Chapter 16
Alessa
After I cuddled with Holden on the lounger for a while longer, he said he needed to get cleaned up, but I suspected he needed to decompress.
I didn’t mean for all that to happen, but with Gage encouraging us, I couldn’t help it.
Holden was a surprise, and he learned fast. And his cock?
Holy shit. I was going to feel that the next day after we slept together for the first time. It. Was. Huge.
Even though I know Holden needed a minute to collect himself, he walked into the house with his head held high. As soon as he disappeared, Gage pulled me to him, flipping us in sixty-nine. He made me come three more times with his mouth before he finally let himself come down my throat.
After my talk with Leo, I felt more myself than I have in a while. I know I told him no more lies, but I can’t tell him about the Black Demon. At least not yet. I’m just glad we could work the other stuff out.
I’m completely blissed out, Gage and I still lying naked together on the lounger, but thoughts of Ryder are still plaguing me. I hate that he feels he had to leave, but I messaged and called all day, and the only thing I got from him was a text saying, “I’m fine.”
“Go get him, Pretty girl,” Gage says, breaking into my thoughts.
“Who?” I ask, confused, looking up at his face.
He looks at me softly. “Ryder.”
“How did you know?”
“You were here, but your mind was a million miles away,” he answers.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize, feeling like shit for making him feel like I wasn’t here with him.
“Don’t apologize.” He rubs his hand down my cheek. “Go get him.”
He helps me get back into my bikini and then slides his shorts back on. He walks me to the bottom of the stairs, kisses me, then pats my ass to move me up the steps.
I throw my hair in a bun and hop in the shower. Nerves start attacking me, and I chastise myself. This was Ryder, my best friend, and he needs to come home. After my shower, I dress in jean shorts and a tank top, then go downstairs.
I turn the corner toward the garage, and that’s when I see Dex coming in. I don’t know what to say to him, either.
Everything blew up in my head last night with Leo, my many fights with Ryder, the discussion with Dex, trying to run businesses, opening a new one, and running this family.
I just…broke. I drove to Skyline because I know their security is good, not expecting to see Evander or Mateo, and I suspected someone there called to tell them I was there.
They hung out with me all night, letting me get drunk and keeping me company. It’s a point in their favor.
“Hey, Les,” Dex says when he sees me. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. I pushed, and I should be the one apologizing.”
“No, Baby girl,” he says, stepping closer to me without touching. “I need you to push.”
I knit my brows in confusion. “What?”
“Push me,” he swallows. “Please.”
I search his eyes before I answer. “I’ll try, but Dex, I don’t like the place your eyes go.” It’s like he’s sucked back in time and not seeing what is right in front of him.
He looks away before looking back at me. “I need you to push,” he repeats, and I nod. He runs his hand over my arm when he walks away, barely a touch, but it’s something.
That’s one less thing off my plate from yesterday, and meeting Helena this morning helped get a lot of stuff off my mind. I climb into my Ferrari, ready to fix the next thing.
“Bellissima!” Ryder’s dad, Rocco, greets me when he sees me standing in the foyer and jerks me into a bear hug. “It’s so good to see you.”
I hug him back tightly. “It’s been too long.” He was like my second dad growing up.
“Don’t stay away like that,” he says, pulling me back to look at him.
Ryder is his spitting image, except Rocco has streaks of grey in his hair. Even in his mid-fifties, the man is still handsome and well-built. I know what I would look at in thirty years with Ryder, and I’m not complaining.
“Dad, who’s here?” Ryder asks, rounding the corner. His eyes land on me, and that muscle in his jaw starts ticking. “Why are you here?”
Rocco levels his son with a glare that could kill. “Don’t you talk to her like that, boy.”
Ryder nods politely. “Yes, sir.”
Rocco is easygoing, but Ryder still respects him. Rocco demands respect with how he holds himself. Ryder also has that in spades. It broke my heart when he retired, but he couldn’t stay in second without my dad, and I understood.
