13. Clara
CLARA
I’ve been standing in the doorway to the kitchen for ten full minutes, holding Billie back so she doesn’t accidentally get in the way while Cole practically manhandles the oven.
And, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the way his T-shirt pulls taut around his shoulders with every move, the way his jeans tug even tighter…
I mean, of course I know what’s wrong with me, and the simple fact is there’s nothing wrong with me.
Cole is an attractive man and, well, it’s been so long since I’ve looked at a man and felt these completely normal feelings that they feel almost foreign…
almost wrong. Hell, I’m envious of a damn oven.
Tommy, bless him, is all red-faced and straining as he helps, Cole instructing him every step of the way, and praising his hard work, and I can see, even here in the tiny kitchen, Tom’s confidence bloom in a way it never has before.
“Want me to unbox the new one?” I ask, feeling useless just standing here, ogling Cole.
Cole glances over his shoulder, his blue eyes meeting mine a moment before flitting downwards. And it’s only then I remember the clothes I’m very much not wearing. In my defense, he caught me after a shower, already dressed for bed in my sleep shorts and tank top, sans bra.
He clears his throat, turning back to the old, rusted hunk of junk.
“Uh, yeah. Then I can just slide it in.” As if realizing less than a second too late, Cole blanches from his own words, looking back at me, a flicker of panic in his eyes, and I’m forced to press my lips together between my teeth to stifle the smirk that threatens because apparently, I’m a child.
Turning away so he can’t see my reaction, I grab the scissors and start cutting the plastic ties that keep the cardboard together, ignoring the way my cheeks heat. Get it together, Clara.
“So, was everything okay at… the ranch?” I ask, choosing to steer the conversation away from anything that might cause another unintentional innuendo.
“Oh, yeah.” Coles huffs a laugh. “Damn rattlesnake got a little too close than it should’ve.”
I gasp. “Was… everyone okay?”
“Everyone but the snake.”
“I love snakes,” Billie declares.
“You do?” Cole balks, and I turn to find him looking at my daughter like she’s insane.
Billie nods, smiling so sweetly. “They don’t mean no harm. They’re scarder than us, than we are of them. And if you stay away from them, they’ll stay away from you.” She shrugs, like it’s a no-brainer, and I can’t help but smirk when I catch the incredulous look in Cole’s eyes.
“I’ll have to take your word for it, Miss Billie.” He nods, flashing Billie a wink and then, with a hike, he lifts the old oven up and carries it out like it weighs nothing at all.
“I’ll get the door for ya, Cole,” Tommy announces, hurrying out after Cole like a loyal retriever.
Once the new oven is secured in its place and working perfectly, Cole wipes his hands on the back of his already dusty jeans, looking from me to the appliance and back again. “You let me know if there’s any problems with it.”
I nod. “Thanks. You really didn’t have to get it done so quickly, but… thank you.”
He nods this time, looking down at the lino floor, and when he makes a move to leave, something unexpected comes over me. It’s confusing and confronting, and all of the things, and I can’t even begin to figure out where it comes from, but I… don’t actually want him to leave.
“Have you had dinner?”
Cole snaps his head back in my direction, a glint of confusion flickering in his eyes. “Uh, no. I was just gonna head on back to the bunkhouse and grab somethin’.”
“I made spaghetti,” I say. “There’s plenty leftover,” I add quickly, “I mean… if you w-want?”
“Spaghetti?” His eyes appear to light up at the mention of spaghetti, and I can’t help but grin.
Nodding again, I tamp down my smile. “With homemade garlic cheese toast.”
Cole hesitates, scrubbing a hand over his stubbled jaw, looking me up and down again, contemplation and something else in his penetrative gaze.
And as those ocean eyes rove over me, this time I don’t try to hide myself, and I don’t know what that says about me, but I don’t hate the way my heart seems to kick up a beat.
Meeting my eyes, Cole rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, I could eat,” he murmurs, his deep voice lowering a notch or two, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s one of those unfortunate euphemisms again.
“Take a seat,” I say, my voice slightly higher in pitch than it was a second ago. I spin around, opening the fridge door, avoiding his intense gaze. “I’ll… warm you up a plate.”
When it was time for Billie to go to bed, Cole was making a move to leave, but of course, my daughter conned him into reading her a bedtime story.
