13. Clara #2
“I must’ve blacked out because the next thing I remember, I was face down bent over the kitchen table with my dress up around my waist and—” I stop myself, my breath shuddering on a hard exhale.
“He had my hair wrapped around his fist so tight I was sure he was going to tear it right out of my head.”
Shifting beside me, Cole huffs another hard exhale.
“And then I heard this little voice say Mommy—” My voice cracks and a hot tear hits my cheek, one that I’m quick to wipe away. “And I looked up and Billie was standing in the hallway looking in, tears streaming down her little cheeks, so scared, so… confused.”
“What happened next?” Cole practically bites, his words a harsh growl that startles me.
I turn, finding his face void of any emotion save for the steely look of malice in his gaze as he stares straight ahead, jaw ticking furiously.
“Nothing. Cain pretended it was nothing, put on his pretty boy smile and doting dad act, leaving me where I was and rushing over to Billie, picking her up, telling her Mommy was being a silly girl.” I shake my head, remembering the look in Billie’s eyes when Cain took her back to bed.
“She knew,” I say, more to myself than to Cole, a sob bubbling up the back of my throat. “At barely five years old… she knew.”
I sniffle, gulping back my emotions, sitting up and squaring my shoulders.
“That was the night I made the decision to leave. I couldn’t risk my kids seeing anything like that again.
It was bad enough them seeing the bruising of the aftermath of every beating before that.
But that night… I can’t imagine what would have happened had she came out a couple minutes later. ”
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand.
“So, I came up with a plan. I swindled as much money from the bank account that I could, without him noticing. I packed a few things every day and put them into special piles where I knew they’d be easy to grab when the time came.
I started counting the seconds it took for Cain to leave the house in the morning, and how many minutes I had from when he walked out of the door to when he got to work.
” I look at Cole noticing the way his brow furrows, and I know what he’s wondering.
“He had cameras installed, and he was always checking them from wherever he was. He said it was to make sure the house was safe, that we were safe.” I scoff.
Cole bows his head.
“I bought fake plates from some guy off the internet…” I huff a laugh.
“God, for all I know they’re not even fake and probably easier to trace than the old ones, but as soon as we got out of town, I pulled over and swapped them over.
I was going to sell the car, but… I need a car and I know I’ll never get enough money from that shit box to buy something half-decent.
” I tip my chin in the direction of my SUV, heaving a sigh.
“Can I ask you somethin’?”
I look at Cole, but he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Yes.”
“You sure he ain’t ever hurt the kids?” He lifts his chin then, his gaze softening when his eyes meet mine. I don’t know why, but something in his tone when he asks me that causes my heart to clench.
“I’m sure,” I say, a little less certain than I hope I sound. “Why?”
“Just somethin’ that happened with Tommy the other night in the barn…”
I stare at him, trying to get a read on what he’s not telling me, dread roiling in my stomach. “What… what h-happened? Did he say something?”
“He didn’t say nothin’,” Cole says, touching my arm to placate my sudden unease and I release the breath I’ve barely been able to hold onto.
“When Tommy walked into the barn, he startled me. I stood up too quick and banged the back of my head on the dang hood of the truck,” Cole continues.
“He was scared, and so sorry, and flinchin’ like I was about to…
I don’t know… retaliate or somethin’.” He shakes his head.
“I’ve seen that reaction before because…
well, that was me when I was his age. I tried to ask if Billie’s daddy had ever hurt him, but before he could tell me anythin’, Billie woke up screamin’ from her nightmare. ”
“In the five years we were with Cain, I-I never saw a bruise on that boy’s body, I swear to God,” I say, shaking my head vehemently. “I was meticulous with checking both Tommy and Billie to make sure. I’d have killed him if I knew he ever laid a finger on either of my babies.”
“Hey, breathe,” Cole suddenly says, shifting to fully face me.
And it’s only then that I realize I’m on the verge of some sort of panic attack, like I can’t get enough air into my lungs.
The sheer thought of anyone hurting my children invokes this unbridled fierceness to unfurl inside of me.
My hands tremble. My heart races. I see nothing but red as the need to find that asshole and slit his goddamn throat rages through me.
“Clara, look at me.” Cole’s hand cups the side of my face, forcing me to look at him, and when I do, I’m caught by the look of concern that flashes in his eyes. “Just breathe, darlin’. Please.”
I do as he says, breathing in a hard breath through my nose, holding onto it for a few seconds before releasing it and closing my eyes, fresh tears falling.
“I hate him so much,” I whisper under my breath, breaking down.
“Hey, c’mere,” Cole murmurs, a strong arm wrapping around me and pulling me close. “Shhh, I got you. It’s okay.” He rubs slow circles over my back as I cry against his chest, gripping his T-shirt tight and soaking it through.
“You’re safe here,” he whispers into my hair. “I promise I ain’t ever gonna let anything happen to y’all.”
And I don’t know why, or how, but the way he says the words, so low like he hadn’t meant for me to hear them, I can’t help but believe that Cole means every single one.