Chapter 30
Amelia
Hiding behind my eyelids, I can almost believe I’m anywhere but here. Occasionally I can fall into a fantasy so deep I forget everything.
“You got a man out there?”
Opening my eyes, CeCe leans over her top bunk, looking down at me. Darius is the closest I’ve had to having a man, but I mutter, “No. You?”
“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure he’s keeping my sister’s bed warm while I’m in here.”
What a thing to come out with. Her laughter gets the attention of the other women in the pod.
“You should see the disgust on your face. You not used to life throwing you whores and deadbeat men?”
“Not exactly.”
“You look like money. Where you from?”
I can’t tell her I’m from Gold Mile or give a false answer telling her I’m from Darius’s part. Who knows who’s affiliated with who in here and I’m not looking for any kind of trouble.
“Just outside the city, you heard of Rosedale?”
“Heard of it, never been there, though. What you in for? And don’t be telling me it’s all a mistake, you’re innocent, yadda yadda yadda.”
Snorting, I sort of like her even though I am innocent.
“Drugs.”
Her laughter becomes louder. “No shit.” She jumps down from her cot and sits on the floor beside me. Rolling onto my side, I tuck my hands under the side of my face, sensing no danger from her.
“I’ve been here seven months this Friday. If there’s anything you wanna know, or just talk to pass the time, I’m here. Unlike some of the crazy in here, I promise you I’m not like that.”
I’ll have to take her at her word… for now.
“I’m not crazy either.”
“I see that. Once you’ve been around long enough, you get to learn who’s outta their mind or who isn’t real quick. It’s all in the eyes.”
Again, I’ll take her at her word.
“If you don’t mind telling me, what are you in for?”
“One of my clients started playing me up. He thought he could put hands on me so I showed him how wrong he was, I slugged him so hard over the head he crumpled like paper. They got me on murder but I’m pleading self-defence.”
One thing I’ve learned in my short time here, the crimes these women are in for are things I never could even imagine.
“Is this your first time in here?” I ask her.
“Nah, I’ve spent as many nights in here as I have on the out. I was fourteen the first time I rolled through here.”
Fourteen?
She was so young. I want to ask what she was brought in for, but I don’t want to ask too many questions and upset her if they drag up bad memories.
“How old is your kid? Can’t be that old by the looks of you.”
“How do you know I have kid?”
“The eyes. Women who have kids have this sadness embedded in them.”
“She’s three months.”
“Fuck. That must hurt to be away from her.”
Squeezing my eyes closed for a moment, I blank the pain out and simply nod.
“Do you have any children?” I ask.
If we’re talking about her life, then I’m not thinking about mine. It’s better.
“No, I’m not momma material. I wouldn’t wish me on anyone.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” I say, hoping it’s not true.
“Would you want a mom who turns tricks seven days a week to fund a crack habit?”
“I see your point.”
She runs her fingers through my hair and I still, not wanting to move till she backs off.
“I’d kill for hair this soft. So, no man, one kid, tell me more,” she says spinning my mind.
“Haynes. Amelia Haynes,” an officer hollers, saving me from having to answer.
Slipping off my cot, I go to the doorway and the officer beckons me down.
“You have a visitor.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, hoping it’s my dad. I can’t sit any longer talking with the lawyer. He goes on and on and I zone out. It was simple, tell whoever needs to hear it what really happened, and they let me go. Yet no one’s listening and keep talking about cleaning up the city from crime.
Every time the guard slams a door behind me and locks it, it goes straight through me. I don’t think anyone can ever get used to this.
Opening the last door, I step inside the visiting room and Darius is sat at the table, not my father. I’m expected to sit, and I do. Most of his tattoos are covered up but the one on his neck is pretty hard to hide.
“How you doing?” Darius asks when the guard moves on.
“How do you expect? Is Elsa with my dad?”
“He’s busy trying to get you out of here so she’s with my mom.”
“How is she? How is she doing with her feeding? I’m drying up.”
I’m dying to hear any information about her.
“She’s doing good, Amelia, the switch to formula has been fine, but I’m more interested in you right now.”
“Why?” I snort. “You have Elsa. Why are you here?”
His eyes crinkle at the corners in agitation and his hands curl into fists.