I swear that little girl was a grifter in her former life.
I feel terrible because it’s late, and I know Cole has probably been awake since before the sun was even up, and more than likely needs to be up again in only a few hours, but he didn’t hesitate for a second.
In fact, I caught the hint of a smile ghosts his lips the moment Billie asked.
I have a feeling Cole might actually enjoy being Billie’s go-to story guy.
Footsteps pad behind me, causing the porch planks to creak, and I turn to find Cole walk out of the house. He pauses, looking around, rubbing at that same spot at the back of his neck. “Uh… she’s asleep.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “Don’t mention it.”
“Beer?” I ask, holding up one of the two cans I grabbed from the fridge before I walked out here. “I mean… unless you need to go. It’s… late.”
Cole hesitates for a few seconds before finally nodding.
He comes closer, accepting the cold can with a tight smile.
Taking a seat on the step next to me, his knees crack louder than an average twenty-six-year-old’s knees should crack, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe that’s just a side effect of doing what he does.
I can’t imagine ranch work is a walk in the park, but riding bulls on top of that? No wonder his knees crack.
We sit in a comfortable silence for a few long moments, sipping our beers, the night breeze gentle and cool, despite the long hot day.
And it’s as we’re seated here on the porch steps, with nothing but the crickets chirping around us, I realize how easy it is, how with Cole I’m not wound tight or nervous, how I actually feel relaxed.
“Cain is Billie’s dad,” I find myself say before I even realize the words are coming out of my mouth.
When I see Cole’s head turn to me from my periphery, feel his eyes on me, I swallow hard, chancing a sideways look at him.
“Tommy’s father was a cheating asshole. I sure know how to pick ’em,” I add with a derisive scoff, looking down at my beer can and toying nervously with the ring pull.
“I left him when Tom was two, after I found out he was… not faithful.”
Clearing my throat, I continue. “A few years later, I met Cain, and it all happened so fast. Tommy and I moved in with him, I got pregnant, and then Billie came along.” I can’t help but smile at the memory. “For a while we were the perfect little family.”
I lift my chin, looking out over the darkened yard, illuminated only by the glow of the silver moon shining high from the inky sky. “When Cain got… promoted and started getting involved more with… the club, he changed.”
“The club?” Cole interjects, his brows slowly tugging together.
Trepidation winds through my veins. I know I shouldn’t say anything. Too many details are risky. But there’s just something about Cole that makes me feel like I can trust him.
“Cain is a member of… the Brothers of Mayhem,” I say carefully, watching him and seeing the moment he acknowledges the weight of what I’ve just divulged, his face falling stark, eyes widening a touch.
“He’d be gone for days. But even when he was home, he’d stay out most nights.
He was never with us. When I would question him about it, he’d lose his temper.
” I swallow hard again. “The first time he… h-hit me was when I asked him if he was cheating on me with the girls that hung around at the clubhouse.” I sniff a humorless laugh, shaking my head.
“God, I can’t believe I believed him when he told me that it was my fault, that I deserved it. ”
Cole says nothing, but I can feel him watching me, hanging onto every one of my words.
“After that, his anger started getting worse. And I knew it wasn’t okay, but I was also terrified of leaving and…
having nothing, no one. I had two kids who needed a roof over their heads and food on the table, and…
I was so overwhelmed with thinking how I could do it all on my own, that I decided it was easier if I just put up with it.
” I shrug again. “He wasn’t hurting them.
Just… me. And I figured if I could keep it that way, then that was okay.
I could put up with it.” I shake my head, disappointed in myself as I say the words out loud.
“But, a few months ago, Cain was at home, in the garage working on one of his bikes. His friend… or brother, or whatever… was with him, and when he left, I waved to him, just a wave… a normal see ya later kind of wave, nothing more. And, I don’t know…
I guess Cain didn’t like it. He got really angry.
” I stare straight ahead, tears stinging the backs of my eyes at the memory.
“He hit me so hard I couldn’t see out of my eye for a moment.
And then he… He had his hands around my throat, holding me so tight.
I-I couldn’t breathe. And he had this look in his eyes like…
like he was going to kill me. Like he wanted to kill me. ”
Cole rubs a hand over his chin, exhaling hard through his nose, but he says nothing, so I continue.