.”
There’s no warmth in his tone or his eyes.
I step back and swallow thickly. It hits me, he’s loyal to his family, and to his gang, but not to me, and he never was.
Would he even care that I’m pregnant? His stare doesn’t budge but I refuse to be the first to look away.
The guy I wanted, the guy I thought I was getting to know, he’s not here and I’m starting to believe he never was.
Clearing my throat, I say, “You’re right, there’s nothing to say. You won’t see me again.”
His left eye tics as I brush past him and out into the hall, everyone’s laughter chasing behind me as I pick up my pace to the door. Memories of the first time I was here flash through my mind, but I force them away. He’s nothing but a Dog, aptly named for the kind of guy he truly is.
“What are you doing here? Dar said he dumped your ass?” a girl with curly hair says.
“Trust me, I’m leaving, and I won’t be back.”
I go to push past her, but she side-steps and blocks the door. This is the last thing I need right now.
“Whatever you had would never have worked. Look around, you don’t belong. I’m not being a bitch, but it’s clear to see Darius needs someone who knows how to handle themselves, and that’s definitely not you, sweetheart.”
Inhaling deeply, I take a small step back. “If that someone is you then I wish you both luck. Now, can you please move.”
Narrowing her eyes, I wish to close mine but that would be a show of weakness and I just want to get out of here.
“That someone isn’t me, like I said I’m not being a bitch, I’m just pointing out the obvious.”
“Yeah, that’s not something I need help with.”
She moves to the side, and I watch every corner of the street as I half run to my car.
Slamming the door behind me, I quickly lock the doors and let the first tear fall.
I shouldn’t have come here. I should’ve known he’d be a prick.
All I wanted was five minutes of his time, he couldn’t even give me that.
How did I think he would want to give eighteen years raising a child?
I can’t afford any more pipe dreams where he’s concerned. Facing facts I’m on my own going forward, I turn the engine on and pull out to go home. Darius Madden was not who I thought he was and never again will I seek him out. He will never have the chance to humiliate me again.