“You’re fucking joking, right? No matter how you dress it up, you’re here because of me.”
“I’m here because my so-called best friend stitched me up rather than owning her shit.”
“I’m going to deal with her,” he vows.
“I don’t care about that right now, she gave such a good performance she almost had me believing her. Dad said to wait for my lawyer, and he’ll sort it out but I haven’t heard anything from him.”
“Do you know what he’s going to say.”
“No.”
With nothing else to say, I go to stand when he grabs onto my wrist and forces me back onto the chair.
“We’re not done,” he grinds out.
All the anger that’s been simmering erupts.
“You were right when you said I’d grow to hate you. I do. Clare sold me out, but this is all on you. When I get out of here I’m going to make sure you never see my daughter. You do nothing but ruin lives.”
Anger flashes in his eyes but he doesn’t scare me. I’m done letting him affect me, always bending me to his will.
“I get that you’re angry and scared but don’t threaten me with our daughter again.”
“Who said it was a threat? One call to my dad and…”
“And what? I’m working with your dad to get you out of here. He isn’t going to do shit, I’m a good dad and I take her to see him every day.”
He reaches for my hands, but I pull them away and shove them in my lap.
“Amelia, I don’t want this for you. Like fuck you belong here, just get through the next couple of weeks and this will all be cleared up.”
“It better be because I hate it here, I can’t remember the last time I slept properly.
The woman I’m sharing a cell with is nice to me but I’m always waiting for her to flip.
She’s in on a murder charge but claims it was self-defence.
Then I have to deal with the food, I have to force it down just so my stomach doesn’t hurt but it makes me feel sick so I can’t win.
You have to wear plastic flipflops to shower because you’ll end up with diseases on your feet.
I can’t do this and it’s not because I come from money, it’s because this place is just that awful. ”
His cologne wafts across the table and it’s the best thing I’ve smelled in days.
“This isn’t going to be for long, I swear…”
I can’t listen to this any longer. He has no idea what I’m going through and I can’t talk about it any longer, it doesn’t change anything.
“If that’s all, you can go now.”
“We will get you out of here,” he promises.
“No offence, but one look at you and the judge will think I’m guilty. Let my dad handle this.”
I leave the visitors room without looking back. I’m taken back to the pod and my body thrums with unvented frustration. I don’t know if I need to cry, scream, fight or sink.
“Bad visit?” CeCe asks.
“It wasn’t good.”
“I hear you had a hot as fuck visitor?”
“How did you hear that?” I try not to snap.
“Honey, there isn’t anything anyone doesn’t hear in here. There’s nothing else to do. What I want to know is how does a nice girl from Rosedale know Darius Madden?”
“I…”
Her laughter fills the cell, and she comes to sit on my bunk next to me.
“I need to come clean.”
I tense and wait for her to explain. She rolls up her sleeve and a Dog’s Blood insignia is tattooed on her inner arm. Darius has the same tattoo in the middle of his chest, and on his shoulder, and on his thigh.
“I knew who you were the night you were denied bail. Jermaine got word to us to look out for you.”
Jermaine? The guy who hates me? The guy who offered me to any gangbanger who wanted to take me? Yet now he’s looking out for me. I don’t understand.
“Darius is your baby daddy and you’re not from Rosedale, your father is one of the wealthiest in the city, and I know you’re innocent because I heard the truth from Jermaine myself.”
Darius is behind this, not Jermaine, he’s acting on behalf of the father of my daughter.
“Come on, dinner will be called soon. You wanna talk later, I’m down, but now I’m hungry.”
I follow CeCe into the main part of the pod and my stomach sinks at the thought of eating the disgusting slop they pass for food around here.
I catch a few of the women huddled around a table across the pod glaring my way and I shrink closer to CeCe. I don’t want to get caught staring, around here that’s a crime I don’t want to pay the price for, but I can’t help sneaking glances to see if they’re still staring. And they are.
“Have I done something to upset them,” I whisper to CeCe.
She discreetly looks around and then walks backward as she says, “They’re from the Six-Nighters gang. Some old ladies, some members in their own right. Anyone who isn’t one of them upsets them. Just pretend they’re not here.”
It’s easy for her to say, she isn’t feeling like she’s about to hit trouble with twelve women.