“Can we talk?” I ask Ryder.
“I’m a little busy,” he says, jerking his head into the other room.
“Nonsense.” Rocco waves that away. “Quit being a pussy,” he says and walks out of the room.
A shocked laugh leaves me before I can stop it. Ryder turns his glare back on me, and I return it. “Is this how you want to do this?” I ask.
“Do what?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Cut the shit. Can we talk, or do you want me to leave?”
“I don’t feel like talking.”
I swallow the hurt and nod. “Fine.” I jerk the door open, and he grabs my arm.
“Stop. Shit,” he mutters, dropping my arm.
I turn toward him as he runs his fingers through his hair.
“Come on,” he nods, and I follow him to the back of his dad’s house.
He leads me up the steps to his old bedroom.
The motorcycle and car posters still hang everywhere, along with pictures of me, him, Micah, and Gage.
I can’t tell you how much time we spent in this room watching tv, playing video games, or just hanging out.
When we weren’t at my house, we were here.
I run my fingers over the picture of Rocco and Elaina on their wedding day.
Ryder was born a year later. She died of complications when Ryder was six giving birth to his brother.
They lost him too. Rocco grieved his beloved wife while trying to raise a confused six-year-old.
I was six then too, but I know my mom stepped up a lot to help.
Ryder shuts the door, sits on the bed, and scoots up, so his back is propped against the wall. “Nothing has changed,” I say in amazement. The only reason anything changed at my house, which used to be dad’s, was that I needed to do it. I needed to make it my own.
Ryder snorts. “Nah. The old man is too sentimental.”
I run my fingers over a picture of Ryder and me, arms slung over each other’s shoulders, laughing at something.
Probably Gage, if I had to guess. We were about twelve or thirteen, and from the light in my eyes, I would think it was before Frankie’s men took me.
Our dads finally brought us to The Games for the first time, and we had a blast.
“What happened to us, Ryder?” I ask, emotion clogging my voice, getting sucked into the past from looking at us through the years.
“We grew up.”
“Grew up or grew apart?” I can’t hide the hurt in my voice. Why is he so flippant? Did I do this to him?
“You know I don’t want us to grow apart,” he says harshly, sitting up on the bed, his feet hitting the floor with a thud. “You decided that when you brought Leo into your life.”
I whirl around to face him. “That’s not fair, and you fucking know it. Did you expect me to die alone? Never meet anyone?”
“You could have had me!” he shouts.
“I didn’t know!” I yell back.
“That’s because all you’ve ever seen me as is your fucking lap dog.” He stands up. “You knew I would always be there, no matter what. Guess what, Les? I’m not that guy anymore. You can have Leo and Gage and whoever the fuck else you want in your life. Because I’m done.”
“So, that’s it? Twenty-five years, and you’re throwing it away?” My words come out in a whisper-yell, trying to keep my voice down because I don’t want his dad to hear us yelling at each other. Does he not realize he is one of the most important people in my life?
“I can’t do it, Les,” he says hoarsely. “I can’t watch you with them.”
“I want you too,” I beg. “I want you in my life too!”
He’s already shaking his head. “I want you in my life too, but I want to be the only guy in yours.”
My heart sinks to my stomach. I’m either giving up Ryder or the other guys.
How the hell am I supposed to make that decision?
Despite our differences, I love Leo, but that’s four months versus twenty-five years.
Gage is also working his way further into my heart.
Holden is finally opening up to me, and Dex trusts me enough to push him out of his head.
Can I give that up to save my friendship with Ryder?
“I can tell by your silence that this isn’t what you want. And that’s fine.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “Go be with them, Les.”
“What about us?” I ask, tears gathering in my eyes. I can’t stop them from forming.
“There. Is. No. Us,” he says through clenched teeth.
I stare at him, and it’s like I don’t even know who he is right now.
I can feel my heart breaking into pieces, but I can also tell by the stubborn set of his jaw that we aren’t getting anywhere.
I jerk the door open before tears start streaming down my face, running down the stairs and past a worried-looking Rocco.
I can’t stop to say anything; I need to get out. Now.
I jump into my car, slamming the door shut and stabbing the button to start it. I shove my sunglasses on and peel out of the driveway, apologizing to Rocco in my head as I make the turn in the circle driveway, heading back towards the gate. I barely give it time to open before flying through them.
I know I’m going way too fast, but I can’t stop slamming through gears, pressing the gas harder and harder. I need to slow down because I can’t see through the tears, but I can’t bring myself to stop.
I hit the main highway, swerving in and out of cars, mentally flipping off whoever beeps their horn.
I can’t go home like this, not when my world is crumbling beneath my feet.
My phone starts ringing, and I see Rocco’s number pop up.
I hit ignore, nearly taking out the back of a minivan.
I swerve at the last second, and it scares me more that it doesn’t scare me.
My phone rings again and again; I keep hitting ignore. I don’t want to talk to anyone. When Ryder’s number pops up, I stab the window button and toss the phone out of the window before rolling it back up.
Fuck him. Fuck this. Fuck everything.
I drive aimlessly for fifteen minutes, just weaving through traffic, and that’s when I hear the sirens wailing behind me, only catching up because I’m hitting a stall in traffic. I can run; there is no way they could catch this car, but what good would that do?
I jerk over to the shoulder, killing the engine. I wipe my eyes the best I can, but the tears just won’t stop. I look in my side-view mirror and narrow my eyes.
Mid-thirties. Tall. Built. Dirty blonde hair. Whiskey-colored eyes. Sexy as sin.
And wearing a goddamn detective’s badge.
I stab the window button for the passenger side when he walks around the back of the car so he’s not in traffic.
He leans his elbows on the window frame, mirrored sunglasses hiding those sinfully hot eyes. The eyes that used to look at me with lust now look at me with disdain. I’m the enemy now, not the teenage girl he used to spend hours inside of.
“What can I do for you, Detective?” I ask. At least the tears stopped.
“You were going a little fast, don’t ya think, Ms. Poletti?” he replies, looking around inside the car.
I have to suppress a snort at the formal name. This man used to groan my fucking name. “Didn’t notice.”
“Have you been drinking?” he asks, and I roll my eyes even though he can’t see me.
“No. I haven’t.” I’m done with the pleasantries. “What do you want, Zane?”
Of all the luck after what happened, it’s none other than Zane Ayers, son of the late Zeus Ayers, one of my dad’s most trusted men before Zeus died.
The same Zane I had an on-again-off-again relationship with for over a year.
We had no business messing around, but that didn’t stop us from sneaking away when we could.
“You almost took out a fucking car back there,” he says, his voice sliding over me like honey. It ended for good because he decided his life was on the other side of the law, and he lied to me while going to the police academy. To say I was pissed was an understatement.
I jerk my sunglasses off, leveling him with a glare. “Last time I checked, detectives don’t pull people over, so what the fuck do you want?”
“What’s wrong?” he asks harshly, and I’m confused for a second until I realize my sunglasses hide bloodshot, puffy eyes from crying.
“Nothing,” I reply, shoving them back on. “Are we done?”
“Who made you cry, Alessa?”
“Oh, we're on a first-name basis again? Good to know. Step away from the car,” I warn, stabbing the button and firing the car up. He just leans both arms on the window frame. “Don’t test me, Zane.”
He finally pushes up his mirrored sunglasses, revealing those strange eyes that burn you up with one look. “Tell me who the fuck made you cry, and I’ll move.”
“Why do you even care?” I ask, shoving the car into first gear and revving it in a warning. “Move.”
He gives me a long look. “I’ll see you around, Les,” he says before stepping back.
I take off like a shot with nowhere to go.